Awwwwwww woooowww, Changed. I am humbled! You sisters have stepped up to the plate here with me, shared your innermost thoughts on this matter so I feel compelled to act in kind.
I ain't gonna lie . . . weekends (for some reason) are very hard for me. The other day I was speaking with DD no. 2 and she told me of a conversation she had with an older woman on her job, basically about me. My daughter asks this woman has she ever been "afraid to live alone, be by herself" as in not have a man I suppose. I listened at the time. But kept contemplating in my heart. Well, this morning I explained to her that it's not about "fear"; it's about choice. I choose to not live the rest of my life as an old maid, alone with possibly two cats (nothing against our feline friends). I want a husband of my own out of a desire to share the remainder of my life with someone I can love and who loves me. I WAS CREATED THAT WAY. That which I desire is not strange, is not against the nature of things.
But back to this weekend thing. I worked last night 12-hour shift. You would think when I got off and arrived home I would drop a half dead fly. Well, so far (I've been working 12-hour nights since July) I do not fall out. I MAY sleep 3 to 3.5 hours then I'm up. Well this day, I still have not gone to bed. I get lightweight offended when folk make comments like, "Girl, just do you, Booh!" Well guess what, I do-do ME 
. I have a full life in working full time, I worship on two days out of the week. I joined that POF the other day (honestly, don't think I have the patience for it. One guy and I were mailing back and forth this morning and if I had a dime for every time he mentioned my "sexy body" . . . dayum got on my nerves, ladies. I joined another group Singles.net or some such, folk contacting left and right. Ladies, ladies I don't have the patience for trying to date a goo gob of folk. Maybe there is a technique to all this, but while I am not fundamentally against online dating, I am beginning to think it ain't for me. And, really, to keep it on the real, the guy I told yaw'll about some posts above (unavailable with the adulterous wife); I think I'm digging him. But, I'm forcing myself to look at those who are available. I mean, I can't walk around here hoping she mess up again, that would not be Christian-like 
erplexed.
But back to the issue. Weekends seem to be most difficult for me and really some months ago I shared this with him and he hit the nail on the head . . . he said weekends is when I would normally be engaged in ministry work which I no longer am involved in (I have been disfellowshipped from the religion of my choice. Since over 98% of my friends/support are of that religion I have NO ONE). That's another story, didn't share that for sympathy, I'm just explaining a LITTLE of why I feel as I do. And, for the record, I am working to be reinstated, living a celibate life FOR THE FIRST TIME in my life. And, to be honest, I am extremely concerned about whether or not I could find an online partner who is willing to date me sans sex ESPECIALLY at my age. That's a whole NOTHER topic, thread, discussion.
Meanwhile for the most part i do think positively and I do look to Jehovah God as my strength, and his son as my redeemer keeping in mind as long as I ask IN HIS NAME, and have faith, and am not asking for things outside of his will, I shall have them and thus this thread.
So in trying to not think about what I don't have (obviously ain't working too well or I wouldn't be on here whining, LOL) i decided to pull out my Cherie book and revisit some ayurvedic hair care principles. So, I concocted some oils for scritching, did that, my hair is now baggied. I may go ahead and sleep in it and wash deep condish in the a.m. Point I'm making is, I'm busy, I am DOING Me, BUT DANG-IT THERE is only so much me doing I can do, LOL (did that make sense?) I live on an island so tomorrow a.m. before people are buzzing I think I "may" take a walk along the channel, I don't know. I do not go to worship until later in the afternoon so I'll have alllllll morning to "do me" [rolling my eyez here, reall hard].
I'm fighting the urge to call an old, negative, flame who lives here (actually HE'S the one who suggested I move to FL when I told him I was looking to relocate last year. I was headed to ATL, really naw) that is going through clinical depression due to his ex wife not treating him right (oy vey); he pulls me down. Everything you suggest he comes up with why he can't; such a victim 
. . . I can't deal with him right now.
I won't call Mr. Unavailable, I usually let him call and check up on me, which is really nice to have at least ONE person do so (not including my kids), but I mean someone here in FL. Bless his heart, he has assured me I am "not alone". And, he went so far as to say that he was not only talking about God when he states that I am not alone. How kind of him.
For the most part I remain cheered and encouraged. Just wanted to share a lil of my struggle with you ladies. That gave me some moments of relief from the thinking, the thinking, the self talk, geeszch.
I have an embroidery sewing machine that needs a tune-up ($90) be glad when i get that done 'cause I have an anniversary steppin' event in March that I am almost sure I will have to make the dress (pastel is the theme . . . yeah, I'm wondering how THAT will look in a formal setting. 
Stay strong my sister. Look me up when you get "back".
I think she just wants to be more poised in public to attract a classy man. I don't think that the goal is to change your inner most personality, but to refine the outer parts of your personality that could be a turn off. But I'm young, so I could be totally off.
Like in my instance, purchasing fashionable items was a big step for me. I thought that a man should like me for my personality first and then my looks...but apparently he won't even notice me unless I look attractive. I still don't like the idea of that but I have to accept it.
To be honest I like being quiet, but I do need to get more social. I will always be introvert, because there are many advantages to being introvert. But I will attempt to learn how to relate more to people.
It's all about sacrificing the less important traits to get what you really desire.
Plus we are in the experiment phase. Many things will change throughout the course of the year.
LOL!
You sound just like me! Yeah...I had to come to grips with this as well.
When I was more naive and clueless about men, I felt that men should like me and admire me for my MIND and personality FIRST. Ha! What I didn't realize is that if the "outer package" isn't looking too hot, he's probably not going to have the desire to get to know my mind OR my personality much if at all! The only exception is if maybe the two of us were friends FIRST. Otherwise....
So now days I embrace the fact that men are very visual and that the outer is what they see first.
I make sure that I look presentable and attractive anytime I go out or am going to be in the presence of men.
Those are not traits you should change to get a man. If that is genuinely who you are, then that's who you need to be when you interact with men. Above all, men want women who are comfortable in their own skin, being who they are naturally. If you show a fake side, you are going to war yourself out trying to keep up that facade. It isn't worth it. Just be yourself.
Omg, this is SOOO true. I had to unfortunately learn this the HARD way. Sure, you may not be able to attract the type of man YOU may want to attract to if you behave a certain way, but like others have said....most men don't even know what they want until they find it in a particular woman. So, by all means...BE YOURSELF! I once tried to be what I "thought" a guy wanted me to be in order to attract him. Ha! It just backfired. Not only was I always a nervous wreck when I was around him, but I could tell that I wasn't genuinely being myself.
I couldn't let my natural free-spirited side show because I was always so afraid to offend, so afraid he wouldn't like me as myself. This didn't allow him to see my REAL side! I think he could sense that I wasn't being genuine/myself also.
He ended up with someone else who was more "herself" with him. I vowed from that day forward to only be MYSELF around guys that I'm interested in. I won't just let it ALL "hang out" too soon (a woman has to reveal herself gradually of course
), but I'm not going to be worried about what he thinks about me, etc.
I think we women tend to exhibit a very infectious, attractive, and enrapturing quality about ourselves when we are simply OURSELVES. The way we laugh, the way we smile, the way we talk, etc....these little things can be hypnotizing to a man when he can see that we are free to be ourselves in his presence.
Even if we are completely different from the type of woman he is usually interested in, if he can see that we are simply being ourselves, and we're nice, open, trusting, and feminine, he will be intrigued. He will see that we have a certain comfortableness (read: Confidence) with ourselves and that is always a good thing!
spinning
I blame society. Plus that is how I seem to get treated. Other races of guys will acknowledge that I'm nice or attractive.. but that's it. I know that I would make a good wife, but because of the stereotyping I get so defeated that I don't even try. Soooo I have to figure out how to fight the negative self talk.
