Spinoff: Why get married??

[tatje]

Happily married, but in total agreement..

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Why I Want a Wife by Judy Syfers (1971)


I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife.
And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother. Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?

I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife a wife to keep track of the children's doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children's clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturing attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife's income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.

I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children, a wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals,serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue care for me and my when I need a rest and change of scene. I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who take care of the baby-sitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my quests so that they feel comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, that they are passed the hors d'oeuvres, that they are offered a second helping of the food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that their coffee is served to them as they like it. And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as possible.

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.
When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife's duties.

My God, who wouldn't want a wife?

Wow, that is exactly what I was thinking. I would like to get the female version for a husband. Everything here that was said is I would like.....all about I and me. Selfish reasons to me. Nothing that says what I would bring and what I can do, and what I would like to offer. That's something I'm afraid of.

 

[tatje]

I think men benefit more from a marriage than women do...thats not from negative viewpoint...but ever wonder why men get remarried quickly after a divorce? or you see more widows than widowers?

erplexed I believe this too which made me wonder this question. I wasn't thinking really negative either just wow " men get so many benefits" and yet in some situations they are always giving a hard time about getting married/settling down.

 

[Shayla]

I think men benefit more from a marriage than women do...thats not from negative viewpoint...but ever wonder why men get remarried quickly after a divorce? or you see more widows than widowers?

i agree 100 MILLION PERCENT!
i think part of the reason is because, for the most part, men refuse to settle...usually that's the woman's "role"...that's a whole 'nother thread though...

 

[PeopleTalkDaily]

JFemme- I really like this..

wow, where is the other one for the hubby?

 

[HoneyDew]

For me to marriage is important is you want to have kids. I also think it is important in order to share you assets. And of course simply because it is an expression of you commitment to each other.

But, we are deeply in love and we are not eagar to get married. I think we will eventually, but right now it is just not in the cards - not because we don't want to settle down or because of some immature emotional issues. We just aren't in a hurry. I think when my son is grown (5 years) I will be ready. My life is really involved with him and our own household.

Now if we do decide that we will have a baby, that will speed things up and go ahead and marry.

 

[PrettyBrownEyes]

I'd like to add something else.

When a man loves you enough to marry you, it says alot about him. Especially in this day and time when he has 'other' options not to.

This means you mean more to him than about having sex. It means that he has both of his feet firmly planted into your relationship. It means that you are his choice to share and grow the rest of his life with.

When a man loves a woman enough to marry her, it's real. For he is willing to take every risk and responsibility that comes with it. He's committed himself to share all that there is about life with you and to develop what the two of you started in dating, into something more.

When a man loves a woman enough to marry her, he's taking all of her and he not standing on the threshold of your relationship with one foot out of the door, ready to back out. He doesn't want the freedom to back out; he wants to stay. Committment has a purpose and importance to him. And he's chosen you above all others to be his wife.

Granted, many opt for the opposite, but the full committment is not proven unless you are married. He loved you enough to marry you.

This is beautiful!

 

[Mortons]

I'd like to add something else.

When a man loves you enough to marry you, it says alot about him. Especially in this day and time when he has 'other' options not to.

This means you mean more to him than about having sex. It means that he has both of his feet firmly planted into your relationship. It means that you are his choice to share and grow the rest of his life with.

When a man loves a woman enough to marry her, it's real. For he is willing to take every risk and responsibility that comes with it. He's committed himself to share all that there is about life with you and to develop what the two of you started in dating, into something more.

When a man loves a woman enough to marry her, he's taking all of her and he not standing on the threshold of your relationship with one foot out of the door, ready to back out. He doesn't want the freedom to back out; he wants to stay. Committment has a purpose and importance to him. And he's chosen you above all others to be his wife.

Granted, many opt for the opposite, but the full committment is not proven unless you are married. He loved you enough to marry you.

.................

 

[MizAvalon]

Sorry to get off topic, but Ayeshia your cornorows are lovely

Yes, they are! I was admiring them too. Ayeshia, did you do them yourself?

 

[zzirvingj]

Angel, don't allow the disappointments of this life to discourage your dreams and desires. Why deprive the man whom God brings into your life, the joy of knowing you as his wife?

When two people marry, they truly do become one and God honors this. Yes, granted there are many unmarried who 'live' the benefits of marriage, yet, they do not have the FULL benefits, neither spirit, soul or body.

Allow me to share something:

I over slept this morning and while I rushed to shower and get dressed, the phone rang, someone I love was on the other end...it occured to me I'm not alone in this life; there's someone who cared enough to call me that early to make sure I was doing okay.

Obviously there was a connection with him, that something was 'off' with me this morning and he somehow 'caught' on to it and he called me at that time. What he doesn't know is that his call saved me from sitting down on my sofa and going back to sleep. My mind and my body was totally off this morning and it still is. Both he and God were looking out for me.

I'm sharing this because in marriage, things like this will be 'heightened' up to the highest power. In marriage, you will always be one...in sync with each other. You will "KNOW" your husband and he will "KNOW" you. It doesn't matter about the disagreements because they are actually necessary to keep your relationship healthy and strong. Things cannot go smoothly all the time. That's hidieous and dangerous. Marriages need tough skin and believe me, your skin will be tested.

Angel, get married, if that's what you desire. Somebody has to prove the negative statistics on marriage wrong. Why not let it be you...

I wish you blessings and peace all the way to the Altar and beyond.

This sounds so wonderful! You make me want to get married! lol

 

[HoneyDew]

I'm sharing this because in marriage, things like this will be 'heightened' up to the highest power. In marriage, you will always be one...in sync with each other. You will "KNOW" your husband and he will "KNOW" you. It doesn't matter about the disagreements because they are actually necessary to keep your relationship healthy and strong. Things cannot go smoothly all the time. That's hidieous and dangerous. Marriages need tough skin and believe me, your skin will be tested.

This is not always the case I am afraid. People are getting married for the wrong reasons and they do not have the "purpose" in mind and spirituality in their relationships. It's sad that there are so many divorces and married people that are just not happy.

 

[zzirvingj]

Marriage is spiritual to me. I wouldn't be able to have children and full intimacy with a partner without being married.

I second that! I really feel that when I meet the person whom I'm supposed to marry and it's our "time" to be married, I will just know it-in my heart and in my mind, and most importantly, in my spirit. It's hard to describe but I feel like when it happens it will be a feeling I've never experienced and I will just KNOW that it was meant to be.

 

[Shimmie]

You should rest Shimmie, what were you going last night that got you so tired?

Hmmmm :scratchch: Actually, cleaning my room. Its a mess. Too many clothes.

 

[Shimmie]

Beautiful,.... Shimmie...

Hey angel... (((hugs)))

 

[dlewis]

Hmmmm :scratchch: Actually, cleaning my room. Its a mess. Too many clothes.

Anytime you want to get rid of any of your scarves just send them to me, I will happily take them.

 

[Shimmie]

This is not always the case I am afraid. People are getting married for the wrong reasons and they do not have the "purpose" in mind and spirituality in their relationships. It's sad that there are so many divorces and married people that are just not happy.

You're right HoneyDew, it's not always the case, but it is the purpose and there are enough of us to prove the negative statistics wrong.

Not all marriages fail nor are they doomed or predestined to failure. All we have to do is prove the negative as the minor and not the major. And we can.

There's one need that we as the human race will always have above food and water, and air. We each have a need for love and companionship and to have a connection to someone, as opposed to some - thing. This need will always be a driving force within us and so much so, that we will fight to preserve the beauty of love and marriage.

 

[Shimmie]

Anytime you want to get rid of any of your scarves just send them to me, I will happily take them.

You got it. I have so many. May I send you something as an anniversary gift. Something new. I'm sending you a PM.

 

[dlewis]

You are truely a blessing, Shimmie. I would happily take any of your old scarves.

 

[firecracker]

Are you a handy man? Many say no. They want to consider themselves the pretty boy type or the one who just makes the money and that's it.

I've noticed this too. WTH happened to males wanting to be Mr Fix It? They are calling roadside assistance quicker than women these days for a simple flat tire!

I'm getting remarried so someone can pay all the household expenses and hand out change all the while feeling like he's some big ole man. Lil mugly **** makes me want to slap his *** sometimes but errah I love him because he lets me run wild!

 

[dlewis]

Firecracker is this your way of telling us you're getting remarried. Girl, you know you're suppose to start a thread on that.

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!

 

[VelvetRain]

Girl you are crazy. I second all of those things....I got a flat tire the other day, I ran over a work siteerplexed dh dropped everything, changed my tire in a suit in tie in 100 degree weather while I sat in my truck and chatted on the phone. While I waited on dh, a BUNCH OF LOSERS drove by seeing me, a ( cute) stranded woman ....sigh. That's when I thought wow having a husband really works out.

OP, I wil come back with a more serious answer

I so agree with this. I swear each and every time something breaks around my place and I have no interest in trying to fix it myself. Or bringing a ton of groceries home and noone to help.

 

[asummertyme]

I've noticed this too. WTH happened to males wanting to be Mr Fix It? They are calling roadside assistance quicker than women these days for a simple flat tire!

I'm getting remarried so someone can pay all the household expenses and hand out change all the while feeling like he's some big ole man. Lil mugly **** makes me want to slap his *** sometimes but errah I love him because he lets me run wild!

ummhm, what chu tryin to say gurl...............

 

[dlewis]

Firecracker is this your way of telling us you're getting remarried. Girl, you know you're suppose to start a thread on that.

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!

Did she ever answer the question?