The ex hubby has another child

[CurleeDST]

Scenario: When you met your ex husband he was married with no children. He cheated on his first wife with you and you end up pregnant. He divorces ex wife and marries you. You both get divorced about 4 years later. You have a son together and he is 4 years old when you are divorced.

Fast forward when your son is 9 years old. He reluctantly comes home after a weekend visit with his dad and tells you he met his 6-year old brother. After probing your son (he tells you his dad told him never to tell you) you find out the mother is your ex husband's FIRST wife.

Since you are now divorced from the man yet learn he fathered a baby while you 2 were still married what if anything would you say to him and your son (who is looking pretty much confused by the entire situation)?

 

[Iansan]

What could you really say to your ex husband? Sounds like a tit for tat situation, to confront the ex husband or the 1st wife would be a tad hypocritical. I would just be happy I'm not with that man anymore. I would encourage a bond between the brothers.

 

[Ramya]

I mean it's a little too late to be confronting exhusband about it. He is the EX husband for a reason and at this point the fact that he fathered a child by his first wife while still married to the second is just icing on the "why i dont want to be with him" cake.

Now I still think that the adults should have discussed how to introduce the children. but since that obtion is out, I'd just ask my son if he had any questions or things that he wanted to talk about and answer accordingly. Then I'd talk to 1st wife and ex husband about what this means for the children and go from there.

 

[ThickHair]

I would let it go, since the ex cheated on the 1st wife with the 2nd then he cheated on the 2nd with the 1st. Leopards don't change their spots. Ya didn't see that one coming???

ETA: It was wrong what he told the child to do (secret). I would address that only.

 

[frizzy]

Let it go, it's just Karma.......accept the lesson.

 

[MrsWatson]

My only issue would be him telling my child to keep a secret from me. Granted, I would probably be a bit disturbed by his cheating on me, there would be nothing I could say about it at this point. I would check him about how he deals with it where my son is concerned though..

 

[drasgrl]

Let it go, he's an ex.

 

[Cxshortie]

Nothing can be done about it now since this couple is divorced....Knowing that the man was married, new woman is with him...he is cheating on his wife, WHY think anything would be different with the new woman? You do dirt, you get dirt.

 

[cuteazz1]

I would not be surprised seeing how I was the other woman.If he cheated with me,he will cheat on me.

My only concern would be My confused child.

 

[ScarletPhoenix]

What could you really say to your ex husband? Sounds like a tit for tat situation, to confront the ex husband or the 1st wife would be a tad hypocritical. I would just be happy I'm not with that man anymore. I would encourage a bond between the brothers.

ITA....I dont' believe you have a right to be confrontational about it. I would speak to my ex about it though. Because under no circumstances is my child to meet someone out of randomness and you not tell me about it. I don't approve of that because, as in this case, I have to be the one explaining it to my son. However, you have to watch your tone because you were the other one and as they say karma can be a doozey ya know. I would want the boys to have a relationship together and keeping it a secret isn't going to allow that to happen. I would have some words for the ex though because putting that kind of stress on a child is really immature of him to do.

 

[TCatt86]

You reap what you sow. But I would be upset that he involved the child in his secret like that. I would talk to my ex husband and try my best to promote a healthy relationship with my son and his brother.

 

[CaribbeanQueen]

Since you are now divorced from the man yet learn he fathered a baby while you 2 were still married what if anything would you say to him and your son (who is looking pretty much confused by the entire situation)?

I would call up my son's father and let him know that our child is extreemly confused by the situation and ask HIM to explain how/why he had a baby with another woman while we were married. I would not be cleaning up his mess.

Then I would thank God that this man and I are no longer together.

 

[TCatt86]

I would call up my son's father and let him know that our child is extreemly confused by the situation and ask HIM to explain how/why he had a baby with another woman while we were married. I would not be cleaning up his mess.

Then I would thank God that this man and I are no longer together.

And he would probably say the same way WE had a baby while I was married to another woman.
And I agree. I would be happy this man was no longer my problem.

 

[LBoogie]

Biggest ho*s, on planet Earth..
.. are walkin through the motherf**** neighborhood
You KNEW when you got with the n***a he already had a woman
You knew he already had a family
but you f***ed him anyway!!!
And then when you thought you gon' lose the n****a
you went and got pregant - didn't you b**ch, DIDN'T YOU!!
THE OL' KEEP A N***A BABY
And then when the n***a ain't around, what do you tell the child?
"Aww that n***a ain't ****, that's why yo' daddy ain't here;
cause that n****a ain't ****."
How bout bein a woman, and tellin the kid the truth
that yo' momma, you was a hoe!
TELL THE KID!
Momma was a hoe, I was weekend p****y
I had you to keep the n****a, it didn't work out
that's why he ain't here - but he a good n****a
cause he take care of his REAL family
I was just a dumb b***h, tryin to keep, a n***a that I wanted





Don't mind me, I have my ipod on shuffle.

 

[Tootuff]

Biggest ho*s, on planet Earth..
.. are walkin through the motherf**** neighborhood
You KNEW when you got with the n***a he already had a woman
You knew he already had a family
but you f***ed him anyway!!!
And then when you thought you gon' lose the n****a
you went and got pregant - didn't you b**ch, DIDN'T YOU!!
THE OL' KEEP A N***A BABY
And then when the n***a ain't around, what do you tell the child?
"Aww that n***a ain't ****, that's why yo' daddy ain't here;
cause that n****a ain't ****."
How bout bein a woman, and tellin the kid the truth
that yo' momma, you was a hoe!
TELL THE KID!
Momma was a hoe, I was weekend p****y
I had you to keep the n****a, it didn't work out
that's why he ain't here - but he a good n****a
cause he take care of his REAL family
I was just a dumb b***h, tryin to keep, a n***a that I wanted





Don't mind me, I have my ipod on shuffle.

What song is that?

 

[Country gal]

Pay back is a B. I would try to establish a relationship between the two men. I would speak to him about it. He bascially cheated on you and told his son to keep it a secret.

 

[LBoogie]

What song is that?

Dr. Dre...

Well, it's Eddie Griffin talking.

It's called education.

 

[Makenzie]

I would call up my son's father and let him know that our child is extreemly confused by the situation and ask HIM to explain how/why he had a baby with another woman while we were married. I would not be cleaning up his mess.

Then I would thank God that this man and I are no longer together.

Exactly. While being hurt over the news my child would be my concern. He's a ex for a reason other than this so be happy you don't have to deal with him anymore outside of your child together.

The cheating ex can explain it to my child and I'd have a serious talk with ex about encouraging the child to keep secrets from me and I'd have a talk with my kid about it.

 

[Tootuff]

Dr. Dre...

Well, it's Eddie Griffin talking.

It's called education.

Ok thanks...Off to Napster to look it up.

 

[Keen]

What goes around comes around

 

[ThickHair]

How are you going to explain what you did from start? Poor kid may be jacked up for a while once he realizes that he was a product of an affair.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Fast forward when your son is 9 years old. He reluctantly comes home after a weekend visit with his dad and tells you he met his 6-year old brother. After probing your son (he tells you his dad told him never to tell you) you find out the mother is your ex husband's FIRST wife.

I could charge everything else to the game except the bolded.

Cuz I'd call a m.f.'er from a payphone and tell him the next time he tell my child to keep secrets from me, he better check his brake lines each and every time he get in his car.

You don't put that kind of weight on a 9 year old's shoulders.

 

[lisana]

telling a kid to keep such a secret is wrong and he needs to be told that it is not acceptable to place a child with such a burden, but the rest....is just about somebody needing to pick their face and pride off the floor and keep moving, 1st wife got the revenge of ALL revenges...i mean, come on, this is brilliant, how many 1st wives who get cheated on and have hubby marry the jump-off get the opportunity to turn the tables?! HA! luvs it!

 

[TCatt86]

telling a kid to keep such a secret is wrong and he needs to be told that it is not acceptable to place a child with such a burden, but the rest....is just about somebody needing to pick their face and pride off the floor and keep moving, 1st wife got the revenge of ALL revenges...i mean, come on, this is brilliant, how many 1st wives who get cheated on and have hubby marry the jump-off get the opportunity to turn the tables?! HA! luvs it!

More than you think. I know of quite a few people that this has happened too.

 

[Zaynab]

Biggest ho*s, on planet Earth..
.. are walkin through the motherf**** neighborhood
You KNEW when you got with the n***a he already had a woman
You knew he already had a family
but you f***ed him anyway!!!
And then when you thought you gon' lose the n****a
you went and got pregant - didn't you b**ch, DIDN'T YOU!!
THE OL' KEEP A N***A BABY
And then when the n***a ain't around, what do you tell the child?
"Aww that n***a ain't ****, that's why yo' daddy ain't here;
cause that n****a ain't ****."
How bout bein a woman, and tellin the kid the truth
that yo' momma, you was a hoe!
TELL THE KID!
Momma was a hoe, I was weekend p****y
I had you to keep the n****a, it didn't work out
that's why he ain't here - but he a good n****a
cause he take care of his REAL family
I was just a dumb b***h, tryin to keep, a n***a that I wanted





Don't mind me, I have my ipod on shuffle.

Real Talk, Some of the most keeping it real ish out there. I have this on my IPOD as well

 

[likewtr4chklit]

^^^^UMmm WOw!!

YOu can't possibly blame a dog for doing what dogs do best. So focus on helping your son deal with the fact that both his parents acted irresopnsibly at one time, but have learned their lesson (at least hopefully on your part). Help him embrace the fact that he has a sibling. As for the father, tell him that you don't appreciate him teaching your son how to lie. He should be teaching him to NOT be just like him.

 

[ThickHair]

As for the father, tell him that you don't appreciate him teaching your son how to lie. He should be teaching him to NOT be just like him.

This would also apply to both parents to not LIE, CHEAT and be DEICITFUL (sp) Both cheated, lied and deceived folks.

 

[ebonylocs]

Biggest ho*s, on planet Earth..
.. are walkin through the motherf**** neighborhood
You KNEW when you got with the n***a he already had a woman
You knew he already had a family
but you f***ed him anyway!!!
And then when you thought you gon' lose the n****a
you went and got pregant - didn't you b**ch, DIDN'T YOU!!
THE OL' KEEP A N***A BABY
And then when the n***a ain't around, what do you tell the child?
"Aww that n***a ain't ****, that's why yo' daddy ain't here;
cause that n****a ain't ****."
How bout bein a woman, and tellin the kid the truth
that yo' momma, you was a hoe!
TELL THE KID!
Momma was a hoe, I was weekend p****y
I had you to keep the n****a, it didn't work out
that's why he ain't here - but he a good n****a
cause he take care of his REAL family
I was just a dumb b***h, tryin to keep, a n***a that I wanted





Don't mind me, I have my ipod on shuffle.

See, I don't call stuff like this "real talk". I call it misogyny. Because, yes, the woman is wrong. But how is the father a "good n***a" when he was lapping up that "weekend p***y"? If he was so into his "real family" , why was he out making more babies? They're both wrong, so I'm not going to play "blame the slut". I take that back. I will play that game, because they're both sluts.

 

[jaiku]

How are you going to be mad at your ex about anything. You were the other woman first. You knew what you were getting. This is some Maury ish.

 

[SaNyjh]

I would let it go, since the ex cheated on the 1st wife with the 2nd then he cheated on the 2nd with the 1st. Leopards don't change their spots. Ya didn't see that one coming???

ETA: It was wrong what he told the child to do (secret). I would address that only.

I agree with this whole statement but the bolded is the most important part of this scenerio. This is something I go through with my daughter and her father. Everytime she comes home from a visit I kind of grill her a bit. Because I know that she's told to not tell me certain things. For her safety and the safety of others I always need to know what's going on where ever she is.