Dating a Friend's Ex-Boyfriend...
- Thread starter LovelyNaps26
- Start date
My current SO has been marked, tagged, labeled, proclaimed, exclaimed and promulgated as off limits to anyone within the sound of my voice or the sight of my being.
The rest of those losers from my past can date whomever they want--but my friends wouldn't want them. That's how I know that wasn't true love, they don't matter to me.
I dream of a time when me and my best friend are both old married ladies.
The rest of those losers from my past can date whomever they want--but my friends wouldn't want them. That's how I know that wasn't true love, they don't matter to me.
I dream of a time when me and my best friend are both old married ladies.
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lilsparkle825
New Member
I am right now, and frankly I am happy the fact that he used to date (well, FWB) my former best friend did not stop me.
They were friends first...they met at a club in 2004 and started hanging out. She was a virgin at the time, or at least that is what she told him, although I as her bestie knew better. Eventually it came out because she couldn't keep it in her pants. He was shocked and asked her if she was sure she wanted to "lose it" to him, then she blurted out it was all a lie and she wasn't really a virgin and slept with him. They then became FWB and remained as such for a few months. She would always verbalize her regret for sleeping with him (she was trying to save herself for marriage) to him, then again to me the next day. (For the record, I never knew any of the intimate details, only that they were sleeping together.) However, she would continue calling him whenever she was in the mood. I didn't know what to make of that, but I told her it probably wasn't right to play mind games. He tried to pursue a relationship; she did not want one. Finally, she stopped answering his calls and texts, saying he was "toxic" for her or something of that nature.
She and I stayed close till I started college in 2005, then we pretty much lost contact. She would send me a FB message every 6 months or so, just saying hi. Since most of the things she said to me regarding him were conversational, I forgot about them as she and I grew apart.
I forget how he and I became facebook friends, but in May of this year he sent me a friendly (as in innocent enough) message. I forgot all about it till I was going through my inbox one day in June and saw it, and decided to reply just to be nice. From there, we struck up a conversation on FB chat, then BBM, then we talked to each other on the phone, then he invited me to come see him in NC. It was on the phone that I brought up the whole "I can't take this any further, you used to date my BFF" and he played like he didn't know. Figuring that 6 years was long enough for the girl code thing to expire, I rolled with it, especially since I didn't expect anything to develop. Well, here we are in September and we are living together. She actually got pretty pissed when she found out, although she is the one that "dumped" him. I don't even know what to think of that. Anyway, for a few weeks, she was posting all these subliminal messages on FB about leftovers, then she blocked me from seeing her wall. It got pretty weird, considering I haven't spoken to her since June 2009 and they haven't talked since sometime in 2008 when she called him to ask if he lives in NC, then made mention that she was coming down for a few days to visit her boyfriend. Just lots of weird, immature things on her end regarding their past involvement and our current relationship.
They were friends first...they met at a club in 2004 and started hanging out. She was a virgin at the time, or at least that is what she told him, although I as her bestie knew better. Eventually it came out because she couldn't keep it in her pants. He was shocked and asked her if she was sure she wanted to "lose it" to him, then she blurted out it was all a lie and she wasn't really a virgin and slept with him. They then became FWB and remained as such for a few months. She would always verbalize her regret for sleeping with him (she was trying to save herself for marriage) to him, then again to me the next day. (For the record, I never knew any of the intimate details, only that they were sleeping together.) However, she would continue calling him whenever she was in the mood. I didn't know what to make of that, but I told her it probably wasn't right to play mind games. He tried to pursue a relationship; she did not want one. Finally, she stopped answering his calls and texts, saying he was "toxic" for her or something of that nature.
She and I stayed close till I started college in 2005, then we pretty much lost contact. She would send me a FB message every 6 months or so, just saying hi. Since most of the things she said to me regarding him were conversational, I forgot about them as she and I grew apart.
I forget how he and I became facebook friends, but in May of this year he sent me a friendly (as in innocent enough) message. I forgot all about it till I was going through my inbox one day in June and saw it, and decided to reply just to be nice. From there, we struck up a conversation on FB chat, then BBM, then we talked to each other on the phone, then he invited me to come see him in NC. It was on the phone that I brought up the whole "I can't take this any further, you used to date my BFF" and he played like he didn't know. Figuring that 6 years was long enough for the girl code thing to expire, I rolled with it, especially since I didn't expect anything to develop. Well, here we are in September and we are living together. She actually got pretty pissed when she found out, although she is the one that "dumped" him. I don't even know what to think of that. Anyway, for a few weeks, she was posting all these subliminal messages on FB about leftovers, then she blocked me from seeing her wall. It got pretty weird, considering I haven't spoken to her since June 2009 and they haven't talked since sometime in 2008 when she called him to ask if he lives in NC, then made mention that she was coming down for a few days to visit her boyfriend. Just lots of weird, immature things on her end regarding their past involvement and our current relationship.
If I knew then what I know now the answer would be no. Seeing an ex with another person, especially if that other person is a friend, can stir up all kinds of emotions the person didn't know was there. Unless God spoke directly to me and said, "This man is the one", a friendship is not worth losing over some guy.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Cooch scratching aside
it should also tell you how she feels about dating your exes. If it's your cardinal rule of friendship it's important to note that you both don't see eye to eye on this one....wonder how many of your exes she's going to try to approach (or will have no problem approaching if she's interested)
natural2008
Well-Known Member
I would not do it. Ex are off limits period.
Leaving the friendship aside, one might want to ask oneself what kind of man would want to date his ex's friend, knowing the drama that could cause and having the whole world to choose from. Men who show indifference to the feelings of one woman will likely show the same disregard for another woman eventually.
Priss Pot
Makeup + Bench Pressing
I wouldn't do it, but sometimes I find myself wondering: What if said "friend" had hoe tendencies? Meaning she had lots of friends with benefits and the guy you're feeling just so happened to have been one of them in the past? Like, if he's really a good guy, and it was just a one time fling with the friend....should you disqualify him? Am I making sense here?
DirtyJerzeyGirly
Well-Known Member
Cooch scratching aside
You have a good point, too. Luckily her and I don't have the same taste in men, though.
BullGirl2010
New Member
Goombay_Summer
Well-Known Member
It's never a good idea because someone is bound to get hurt. I know that I would consent to friend dating an ex only to appear enlightened and highly evolved. But deep down I would be seething and referring to that person as a street walker and every other imaginable name but a child of God. And in my imagination I would be coming up with 101 uber creative ways to kill that person.
Bnster
New Member
This happen to me when I was a teenager. My friend's ex and I worked together as a teacher assistant in the summer time. I later figure out he was her ex, like what a small world sort of thing. We never met while they were dating. When he asked me out I was no way going anywhere with him. It soo wrong to me, even at that age I figured that out. Still today I will not go out with my friends ex - they are off limits. Plus obviously if they broke up the exs are no good, i will go by that since my friends and I have the same standards.
niknakmac
Well-Known Member
Well I have a Frenemy. She used to be my friend. So I introduced her to a guy i was dating pretty casual but we would get down. I moved out of state last year for work. So a couple of weeks after i left i get this phone call from her telling me about how she saw him blah, blah, blah. I could tell she was trying to ask me if it was ok for her to date him but she didn't ask so I didn't say anything. My theory is she was already dating him. Anyway she ccalled me a few days later to ask me if i would mind if she started seeing him. I really didn't mind that much because it wasn't that serious with him, i didn't even take him into consideration when i moved.
My issue was how long have you been feeling him. Homegirl used to call me and be like I have no 4:20 can you call X and see if he has some i can pick up or drop off. I never did because i always wondered what happened to her own hook up. But then i just started thinking hmmm maybe she had been trying to make a play for him the whole time.
So she asked me how i felt about it i told her she could date whoever she wanted but this would change our friendship. She actually had the nerve to ask me why. I just told her straight up i don't consider you a friend anymore. She still calls i talk to her but i will never pick up my phone and call her. Before all this happened she was planning to come visit me in the new state....um she can't even think about stepping foot in my gates ever again.
Also old boy was living with a girl that was having his baby at the time this all went down. I didn't even bother telling her. Although i did ask her if she had seen the baby after it was born. I don't know if she had known about the baby and girlfriend or not but she hasn't called my phone since i asked her about it.
BUN FI BUN...LOL life is a biaaaaaaaaaaacth
My issue was how long have you been feeling him. Homegirl used to call me and be like I have no 4:20 can you call X and see if he has some i can pick up or drop off. I never did because i always wondered what happened to her own hook up. But then i just started thinking hmmm maybe she had been trying to make a play for him the whole time.
So she asked me how i felt about it i told her she could date whoever she wanted but this would change our friendship. She actually had the nerve to ask me why. I just told her straight up i don't consider you a friend anymore. She still calls i talk to her but i will never pick up my phone and call her. Before all this happened she was planning to come visit me in the new state....um she can't even think about stepping foot in my gates ever again.
Also old boy was living with a girl that was having his baby at the time this all went down. I didn't even bother telling her. Although i did ask her if she had seen the baby after it was born. I don't know if she had known about the baby and girlfriend or not but she hasn't called my phone since i asked her about it.
BUN FI BUN...LOL life is a biaaaaaaaaaaacth
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kandiekj100
Well-Known Member
I had an interesting situation. This guy I worked with was feeling me and I thought he as cute and funny, but I had a boyfriend at the time. Well I went to hang out with my friend one night and found out he tried to holla a her. He had no idea that we both knew each other. At first I backed off from him, but then after realizing things didn't go far with them at all (ie-she didn't really give him the time of day), I broke things off with boyfriend (he really wasn't doing what he should-took me for granted) and started dating this guy. And 9 years later, we are married with two kids. So yeah, everything isn't always black and white.
But I do have to say still, that in most cases it is a No no.
But I do have to say still, that in most cases it is a No no.
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