Submitting To Your Husband??

[Energist]

Are any of you married or committed ladies able to submit to your husband/SO? You know, I have never thought about what it means to do this before marriage.

This used to be very difficult for me, but it's getting easier. I recognize that it's very important to be able to come to an inner peace during a heated discussion, enough to pull this off.

I have a girlfriend who constantly argues with her boyfriend of 14 years. She is very opinionated, outspoken, stubborn and has a very sharp tongue, which can tend to leave people angry, bitter, and broken down. You just don't ever want to be on the receiving end of it. By nature I have some similar traits, that I'm only proud of in the proper setting/situation. Anyways, she isn't able to stop herself and assess the potentional damage before continuing what usually has already escalated into a heated debate/borderline argument with her boyfriend. At times these arguments will end with punches in the wall or him storming out. Anyways, she will continue and continue with diarrhea of the mouth, because it's more important for her to get HER point across. I realize that this has always been a major problem in their relationship,and what frightens and turns him off from marrying her. It's her mouth, her unwillingness to submit in their relationship. It's like she doesn't want to go down without a fight, because it does something to her ego. She could never submit to a man, because she can't sit still until she makes her point, no matter the cost. By doing all of that it angers him even more because it discounts his point that he's trying to make.

I have been in those situations, even in the beginning stages with my husband, when we were only dating, but have pin pointed (with his help) those flaws, have worked on my inner strength, gotten past my ego in those situations (I'm still working on that) and have come a long way. I mean there would be times that I'd end up crying in the middle of a heated debate or argument , because I had words in the back of my tongue fighting to come out, which I know would be long term damaging (it's like those tears said 'you are lucky that I love you as much as I do, and I hope that you understand and realize how bad this could have gotten, because I could eat you alive if I wanted to right about now'), but would unwillingly stray jacket myself and come back to center, clarity of the situation, and get to a compromise as quickly as possible. I think that this has been very important in my relationship and is a big part of what keeps it so peaceful, happy, and fresh. I do get my point across, but make sure that my husband knows that I've gotten his. After we both recognize each others point of view and see that we are conflicted, we calmy work at a solution that we both agree on. So we have discussions, never arguments anymore.

What do you ladies think of the idea of submitting to your husband or long term partner? Is it important to you, do you struggle with this act, and if so how come?

I'd love to hear stories of how you have gathered strength to submit in different situations. This is something that I am still working on, struggling with, and I know that other stories would be helpful for me

 

[janeemat]

The bible speaks on this. Read Ephesians 5:21-30. It not just about the wife being submissve. The bible tells us to "submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God". When Paul wrote this passage of scripture, he directed the first two verses to the wives. The remaining 5-6 verses named a whole lot of stuff for the men. My take on this one is if the husbands lived by what Paul wrote to them and loved the wives the way God intended, most wives would not have a problem submitting. But of course, the church along with society has always picked apart this passage of scripture just to suit the men in most cases. I promise you, that I have a wonderful husband and really loves me. And I mean that agape love, so I really don't have a problem submitting to him and him to me. We are equal believers.

 

[Keep1Belle]

I think the main thing in submitting is know who you are marrying. When I think of my SO I know that if we are to marry I wouldnt have a problem with him being the HEAD of the household. Because we really honor each others opinions and choices and I know that if it came down to it he has our best interest at heart

 

[DragonPearl]

I don't submit to my husband automatically because he is THE MAN. I pick my battles, and I will defer to my husband for the final say in many matters. There are matters for which I will hold my grounds and we will agree to disagree.

 

[dlewis]

I have no problem now submitting to my husband. I know now that he values me, our marriage, my thoughts and opinions, and he wants to make me happy. He values what I say and how I feel.

I also want to make him happy. We are both givers. If he needs to make decision he always ask how I feel, if I'm ok with it, what are my thoughts.

Today he called me and said he was offered a job. He wanted me to be thinking about it so we can discuss it later when I get home. I know I am not ok with this job and I'm sure he won't be taking it. And I won't have to say "you better not take this job or else". I will tell him what my concerns are and he will, on his own, make the decission not to take this job because it is not good for our family.

 

[dlewis]

My husband had been looking for a truck. He had brought several home and I had told him nicely that they had to go back. Don't you know his family and friends teased him that he let a woman control him.

How is that controlling? Only we know what's good for us. I didn't say "You better take it back!!!!", I mention the facts to him and he made the decission that the trucks needed to go back.

Its all in how to word and say something. Things go down better with sugar than with salt.

 

[Spidergul]

This is a very good topic which I have more than a lot to say but will not.
I think that I, in the beggining of our marriage submitted to much and now it is strangling me. I will need to read that passage in the bible and see if it will help me to see my way through.

 

[dlewis]

This is a very good topic which I have more than a lot to say but will not.
I think that I, in the beggining of our marriage submitted to much and now it is strangling me. I will need to read that passage in the bible and see if it will help me to see my way through.

I was the opposite. I didn't submit at all. Learn that from my mother. She's not the best example of how to be a good wife.

 

[Everything Zen]

Are any of you married or committed ladies able to submit to your husband/SO? You know, I have never thought about what it means to do this before marriage.

This used to be very difficult for me, but it's getting easier. I recognize that it's very important to be able to come to an inner peace during a heated discussion, enough to pull this off.

I have a girlfriend who constantly argues with her boyfriend of 14 years. She is very opinionated, outspoken, stubborn and has a very sharp tongue, which can tend to leave people angry, bitter, and broken down. You just don't ever want to be on the receiving end of it. By nature I have some similar traits, that I'm only proud of in the proper setting/situation. Anyways, she isn't able to stop herself and assess the potentional damage before continuing what usually has already escalated into a heated debate/borderline argument with her boyfriend. At times these arguments will end with punches in the wall or him storming out. Anyways, she will continue and continue with diarrhea of the mouth, because it's more important for her to get HER point across. I realize that this has always been a major problem in their relationship,and what frightens and turns him off from marrying her. It's her mouth, her unwillingness to submit in their relationship. It's like she doesn't want to go down without a fight, because it does something to her ego. She could never submit to a man, because she can't sit still until she makes her point, no matter the cost. By doing all of that it angers him even more because it discounts his point that he's trying to make.

I have been in those situations, even in the beginning stages with my husband, when we were only dating, but have pin pointed (with his help) those flaws, have worked on my inner strength, gotten past my ego in those situations (I'm still working on that) and have come a long way. I mean there would be times that I'd end up crying in the middle of a heated debate or argument , because I had words in the back of my tongue fighting to come out, which I know would be long term damaging (it's like those tears said 'you are lucky that I love you as much as I do, and I hope that you understand and realize how bad this could have gotten, because I could eat you alive if I wanted to right about now'), but would unwillingly stray jacket myself and come back to center, clarity of the situation, and get to a compromise as quickly as possible. I think that this has been very important in my relationship and is a big part of what keeps it so peaceful, happy, and fresh. I do get my point across, but make sure that my husband knows that I've gotten his. After we both recognize each others point of view and see that we are conflicted, we calmy work at a solution that we both agree on. So we have discussions, never arguments anymore.

What do you ladies think of the idea of submitting to your husband or long term partner? Is it important to you, do you struggle with this act, and if so how come?

I'd love to hear stories of how you have gathered strength to submit in different situations. This is something that I am still working on, struggling with, and I know that other stories would be helpful for me

Girl well you need to talk to my man for me because he gets mad that I hold my tongue. He wants me to say whatever is on my mind and I can't do that because it's usually horribly sharp and if you think about it, you were just saying it to hurt him. He gets mad when I don't speak. I get really quiet and it can take upwards of a day at the most (usually a few hours) for me to speak my mind without and vitrolic tendencies.

You gotta find a way to get it out though. One time he hurt my feelings so badly that I went over to his house at 3 am and woke him out of a deep sleep to tell him ALL about himself. I'm talking from his need to lose weight to his relationship with his father, his job, and EVERYTHING in between. Then I just got up and left.

 

[Everything Zen]

The bible speaks on this. Read Ephesians 5:21-30. It not just about the wife being submissve. The bible tells us to "submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God". When Paul wrote this passage of scripture, he directed the first two verses to the wives. The remaining 5-6 verses named a whole lot of stuff for the men. My take on this one is if the husbands lived by what Paul wrote to them and loved the wives the way God intended, most wives would not have a problem submitting. But of course, the church along with society has always picked apart this passage of scripture just to suit the men in most cases. I promise you, that I have a wonderful husband and really loves me. And I mean that agape love, so I really don't have a problem submitting to him and him to me. We are equal believers.

ITA

 

[gone_fishing]

An article you might find helpful:

1 Corinthians 11:3-16 addresses the issue of women and head coverings. The context of the entire passage of 1 Corinthians 11:3-16 is submission to the God-given order and "chain of command." A "covering" on a woman's head is used as an illustration of the order, headship, and the authority of God. The key verse of this passage is 1 Corinthians 11:3 "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.." The implications of this verse are found in the rest of the passage. The order is: God the Father, God the Son, the man or husband, and the woman or wife. The veil or covering on the head of a believing Corinthian wife showed that she was under the authority of her husband, and therefore under submission to God.

Within this passage is also verse 10: "For this reason the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels." Why is that important to angels? The relationship of God with men is something that angels watch and learn from (1 Peter 1:12). Therefore, a woman's submission to God's delegated authority over her is an example to angels. The holy angels, who are in perfect and total submission to God, expect that we, as followers of Christ, do the same.

This covering not only means a cloth but also can refer to a woman's hair length. How can we say that? We must take this verse in the context or the setting in which it is presented. "Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him? But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her; for her hair is given to her for a covering" (1 Corinthians 11:14-15). Therefore, in the context of this passage, a woman who is wearing her hair longer marks herself out distinctively as a woman and not a man. The Apostle Paul is saying here that in the Corinthian culture, when a wife's hair was longer than her husband's, it showed her submission to his headship. The roles of the male and female are designed by God to portray a profound spiritual lesson, that is of submission to the will and the order of God.

But why is hair an issue in this passage? The Apostle Paul is addressing something in the Corinthian culture that was being allowed to disrupt the church. Women in service in the pagan temples had their heads shaved. It marked them as pagan temple prostitutes. Paul says in this passage that a woman who is shorn or shaved should be covered (1 Corinthians 11:6), for woman shorn or shaved of her hair had lost her "glory," and she was not under the protection of a husband. A shorn head without a covering was equivalent to saying, "I refuse to submit to God's order." Therefore, the Apostle Paul is teaching the Corinthians that hair length or the wearing of a "covering" by the woman was an outward indication of a heart attitude of submission to God and to His established authority. This was important because the Corinthian church was to be separate from the corrupt pagan culture of Corinth (2 Corinthians 6:17).

God's order is that the husband is the head of the wife as God is the head of Christ, but there is no inequality or inferiority implied. God and Christ are equal and united, just as the husband and the wife are one. This is not a passage that teaches the woman is inferior to man or that she should be submissive to every man. It is teaching God's order and spiritual headship in the marriage relationship. In the Corinthian culture, a woman who covered her head during worship or when she was in public displayed her submission to authority.

In today's culture, we no longer view a woman's wearing of a head covering as a sign of submission. In most modern societies, scarves and hats are fashion accessories. A woman has the choice to wear a head covering if she views it as a sign of her submission to the authority of her husband. However, it is a personal choice and not something that should be used to judge spirituality. The real issue here is the heart attitude of obedience to God's authority and submission to His established order “as to the LORD” (Ephesians 5:22). God is far more concerned with an attitude of submission than an outward display of submission via a head covering. First Timothy 2:9-10, "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

AS FOR ME:

I'm still learning. Everyday I'm learning and I'm learning that sometimes keeping the peace and not making a big deal about little things that mean nothing is more important than being right.

 

[Spidergul]

My husband had been looking for a truck. He had brought several home and I had told him nicely that they had to go back. Don't you know his family and friends teased him that he let a woman control him.
How is that controlling? Only we know what's good for us. I didn't say "You better take it back!!!!", I mention the facts to him and he made the decission that the trucks needed to go back.

Its all in how to word and say something. Things go down better with sugar than with salt.

For some men I think this is their biggest fear-trusting a womans judgement.

 

[Spidergul]

Adequate, don't believe it. Like someone else mentioned, pick your battles.

I'm still learning. Everyday I'm learning and I'm learning that sometimes keeping the peace and not making a big deal about little things that mean nothing is more important than being right.

 

[chellero]

I know that dh has my best interests at heart and that he values my input, so I have no trouble with submission. We submit to each other. OP - I don't think that your friend needs to submit to her boyfriend of 14 years. First of all he's not her husband. He shouldn't get the privilege without the responsibility. I also think it's fishy that he claims that her sharp tongue is the reason that he hasn't married her after over a decade. If he wanted to be her husband then he'd ask her. Obviously he doesn't want to commit.

 

[lala]

In my case, I've never submitted to anyone other than my husband. I'd never even thought about submitting until we were engaged. I am very opinionated, but I don't use profanity when in conversations or when addressing my DH either. When the bible refers to submission it is referring to married couples not couples who are dating.

14 years is a long, long time to be dating without a commitment. I'm not sure submission is the only problem with their situation. Your friend may be bitter and frustrated at this point and vents her frustration vs. diagnosing the root cause and finding a solution.

It would help their situation if she could try to refrain from arguing and just state her case calmly. If they are considering marriage, it wouldn't hurt for them to participate in couples counseling.

 

[dlewis]

For some men I think this is their biggest fear-trusting a womans judgement.

They always call him a whipped because he don't mess around. erplexed I tell him I can't think of anything better than him being whipped by me.

I finally got his truck and NOW they say, "Oh she let you get the truck, hun". He just can't win.

 

[Everything Zen]

I'm usually a leader in a lot of my friendships/relationships. Even though we're not married yet, I think I'm naturally more submissive because every part of our relationship has been a step toward marriage and he's 11 years older so.

It's not a big deal because he's very submissive in many ways to me as well so...

 

[Spidergul]

They always call him a whipped because he don't mess around. erplexed I tell him I can't think of anything better than him being whipped by me.
I finally got his truck and NOW they say, "Oh she let you get the truck, hun". He just can't win.

I like that.
He got his truck and he's happy! To me people who say those kinds of things don't understand how a marriage is supposed to work.

 

[Energist]

I don't submit to my husband automatically because he is THE MAN. I pick my battles, and I will defer to my husband for the final say in many matters. There are matters for which I will hold my grounds and we will agree to disagree.

Yes, I agree here! My husband has had to earn my submission, because I have never ever submitted to a man just because I was in a relationship with him. Even going into marriage, I never thought it was going to happen, but he consistently shows how much he loves and respects my opinion, feelings, thoughts, and that means everything to me. I owe him that same respect.

Now we do disagree sometimes, but if there are serious issues we disagree on, we know that they have to be resolved and we work on that.

 

[Energist]

My husband had been looking for a truck. He had brought several home and I had told him nicely that they had to go back. Don't you know his family and friends teased him that he let a woman control him.

How is that controlling? Only we know what's good for us. I didn't say "You better take it back!!!!", I mention the facts to him and he made the decission that the trucks needed to go back.

Its all in how to word and say something. Things go down better with sugar than with salt.

Oh my goodness, this reminds me of my parents and my fathers family after he had met my mother and how "she had changed him and weakened him" I mean my father got so much flack from his family and friends about his submitting to my mother that it wasn't even funny. My mother has been his saving grace, and her voice of reason has never taken away from his being a macho man.

I don't think that you were being controlling at all. Men respect and appreciate when women give their opinion and then leave the burden on them to make the final decision... in a way it plays on their emotions and they realize that we were right anyways, but lets them keep their ego and believe that it was they that came to the conclusion to make that right decision, even though you've influenced it . I'm learning this now!

 

[Energist]

The bible speaks on this. Read Ephesians 5:21-30. It not just about the wife being submissve. The bible tells us to "submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God". When Paul wrote this passage of scripture, he directed the first two verses to the wives. The remaining 5-6 verses named a whole lot of stuff for the men. My take on this one is if the husbands lived by what Paul wrote to them and loved the wives the way God intended, most wives would not have a problem submitting. But of course, the church along with society has always picked apart this passage of scripture just to suit the men in most cases. I promise you, that I have a wonderful husband and really loves me. And I mean that agape love, so I really don't have a problem submitting to him and him to me. We are equal believers.

I'm going to look this up, thanks for sharing it

 

[Energist]

Girl well you need to talk to my man for me because he gets mad that I hold my tongue. He wants me to say whatever is on my mind and I can't do that because it's usually horribly sharp and if you think about it, you were just saying it to hurt him. He gets mad when I don't speak. I get really quiet and it can take upwards of a day at the most (usually a few hours) for me to speak my mind without and vitrolic tendencies.

You gotta find a way to get it out though. One time he hurt my feelings so badly that I went over to his house at 3 am and woke him out of a deep sleep to tell him ALL about himself. I'm talking from his need to lose weight to his relationship with his father, his job, and EVERYTHING in between. Then I just got up and left.

Oh goodness, I can only imagine his expression. "Ask and ye shall receive!"

 

[Energist]

God's order is that the husband is the head of the wife as God is the head of Christ, but there is no inequality or inferiority implied. God and Christ are equal and united, just as the husband and the wife are one. This is not a passage that teaches the woman is inferior to man or that she should be submissive to every man. It is teaching God's order and spiritual headship in the marriage relationship. In the Corinthian culture, a woman who covered her head during worship or when she was in public displayed her submission to authority.

In today's culture, we no longer view a woman's wearing of a head covering as a sign of submission. In most modern societies, scarves and hats are fashion accessories. A woman has the choice to wear a head covering if she views it as a sign of her submission to the authority of her husband. However, it is a personal choice and not something that should be used to judge spirituality. The real issue here is the heart attitude of obedience to God's authority and submission to His established order “as to the LORD” (Ephesians 5:22). God is far more concerned with an attitude of submission than an outward display of submission via a head covering. First Timothy 2:9-10, "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

AS FOR ME:

I'm still learning. Everyday I'm learning and I'm learning that sometimes keeping the peace and not making a big deal about little things that mean nothing is more important than being right.

Those are very interesting passages about the head covering and hair length. I have seen women with the head coverings on, but never really knew what it meant. I had remembered members of Seventh Day Adventist churches wearing the white ones, but was very young when I saw it and never looked into it.

Yes, my mother and her family always talk about "keeping the peace." I agree that is more important than being right.

 

[Energist]

I know that dh has my best interests at heart and that he values my input, so I have no trouble with submission. We submit to each other. OP - I don't think that your friend needs to submit to her boyfriend of 14 years. First of all he's not her husband. He shouldn't get the privilege without the responsibility. I also think it's fishy that he claims that her sharp tongue is the reason that he hasn't married her after over a decade. If he wanted to be her husband then he'd ask her. Obviously he doesn't want to commit.

Well I have a strong negative opinion about him (that would take an entirely different thread), so I personally don't think he's worth her going out of her way to do anything for him, but I have seen this relationship from the baby stages. I have seen them both grow and transform and have seen where she's done wrong and has helped to create a monster out of him. He had plenty of opportunity to marry her, and you're right he really doesn't want to commit, but a big part has been her uncontrollable mouth and her strong opinions.

She had plenty of opportunity to leave him, which I have encouraged her to do, but she wanted to pretend like everything was always on the up and up and like they were common law married. So I felt that if she wants to live her life this way that she needs to work together with him in a way where he doesn't feel on the defensive all the time. They are breaking up now, but it's sooooo late and I don't want to ever see her in this type of situation again. She has the chance to start over again, but she's got to do some working on herself, or she'll end up in another bad situation.

 

[Energist]

14 years is a long, long time to be dating without a commitment. I'm not sure submission is the only problem with their situation. Your friend may be bitter and frustrated at this point and vents her frustration vs. diagnosing the root cause and finding a solution.

It would help their situation if she could try to refrain from arguing and just state her case calmly. If they are considering marriage, it wouldn't hurt for them to participate in couples counseling.

That would never happen in 1 million years! They are parting ways, and although I am glad about this, I'm sad for their son. It's for the best though, because the environment was very toxic.

 

[Reslnt1]

i must say she's lucky to have a friend that is concerned enough to seek help from others that can possibly assess the situation with unbiased opinions (somewhat anyway)...godd luck to her

 

[Ms_Delikate]

This thread is timely and informative.....Thats all I will say.

 

[tocktick]

I know that dh has my best interests at heart and that he values my input, so I have no trouble with submission. We submit to each other. OP - I don't think that your friend needs to submit to her boyfriend of 14 years. First of all he's not her husband. He shouldn't get the privilege without the responsibility. I also think it's fishy that he claims that her sharp tongue is the reason that he hasn't married her after over a decade. If he wanted to be her husband then he'd ask her. Obviously he doesn't want to commit.

co-sign with the bold. if her sharp tongue was the real reason keeping him from marrying her then why is he still there after 14 years? if things were that bad, why put off the chance of being in a loving marriage by staying with her if this is what he truly desires? i agree that he just doesn't want to commit.

this is a very interesting thread. i think there needs to be balance when submitting to your husband and your husband should submit to you also. i know personally of women of tried to do this and ended up having their identities stripped by their husbands. they lost themselves and their voices. a woman told me her husband didn't like her to get her hair done nice nor wear make-up or fashionable clothes. she thought being a good wife was submitting to his wishes. it was not, imo. in terms of problems both people are conflicting on, like another poster said, "pick your battles". that should go for dh also, imo.

 

[Valerie]

The bible speaks on this. Read Ephesians 5:21-30. It not just about the wife being submissve. The bible tells us to "submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God". When Paul wrote this passage of scripture, he directed the first two verses to the wives. The remaining 5-6 verses named a whole lot of stuff for the men. My take on this one is if the husbands lived by what Paul wrote to them and loved the wives the way God intended, most wives would not have a problem submitting. But of course, the church along with society has always picked apart this passage of scripture just to suit the men in most cases. I promise you, that I have a wonderful husband and really loves me. And I mean that agape love, so I really don't have a problem submitting to him and him to me. We are equal believers.

I could not have put it any better myself.

 

[Energist]

co-sign with the bold. if her sharp tongue was the real reason keeping him from marrying her then why is he still there after 14 years? if things were that bad, why put off the chance of being in a loving marriage by staying with her if this is what he truly desires? i agree that he just doesn't want to commit.

this is a very interesting thread. i think there needs to be balance when submitting to your husband and your husband should submit to you also. i know personally of women of tried to do this and ended up having their identities stripped by their husbands. they lost themselves and their voices. a woman told me her husband didn't like her to get her hair done nice nor wear make-up or fashionable clothes. she thought being a good wife was submitting to his wishes. it was not, imo. in terms of problems both people are conflicting on, like another poster said, "pick your battles". that should go for dh also, imo.

Welp, she put him in a VERY good situation. What man is going to leave a woman who is going to give him everything, live blindly, and tolerate mess? He is one of these men who has spent damn near 20 years working on a "music career." These men need a safety blanket, because they are usually broke! She is very successful, while he was out running around with his "group" she was in college getting her degrees. She supported him, she gave him a place to live. So she's out working all of the time and he gets to play. He lost respect for her and I'm sure began to cheat and although she suspected it and argued with him over it, nothing changed. He brainwashed her, when she was close to leaving he got her pregnant. It's just a very long story. He is now at the age where he sees that he's wasted a lot of time with this "music career" and has a real job. He's growing up, but there is too much irrepairable damage in the relationship for things to ever get any better, so they are parting ways.

ETA: I agree with the bolded!