Splitting the bill when going out
- Thread starter Starronda
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Starronda
At the start of BSL! Patiently waiting for full❤️
Great advice Crystalicequeen123! Yes, my bf and I were actually doing just fine with him paying, then I felt guilty for always making him pay because she put that BS in my head. I guess I took her advice because she’s been married for 12 years (I know that means nothing. Doesn’t mean it’s a happy marriage and sure as hell doesn’t mean she knows about dating). I’ll make sure to be a little more appreciative of him paying just to let him know that I do respect his position as a man. I looked online and found a few great things we can do for free (ballroom dancing is one of those things, a free week trial. We’ll see how he feels about that lol).
Starronda
At the start of BSL! Patiently waiting for full❤️
I need to re-evaluate this entire thread and everything OP has ever posted cause I sincerely thought she was in the 17-20 age bracket
LMAO! 17-20 age bracket, really though?
Nope. I just turned 36 in March. The SO is 32.
LivingDoll
Well-Known Member
Op, I haven't read all of the responses.
I am going into my 40's this year. I've had relationships where I let the man pay, where I've paid, and where we split.
The relationships where the man paid tended to be traditional relationships. I felt pampered and cared for and I reciprocated in other ways.
Typically, a man who pays believes in traditional gender roles, as do I. I am most comfortable with these kinds of men.
The relationship where I paid was short. He was a great guy but he didn't have much to offer me, in any way. Ultimately, he wanted a woman to support him while he played 'starving artist'. I knew it wasn't built to last.
The relationships where we went dutch tended to be more carefree. Not really exclusive...dating, getting to know one another. I don't mind pulling my weight for a time, but once a man asks to take it to the next level, I expect that he'll show me that he is willing to pamper and care for me. After all, I am the prize.
I say, do what you feel comfy with. Just remember that once you set the foundation, it's impossible to go back and restructure it.
If you want to be helpful, offer to pay the tip. I think that's a nice compromise.
I am going into my 40's this year. I've had relationships where I let the man pay, where I've paid, and where we split.
The relationships where the man paid tended to be traditional relationships. I felt pampered and cared for and I reciprocated in other ways.
Typically, a man who pays believes in traditional gender roles, as do I. I am most comfortable with these kinds of men. The relationship where I paid was short. He was a great guy but he didn't have much to offer me, in any way. Ultimately, he wanted a woman to support him while he played 'starving artist'. I knew it wasn't built to last.
The relationships where we went dutch tended to be more carefree. Not really exclusive...dating, getting to know one another. I don't mind pulling my weight for a time, but once a man asks to take it to the next level, I expect that he'll show me that he is willing to pamper and care for me. After all, I am the prize.
I say, do what you feel comfy with. Just remember that once you set the foundation, it's impossible to go back and restructure it.
If you want to be helpful, offer to pay the tip. I think that's a nice compromise.
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LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
I need to re-evaluate this entire thread and everything OP has ever posted cause I sincerely thought she was in the 17-20 age bracket
That's because she looks like she's twelve! I was about to call the police on her boyfriend.
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
I have a problem with people assuming that OP's friend was deliberately trying to harm her with her advice. Everyone has a different perspective and it is not the friend's fault if you take her advice and you don't like the results. An opinion is just an opinion. You don't conduct your relationship on the advice of other people.
gmbwink
Member
I used to feel that the man had to pay all the time but since I love going out and I know it can be expensive that is not my expectation anymore. I don't split bills. For some reason I don't think it's classy, however I don't mind taking turns when I am in a relationship. I know how expensive things are today. Just the opinion of a 40 something year old lady. 
That's just so strange. I have friends who would have slapped me in the face if I told them I'd ever paid on a date. I think that one of the biggest problem our women and young girls have is thinking they are being "gold diggers" if they allow a man to properly court them. Yes, marriage is a partnership, but dating sets the tone for how you are going to be treated and cared for during the marriage.
How you act during the dating relationship shows the man your expectations from him (or lack thereof) in the future.
If she is being provided and cared for, why wouldn't she want the same for you?
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
@Starronda
You're welcome!!
Hope everything goes well! 
Good for you for looking online for some free things to do!!
You don't have to make a BIG deal about how "FREE" the event is lol...but you know, just say "hey babe, how about we try out this _____ event/activity/etc.... It's FREE! How bad can it be??" That way, you two still get to spend time with each other on dates, but he doesn't ALWAYS feel like he has to pull out his wallet in order for you two to have fun together ykwim? Also, Groupon and LivingSocial ALWAYS have a lot of fun discounted things you can do. They have some really neat things that couples (especially) can do together for a discounted rate. Their activities aren't usually FREE, but they usually have a discount rate. I've done some really neat things due to Groupon and LivingSocial.
Afterall, things ARE pretty expensive these days.
erplexedOH! Also, if you sign up for seeitfirst.net or Gofobo.com you can win FREE movie ticket screenings to films BEFORE they come out to theaters! They allow you to bring ONE friend. You don't know HOW many movies I've seen for FREE before the movie even hits the movie theaters due to these sites.
Screenit.com is also another great FREE movie site where you can win movie passes. That way, you guys could have a Dinner & a movie night out, WITHOUT having to pay for the movie lol. Check those sites out! Op, I haven't read all of the responses.
I am going into my 40's this year. I've had relationships where I let the man pay, where I've paid, and where we split.
The relationships where the man paid tended to be traditional relationships. I felt pampered and cared for and I reciprocated in other ways.
The relationship where I paid was short. He was a great guy but he didn't have much to offer me, in any way. Ultimately, he wanted a woman to support him while he played 'starving artist'. I knew it wasn't built to last.
The relationships where we went dutch tended to be more carefree. Not really exclusive...dating, getting to know one another. I don't mind pulling my weight for a time, but once a man asks to take it to the next level, I expect that he'll show me that he is willing to pamper and care for me. After all, I am the prize.
I say, do what you feel comfy with. Just remember that once you set the foundation, it's impossible to go back and restructure it.
If you want to be helpful, offer to pay the tip. I think that's a nice compromise.
@LivingDoll
Great breakdown!
Yes, I feel MOST comfortable with men who are more traditional and believe in paying for their girlfriends as well. One of my previous ex-boyfriends ruined me for life... now I won't have it any other way lol. I couldn't do a "Dutch" relationship. 
Not for LONG anyway. I find that unfortunately, due to a lot of BAD upbringing of males these days and the lackadaisical manner of women these days, many women DON'T know how to be courted, and men DON'T know how to court a woman properly unfortunately.
It seems women just accept the crumbs these days and then they ruin it for women who actually have high expectations and WANTS a more traditional man. erplexed
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LivingDoll
Well-Known Member
@LivingDoll
Great breakdown!
I find that unfortunately, due to a lot of BAD upbringing of males these days and the lackadaisical manner of women these days, many women DON'T know how to be courted, and men DON'T know how to court a woman properly unfortunately.
I could not agree more.
I always tell my sister that a lot of men have the gender roles and their expectations confused. They believe that a woman is supposed to care for them and they don't need to do anything in return. I hate to say it, but *I've* seen this attitude most by men who were raised by women (mom/grandmom/sisters/aunts). A lot of women coddle their sons/grandsons/brothers/nephews and do everything for them. They also see the woman pulling all the weight in the household. In turn, these guys go out into the world and expect the same.
Likewise, a lot of women don't know how to be courted because there wasn't a father/male figure around to show them.
I could really go on and on about this subject but I need to stop here.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
Break it down LivingDoll . Men who have weak fathers and domineering mothers are similar to men raised without a father as well. Thanks for sharing your perspectives.
. Men who have weak fathers and domineering mothers are similar to men raised without a father as well. Thanks for sharing your perspectives.
prettyinpurple
Well-Known Member
I see you with that new pic of your man. Trying to distract us now?
Cute couple.
I hope it works out for you. I'm all about courting too so I wouldn't offer to pay in the first place. I agree that he should pay more (or all) of the time esp since you are putting your son through college.
Cute couple.
I hope it works out for you. I'm all about courting too so I wouldn't offer to pay in the first place. I agree that he should pay more (or all) of the time esp since you are putting your son through college.
SincerelyJane
New Member
Break it down LivingDoll
Dads are a big deal. I remember arguing with my SO over stuff I felt he should be doing as an SO. Nothing I said or did could change his mind. I talked to my parents who let me know I was handling it the wrong way, which I definitely was
. But SO had ONE conversation with his dad and he set him straight .When we revisited the issue I had already decided to change my approach but he was so remorseful almost bashful. And all it took was one word from his dad! After all that ruckus I made.
I learned a big lesson from that. I no longer argue with men, which is what my parents told me. It's not worth the energy and it gets you nowhere.
Starronda
At the start of BSL! Patiently waiting for full❤️
@Crystalicequeen123
Those sites are GREAT! They are now in my favorites lol. We love doing random things together so this is perfect. Once again, thank you so much.
Those sites are GREAT! They are now in my favorites lol. We love doing random things together so this is perfect. Once again, thank you so much.
@Starronda
You're welcome!!
Good for you for looking online for some free things to do!!
That way, you two still get to spend time with each other on dates, but he doesn't ALWAYS feel like he has to pull out his wallet in order for you two to have fun together ykwim? Also, Groupon and LivingSocial ALWAYS have a lot of fun discounted things you can do. They have some really neat things that couples (especially) can do together for a discounted rate. Their activities aren't usually FREE, but they usually have a discount rate. I've done some really neat things due to Groupon and LivingSocial.
Afterall, things ARE pretty expensive these days.
OH! Also, if you sign up for seeitfirst.net or Gofobo.com you can win FREE movie ticket screenings to films BEFORE they come out to theaters! They allow you to bring ONE friend. You don't know HOW many movies I've seen for FREE before the movie even hits the movie theaters due to these sites.
@LivingDoll
Great breakdown!
I find that unfortunately, due to a lot of BAD upbringing of males these days and the lackadaisical manner of women these days, many women DON'T know how to be courted, and men DON'T know how to court a woman properly unfortunately.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Dads are a big deal. I remember arguing with my SO over stuff I felt he should be doing as an SO. Nothing I said or did could change his mind. I talked to my parents who let me know I was handling it the wrong way, which I definitely was
SincerelyJane Word! Seriously this is a huge lesson. Why argue? Either the guy is a gentleman and has been raised as such or nah
. I mean women (and men for that matter) have three choices: take whomever comes your way and accept them as is; fuss and fight and try to change folks; or watch and observe and if the person doesn't match up with your needs and expectations KIM until the right person enters your life. People (me included) act like we don't have a choice in the matter. But we always have a choice.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
I see you with that new pic of your man. Trying to distract us now?
Cute couple.
I hope it works out for you. I'm all about courting too so I wouldn't offer to pay in the first place. I agree that he should pay more (or all) of the time esp since you are putting your son through college.
who takes those photos?
again love your hair
Starronda
At the start of BSL! Patiently waiting for full❤️
who takes those photos?
again love your hair
@bunnycolvin
We were in Punta Cana last year at the beach hugging/kissing. The beach has random photographers that walk around taking pictures for people to buy. When we went back to the hotel they showed us this picture they took of us
. We didn't even realize they took it 
ThirdEyeBeauty
Well-Known Member
I like to be courted and therefore have not had the chance to pay on date. If all is well then I guess it doesn't really matter who offers to pay. I'm just old fashion in that regards.
OT: I thought you were around 20, too. You look very young.
OT: I thought you were around 20, too. You look very young.
Starronda
At the start of BSL! Patiently waiting for full❤️
Thanks ThirdEyeBeauty. It's always awkward going out with my son. He's 6'2 and I'm 5'5 and people normally think we're boyfriend/girlfriend
drappedup
New Member
yes, honestly if i am paying my own way it is not a date as far as i'm concerned, and nothing romantic will come of the night.....and i can give my number out if we come across a cute guy during our outing if i so shall please, lol.
just kidding about the last part (mostly ) every date except for one i've ever been on the guy has paid. the one case where this wasn't the case......we went to the movies, and he pays for the tickets. as we are walking by the concession he makes a remark something along the lines of, "you should buy me some popcorn and a drink. i paid for the tickets." i turned and looked at him with eyebrows raised. he quickly laughed and claimed he was kidding. but i knew better.....this dude was a friend of a friend and i had already heard through the grapevine he was a dollar counter. that was the only date we ever went on. date number 1 and he's already complaining about paying....and about discounted movie tickets too?! no thank you!
i can find guys who will be willing to court me accordingly. i refuse to lower my standards. too many women seem to do that nowadays! every once and a while, i don't mind treating (like his birthday or i just feel like the occasion is special, etc.) but overall i feel like it's the man's job to court properly. especially when you think about the fact that many women buy new clothes/shoes/etc. for dates or get their hair done, nails done, etc. it's not like we don't spend money on dating. that's how i look at it. i spend money to look good for him so yeah he should be buying me dinner.
drappedup
New Member
I could not agree more.
I always tell my sister that a lot of men have the gender roles and their expectations confused. They believe that a woman is supposed to care for them and they don't need to do anything in return. I hate to say it, but *I've* seen this attitude most by men who were raised by women (mom/grandmom/sisters/aunts). A lot of women coddle their sons/grandsons/brothers/nephews and do everything for them. They also see the woman pulling all the weight in the household. In turn, these guys go out into the world and expect the same.
Likewise, a lot of women don't know how to be courted because there wasn't a father/male figure around to show them.
I could really go on and on about this subject but I need to stop here.
i totally agree. i have noticed this pattern as well. it's so disheartening and irksome to see. i have seen so many female friends just accepting scraps and so many scrub men getting away with way too much!
i am grateful i was taught by my mom and my dad, especially my dad, that i am the prize and i need to be won over and courted. not the other way around. too many men walking around these days thinking THEY are the prize.
erplexed
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
LivingDollI could not agree more.
I always tell my sister that a lot of men have the gender roles and their expectations confused. They believe that a woman is supposed to care for them and they don't need to do anything in return. I hate to say it, but *I've* seen this attitude most by men who were raised by women (mom/grandmom/sisters/aunts). A lot of women coddle their sons/grandsons/brothers/nephews and do everything for them. They also see the woman pulling all the weight in the household. In turn, these guys go out into the world and expect the same.
Likewise, a lot of women don't know how to be courted because there wasn't a father/male figure around to show them.
I could really go on and on about this subject but I need to stop here.
YES YES YES and YES!!!!!!
The gender roles are SO screwed up these days smh....
erplexed That's why (no offense), I think I want a man who came from a traditional family household with a mother AND a father (a GOOD father) both present.
Even if he was raised by his stepfather and mother, I still think that I would prefer a guy who had both his mother and father present in the household while growing up. I've noticed that the difference in how I was treated by guys with a more traditional family upbringing was almost night and day.
It was just a different "vibe". I can't really explain it. That's not to say however, that guys who grow up with single parent mothers don't know how to court a woman. Some have had a good father figure around even if they personally didn't have a father growing inside of the home with them.
It all just depends really. But I think my preference is for a guy who had a father in the house w/him....or at the VERY least a GOOD stable father figure in his life.
I think girls can grow up without a father/or a father figure and be basically okay as long as they have a strong mother or mother figure in her life.
It's just different for men. I always think that sons/boys DO need that male influence. I just think that kids do better in general when they have BOTH parents (GOOD parents) in the household with them. But that's just my opinion. @Starronda
No problem girlie!
Glad you like them. Idk about anyone else, but I love ANYTHING "Free"!!! lol 
LivingDoll
Well-Known Member
This morning, the guy I met last week told me that he wants to take me out but he has to wait for a new bankcard because his account was hacked.
I told him that I was sorry to hear that and KIM. A new bankcard takes 5-7 days.
I'm not stupid. He was trying to see if I would offer to pay. On to the next one...
I told him that I was sorry to hear that and KIM. A new bankcard takes 5-7 days.I'm not stupid. He was trying to see if I would offer to pay. On to the next one...
sky_blu
Well-Known Member
I would not like that
This is how we work...even when I "take him out" he still ends up paying the bill most of the time. I make the plans and he pays for the plans.
This morning, the guy I met last week told me that he wants to take me out but he has to wait for a new bankcard because his account was hacked.
I'm not stupid. He was trying to see if I would offer to pay. On to the next one...
Yeah, that was suspect. Especially since he could go to the bank and get cash.
ThirdEyeBeauty
Well-Known Member
This morning, the guy I met last week told me that he wants to take me out but he has to wait for a new bankcard because his account was hacked.
I'm not stupid. He was trying to see if I would offer to pay. On to the next one...
pathetic man
wow
LivingDoll
Well-Known Member
Exactly! He called last night and I promptly blew him off. Didn't even answer.
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