Splitting the bill when going out

^^ yea. ditto.

OP, ignore that friend from now on. What are HER relationships like? hmmm

i tried the more progressive way on this topic and well...OP, it's lame and emasculating to many men and can make the woman feel less cherished. I probably wouldnt say anything directly, but more so find myself absent (ie, needing to go to the ladies room or strolling away from the pay counter to look at something else :giggle:) when the bill comes :look:
 
50/50 is hindsight but, I really wish you would have made a thread right after your friend gave you that advice!!!!

You are a single mom with a kid in college... You definitely shouldn't be splitting the bill. I would just start talking about tuition bills... Not saying that you don't have it but, college is expensive!!!!!
 
humility1990 said:
Ey. Chineke God, that is not my portion. God forbid. I am not paying for anything when I'm dating a guy. no no no no. That's just me though.
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foolish!! :lol:

SlimPickinz said:
I only pay if I force him out his house and he doesn't wanna go out. I have literally shown up at his place and picked out an outfit for him to wear. :lol: he'll hand me his car keys like here you go ms. I want lobster.

Two previous relationships no. That got real old, real fast.
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even if i force him he would never expect me to pay!! :nono:

Starronda said:
WE both pull out our cards and just split it. He was paying our first few dates, then talking to a friend she said it was selfish for me to always have him pay, so a few dates later I offered to pay some of the bill (not like he said no or anything) and it just kept going from there:ohwell:
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and he aint say "no" or "i got this babe"?!

HappyMadison said:
I do not know what it is. Our one year is in May. When SO and I started dating I would let him pay for meals but I would find myself rushing to pay for other activities, like movies are a few drinks. As soon as he would reach for his wallet I would already have mine out. I did not see how annoyed he was until we were picking up an order (around our third or fourth date) and I was going for my wallet and he whispered that he got it and to leave my purse at home. He was so stern I felt like saying "yes sir."

I was so bothered I called my grandmother and she was like he is right. I would have told you you were being foolish and tell him the family reunion is next November lol.

I do not know why I felt the need to pick up the tab. Maybe so the man knows I got this with or without you, but I forget that everyone gets complacent in a relationship so you never set the precedent of something you do not want in the first place. Then he will be like "you changed." "It did not bother you before."
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i dont even offer. only time i pay is if it's his birthday and even then sometimes i use funds he might have given me in the past to pay :lol:

Starronda said:
That's a great question. I really don't know. Like I said, I've always dated guys that paid and if I did pay it was for something silly and not much money.

I started splitting the bill so it's no ones fault except my own:sad:. I'm sure at times it's going to start bothering me, certainly after reading so many great comments on here. I'm a single parent with a son now in college and I'm holding lots of stuff down on my end. He has no kids and not too many expenses like I do. So I'm now starting to think about all of this. Like something just "clicked" for me.
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dont that that again no ma'am. :nono:
 
:lol: No. When we were together, I treated my BF to Chilis for his birthday and his favorite burger place for Valentines Day lunch, and the occasional chinese take out. Other than that, he always paid! My birthday, Valentines Day, our anniversary, or just some random meal. he paid.
 
They say dont start up what you wont keep up. If you plan to keep it up during marriage then I say it makes sense for your relationship.

Me? I dont plain on paying on paying out one thin dime aside from gifts, so thats how I act in the beginning :lachen:
 
Mortons said:
They say dont start up what you wont keep up. If you plan to keep it up during marriage then I say it makes sense for your relationship. Me? I dont plain on paying on paying out one thin dime aside from gifts, so thats how I act in the beginning :lachen:
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Amen to that! Aside from every once in a blue or his birthday...
 
does he read pua sites?

anyway ever since you started paying, has he pulled "oh i got this one" or its been splite splite since you started..no word from him?

also your "friend' is a troll. I bet there's a reason why she made that statement to you but i wont get into that. for now.

anyway stop pulling out your card. play with your phone or something while the check is on the table and see what he says
 
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You really need to watch whose advice you take. People can start creating problems where there are none.
 
Farida said:
You really need to watch whose advice you take. People can start creating problems where there are none.
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Absolutely true! On a brighter note there was no pulling out the card last night on my end. I'll keep everyone posted on how things go.
 
How is it that some people say it's ok to split household bills (even in a marriage ) but it's not ok to split going out (food/entertainment) bills? Personally I don't split neither of the two lol.
 
Op, I'm curious as to why you are asking the board this question now after the fact you've already been splitting the bill. Has something happened to make you feel uncomfortable with paying?
 
Starronda

The ladies have given you solid advice... I am giving your man a serious side eye. As stated above even platonic male friends wouldn't dream of having me pay. You have established a habit that will likely be hard to break as men are every much creatures of habit. Maybe just keep not pulling out your card and see what happens? I feel like if you address the issue verbally, he will be confused because its been going on for so long. It is imperative that women let it be know what their expectations are very early on so a pattern & standard are set. Your friend is no darn good!!! I too have various ideas as to why she told you this mess, SMDH!!!
 
SilverSurfer said:
How is it that some people say it's ok to split household bills (even in a marriage ) but it's not ok to split going out (food/entertainment) bills? Personally I don't split neither of the two lol.
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Well helping to pay for your home can mean a bigger or better home for you so that does make sense to me.
 
i think it depends on the people/relationship. if you make the same amount, i don't think it's unreasonable to split or to try to find free activities if it bothers you. i've dated men that make more, less, or about the same amount of money and it really varied with the man/relationship.

i tend to let men cover things in the beginning because i don't know you and i can hang out with myself (who i know i like) for free :lol:. if he makes more, he definitely is covering it most of the time. sorry i'm not sorry. :look:

if it doesn't bother you, and is just other people who know nothing about your relationship talking noise, i would just ignore it. if you feel like there are other things in your relationship that aren't equal but you always have to pay your own way, i'd aim to make some adjustments. if it does bother you, i'm not too sure how you can change things at this point though. :perplexed
 
Starronda said:
I've been dating my boyfriend going on a year in April. Whenever we go out to dinner we usually split the bill or one of us will volunteer to pay the entire thing. I hear some people say that after that amount of time together the man should be paying the bill, not splitting it with his girlfriend. I also hear people say there's nothing wrong with splitting the bill.

This is the first relationship I've been in that I've ever split the bill with anyone. I'm curious to see how many women split the bill when you go out or you agree that the man should be paying 100%. We both make the same amount of money annually if that makes a difference.
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Starronda

Is that a pic of you and your bf in your siggy OP??? If so, you guys look cute together. :grin:


Anyway, I agree with most of the ladies on here..... I wouldn't stand for a man EXPECTING me to split the bill most of the time when we're out. :nono: :hand: Idk how old you all are, but if we both have full time jobs, then HE should be paying like 90% of the time.....:look: Now, you can offer to pay sometimes or offer to pay the tip every once in a while, but a MAN most likely would consider it insulting if his woman had to pay something all the time. :nono:


ANy man who is comfortable letting his woman pay her way or even the WHOLE bill gets a side-eye from me...:look:

Maybe I'm just old fashioned though.......#shrug

Whatever floats your boat! IF you're cool with it, then hey....keep doing what works. I just know that for ME....that would not fly. :nono: Eventually I would get tired of that.
 
Crystalicequeen123
Thanks, yes that’s me and the bf in the siggy :)

I TOTALLY agree with everyone’s advice on here. At first that’s how we started off for the first few months. That’s when I got the BAD advice from a friend (her thinking it was cliché and gold diggerish to always make him pay if I was thinking of being in a long term relationship with this man). Mind you, this is the first real relationship that lasted this long for me, so I must admit I was a little dusty in the do’s/don’t of dating. So that’s when I offered to pay half when we went out and it just kept going. After reading the comments I totally understand what everyone is saying. Prior to him I’ve always dated men that paid 100% for everything. The guy that I’m with now we always talk about marriage and having a child together (I’ve never wanted another child nor did I ever want to get married until meeting him). So I’ve been naive for listening to bad advice from a friend :/

Like I stated earlier, we make the same amount (I might make a little more due to doing residential real estate part time). Over the weekend I didn’t take my card out to pay for ANYTHING! He seemed ok with it, but obviously we will eventually need to talk about the situation.
 
Did he say anything or seem shocked?

That said good luck with everything. and yes your friend's advice was extremely bad and frankly i wouldnt share anything about my relationship with such a person ever again. keep it at "everything is going well" and that's that.
 
Yes, Lesson learned FelaShrine. No more advice from that friend. All is well is the only thing she’ll know about my relationship. He didn’t seem shocked, but at one point it was an overly slow motion to pull the wallet out. Kind of like he was waiting for me to pull mine out like usual. He hasn’t said anything and he hasn’t been acting shady or different in anyway.
 
Starronda said:
@Crystalicequeen123
Thanks, yes that’s me and the bf in the siggy :)

I TOTALLY agree with everyone’s advice on here. At first that’s how we started off for the first few months. That’s when I got the BAD advice from a friend (her thinking it was cliché and gold diggerish to always make him pay if I was thinking of being in a long term relationship with this man). Mind you, this is the first real relationship that lasted this long for me, so I must admit I was a little dusty in the do’s/don’t of dating. So that’s when I offered to pay half when we went out and it just kept going. After reading the comments I totally understand what everyone is saying. Prior to him I’ve always dated men that paid 100% for everything. The guy that I’m with now we always talk about marriage and having a child together (I’ve never wanted another child nor did I ever want to get married until meeting him). So I’ve been naive for listening to bad advice from a friend :/

Like I stated earlier, we make the same amount (I might make a little more due to doing residential real estate part time). Over the weekend I didn’t take my card out to pay for ANYTHING! He seemed ok with it, but obviously we will eventually need to talk about the situation.
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No problem!! :grin: :yep:


In regards to your "friend's" advice (now I'm not so sure how much of a "friend" she was....:look:).........now you see a lesson learned. Don't listen to EVERY piece of advice someone gives you. If you and your bf were doing just fine with him paying for everything, then by all means you should have let him just continue. :yep: I think offering to pay for the tip or whatever EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE is a nice gesture, and I think guys appreciate it. But to always be splitting the bill or going dutch on a date with your bf?? :nono: No no ..... :naughty:

I would limit how much info I tell my friends about my relationship if I were you, and just make sure to keep the communication lines w/your bf open. It seems like he's pretty laid back (at least from what you've described), so I don't see why he would have a problem. But if he DOES have an issue, you can always suggest maybe free things the two of you can do together...it doesn't ALWAYS have to be an outing that costs money.... you know??

As long as you show you're sooooooo appreciative of him paying for you, I think your boyfriend will be fine. Remember: Men LOVE to be appreciated. :yep: :grinwink: In letting him pay for you, you're also showing him that you respect his position as a man, and that you trust he can PROVIDE for you. I think he would only get resentful if he felt like you were taking him for granted or not being appreciative. :ohwell:
 
In defense of the friend, she may not have had malicious intent, sometimes people just don't know better because they've never had better. I found out the whole dutch mindset is actually more common than I had ever really though.

I've had a friend say something similar to me in regards to how I dealt with an SO, I just ignored it. She's a really good friend, I know she didn't mean any harm. I also had one friend that I had to really sit her down and school her, over some other people who had told her differently. This was obvious though, she was a student, dude was working as a tax attorney. I mean, come on.
 
SincerelyJane said:
In defense of the friend, she may not have had malicious intent, sometimes people just don't know better because they've never had better. I found out the whole dutch mindset is actually more common than I had ever really though.

I've had a friend say something similar to me in regards to how I dealt with an SO, I just ignored it. She's a really good friend, I know she didn't mean any harm. I also had one friend that I had to really sit her down and school her, over some other people who had told her differently. This was obvious though, she was a student, dude was working as a tax attorney. I mean, come on.
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True...her friend may not have meant her any harm. :yep: She may have just been worried that she would get the "gold digger" label.


Btw, can I just say how I can't STAND how that term "gold digger" is thrown about so freely these days in order to describe women??? :nono:

BACK in the day, REAL men WERE the sole providers of their family and households. That was just a given. Nobody batted an eyelash when men went to work (or had wealth) and brought home the bacon to the women who were at home raising their kids or just doing "women things" :look:. Were the women gold-diggers back then too?? :rolleyes:
 
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Crystalicequeen123 said:
True...her friend may not have meant her any harm. :yep: She may have just been worried that she would get the "gold digger" label.


Btw, can I just say how I can't STAND how that term "gold digger" is thrown about so freely these days in order to describe women??? :nono:

BACK in the day, REAL men WERE the sole providers of their family and households. That was just a given. Nobody batted an eyelash when men went to work (or had wealth) and brought home the bacon to the women who were at home raising their kids or just doing "women things" :look:. Were the women gold-diggers back then too?? :rolleyes:
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Girl yes!!! Even dudes with nothing but lint in their pockets be hollerin' about some damn "gold diggers".

Have a seat, sir! Please and thank you.
 
MzLady78 said:
Girl yes!!! Even dudes with nothing but lint in their pockets be hollerin' about some damn "gold diggers".

Have a seat, sir! Please and thank you.
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:lachen: :lachen: :lachen: :lol: LOL @ "lint in the pocket" :lachen: :thankyou:


Yea, ANYTHING would be considered "gold-digging" to a man who's broke.... :look:

In HIS mind you're a "gold digger" if you ask for $.50 cents in order to get a gumball from the gumball machine at the mall. :rolleyes:
 
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