Splitting the bill when going out

[Starronda]

OP, just curious, how does splitting the bill go? Does he ask or do you both just look at the bill and pull your cards/money out?

Personally, I wouldn't split the bill. But, I would offer to pay every once in a while.

WE both pull out our cards and just split it. He was paying our first few dates, then talking to a friend she said it was selfish for me to always have him pay, so a few dates later I offered to pay some of the bill (not like he said no or anything) and it just kept going from there

 

[Starronda]

No way.

Especially if he is white. just joking...kind of

I literally started laughing out loud at this LOL. Sad but true LOL

 

[Starronda]

Next time you go out, just sit there and . If he pays bill without hesitation then keep it that way. If not IDK. Old habits die hard. Nothing wrong with paying here and there but all the time? No.

Pretty much! Ill be doing this over the weekend

 

[JudithO]

Ey. Chineke God, that is not my portion. God forbid. I am not paying for anything when I'm dating a guy. no no no no. That's just me though.

lolol... Nne kee kwanu?

 

[JudithO]

DH and I share the same bank account... regardless of who pulls out the card, it comes from the same bucket...

BUT... When I was dating, I didn't care.... I like to see my relationships as an equal partnership vs someone taking care of me. I would have been occasionally offended if someone i was dating refused for me to get the bill once in a while... I hate to feel indebted to anyone...

 

[PeaceFlow]

WE both pull out our cards and just split it. He was paying our first few dates, then talking to a friend she said it was selfish for me to always have him pay, so a few dates later I offered to pay some of the bill (not like he said no or anything) and it just kept going from there

I was going to ask if you suggested it LOL.

TBH if he didn't struggle with you then he probably thought you should pay at some point anyway. Guys that are semi traditional, or very traditional put up a fight for even a little drink lol.

 

[LovelyRo]

WE both pull out our cards and just split it. He was paying our first few dates, then talking to a friend she said it was selfish for me to always have him pay, so a few dates later I offered to pay some of the bill (not like he said no or anything) and it just kept going from there

Thanks... I was just curious!

Umn can you just stop pulling your card out? If that's what you want to do. I get what your friend was saying... It's a nice gesture to pay... Sometimes... Sometimes!

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

I've never paid with my SO. There's nothing wrong with a woman wanting to be taken care of. A man and a woman can contribute different things to the relationship and it still be 50/50.

 

[hopeful]

WE both pull out our cards and just split it. He was paying our first few dates, then talking to a friend she said it was selfish for me to always have him pay, so a few dates later I offered to pay some of the bill (not like he said no or anything) and it just kept going from there

Some friend! And here you are a year later dealing with this foolishness.

 

[ladysaraii]

WE both pull out our cards and just split it. He was paying our first few dates, then talking to a friend she said it was selfish for me to always have him pay, so a few dates later I offered to pay some of the bill (not like he said no or anything) and it just kept going from there

Some friend! And here you are a year later dealing with this foolishness.

I'm saying! Stop listening to that friend!

I personally don't agree with splitting checks. I think once we get to a certain point, we can take turns or I can occasionally pay, but i don't like splitting checks. That's for friends, not dates. And shoot, even my friends and I will pick up checks and pay for each other.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Some friend! And here you are a year later dealing with this foolishness.

Exactly. That isn't a friend. Her comment rings of jealousy.

DH isn't into Dutch dating. He feels going Dutch is for when a man doesn't like the woman.

 

[SmileyNY]

I've never paid with my SO. There's nothing wrong with a woman wanting to be taken care of. A man and a woman can contribute different things to the relationship and it still be 50/50.

This. IMO, couples value eachother more when each plays different, yet equally important, roles in the relationship.

When every single role is divided up 50/50, it's easy to slowly have less & less appreciation for your partner... since you both are bringing the exact same thing to the table.

 

[FemmeCreole]

Keep your card in your wallet.

I only split a bill if I'm out with a friend. Male or female. But if it's someone courting me then my cards stays in my wallet. DH never let's me pay. On special occasions or if I'm taking him out, I'll pay using my personal cards, other than that, I use our joint cards.

 

[Lilmama1011]

i never pay, just treat occasionally and he is the type that doesn't want me spending money anyway

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Nope. Wouldn't start anything I didn't like or didn't want to keep up, cuz men don't forget.
My male friends don't even let me pay. And I'm not a "prissy princess."

 

[HappyMadison]

I do not know what it is. Our one year is in May. When SO and I started dating I would let him pay for meals but I would find myself rushing to pay for other activities, like movies are a few drinks. As soon as he would reach for his wallet I would already have mine out. I did not see how annoyed he was until we were picking up an order (around our third or fourth date) and I was going for my wallet and he whispered that he got it and to leave my purse at home. He was so stern I felt like saying "yes sir."

I was so bothered I called my grandmother and she was like he is right. I would have told you you were being foolish and tell him the family reunion is next November lol.

I do not know why I felt the need to pick up the tab. Maybe so the man knows I got this with or without you, but I forget that everyone gets complacent in a relationship so you never set the precedent of something you do not want in the first place. Then he will be like "you changed." "It did not bother you before."

 

[Hairlosophy]

My guy and I take turns as well, but moreso him paying more than anything. We've been together almost a year and I don't really mind. He never lets me pay for anything super expensive though. We both make around the same amount.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

SO and I take turns paying. We've been together almost a year. I make way more money than him. It doesn't bother me.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

This.

When we first met I was still in school so he paid for everything. That was years ago and my income has done quite a leap over his.

I get wanting to be taken care of but I think one should consider incomes if it's a significant gap.

 

[Ogoma]

OP what if he is not open to paying for everything. Would that be a problem for you going forward?

 

[Starronda]

OP what if he is not open to paying for everything. Would that be a problem for you going forward?

That's a great question. I really don't know. Like I said, I've always dated guys that paid and if I did pay it was for something silly and not much money.

I started splitting the bill so it's no ones fault except my own. I'm sure at times it's going to start bothering me, certainly after reading so many great comments on here. I'm a single parent with a son now in college and I'm holding lots of stuff down on my end. He has no kids and not too many expenses like I do. So I'm now starting to think about all of this. Like something just "clicked" for me.

 

[Lucie]

I am angry reading this. First Monsanto, then bootleg EVOO and now this! Anyway, no Ms. Ma'am. What is that? Nope. My SO fights to pay the bill when he goes out with his friends. Far less when it is just him and I. We almost got into a fight for his last birthday. I've been slick and just prepaying when I want to treat him. I'm sorry but a man should pay. He is not your personal bank (and it is nice to treat him from time-to-time) but splitting the bill? Even when I go out with my friends we rarely split the bill. I pay sometimes. Or they pay. We don't like to split, LOL!

Nah uh!

 

[LivingInPeace]

That's a great question. I really don't know. Like I said, I've always dated guys that paid and if I did pay it was for something silly and not much money.

I started splitting the bill so it's no ones fault except my own. I'm sure at times it's going to start bothering me, certainly after reading so many great comments on here. I'm a single parent with a son now in college and I'm holding lots of stuff down on my end. He has no kids and not too many expenses like I do. So I'm now starting to think about all of this. Like something just "clicked" for me.

Wait, hol' up, hol' up, hol' up! You have a son in college? Is that you in that picture? Did you have him when you were five?

 

[Holla]

The problem ultimately is not that you are splitting the bill but that YOU don't like splitting the bill. Some women don't have a problem with it. But if you do, then that's fine. It doesn't matter what other people do/don't do, as long as YOU are happy with what you do in your relationship. That goes for money, coloring, cooking, etc.


What you are not happy with, you should speak up about early in your relationship. You should also encourage him to do the same. To wait a year to address something you are not comfortable with is not good precedent for your relationship in the future.

 

[kandake]

Has he ever said, "I got this" It's so strange that he would be ok with splitting the bill every single time.

When I was in college my ex and I would pool our money cause we were broke. But only one of us would pay the bill. As an adult, either the guy pays or I pay. With a strong preference toward the guy paying. I've never split a bill.

If it bothers you, I definitely agree that you should have a discussion about it. It might catch him off guard because he's probably assuming everything is ok.

 

[cutiebe2]

I don't think you friend meant for you to split the bill 100% of the time. I do think that after a while it is nice for the woman to pay from time to time, but thats like 80/20 And on top of that, pulling out two cards just seems very strange to me. I rather just treat SO from time to time, a special occasion or something rather than feel like I'm splitting that check with my friend.

 

[Starronda]

Wait, hol' up, hol' up, hol' up! You have a son in college? Is that you in that picture? Did you have him when you were five?

Today is actually his birthday and he's 20 today LMAO. I had him when I was 17. Yes, that's me in the photo.

 

[JustifiablyMe]

I would NEVER (like, ever ) pay the bill or even split it if we are in the beginning stages of courting/dating. Now once we became an actual couple, I would be cool with splitting the bill here and there (def not all the time) and paying on special occasions.

 

[Lucie]

Today is actually his birthday and he's 20 today LMAO. I had him when I was 17. Yes, that's me in the photo.

Well, dang! You look 19! You had him at 2. Stop lying to us!

 

[Starronda]

Well, dang! You look 19! You had him at 2. Stop lying to us!

19? Girl stop, I wish

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

I don't like the idea of splitting the bill. That is for friends IMO. Either he picks it up, or if it's a special occasion I will pick it up.