SPINOFF: Women calling your man, vice-versa

How do you feel about women calling your man, vice versa?

  • Fine, as long as its appropiate

    Votes: 23 38.3%

  • Sure, if I know who she is

    Votes: 17 28.3%

  • Hell no. Period.

    Votes: 18 30.0%

  • Other (please post)

    Votes: 2 3.3%
  • Total voters
    60
I

Innocent_Kiss

Well-Known Member
How do you feel about your man having phone conversations with other women? Does it depend on the circumstances? The time of day, how long the conversation, who it is, etc In another post, a lot of women were against it. In my relationships, I've always kept in touch with ex-boyfriends, guy friends, etc I've never been married, and I've never lived with a significant other and so I think that would change if either one of those things happened. I think its disrespectful to stay on the phone with the opposite sex and you have a husband at home, or even worst, if you live with him.

Under what circumstances is it okay, if at all? If not at all, why?
 
LOl this is definitely something that my SO & i get into so many times. I have a lot of male friends according to him and I should drop all of them because they are not my friends. Men and women cannot be friends. yet he has three female bestfriends but is willing to drop them at my request. I personally don't care. If that is your friend, then who am I to say other wise? He gives really good advice and I feel if he's going to cheat, I will eventually find out. I'm not insecure and know where we stand. If I don't know the female, then thats when eyebrows will be raised. Atleast for me..

I believe it is possible for a man and women to be friends. You can't beat out of men for him to think about a women in sexual way. it's in their bloods. If it's not with a friend, its a random woman walking in the street. It's having the respect for me and the relationship to not make your thoughts a reality. Talkng on the phone with a female is alll good
 
I don't stay on the phone with guys and he doesn't stay on the phone with females.
There is no need to, we are in a relationship so why would he spend time on the phone with other females?
None of us keep in touch with our ex-girl/boyfriend and I don't understand why people insist on keeping in touch with former lovers when they are in new relationships. And then they wonder where the drama came from :rolleyes:
 
MissNorway said:
I don't stay on the phone with guys and he doesn't stay on the phone with females.
There is no need to, we are in a relationship so why would he spend time on the phone with other females?
None of us keep in touch with our ex-girl/boyfriend and I don't understand why people insist on keeping in touch with former lovers when they are in new relationships. And then they wonder where the drama came from :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

ITA drama it DOES bring :nono:
 
My husband does not have female friends that he speaks to regularly on the phone, only family members. I also don't sit on the phone with male friends.

Neither my husband nor I keep in touch regularly with ex's. The only time it's acceptable to me for either of us to be on a lengthy call with the opposite sex is if it's work related.
 
My man is not a very talkative person, so if he is on the phone with any non-kin female there would have to be a problem. I really don't feel the need to keep in touch with ex's and don't talk to my male friends often. I don't think its cool for either of us to maintain close friendships with someone of the opposite sex in the long run. I'm the only female friend that he needs, and vise versa.
 
Before our marriage we both had friends of the opposite sex. After marriage, we agreed to cut the ties, because I feel that we should confide our feelings with each other. If he feels that he has to go to another woman for conversation, or if I have to go to another man, then as far as I'm concerned, our relationship is over.
 
Doesn't bother me, but then I came into the relationship with many male friends (some of whom were ex's) and with the clear understanding that if he trusts me, he trusts that my interactions with my friends are within the limits of our relationship. If he doesn't trust me, we shouldn't be together. The same goes for him.
 
When I call a womans house for her man I always tell her why I'm calling/ who I am - it's always business related.

My husband don't have phone conversations with other women that's not family, he might talk with his male friends wives (our friends) for a minute but thats it. That would not work in our relationship.

I remember my husbands ex from when he lived in Chicago calling our house.

She had called many Lewis' in the phonebook and finally got me. She explained that she was looking for an old friend by the name of Dlewis husband, his mothers name was_________ and she wondered if she had the right phone number. I say Yes and gave the phone to my husband. They stayed on the phone for a long time and he was all excited when he got off the phone with her.:perplexed

Don't you know this woman called my house the next night? I told her "Look I let you talked to him last night and that's it. Don't call my house anymore. What you had with him is dead and it's time for you to move on." He was listening and said "Yea you are right, she was talking about what could have been". I knew that and I didn't even hear her side on the conversation.:perplexed
 
This was the problem with my ex. I didn't mind him having female friends but when I was just a "friend" to these women -or- they were his friends and 1) Didn't know about me or 2) I didn't have a clue who they were...it was a problem.

Why? Because we had an argument and he called one of these "friends" up and the same night went over to her place and had sex with her. I have no idea who she is. If there are people like that in his "rolodex," then it's a problem. If I know who she is and vice versa, I don't mind.
 
dlewis said:
...
Don't you know this woman called my house the next night? I told her "Look I let you talked to him last night and that's it. Don't call my house anymore. What you had with him is dead and it's time for you to move on." He was listening and said "Yea you are right, she was talking about what could have been". I knew that and I didn't even hear her side on the conversation.:perplexed
Click to expand...

And this here is one of the reasons why I admire and like you so much!
 
hopeful said:
And this here is one of the reasons why I admire and like you so much!
Click to expand...

I agree. I want to be like dlewis. I need to be more direct with people.

My ex would talk to women all the time (co-workers mainly) and it would bug me because most of those women made it clear that they were interested in him. I found it disrespectful.
 
Latomian said:
This was the problem with my ex. I didn't mind him having female friends but when I was just a "friend" to these women -or- they were his friends and 1) Didn't know about me or 2) I didn't have a clue who they were...it was a problem.

Why? Because we had an argument and he called one of these "friends" up and the same night went over to her place and had sex with her. I have no idea who she is. If there are people like that in his "rolodex," then it's a problem. If I know who she is and vice versa, I don't mind.
Click to expand...

That is so horrible. I'm sorry he betrayed you like this.
 
He and I have an agreement:

We do not talk to people that we used to be intimate with, or who we know want to be intimate with us. Makes our lives much simpler. I know his couple of female friends he grew up with, and he knows my couple of male friends.
 
I don't think it matters if you're secure enough in your relationship, but there are some boundaries that shouldn't be crossed out of respect. If he's a good man he should know about boundaries. If he doesn't let him know and if he don't get it give him the green light to roll out. That's it that's all.
 
Wow, she really took it there?!?!? And then had the nerve to call again the next day. Why would anyone think that was acceptable?


dlewis said:
When I call a womans house for her man I always tell her why I'm calling/ who I am - it's always business related.

My husband don't have phone conversations with other women that's not family, he might talk with his male friends wives (our friends) for a minute but thats it. That would not work in our relationship.

I remember my husbands ex from when he lived in Chicago calling our house.

She had called many Lewis' in the phonebook and finally got me. She explained that she was looking for an old friend by the name of Dlewis husband, his mothers name was_________ and she wondered if she had the right phone number. I say Yes and gave the phone to my husband. They stayed on the phone for a long time and he was all excited when he got off the phone with her.:perplexed

Don't you know this woman called my house the next night? I told her "Look I let you talked to him last night and that's it. Don't call my house anymore. What you had with him is dead and it's time for you to move on." He was listening and said "Yea you are right, she was talking about what could have been". I knew that and I didn't even hear her side on the conversation.:perplexed
Click to expand...
 
dlewis said:
When I call a womans house for her man I always tell her why I'm calling/ who I am - it's always business related.

My husband don't have phone conversations with other women that's not family, he might talk with his male friends wives (our friends) for a minute but thats it. That would not work in our relationship.

I remember my husbands ex from when he lived in Chicago calling our house.

She had called many Lewis' in the phonebook and finally got me. She explained that she was looking for an old friend by the name of Dlewis husband, his mothers name was_________ and she wondered if she had the right phone number. I say Yes and gave the phone to my husband. They stayed on the phone for a long time and he was all excited when he got off the phone with her.:perplexed

Don't you know this woman called my house the next night? I told her "Look I let you talked to him last night and that's it. Don't call my house anymore. What you had with him is dead and it's time for you to move on." He was listening and said "Yea you are right, she was talking about what could have been". I knew that and I didn't even hear her side on the conversation.:perplexed
Click to expand...

That's just being desperate and I'm glad your hubby did not play that! We women need to be accountable for our actions and stop trying to break perfectly good relationships.
 
In agreeance with SouthernTease. That's all. Now I have talked on the phone with a "friend" who has(/had/I don't know at this point) a girlfriend but I made sure to keep him on the line everytime he tried to cross. I hate talking about the should've, would've, could've.
 
My s/o has alot of female friends. I don't have a problem with him talking to them. They were there before he met me, friends from childhood/high school/college.
I think if I ever have a problem with him talking to a chick, it depends on when he talks to them, like during the day is fine, but after midnight, I'll have a problem....
 
I have had a male friend for about ten years. He is married now, so at first I was like aww I lost a friend, but I still talk to him just not that much. I just try to make sure that I am respectful throw his wife. I have met her a couple of times and she seems cool with me, but you never know. As far as me I have never been around a guy who has made me wonder about his female friends. So as long as they were just friends then I am cool with it.
 
Well- I never thought this was an issue until I was on the phone with my best male friend and said "I Love You" when we ended the call. My man blew up big time...all I could do was laugh because my bff is g-a-y:lachen: and FH didn't know. Now I'm more considerate.
 
omnipadme said:
Well- I never thought this was an issue until I was on the phone with my best male friend and said "I Love You" when we ended the call. My man blew up big time...all I could do was laugh because my bff is g-a-y:lachen: and FH didn't know. Now I'm more considerate.
Click to expand...

That is so funny. What did he say when you told him??
 
LisaLisa1908 said:
He and I have an agreement:

We do not talk to people that we used to be intimate with, or who we know want to be intimate with us. Makes our lives much simpler. I know his couple of female friends he grew up with, and he knows my couple of male friends.
Click to expand...

That is the key right there (the bolded red part)...that is what gets people in trouble.
 
I have two very close male friends, both of whom are in relationships. We still call each other and talk, but there are boundaries in order to respect the SO. I've never had an non-platonic interaction with either of these guys, nor have I ever wanted to (and vice versa). I'm very cool with one of the guy's girlfriend. In fact when they first started dating she made an extra effort to get cool with me, partially because she knew how close we are and that I hated his last girlfriend. They now live together. I make sure not to call after 10 p.m. and whenever I leave a message I greet both of them. She has no problem with our friendship.
The other guy, I've met his girlfriend once and she's nice. I can't say that I'm friends with her, but she's aware of my friendship with him and doesn't have an issue with it.

Because I have these friendships I wouldn't mind if the man I'm with has the same with a female or two. It gets suspicious when there's 10-20 best home girls. In many of the cases described thus far it seems as though these "friends" are really exes. That's a no-no. Like Lisalisa said, the problem is communicating with people you know want to get with you.
 
Nope, I think it's inappropriate to talk on the phone with those of the opposite sex UNLESS they are mutual friends of both of us. If I don't know the person he's talking to or vice versa, then it's not appropriate to me. That is something to be open about..

ETA: I don't talk to any of my exes either..my husband isn't going for that. He says let the past be the past..
 
It truly depends on the situation.

My husband is friends with many of the females in the church, but they're like family friends (their mothers have known each other for many years, so they've grown up together and participated in church activities). I don't have a problem with him speaking with them on the phone.

Exes, however, are a COMPLETELY different situation. I don't communicate with exes AT ALL and neither does he--anymore. He was friends with his former girlfriend before they started dating and they come from islands that are close to each other (him-Trinidad, her-Grenada), so there was an extra connection. I let him know early in our relationship that I had a problem with it, but he kept saying they're just friends. I never believed that he was trying to make a move on her or that he still had romantic feelings for her. I also didn't believe that she was trying to make a move on him or still had romantic feelings. It was just something about their relationship that rubbed me the wrong way, and it was really a too-close-for-comfort situation to have all of us hanging out (I knew her before I knew him; we went to the same school for undergrad & were even in the honors program together).

Because of their long friendship, I tried HARD to shrug off the fact that they went to lunch together sometimes and that she called him a lot. However, the final straw was in October. She was having a birthday dinner at Tavern on the Green (she's married, by the way). Because that restaurant is pricey and she couldn't invite everybody, she was having a hard time figuring out whom she was going to exclude. She decided that, except for her husband, couples were going to be split up. She sent my husband an invitation to the dinner, but not me. As soon as I saw the invitation, I was pissed. My husband was making excuses for her, but I refused to let it go. The next day, I told him to call her and tell her that he wasn't going to the dinner and I wasn't going to the brunch (she had a birthday brunch the week before). He called her, and then she called me. She had the nerve to tell me that she didn't understand why I was upset and that she and my husband go way back and they just have a different relationship.

I feel that any relationship that allows you to feel comfortable enough to send an invitation to OUR house for ONLY my husband is a relationship that is too close and must be severed immediately.
 
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