*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!
- Thread starter Crystalicequeen123
- Start date
SunySydeofLyfe
Well-Known Member
I realize that every man I meet is not going to be my Mr. Right!
But I strongly DISAGREE with just "hanging out" with any guy who is interested in you when you know you don't want him.
It is a waste of both of your time.
He's going to keep trying to "convince" you to give him a chance.And some women will sample the "goods" if they are lonely, bored or tipsy enough.
I would rather go to a football party on my own (as a free agent) than with some dude trying to cling to my side all night and claim me as his "date".erplexed
But you are not some women...from reading how you reply...that is not what I would gather about you...I was only suggesting.....that as a means to an end....Good luck to you!
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
It's also good to add that you want to be "unpredictable". Not completely aloof. So, if he calls, feel free to pick up if you want. If you're in the middle of something, you can call him back later. But to always be at his beck and call will get boring to him.
So, just switch it up every now and then. Be UNpredictable. He shouldnt' always be able to reach you on the phone during your lunch breaks precisely at 12noon. Answer it sometimes, and then let it go to voicemail sometimes. I hope this makes sense.
So, just switch it up every now and then. Be UNpredictable. He shouldnt' always be able to reach you on the phone during your lunch breaks precisely at 12noon. Answer it sometimes, and then let it go to voicemail sometimes. I hope this makes sense.
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Well-Known Member
It will be 2 days tomorrow morning since he said "I'll call you later" 
Men are a trip. If he really really was into me he would have called or worst case sent a simple text message by now. Trust me, I can take a hint 
I need to find a way to get out and meet more people...
Men are a trip. If he really really was into me he would have called or worst case sent a simple text message by now. Trust me, I can take a hint I need to find a way to get out and meet more people...
BroadstreetBully
New Member
It will be 2 days tomorrow morning since he said "I'll call you later"
I need to find a way to get out and meet more people...
UGH I hate that.
My ex study-partner that I was into but have completely fallen out of like with told me on Friday of last week that he'd call me this weekend to set up our "date". Didn't hear from him. If he was truly into me he would have called, pursued, etc. So I have been completely ignoring him. He hasn't bothered to initiate any type of convo with me. So screw him. Honestly I was quite out of his league anyway so he was lucky I even considered him. NEXT!
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Well-Known Member
UGH I hate that.
My ex study-partner that I was into but have completely fallen out of like with told me on Friday of last week that he'd call me this weekend to set up our "date". Didn't hear from him. If he was truly into me he would have called, pursued, etc. So I have been completely ignoring him. He hasn't bothered to initiate any type of convo with me. So screw him. Honestly I was quite out of his league anyway so he was lucky I even considered him. NEXT!
NEXT!!!! LOLYeah, it seems we have the answers in front of our eyes don't we. My best friend said I should not take it as he isn't interested. He drove to Texas on Tuesday morning and told me it would take about 2 days to get there so she is saying that I should be a little more patient and understanding. Uhhh, I think I am on the right track that he isn't really into me. If he was, during that 1500 mile road trip he would have picked up the phone at some point right??
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
It will be 2 days tomorrow morning since he said "I'll call you later"
I need to find a way to get out and meet more people...
UGH I hate that.
My ex study-partner that I was into but have completely fallen out of like with told me on Friday of last week that he'd call me this weekend to set up our "date". Didn't hear from him. If he was truly into me he would have called, pursued, etc. So I have been completely ignoring him. He hasn't bothered to initiate any type of convo with me. So screw him. Honestly I was quite out of his league anyway so he was lucky I even considered him. NEXT!
That's right!
You know, if there's one thing I'm learning about this book, it's that I'm now starting to be able to discern when a man is TRULY TRULY "into me", and when he's just sort of lukewarm about me, or is keeping me "at bay" until someone else comes along. Now of course, if these guys DO call you, PLEASE by all means don't be bitter. Guys don't like bitter/resentful girls. If he DOES call, "The Rules" and the "WMLB" books just say to be happy, easy-breezy, and fun on the phone. It's even better if you have some plans and can't talk to him right at that moment.Why not say:
- "Oh hey ______, it's good to hear from you! Thanks for calling. I wish I could talk longer, but I'm going out with some friends right now. Take care!"
Keep it light, friendly, and brief. Doesn't that sound better than answering the phone saying:
-"Hello, you no-good, two-timing, jerk! Why haven't you called lately? Are you just stringing me along? Because if you are, then guess what I have for you buddy!" Hahah!
Umm...I don't know ANY guy who would want the third-degree like that. 
Just keep the conversation light and friendly, but ever so elusive. More than likely he'll want to pin you down for another time when he can talk to you longer.
I've long since started to fall out of like with my guy friend that I have been in love with for 2 years (I'm going to post that story sometime later on...oh boy...). I haven't even really given him too much of a passing thought these past couple of days ever since I started re-reading "The Rules" a few weeks ago. I NOW realize that he's just keeping me on the backburner while he's dating this other chick. If he REALLY were into me he wouldn't be with her. I'm not going to be some guy's "string-along" or "back-up plan".
I also have come to realize too that the guy that I'm talking to long distance isn't really all that into me either! I mean, I know we live in different states, and we don't get to see each other much, but come on now....it's been a year now. I haven't seen him since last year!!
He'll call...but it's always once in a blue-moon. Like, he'll call every 3 weeks or something to that effect. Sometimes it's once a month. Now granted, when we talk on the phone we have AMAZING conversations. He's like my "soul-mate" (if there is such a thing), and we can laugh and joke for hours. I've never felt so at ease with a guy before. BUT! I realize that he's not as "into me" as he could be. I'm sure he's multi-dating other girls right now in his home state...Which is fine, because I'm not exactly swooning over him either! I'm casually seeing other guys here and there too, so it's not like we're exclusive or anything. 
I just like him as a person, and I think he's a nice guy. I could be even MORE attracted to him in the future, but since he's not making any strides, I'm NOT chasing after him. I'm always staying one step behind him. I do NOT call him. He calls me. I don't even respond to his FWD-emails. I hate forwards. I only respond to personal e-mails that ask me how I'm doing...you know, a REAL conversation?
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Yeah, it seems we have the answers in front of our eyes don't we. My best friend said I should not take it as he isn't interested. He drove to Texas on Tuesday morning and told me it would take about 2 days to get there so she is saying that I should be a little more patient and understanding. Uhhh, I think I am on the right track that he isn't really into me. If he was, during that 1500 mile road trip he would have picked up the phone at some point right??
Well, I mean you do have to give some guys the benefit of the doubt. A lot of guys really ARE busy and have a lot going on. And when men are really busy/stressed out, they tend to go into their "caves" (read "Mars/Venus" book if you're wondering what that is). It doesn't mean they love you less, it's just that guys have a different way of handling stress than women.
When women are stressed, we tend to find relief by talking it out with our girlfriends, or expressing/venting our feelings in some way. Men don't usually do this. They usually go off to themselves, or try to deal with the issues at hand on their own. We're just wired differently that's all.
If you guys aren't exclusively dating/boyfriend-girlfriend yet, then him not calling in 2 days when he's driving on a trip isn't that big of a deal IMO. But now if he hasn't called you in 2+ weeks, then yeah....he's not as "smitten" with you as he could be. Either that, or he has other girls on the side that he's spending time with. Guys always like to keep a slew of girls in their back pocket "in case of emergencies".
I finally realize this now. 
gn1g
Well-Known Member
Well, I mean you do have to give some guys the benefit of the doubt. A lot of guys really ARE busy and have a lot going on. And when men are really busy/stressed out, they tend to go into their "caves" (read "Mars/Venus" book if you're wondering what that is). It doesn't mean they love you less, it's just that guys have a different way of handling stress than women.
When women are stressed, we tend to find relief by talking it out with our girlfriends, or expressing/venting our feelings in some way. Men don't usually do this. They usually go off to themselves, or try to deal with the issues at hand on their own. We're just wired differently that's all.
If you guys aren't exclusively dating/boyfriend-girlfriend yet, then him not calling in 2 days when he's driving on a trip isn't that big of a deal IMO. But now if he hasn't called you in 2+ weeks, then yeah....he's not as "smitten" with you as he could be. Either that, or he has other girls on the side that he's spending time with. Guys always like to keep a slew of girls in their back pocket "in case of emergencies".
ITA, think work-a-holics.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Hmm, I'd say you could read both.
I haven't read The Rules but I read WMLB. From reading this thread, I'd say they're along the same lines.
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Well-Known Member
Well, I mean you do have to give some guys the benefit of the doubt. A lot of guys really ARE busy and have a lot going on. And when men are really busy/stressed out, they tend to go into their "caves" (read "Mars/Venus" book if you're wondering what that is). It doesn't mean they love you less, it's just that guys have a different way of handling stress than women.
When women are stressed, we tend to find relief by talking it out with our girlfriends, or expressing/venting our feelings in some way. Men don't usually do this. They usually go off to themselves, or try to deal with the issues at hand on their own. We're just wired differently that's all.
If you guys aren't exclusively dating/boyfriend-girlfriend yet, then him not calling in 2 days when he's driving on a trip isn't that big of a deal IMO. But now if he hasn't called you in 2+ weeks, then yeah....he's not as "smitten" with you as he could be. Either that, or he has other girls on the side that he's spending time with. Guys always like to keep a slew of girls in their back pocket "in case of emergencies".
Thanks for your POV. I'll ease up just a smidge. I just hate when anyone says they will call you and then they don't. I don't know....actually, what I do know is that i'm not hanging out waiting for his call LOL.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Yes girl! "Rules girls" need thier sleep! "Rules Girls" take care of themselves. You need to be functioning at your best. Looking your best, feeling your best, etc. You can't do this if you're just starting to talk to your man at 12 midnight. You may have a bit of an excuse though since he works nights and you guys can't talk at any other time.
I don't know about you, but I NEED my sleep. I don't know if you have to wake up and go anywhere in the mornings (like work, or class, etc.), but I have to wake up every morning and go to work. *groan* A guy friend of mine just called me last night at 10:30pm, and usually the "old me" would have picked up the phone and talked to him like we usually do every week or so late at night. HA! Not anymore!
I let that phone ring and I rolled over in the bed and kept on sleeping. When I would talk to him (or other friends) late at night, I would find that I would wake up all cranky, tired, and yawning all throughout the day when I went to bed late. I'm not being mean, I'm just caring more about MYSELF than I am about pleasing some guy ("friend" or "romantic").
That's what these books are all about. Not feeling like you have to accomodate some dude, just because of the FEAR that he will like you less if you don't. Now, if you really do feel like talking to the guy at midnight/1am or whatever, then go ahead and answer the phone. But if some nights you feel like just sleeping...then go to sleep! I've been trying to get to bed earlier these days anyway, because I have found that I just FEEL better when I do.
I LOOK better too! 
And we know we need our sleep for our hair to grow. BroadstreetBully
New Member
Yeah, it seems we have the answers in front of our eyes don't we. My best friend said I should not take it as he isn't interested. He drove to Texas on Tuesday morning and told me it would take about 2 days to get there so she is saying that I should be a little more patient and understanding. Uhhh, I think I am on the right track that he isn't really into me. If he was, during that 1500 mile road trip he would have picked up the phone at some point right??
If you two aren't exclusive how do you feel about still seeing other people? I think that it's much easier to do the Rules when you are still going on dates and talking to other guys. That way if he's not calling you for two days it won't matter since you've been talking to other guys. Get out and get real busy so that he'll learn to make sure he calls you or he won't be able to get in touch with you for a while.
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Well-Known Member
It's been 3 days
Yes, I am definitely definitely down with dating other folx we are no where near exclusive. Trust, if i meet an appropriate guy I will absolutely be shaking a tail feather and going out. I would really love to meet new people and am very open to it. I alreay have plans for the weekend that he is back in town..little does he know.
CurliDiva
Well-Known Member
Ok....I think a BIG obstacle for women to follow the RULES effectively is that we are NOT GOOD at dating more than one person (keeping our options and preceptive open) at a time.
IMO, the reasons:
1. We want to "see" where the relationship goes before entertaining the thought of accepting another date.
OR
2. We don't want to appear LOOSE or EASY or a as CHEATER by dating (does not meaning having sex) more than one man at a time.
OR
3. We are just grateful to have ONE person interested in us, so we don't push our luck.
Ever noticed that men come out of the woodwork once you already have a man - but nada when you in a relationship drought.
I think this is because we are feeling more confident, relaxed, sexy and attractive when in a relationship and males sense this and are drawn to us!
IMO, the reasons:
1. We want to "see" where the relationship goes before entertaining the thought of accepting another date.
OR
2. We don't want to appear LOOSE or EASY or a as CHEATER by dating (does not meaning having sex) more than one man at a time.
OR
3. We are just grateful to have ONE person interested in us, so we don't push our luck.
Ever noticed that men come out of the woodwork once you already have a man - but nada when you in a relationship drought.
I think this is because we are feeling more confident, relaxed, sexy and attractive when in a relationship and males sense this and are drawn to us!
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
This is me all the way.
I tend to put my all my eggs in one basket when I meet someone I like and that's something I'm trying not to do anymore.
Unfortunately, it's rare that I find more than one person that I'm interested in, so 9 times out of 10, I end up in this situation by default.
Not sure what to do in these instances.
I accidentally broke the rules today. I called the ex-guy friend back today after he'd already called me twice. So far, so good. Then when he picks up he immediately tells me he's on his work break, and we talk for like five minutes before he asks to call me back later. Whoops!
Luckily I don't really care that much about this guy - he calls me a few times every few weeks or so and I suspect it's only because he wants "some."
In good news, my boyfriend called me last night and left me a sweet message.
Luckily I don't really care that much about this guy - he calls me a few times every few weeks or so and I suspect it's only because he wants "some."
In good news, my boyfriend called me last night and left me a sweet message.
It's hard not to break the rules. But I have learned, when I get the urge to call, I pick up the book and start reading again.. Trust me it helps. I'm going to have to start carrying it around with me just in case...
I have also learned that if I haven't talked to him in a min and he decides to call, I tell him that I am on the other line and to call me back.... (I got that one from WMLB)....
I have also learned that if I haven't talked to him in a min and he decides to call, I tell him that I am on the other line and to call me back.... (I got that one from WMLB)....
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
SunySydeofLyfe
Well-Known Member
LOL, Something is in the stars...cause I got my first love note....I was utterly shocked!! He is a mans man and I would have NEVER EVER in a million years thought honey bunny would write a note! I am psyched, I showed it too....I am still going to press on with the rules and WMLB cause I want a rang!!!
AnjelLuvs
Well-Known Member
We want more.... this is like LEFT field... FROM WHO chica? spill hte beans... Lmao... 
SunySydeofLyfe
Well-Known Member
We want more.... this is like LEFT field... FROM WHO chica? spill hte beans... Lmao...
Here is my story, I have been dating the same man for about three years...maybe four...uggghhh.... During this time we both dated other people, but seem to always come back to the other. I love him and feel loved no doubt, I am 32 and I want more. He reminds me of my father, stern and hard working but short on the emotions...like daddy shows love in his actions so does this man....and for him to write this note was such a SHOCK...I was over last night and when I was leaving I had a note in my purse, dont know when he wrote it or when he stuck it in my purse. He told me how much he appreciated me and how lucky he felt to have me!! I was blown.....I started trying to use WMLB about six months ago and so far it seems to be working, I cant lie and say I havent fallen off but for the most part I use them.....
Ask me anything I'll share......
So I've been lurking this thread. I didn't want to admit that I may need this book, just a little bit
I'm still coming to terms with the idea that I want to be married again so I want to start dating with a "marriage mind"
Anyhoo, I went to the library and borrowed the book (times are hard). I was reading it on the train yesterday and I started thinking. Maybe this isn't a good idea. What if a guy approaches me and his opener is "so, what are you reading" (this has happened before)
So, if you all haven't discussed this already. I don't think its wise to read "the rules" in public. You don't want the guy to think your crazy or have issues.
I'm still coming to terms with the idea that I want to be married again so I want to start dating with a "marriage mind"
Anyhoo, I went to the library and borrowed the book (times are hard). I was reading it on the train yesterday and I started thinking. Maybe this isn't a good idea. What if a guy approaches me and his opener is "so, what are you reading" (this has happened before)
So, if you all haven't discussed this already. I don't think its wise to read "the rules" in public. You don't want the guy to think your crazy or have issues.
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SunySydeofLyfe
Well-Known Member
I remember years ago, to keep myself from calling my baby daddy (i hate to hear that but, love how it seems to fit, LOL
) I taped ~NO, DONT DO IT~ to the phone. I also, carry around a typed synopsis of the rules and WMLB on a piece of paper the size of an index card and pull it out when I find myself about to go over the edge.
SunySydeofLyfe
Well-Known Member
I covered my WMLB with a book cover......take some white paper and tape it to it......check the thrift stores for the book you might find it for 50 cents......
Ok...
So what do you mean by "dating" for 3 years. Were you all ever a serious item or has it been casual the entire time.
