*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!

[Blossssom]

Ok Ladies, I know that we are NOT supposed to chase a man or be too available too soon!

But, I have a question........How do you "position" yourself so that only the QUALITY guys approach or pursue you?

I'm classy and successful, but this still does not stop the BROKE, BUSTED, and DISFUNCTIONAL guys from trying to holla! erplexed

I'm thinking I can play the RULES once I meet a GREAT guy, but how do you weed out the TOADS- RULES-Style! And we all have known some toads who will not stop calling.

Thank you... and, unfortunately, that is all I see, overall... I saw a nice looking black man today... he paid me no mind... either he's gay or into "others"...

Cali is full of toads!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

So I'll share a story...(names have been changed)

I learned A LOT from my first real heartbreak, so I'm thankful for the experience. However, I went wrong with many aspects of The Rules and have realized my mistakes. Anti-Rules in bold, so most of this story will probably be in bold...

John and I were "friends". I knew he just got out of a long and very intense relationship and I was his shoulder to cry on. He spoke so badly about his ex and of course I believed what he had to say. She was the bad guy, he was the good guy. I had no idea that he was interested in me, but one evening he called me up and asked if I'd like to go on a date with him that night. I accepted. We went on the date and had a good time, we had some in depth conversations in that one date. I told him about how guys have only hurt me and I'm just looking for someone who will be good and honest. We ended up kissing on the first date. The night ended with him driving me home and us talking about relationships.

The next day I called my friend and told her about the date. She told me that I should text him and let him know I had a great time...so I did.

Later that evening he called and let me know he received my text.

Two days later he called me to tell me that he was in the area and wanted to know if I'd like to hang out again. Like a dummy I accepted. We became official that day, and in the beginning things moved really fast. We spent every day together. We had long phone conversations and knew most things about each other's lives very quickly. Most times when we hung out it would be last minute.

My life revolved around him. Plans with him came first. I didn't have my own life or identity. I felt like I had to be available 24/7. I was willing to go out of my way to please him because I felt that he would fall deeper in love with me if he saw how good of a person I was.

I remember being over his house one day and his best friend, Pete, visited. His friend was talking about this girl he met on campus. He approached her of course and asked for her number, she gave it to him. So that night John suggested Pete call this girl and invite her out to bowling. Pete called her and she didn't answer. He became anxious. About an hour and a half later she called back and he rushed to pick up the phone. She declined the invitation because she already had plans. They did start dating, and from what I observed...she kept him on his toes. She stayed busy and wasn't so quick to jump up and be available for him. I didn't understand why she wasn't as available as I was.

It became clear once John dumped the hell out of me. He said he just lost interest all of a sudden. His feelings changed overnight. I was very very upset. He pursued ME, so how dare he string me along? Well according to him I did the pursuing because I texted him the day after our first date. According to him, if I wouldn't have texted him...he probably wouldn't have gotten back in touch with me. WOW!

None of this made sense to me until I started reading the knowledge from the intelligent ladies on this board, The Rules, and WMLB. If I would have utilized The Rules and been smarter about men, I would have never entered into a relationship with this guy. I'm glad I did because of the lessons...but from this point on I know better.

Pete and his girl are still together and they are crazy about one another.

I'm so grateful that this knowledge exists. No more nonsense! I feel so empowered!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thank you... and, unfortunately, that is all I see, overall... I saw a nice looking black man today... he paid me no mind... either he's gay or into "others"...

Cali is full of toads!

Blossss...you crack me up.

But seriously though, have you ever read a book called "The Secret", or heard of the Law of Attraction? I don't particularly follow the teachings of those books, but from the little that I've read, it states that what you focus on will become your reality. So, if all you focus on is how there are SOOO many "toads in California", and how there are "no elligible straight men" in Cali, then guess what...that's all you will see, and that's all you will experience!!

I'm not saying that if you imagine there are a bunch of elligible black men then that's what will appear for you. All I'm saying is what if you told yourself that "there ARE some available elligible black men in my area somewhere, and one day I will find one that I click with". That sure beats thinking that there is a "shortage" of men IMO. Personally, sometimes I think that what we focus on, or internally believe about ourselves or our situations end up becoming our realities. Call it "self-fulfilling prophesy" if you will.

OKay....I'm off my soapbox now. It was just a thought.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

So I'll share a story...(names have been changed)

I learned A LOT from my first real heartbreak, so I'm thankful for the experience. However, I went wrong with many aspects of The Rules and have realized my mistakes. Anti-Rules in bold, so most of this story will probably be in bold...

John and I were "friends". I knew he just got out of a long and very intense relationship and I was his shoulder to cry on. He spoke so badly about his ex and of course I believed what he had to say. She was the bad guy, he was the good guy. I had no idea that he was interested in me, but one evening he called me up and asked if I'd like to go on a date with him that night. I accepted. We went on the date and had a good time, we had some in depth conversations in that one date. I told him about how guys have only hurt me and I'm just looking for someone who will be good and honest. We ended up kissing on the first date. The night ended with him driving me home and us talking about relationships.

The next day I called my friend and told her about the date. She told me that I should text him and let him know I had a great time...so I did.

Later that evening he called and let me know he received my text.

Two days later he called me to tell me that he was in the area and wanted to know if I'd like to hang out again. Like a dummy I accepted. We became official that day, and in the beginning things moved really fast. We spent every day together. We had long phone conversations and knew most things about each other's lives very quickly. Most times when we hung out it would be last minute.

My life revolved around him. Plans with him came first. I didn't have my own life or identity. I felt like I had to be available 24/7. I was willing to go out of my way to please him because I felt that he would fall deeper in love with me if he saw how good of a person I was.

I remember being over his house one day and his best friend, Pete, visited. His friend was talking about this girl he met on campus. He approached her of course and asked for her number, she gave it to him. So that night John suggested Pete call this girl and invite her out to bowling. Pete called her and she didn't answer. He became anxious. About an hour and a half later she called back and he rushed to pick up the phone. She declined the invitation because she already had plans. They did start dating, and from what I observed...she kept him on his toes. She stayed busy and wasn't so quick to jump up and be available for him. I didn't understand why she wasn't as available as I was.

It became clear once John dumped the hell out of me. He said he just lost interest all of a sudden. His feelings changed overnight. I was very very upset. He pursued ME, so how dare he string me along? Well according to him I did the pursuing because I texted him the day after our first date. According to him, if I wouldn't have texted him...he probably wouldn't have gotten back in touch with me. WOW!

None of this made sense to me until I started reading the knowledge from the intelligent ladies on this board, The Rules, and WMLB. If I would have utilized The Rules and been smarter about men, I would have never entered into a relationship with this guy. I'm glad I did because of the lessons...but from this point on I know better.

Pete and his girl are still together and they are crazy about one another.

I'm so grateful that this knowledge exists. No more nonsense! I feel so empowered!

Oh wow... thanks for posting this Red.

I like how you put the ANTI-rules in bold so that they stand out. Don't worry about your situation with John though. You lived and you learned. Now you know better!

I'm going to post my "horror story" with a guy friend of mine later. It's a looong story, but I figure I should share it so that other young ladies don't make the same mistakes with their "guy friends". Sometimes we can be so lax when we're friends with guys that we end up chasing them and not even knowing it! Feeling comfortable to call, text, or invite them places, etc. *shudder* Ughgh...when I think back to how I acted I actually cringe!! I'm STILL having to struggle with him because we have to see each other every week. *groan*

But anyway, I'll tell my story soon! Trust me, it will be ALL in bold because I made sooo many mistakes!

 

[CurliDiva]

So I'll share a story...(names have been changed)

I learned A LOT from my first real heartbreak, so I'm thankful for the experience. However, I went wrong with many aspects of The Rules and have realized my mistakes. Anti-Rules in bold, so most of this story will probably be in bold...

John and I were "friends". I knew he just got out of a long and very intense relationship and I was his shoulder to cry on. He spoke so badly about his ex and of course I believed what he had to say. She was the bad guy, he was the good guy. I had no idea that he was interested in me, but one evening he called me up and asked if I'd like to go on a date with him that night. I accepted. We went on the date and had a good time, we had some in depth conversations in that one date. I told him about how guys have only hurt me and I'm just looking for someone who will be good and honest. We ended up kissing on the first date. The night ended with him driving me home and us talking about relationships.

The next day I called my friend and told her about the date. She told me that I should text him and let him know I had a great time...so I did.

Later that evening he called and let me know he received my text.

Two days later he called me to tell me that he was in the area and wanted to know if I'd like to hang out again. Like a dummy I accepted. We became official that day, and in the beginning things moved really fast. We spent every day together. We had long phone conversations and knew most things about each other's lives very quickly. Most times when we hung out it would be last minute.

My life revolved around him. Plans with him came first. I didn't have my own life or identity. I felt like I had to be available 24/7. I was willing to go out of my way to please him because I felt that he would fall deeper in love with me if he saw how good of a person I was.

I remember being over his house one day and his best friend, Pete, visited. His friend was talking about this girl he met on campus. He approached her of course and asked for her number, she gave it to him. So that night John suggested Pete call this girl and invite her out to bowling. Pete called her and she didn't answer. He became anxious. About an hour and a half later she called back and he rushed to pick up the phone. She declined the invitation because she already had plans. They did start dating, and from what I observed...she kept him on his toes. She stayed busy and wasn't so quick to jump up and be available for him. I didn't understand why she wasn't as available as I was.

It became clear once John dumped the hell out of me. He said he just lost interest all of a sudden. His feelings changed overnight. I was very very upset. He pursued ME, so how dare he string me along? Well according to him I did the pursuing because I texted him the day after our first date. According to him, if I wouldn't have texted him...he probably wouldn't have gotten back in touch with me. WOW!

None of this made sense to me until I started reading the knowledge from the intelligent ladies on this board, The Rules, and WMLB. If I would have utilized The Rules and been smarter about men, I would have never entered into a relationship with this guy. I'm glad I did because of the lessons...but from this point on I know better.

Pete and his girl are still together and they are crazy about one another.

I'm so grateful that this knowledge exists. No more nonsense! I feel so empowered!

Thanks for sharing your story RedRiot!

The statement I highlighted in RED describes me to a tee:

"I was willing to go out of my way to please him because I felt that he would fall deeper in love with me if he saw how good of a person I was."

This is how I've always approached relationships and my last boyfriend who I still care for said that "I was too good to him and he did not want to take advantage!"

You are very brave and just remember...........when we know better, we will do better!

 

[MzLady78]

Thanks for sharing your story RedRiot!

The statement I highlighted in RED describes me to a tee:

"I was willing to go out of my way to please him because I felt that he would fall deeper in love with me if he saw how good of a person I was."

I've always had a bad habit of "doing too much" for the exactly the same reason that Red stated. It's just always been hard for me to find that balance.

I had to learn the hard way not every man I deal with deserves 100% of me.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

Ok Ladies, I know that we are NOT supposed to chase a man or be too available too soon!

But, I have a question........How do you "position" yourself so that only the QUALITY guys approach or pursue you?

I'm classy and successful, but this still does not stop the BROKE, BUSTED, and DISFUNCTIONAL guys from trying to holla! erplexed

I'm thinking I can play the RULES once I meet a GREAT guy, but how do you weed out the TOADS- RULES-Style! And we all have known some toads who will not stop calling.

If you can stand it use the toads for practice, cause the saying goes practice makes perfect....and the one problem with most of us is that we see every man that meets these set of expectations as a potential....why not look past the 'expectations' hang out as friends and shoot who knows with it being football season he may invite you to a party and you meet Mr. Right.....

 

[Vinyl]

So thanks to this book... I'm going to curl up in bed and read more instead of rushing online to see my boyfriend. (Well technically I'm already online... but you guys know what I mean!)

I have a question... What if you say "I have plans" and he asks you what those plans are? Is there a way to not-tell him without it looking suspicious? (I'm not in the dating around phase.)

And while I'm here I may as well share a personal story... With my ex, I was the -only- person who called. He didn't have a cellphone so I would be the person who called him first, made plans, and during the time we were LDR I'd text him online first. If I didn't he would get upset.

And there were multiple times where I'd already had plans for the night but would cancel them because he whined/begged me (yes, I'm serious) to spend the night with him.

And I swear I made every excuse to buy him something or do something nice... poetry, random gifts, cards, just things I thought would make him smile... Looking back on it makes me cringe, lol. Especially because he didn't really give me gifts (and got upset when I mentioned it to him), forgot my Birthday twice, and forgot the date of our four-year anniversary.

Agh! I was stupid, but I can somewhat laugh about it now.

ETA: Oh, and there was the time when we broke it off last year... -I- pursued -him,- and there was competition with some other girl. He had the nerve to tell me that -I- had to prove myself worthy of him. Then he picked the other girl because she called every single day the next week and I didn't.

Of course I kept pursuing him until he took me back... blah.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I am keeping an eye on this thread. The guy that I went out with last week is straddling the fence by showing me interest then not showing me interest. He went on a road trip on Tuesday morning so I called him just to talk for about 10 mins. He told me he would call me later on. He hasn't called me since. I refuse to call him/text him and IF he calls me/texts me I won't be responding to the 1st one. I will not be chasing down this guy. I've already erased his number out of my cell phone TWICE but just when I do that he calls me w/in 24 hours like he sensed I deleted his # or something. I'm not lifting a finger to call him again....

 

[Paradox]

Yes, and pay him no mind. The situation is problematic for him, not for you (if he does like you). If he decides that he likes you enough to break things off with her then great. But until then I wouldn't entertain anything beyond friendship--in thought or in action. And if he tries to draw you into something more than that you can call him out on it.

But still be mindful of the Rules, since it can be easy for women to be like, "Well we're just friends so I can call him, invite him out, etc." Nope, that's an easy way to fool ourselves.

Thank you very much!
This helps alot.

 

[Paradox]

Hey Oneya,

IMO, I don't think the "RULES" are working in this situation!

Don't be emotionally (espically a physical subsitute) available for a man who can't (if his girlfriend is in town?) be there and do the SAME for you 24/7!

I don't think the rules are working either,in this very wrong situation.
you are right I think he is trying to use me a surrogate girlfriend, in a sense, because his girlfriend is in Massachusetts.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

In another thread it was asked what song captures your mood right now....wanted to share....

Rhianna ~ Rehab


Baby Baby
When we first met, I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped into one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to ya (to ya)
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do ya (do ya)?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you are the one to blame
And now I feel like - ooh!

http://www.jango.com/music/Rihanna?l=0

 

[Vinyl]

Ah man - I hate songs like that. The times I thought I'd never love anyone as much as my ex were the worst.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

That song is a tribute to how the Rules and WMLB is going to keep us from making the mistakes we have made in the past.....Lets get it!!!

 

[Vinyl]

I won't see my SO for the rest of this week because of the rules! I'm gonna miss him so much.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

I won't see my SO for the rest of this week because of the rules! I'm gonna miss him so much.

So what are you going to do....I did my hair tonight, will finish unpacking, hang some pictures and I am going out with my girl this weekend.....I plan to be too busy to think about him .....he knows about my plans this weekend and I suspect he will have something for us to do or suggest I come over instead of drivinng home (I do live up the road from where I am going, but I am going to bring my ***** Arse home)....

 

[itismehmmkay]

I have a question... What if you say "I have plans" and he asks you what those plans are? Is there a way to not-tell him without it looking suspicious? (I'm not in the dating around phase.)

Make stuff up?
Or just say what you're doing. "Oh, I have this book I need to read." You can say it's for a bookclub IDK. Good defaults are "I need to do some stuff around the house", "I'm going to the gym".
The more real it is, the better. And you don't always have to be going somewhere. For instance, I actually prefer to watch a rented DVD by myself. So, I would just say, "Oh I have this movie I have to watch, I'll tell you about it later".

If you're worried about being too tempted to have him join you, and are doing a "fake it til you make it" thing (which is recommended ), just make up stuff for the moment.

Naturally I follow the rules, my entire life...and it is working, with someone that already has a girlfriend long distance.
This is problematic.
Anyone has been in this situation?

It may be best to leave it all alone.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

1) Why are you personally participating in "The Rules" challenge?
a. Up until this point the rules that I used haven’t been working. I recently came out of something and I was doing most of the loving and caring. He needed to be nurtured more than me. So I thought.

2) How long do you plan on doing the challenge?
i. As long as it takes for me to get my act right. I am worth what ever time is required.

3) Has pursuing men worked for you in the past? Yes? No? (Feel free to explain/elaborate if you wish)
1. I don’t normally pursue. When I have done it in the past in hindsight I wish I didn’t. He just wasn’t into me. if a man wants you nothing will stand in his way.

4) What do you hope to gain by participating in "The Rules" Challenge?
a. I hope to attract more quality men for dating purposes into my life and have the ability to weed out the bad ones quicker. Increase my self-worth and self esteem when it comes to relationships.

5) When are you starting the challenge? (If you haven't received your book yet, you can still start the rules by making it a point not to chase/pursue any man)
b. NOW!

 

[Vinyl]

Okay I'll admit... I'm afraid of doing the rules full-scale. I'm afraid he'll think I'm no longer interested if I go from spending every day with him to suddenly being very busy. (Which is the point, but I don't want him to break up with me over it.)

I'm going to do them anyway! Just worried!

 

[SpiritJunkie]

i read the book today (wel parts of it) at Chapters and boy did I ever make some major mistakes with my last relationship. Had I done things differently we may still be together now.

My game was not tight!

I ended up buying some other books but I will be going back for that.

I also have a "friend" that I've known for 20 years. we have this weird relationship. he is interested in me & vice versa. we crossed the line about 5 years ago but i wasn't comfortable with it then.

Usually because he's my very good guy friend i always initiate everything but not anymore..... I'm not doing it. I've stopped for a couple of weeks or so now AND....

Today..he came by my work for a surprise visit! this dude never does that. its always me saying J lets do this..lets do that. And called me last night to check on me. huh?erplexed

I will keep you posted on this.

additional info...he is such a good friend...he took me shopping last spring bought me 2 pairs of shoes, purse and some lingerie. Just a friend taking me shopping. He also came to my aid when my current ex and i had a dispute and this man took my car keys so i couldn't go home in the dead cold winter!!

Keep them stories/lessons coming..

 

[Paradox]

Make stuff up?
Or just say what you're doing. "Oh, I have this book I need to read." You can say it's for a bookclub IDK. Good defaults are "I need to do some stuff around the house", "I'm going to the gym".
The more real it is, the better. And you don't always have to be going somewhere. For instance, I actually prefer to watch a rented DVD by myself. So, I would just say, "Oh I have this movie I have to watch, I'll tell you about it later".

If you're worried about being too tempted to have him join you, and are doing a "fake it til you make it" thing (which is recommended ), just make up stuff for the moment.




It may be best to leave it all alone.

Yep, you are right, I don't want to take any chances!

 

[Vinyl]

Oh, wow... One of my ex-guy friends just called me, lol. I'll call him back tomorrow.

ETA: I can't lie, I'm having so much fun with these... even though I'm not even done reading them yet. I'm already planning out my entire week so I can be "busy."

Being a woman is fun!

 

[yodie]

Here in Cali, there are way too many eligible women than men that men have top pickings without ever having to pursue ONE woman... literally a dime a dozen! I doubt ANY rule will work here...

Soon as you said "Cali"..... Men out here have sooo many options.

I'm still gonna start working the rules. I don't want all the men in Cali, just ONE.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

Well my honey called, I answered, just checking on how to spell a word....lol....I love that man....He is going to call again when he gets home (I think) I am not going to answer...I am sure I will have an email or text message early in the AM.

Lets be diligent and focused....smooches chicas!!! Somebody gonna get a ring soon, I see it!!!

 

[yodie]

1) Why are you personally participating in "The Rules" challenge?
I've been doing things the wrong way. I want "The One" to pursue me and realize that I'M the prize, I'M the gift.

2) How long do you plan on doing the challenge?
Until I no longer have to enforce the rules 100%. I want this to be a lifestyle change.

3) Has pursuing men worked for you in the past? Yes? No? (Feel free to explain/elaborate if you wish)
I'm joining this thread, so I guess it hasn't.

4) What do you hope to gain by participating in "The Rules" Challenge?
A "Take it" or "Leave it" attitude. I want to gain a brand new me.

5) When are you starting the challenge? (If you haven't received your book yet, you can still start the rules by making it a point not to chase/pursue any man)
Going to grab the book off my shelf right now.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

Well my honey called, I answered, just checking on how to spell a word....lol....I love that man....He is going to call again when he gets home (I think) I am not going to answer...I am sure I will have an email or text message early in the AM.

Lets be diligent and focused....smooches chicas!!! Somebody gonna get a ring soon, I see it!!!

He texted....a question...I answered, not going to start a text convo, I am going to bed.....

 

[yodie]

I feel like we're all in this thread together. I'm not looking at this as a game, but more like finding a way to be treated the way that we deserve and actually getting that treatment.


Question for you ladies....

I'll refer to him as "HE." So, "HE" called late last night, after 11 pm. That's a no-no. Didn't pick up the phone, nor have I called or text him back. Haven't started reading the book yet, but should I call him back today, text him or wait another day?

Personally, I don't think he deserves a call back from me so soon, but I don't want to give off the, "I'm pissed" appearance.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

I feel like we're all in this thread together. I'm not looking at this as a game, but more like finding a way to be treated the way that we deserve and actually getting that treatment.


Question for you ladies....

I'll refer to him as "HE." So, "HE" called late last night, after 11 pm. That's a no-no. Didn't pick up the phone, nor have I called or text him back. Haven't started reading the book yet, but should I call him back today, text him or wait another day?

Personally, I don't think he deserves a call back from me so soon, but I don't want to give off the, "I'm pissed" appearance.

May I suggest as I keep doing, getting the book Why Men Love B!tches...let me see if I can find a snippet to help. I wouldnt call. I am trying to be disiplined enough to have my honey call more than once before I call him back.

 

[CurliDiva]

If you can stand it use the toads for practice, cause the saying goes practice makes perfect....and the one problem with most of us is that we see every man that meets these set of expectations as a potential....why not look past the 'expectations' hang out as friends and shoot who knows with it being football season he may invite you to a party and you meet Mr. Right.....

I realize that every man I meet is not going to be my Mr. Right!

But I strongly DISAGREE with just "hanging out" with any guy who is interested in you when you know you don't want him.

It is a waste of both of your time.

He's going to keep trying to "convince" you to give him a chance. And some women will sample the "goods" if they are lonely, bored or tipsy enough.

I would rather go to a football party on my own (as a free agent) than with some dude trying to cling to my side all night and claim me as his "date".erplexed

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I also have a "friend" that I've known for 20 years. we have this weird relationship. he is interested in me & vice versa. we crossed the line about 5 years ago but i wasn't comfortable with it then.

Usually because he's my very good guy friend i always initiate everything but not anymore..... I'm not doing it. I've stopped for a couple of weeks or so now AND....

Today..he came by my work for a surprise visit! this dude never does that. its always me saying J lets do this..lets do that. And called me last night to check on me. huh?erplexed
I will keep you posted on this.

additional info...he is such a good friend...he took me shopping last spring bought me 2 pairs of shoes, purse and some lingerie. Just a friend taking me shopping. He also came to my aid when my current ex and i had a dispute and this man took my car keys so i couldn't go home in the dead cold winter!!

Keep them stories/lessons coming..

HAHAHA! Those "Rules" are already working girl!! Keep it up! Yes, please use "the Rules" even on your so-called "guy friends". I'm doing it on my guy friend right now as I speak. It's the guy "friends" that are the most dangerous anyway because we feel like we can just let loose with them, call them up, text them, and tell them all our dirty laundry at the drop of a hat. Try the rules on your "guy friend" and see what happens. I'm doing the Rules on just about every guy that is elligible for me to date. The more men you practice this on, the better you'll get at naturally doing the rules. Please keep us posted Sweet!

****NOTE****
By the way, I hope nobody gets the wrong impression from "The Rules" book or this challenge. Practicing "The Rules" is NOT a way to try to get back at your boyfriend/guy friend/or ex with the hopes that drawing back will MAKE him pursue you. One of the best quotes I think in the book is: "Rules girls don't MAKE things happen. They just sit back and let the natural order of things take place". You can't be receptive and express femininity to a guy's advances if you're at the same time plotting and planning on how to to "catch" and "impress" him. The two just don't go hand-in-hand.

Also, "The Rules" don't advocate payback, or tit-for-tat. You don't want to be doing "The Rules" so that you can tell yourself: "yeah...I'll teach him a lesson!" No way.. Doing "The Rules" is not about bitterness/resentment. It's about caring enough about yourself and your self worth to realize that you can have a life aside from a man. You are worthy enough to be pursued. You don't have to DO anything in order to catch a man's attention. You don't have to try so hard!

Doing the "Rules" is not lying and telling your guy that "I have other plans", when in reality you are sitting at home waiting on pins and needles for his phone call. The way you really do "the Rules" is by actually getting busy and enjoying your full and vibrant life! Try to have some things planned for yourself (dinner out with some girl friends, washing your hair one night, soaking in the tub, going to a movie...even alone if you want! etc.) periodically so that when he does ask you to go out last minute, you can honestly tell him that you have other plans. It's not about being mean, but more so letting him see that you have a life, and that you are not sitting around waiting for him to provide you with entertainment.

Another thing to keep in mind: if a guy drops you because you aren't pursuing him, then maybe he wasn't the right guy for you. If a guy is REALLY into you, he won't let you get away...even IF you need a little "convincing". Think about it, if you really had to pursue a man in order to keep his interest in you, then half of the so-called "losers" wouldn't be trying to flirt with you on the street. If they can hollar at you without you even giving them a single sign of interest whatsoever, why can't a decent man?? As long as you balance everything out (being flirty, nice, open to him when he calls/takes you out on dates, keeping yourself looking good for him and for yourself etc. ) while STILL maintaing your fabulous diva-life ( ) then I really don't think he will think you've lost interest in him just because you aren't calling him. Men don't think like women do.

So please ladies, just keep this in mind. This is not about playing games. It's about not chasing/pursuing/pining after a man, or staying in a dead-end relationship that's not going anywhere.