*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!

[Demi27]

Below is an insert from WMLB

page 93

Attraction Principle #39

Men don't respond to words.
They respond to no contact.

"The two-hour phone calls you love are a big mistake. He likes it the first time because he knows you're interested. After that, he hates it. Don't let conversations on the phone last too long. Don't let yourself be perceived as a tiresome obligation. Keep the phone calls short and sweet-and he'll never get tired of calling."


This is so true.. I met my friend from BPM and we spent hours on the phone. Now, I might get 20 mins out of him.. I'm glad that I picked this book up.When he called me this afternoon, I told him that I was hanging out with the girls..LOL..well I am somewhat..My LHCF girls....

I am not a part of this thread, but I had to comment on this. I know this is a Rules challenge, but I wanted to say I LOVE this principle from WMLB. This is the truth. In a thread I started a last week, I said how I got rid of this guy. I had not had any contact with him really for weeks.

Guess who decides to pop up out of the blue this week and wanted to take me out to dinner on Thursday?

I remember using the Rules and WMLB tactics while we were together and they DID work. If/when I stropped using them.....not so much. erplexed

 

[kandake]

I read The Rules in college. I threw it all out the window when my now husband called and asked me on a last minute date after meeting me a few days earlier, my roomates talking bout, "don't go on the date, make him sweat." He had tracked my number down from a friend and worked up the nerve to call me and years later told me that if I hadn't accepted the date he would have never called me again. We've been together for 10 years and married for five. The Rules is a bunch of crap. As long as you don't act desperate around a man, you'll be all right.

The book said you would say that

But honestly, some people need discipline and guidance. I think this book offers that.

For me, I'm a "rules" woman innately. However, I still slip up from time to time.

I think the bottom line is that we make things entirely TOO easy for men and wonder why they don't honor, respect and cherish us the way we want them too.

Congrats on your marriage.

 

[Highly Favored8]

You ladies would be proud of me, I went out tonight and tried to use the RULES!

I decided not to sit home (watching ghost whisper) as I usually do on a Friday nite and go out!

I took extra time with my appearance - and looked & felt especially good!

I went to a local "hot" thai spot before meeting some friends at aonther club. A girl has to eat before getting her grove on, right! I sat in a empty seat besides a very cute guy at the bar and he said HI. Now, the old me would have went to flirt mode - sticking out the twins, playing with my hair, and trying to draw out the conversation! I replied causally but didn't play him too much attention. Did I mention he was TALL (6'5") and FIONE (bald, carmel brown, and built like a quaterback)!!!

He keep intitating the conversation - giving me his name, aksed for mine, told me he just moved downtown, introduced me to his 2 guy friends, and talking about his favorite sushi restuarants. I answered any direct questions and was friendly but I did not try to monopolize his time or shared too much about myself.

Did I mention that all of his friends were fine too (there was no place to look without landing on muscles, a bald head or broad shoulders). Anyway, I just played it COOL. Even when one of them checked out a girl walking by, I just ignore them.

I really think he was tyrying HARDER because I was not pressed. I'm sure he is used to women throwing themselves at him. I just was pleasant, minded my own busines as I finshed my drink.

I declined an offer for another drink, told him I was meeting friend at another spot, paid my tab and got up to leave. He stopped me to say how nice it was to meet me and asked for my number. I gave him a business card and told him to call me if he wanted to grab some sushi.

I could tell he were impressed - one of his friend who was with a white girl (that looked like amy winehouse ) complimented me with the rest of the guys nodding in agreement.

I just said a general THANKS and rolled OUT without looking back! I really think he will call, but if not no harm - it was good practice!

The RULES rock!

I am so happy for you

 

[Highly Favored8]

I read The Rules in college. I threw it all out the window when my now husband called and asked me on a last minute date after meeting me a few days earlier, my roomates talking bout, "don't go on the date, make him sweat." He had tracked my number down from a friend and worked up the nerve to call me and years later told me that if I hadn't accepted the date he would have never called me again. We've been together for 10 years and married for five. The Rules is a bunch of crap. As long as you don't act desperate around a man, you'll be all right.

Hum, Interesting. So you are saying that a woman should pursue a man. I mean I do not follow the Rules whole b/c some of the rules do not apply to me. However, it has worked for me so far and I love the results. Of course the acting desperate around a man is a BIG turn off. Just like if a man is acting that way towards me it would be a turn off.

 

[Highly Favored8]

The book said you would say that

But honestly, some people need discipline and guidance. I think this book offers that.

For me, I'm a "rules" woman innately. However, I still slip up from time to time.

I think the bottom line is that we make things entirely TOO easy for men and wonder why they don't honor, respect and cherish us the way we want them too.

Congrats on your marriage.

My Thoughts excatly we make men to easy to get to us instead make it a little hard and fun.

 

[calliope]

The book said you would say that

But honestly, some people need discipline and guidance. I think this book offers that.

For me, I'm a "rules" woman innately. However, I still slip up from time to time.

I think the bottom line is that we make things entirely TOO easy for men and wonder why they don't honor, respect and cherish us the way we want them too.

Congrats on your marriage.

Thank you Kandi!
Girl, I had that thing highlighted with dog-eared pages- and the whole time I was reading it couldn't figure out why I couldn't get a man. The basics are true- men can't stand desperate women, but sometimes, in life we have to be a little bit flexible or we could miss out on an opportunity that won't knock twice.

 

[calliope]

Hum, Interesting. So you are saying that a woman should pursue a man. I mean I do not follow the Rules whole b/c some of the rules do not apply to me. However, it has worked for me so far and I love the results. Of course the acting desperate around a man is a BIG turn off. Just like if a man is acting that way towards me it would be a turn off.

No, a woman should not ever have to pursue a man. In my case, my husband did all of the pursuing, I just decided not to play some of the "games" that the book advocated. If I had happend to turn him down on that particular day, he would have moved on and I wouldn't have my daughter which makes me shudder. But, if the book works for you, that's great- I think it should just be used in a case by case sort of basis. But girl, work it and have fun!

 

[Highly Favored8]

No, a woman should not ever have to pursue a man. In my case, my husband did all of the pursuing, I just decided not to play some of the "games" that the book advocated. If I had happend to turn him down on that particular day, he would have moved on and I wouldn't have my daughter which makes me shudder. But, if the book works for you, that's great- I think it should just be used in a case by case sort of basis. But girl, work it and have fun!

Congratulations and I feel you! Yes, it is also going on your instincts as well. I use it on a case by case basis however, it does help in not pursuing a man!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

You ladies would be proud of me, I went out tonight and tried to use the RULES!

I decided not to sit home (watching ghost whisper) as I usually do on a Friday nite and go out!

I took extra time with my appearance - and looked & felt especially good!

I went to a local "hot" thai spot before meeting some friends at aonther club. A girl has to eat before getting her grove on, right! I sat in a empty seat besides a very cute guy at the bar and he said HI. Now, the old me would have went to flirt mode - sticking out the twins, playing with my hair, and trying to draw out the conversation! I replied causally but didn't play him too much attention. Did I mention he was TALL (6'5") and FIONE (bald, carmel brown, and built like a quaterback)!!!

He keep intitating the conversation - giving me his name, aksed for mine, told me he just moved downtown, introduced me to his 2 guy friends, and talking about his favorite sushi restuarants. I answered any direct questions and was friendly but I did not try to monopolize his time or shared too much about myself.

Did I mention that all of his friends were fine too (there was no place to look without landing on muscles, a bald head or broad shoulders). Anyway, I just played it COOL. Even when one of them checked out a girl walking by, I just ignore them.

I really think he was tyrying HARDER because I was not pressed. I'm sure he is used to women throwing themselves at him. I just was pleasant, minded my own busines as I finshed my drink.

I declined an offer for another drink, told him I was meeting friend at another spot, paid my tab and got up to leave. He stopped me to say how nice it was to meet me and asked for my number. I gave him a business card and told him to call me if he wanted to grab some sushi.

I could tell he were impressed - one of his friend who was with a white girl (that looked like amy winehouse ) complimented me with the rest of the guys nodding in agreement.

I just said a general THANKS and rolled OUT without looking back! I really think he will call, but if not no harm - it was good practice!

The RULES rock!

Daaaaaaaaaaamn!!!

You are gangsta!!!!!!!

 

[kandake]

Thank you Kandi!
Girl, I had that thing highlighted with dog-eared pages- and the whole time I was reading it couldn't figure out why I couldn't get a man. The basics are true- men can't stand desperate women, but sometimes, in life we have to be a little bit flexible or we could miss out on an opportunity that won't knock twice.

IA.

Thats why I'm using the book as guidance and not necessarily as hard and fast rules.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

What do you all consider the acceptable length of time that can elapse between written communications (for an extremely busy professional)? Guys can be so inconsistent. A guy might respond to an e-mail in literally 2 minutes or it can take days. erplexed

 

[Belle Du Jour]

No, a woman should not ever have to pursue a man. In my case, my husband did all of the pursuing, I just decided not to play some of the "games" that the book advocated. If I had happend to turn him down on that particular day, he would have moved on and I wouldn't have my daughter which makes me shudder. But, if the book works for you, that's great- I think it should just be used in a case by case sort of basis. But girl, work it and have fun!

Excellent point. To quote a friend, men "move the hell on" and cut their losses when things don't pan out, even if it's something they REALLY want. They don't pine for years. They may remember you from time to time and wonder "what if" but best believe they have moved on! So play wisely!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

What do you all consider the acceptable length of time that can elapse between written communications (for an extremely busy professional)? Guys can be so inconsistent. A guy might respond to an e-mail in literally 2 minutes or it can take days. erplexed

In my humble opinion it should not take days for someone to get back to you regardless of how busy. I mean, even if this guy is a brain surgeon i'm sure in the course of 24 hours he gets maybe 1 hour of time to himself and in that hour he can simply send you a sweet and short text message at a minimum. I am also dealing with this issue with a guy i'm talking to. He just now wrote me a message like 3 days after I called and spoke w/ him. I read his message yesterday and haven't responded yet. I refuse to make someone a priority when it's apparent i'm an option in their book.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

You ladies would be proud of me, I went out tonight and tried to use the RULES!

I decided not to sit home (watching ghost whisper) as I usually do on a Friday nite and go out!

I took extra time with my appearance - and looked & felt especially good!

I went to a local "hot" thai spot before meeting some friends at aonther club. A girl has to eat before getting her grove on, right! I sat in a empty seat besides a very cute guy at the bar and he said HI. Now, the old me would have went to flirt mode - sticking out the twins, playing with my hair, and trying to draw out the conversation! I replied causally but didn't play him too much attention. Did I mention he was TALL (6'5") and FIONE (bald, carmel brown, and built like a quaterback)!!!

He keep intitating the conversation - giving me his name, aksed for mine, told me he just moved downtown, introduced me to his 2 guy friends, and talking about his favorite sushi restuarants. I answered any direct questions and was friendly but I did not try to monopolize his time or shared too much about myself.

Did I mention that all of his friends were fine too (there was no place to look without landing on muscles, a bald head or broad shoulders). Anyway, I just played it COOL. Even when one of them checked out a girl walking by, I just ignore them.

I really think he was tyrying HARDER because I was not pressed. I'm sure he is used to women throwing themselves at him. I just was pleasant, minded my own busines as I finshed my drink.

I declined an offer for another drink, told him I was meeting friend at another spot, paid my tab and got up to leave. He stopped me to say how nice it was to meet me and asked for my number. I gave him a business card and told him to call me if he wanted to grab some sushi.

I could tell he were impressed - one of his friend who was with a white girl (that looked like amy winehouse ) complimented me with the rest of the guys nodding in agreement.

I just said a general THANKS and rolled OUT without looking back! I really think he will call, but if not no harm - it was good practice!

The RULES rock!

NICE! I'm going out to a jazz club tomorrow. . .by myself But I've been there before and my favorite local jazz band is playing. Last time there were no cuties there, but it's more about me having a good time tomorrow. Ladies, we MUST keep ourselves occupied! When you are bored, you become needy/desperate/clingy. We have to keep ourselves active and intersting! (It also keeps our mind off of when is he gonna call or write )

 

[Belle Du Jour]

In my humble opinion it should not take days for someone to get back to you regardless of how busy. I mean, even if this guy is a brain surgeon i'm sure in the course of 24 hours he gets maybe 1 hour of time to himself and in that hour he can simply send you a sweet and short text message at a minimum. I am also dealing with this issue with a guy i'm talking to. He just now wrote me a message like 3 days after I called and spoke w/ him. I read his message yesterday and haven't responded yet. I refuse to make someone a priority when it's apparent i'm an option in their book.

Thanks for your feedback. My GF and I agreed if I didn't hear something in 3 days, he's, gulp, not into me like that. NEXT!

ETA: I think 3 days seems to be the magic number of days a person may "wait it out" to not appear desperate. I didn't respond to his 2 minute response right away either but I didn't take 3 days. I just needed time to come up with an appropriate response. Your guy sounds interested but trying to play whatever game he knows.

 

[CurliDiva]

NICE! I'm going out to a jazz club tomorrow. . .by myself But I've been there before and my favorite local jazz band is playing. Last time there were no cuties there, but it's more about me having a good time tomorrow. Ladies, we MUST keep ourselves occupied! When you are bored, you become needy/desperate/clingy. We have to keep ourselves active and intersting! (It also keeps our mind off of when is he gonna call or write )

ITA classimami!

I've made a list of the things I want to do in the next months (ex. swim lessons, yoga, concerts, resturants) either by myself, with girlfriends or with a mate.

Just remember that you need to be in co-ed environments. Always hanging out with the girls will not help your prince charming find you!

 

[Vinyl]

I'm having such a hard time sticking to The Rules tonight. I had something happen tonight that basically made me feel like "everything's going to be okay" in regards to something that'd been bothering me for months.

So of course I want to call SO up and give him a great big hug.

I really think this BC is messing with my emotions, lol. I don't normally cry this easily!

Has anyone else felt anxiety from The Rules? I think it'll take me time to adjust. It's only been a day since the last time he called me but I keep analyzing the conversation thinking, "Did he buy that I was busy? Does he think I'm avoiding him? Does he think this had to do with that private blog entry?" (Something I wrote that wasn't related to him but he asked me about when he called - he was kind of upset that he couldn't read it.)

He also said, "Thanks for picking up the phone," and although he sounded genuine I can't help but think, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Keep in mind I basically broke every single rule in my last relationship... so this is like a huge adjustment for me. I'm freaking out!

 

[tiara76]

I'm having such a hard time sticking to The Rules tonight. I had something happen tonight that basically made me feel like "everything's going to be okay" in regards to something that'd been bothering me for months.

So of course I want to call SO up and give him a great big hug.

I really think this BC is messing with my emotions, lol. I don't normally cry this easily!

Has anyone else felt anxiety from The Rules? I think it'll take me time to adjust. It's only been a day since the last time he called me but I keep analyzing the conversation thinking, "Did he buy that I was busy? Does he think I'm avoiding him? Does he think this had to do with that private blog entry?" (Something I wrote that wasn't related to him but he asked me about when he called - he was kind of upset that he couldn't read it.)

He also said, "Thanks for picking up the phone," and although he sounded genuine I can't help but think, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Keep in mind I basically broke every single rule in my last relationship... so this is like a huge adjustment for me. I'm freaking out!

How long have you been with him?....and do you feel he was mistreating you some way before you started these rules with him...?

 

[MissYocairis]

Okay, I am going to Barnes and Noble in about an hour. They have the book for me on hold. I been engaged to my EX-Fiance for 4 years I am so like WTH. I am also Re-Reading why Men Love Bit**#! So, yes, I am up for it.

I feel you girl. I'm not engaged but I feel you. And The Rules is a GREAT theory!

 

[Vinyl]

How long have you been with him?....and do you feel he was mistreating you some way before you started these rules with him...?

I've been dating him for a little over a month. And no, I'm very happy with the way SO treats me. I started The Rules because I basically did the opposite of them in my last relationship, and it ended poorly. I realized a lot of my own dissatisfaction had to do with the fact that I was doing -everything- for him. I just don't want that to happen again.

 

[Highly Favored8]

I went to the fair with my child rode on some rides and had a blast. I feel better now. You know what I am going to do now is take a hot shower, relax, breathe deep and visualization ( heck that is fun about him) I feel much better now =)

The Urge is and withdrawls are fading now that I can do visualization.

Hey I can do that can't I ? LOL

 

[tiara76]

I've been dating him for a little over a month. And no, I'm very happy with the way SO treats me. I started The Rules because I basically did the opposite of them in my last relationship, and it ended poorly. I realized a lot of my own dissatisfaction had to do with the fact that I was doing -everything- for him. I just don't want that to happen again.

so when you weren't following the rules with your ex, he didnt treat you the way you preferred?...or did he do it at first and then stop......?

remember not every guy falls for the rules and when they think a woman is following certain rules or notions it can be a major turn off for them.....if he's been treating you good before you started applying them and now are starting to feel uneasy and feel he's picking up on something follow your first mind.....if he goes from treating you good to not so good because you switched up from being yourself to following the rules then I would think thats not really the intent behind your personal choice to use them

 

[Vinyl]

so when you weren't following the rules with your ex, he didnt treat you the way you preferred?...or did he do it at first and then stop......?

It was more of... I was always the one calling him/buying him gifts/writing him letters/cards/changing my schedules to hang out with him/etc. It got to the point where I wondered, "Is he really that into me?" and then the reason we broke up was because he "proved" to me that I was willing to do so much more to be w. him than he was with me.

I've only been doing the rules for 2 days really... I'm the one who's feeling anxious, not him. He was mostly just worried.

 

[Highly Favored8]

The Urge is now released. I lifted him up in CHURCH =)! When he calls I will be very busy and sweet as pie as I am always! I have to focus on me. I have to sleep, eat, exercise, be confident speak postive and still enjoy my life. When he does call and we hang out I will be ready and not so focused on him Not only that "He will say SHOOT my Baby looks good what is so different about her I have to have her now!" It is not about him. It is about loving me first and not being Boo-Boo the fool worrying when he will call why he do not call etc... Men play games too they make it so obvious. Oh well! I am living and lovin my life and just relaxin and chillin! It will get better than this moment for all of us in this challenge it will!

I cannot wait til this time next year. I know some of us will be ENGAGED to Mr. Right as a result and not Mr. Right Now! Lots of Love!

Read the books
WMLB
The Rules
etc..

For Knowing Our Power as a Woman b/c We have Power! We must Harness it! Men know this and wish we would use it more instead of giving it away =)

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Excellent, Highly Favored!

My friend helped to give me a reality check today. I have a life! I have a lot going on. A lot of responsibilities. My calendar for the next 2.5 months is CRAZY! The worst thing to do is drop everything because of trying to figure out what's going on with a guy. Being happy, stress-free, fit, healthy, rested, secure, confident is SEXY. Having a life that's in shambles is NOT SEXY.

 

[tiara76]

It was more of... I was always the one calling him/buying him gifts/writing him letters/cards/changing my schedules to hang out with him/etc. It got to the point where I wondered, "Is he really that into me?" and then the reason we broke up was because he "proved" to me that I was willing to do so much more to be w. him than he was with me.

I've only been doing the rules for 2 days really... I'm the one who's feeling anxious, not him. He was mostly just worried.

I understand that mama...so your dude now....before the rules was he doing things to show you he is interested in you, even if you were doing things as well....do you feel like its all you and no him contributing to the "us" factor....if you are feeling anxious because you see him acting like the ex and you feel like you are giving too much then thats one thing...

if he's NOT acting like your ex and is has been giving you the feeling that you are admired and appreciated.....then why do you want to start holding back on how you feel now....were you feeling anxious before you started applying the rules...or you started feeling anxious now that you decided to try and use them...

your emotions are a guidance system...if you were feeling good before and feeling anxious now, it may be because you are starting to move away from your true self and the truth of this relationship with a very different man than your ex was

 

[Vinyl]

No, I didn't feel like it was all me before "The Rules." I was doing them to an extent beforehand, just not to the extreme the book takes them to. I was mostly just letting him call/text message/etc me first. I also did some things for him like come down to visit him, trade in some extra tickets to a concert so we could go to one together (both no-no's in the rulebook but not things I regret doing.)

My only gripe is that because we spent so much time together, he would rarely call me unless I told him it was okay.

I wasn't feeling anxious until after I started doing The Rules. I don't want to do anything that's going to make him worry about me/think I'm losing interest in him/make him feel anything negative, and I'm worried that The Rules will make him feel that way.

I broke The Rules to chat with him last night and he said he thought he'd done something wrong or that I was losing interest because I was missing the past few days... so I think I'm going to stop doing the part of The Rules that says not to tell him what you're busy doing. I don't want him sitting there thinking I'm not talking to him because he did something wrong.

I do still want to remain busy, because I have practically no life and need to get out more.

ETA: To clarify why I'm doing the rules... it's not because I'm unhappy with my man. I just have a tendency to be self-sacrificial in relationships and I want to make sure I'm not doing that.

I've also been spending at least 7hours a day/5days a week with him... and that can't be good in the long run. I don't want him to get tired of me!

 

[tiara76]

No, I didn't feel like it was all me before "The Rules." I was doing them to an extent beforehand, just not to the extreme the book takes them to. I was mostly just letting him call/text message/etc me first. I also did some things for him like come down to visit him, trade in some extra tickets to a concert so we could go to one together (both no-no's in the rulebook but not things I regret doing.)

My only gripe is that because we spent so much time together, he would rarely call me unless I told him it was okay.

I wasn't feeling anxious until after I started doing The Rules. I don't want to do anything that's going to make him worry about me/think I'm losing interest in him/make him feel anything negative, and I'm worried that The Rules will make him feel that way.

I broke The Rules to chat with him last night and he said he thought he'd done something wrong or that I was losing interest because I was missing the past few days... so I think I'm going to stop doing the part of The Rules that says not to tell him what you're busy doing. I don't want him sitting there thinking I'm not talking to him because he did something wrong.

I do still want to remain busy, because I have practically no life and need to get out more.

ETA: To clarify why I'm doing the rules... it's not because I'm unhappy with my man. I just have a tendency to be self-sacrificial in relationships and I want to make sure I'm not doing that.

I've also been spending at least 7hours a day/5days a week with him... and that can't be good in the long run. I don't want him to get tired of me!

If you personally need to talk to somebody please hit me up....the rules can definitely backfire and just from the lil bit you have shared.....your situation you are in now is a candidate for a relationship that the rules as are outlined will not really help and depending on the man and whether or not he's understanding enough to know you are playing them for your own issues vs he's turned off that you even took this route will determine if he sticks around or not....follow your heart with this one would be what i would say to you

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

So I told you guys earlier that Mr. Vacation sent me an email on Friday morning right? Well I haven't responded to it yet and hadn't planned on it actually. Well last night at like 10:30 he sends me a text message. I read it, rolled over and went back to sleep. I'll send him a message shortly and it will be pleasant but short. Then i'll be taking a luxurious nap (i just ran my 1st 5k this morning!!!!)

 

[AnjelLuvs]

I am in a dire situation ladies... There is this good guy that I have kept in contact with after things didn't particularly work out... I randomly asked him at the beginning of this week (monday) to go to movies... as platonic friends... He has that I am too focused on career mode... texting me at 3 am telling me he is at work, etc, etc... So yesterday, he calls and I don't know if I should be playing the rules with him.... I may chicken out and send him a text a lil later...

He is going for his masters, and working with a very prestigious company... I am at a lose...