*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!

[BroadstreetBully]

I am SO excited about this challenge! Thanks OP for starting this thread!

I don't feel like following "The Rules" is necessarily playing a game...for me at least. There are plenty of women who have decent self esteem who are just clueless about men and relationships. I know I have been for the longest time because I was a late bloomer when it came to dating. I wanted to treat relationships with men the same way I treated relationships with my closest girlfriends. The problem is that often times this would lead to men seeing me as less of a "challenge" and more as one of the guys.

The issues we are seeing in the present day with women and relationships are a result of more women moving high up within the professional ranks and working closer with men. The women before us might have used the "Rules" subconsciously because the gender roles were different. Many women today find it hard to accept that men are essentially the hunters and thrive off of the "thrill of the chase" when we're in class with them, working with them or even over them. Let's face it, common sense for some isn't so common for even the most intelligent woman with the highest of self esteem. As a female who has an overwhelming majority of male friends and classmates (no more than 4 women in any of my classes, including myself), it's so easy to take on the dominant role of men and want to initiate contact, do the calling, etc. We have to command attention and be dominant in the academic and corporate setting to demand respect from our male classmates, professors, and coworkers that some of us just have a harder time turning that dominant side off when it comes to dating...

I agree that women with low self esteem need not use this book as a way to cover up their lack of self worth. I have a friend who wants to borrow my book and I basically let her know that she needs to work on her self esteem before beginning to change her outlook on relationships. But I do not see this as a "game" for myself, rather a wake up call. I need a reminder that men are the hunters and it's okay to let them initiate phone calls, contact, etc...

*Questions*

1) Why are you personally participating in "The Rules" challenge?
My way isn't working. I have become too comfortable with men because I'm around them all of the time. I need learn how to separate dominance in the academia field from how I act in dating/relationships.

2) How long do you plan on doing the challenge?
I'll probably play it by ear.

3) Has pursuing men worked for you in the past? Yes? No? (Feel free to explain/elaborate if you wish)
NO! NEVER! Men say they are flattered when women pursue them. But we know deep down inside that men like the thrill of the chase. I have also come to realize that men interpret the smallest gestures as pursuing them.

4) What do you hope to gain by participating in "The Rules" Challenge?
So far it has been quite empowering. I hope to learn how to approach dating and relationships in a different way that can perhaps work out best for me.


5) When are you starting the challenge? (If you haven't received your book yet, you can still start the rules by making it a point not to chase/pursue any man)

Now! It's actually a lot easier to just sit back and let the men do the work. All that pursuing and over analyzing situations with men was too much work.


I'll admit, I won't follow "The Rules" to a T because I do find some of it to be a bit silly. Plus I think it's important to tweak "The Rules" to work out for your individual lifestyle. But it's exciting nonetheless.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Well.... I'm still going to do "The Rules". Call it a little "experiment" if you will.

Obviously my way hasn't been working, so I'm trying on something new for size.

I really don't think it's game-playing. I think it really has more to do with respecting and loving yourself enough to not take crap from guys who are trying to do the bare minimum to get you. Oh sure, it's EASY to do "the Rules" with guys you aren't interested in. You don't even pay them any mind. You're naturally doing "the Rules". But it's harder to do the rules when you REALLY REALLY like a guy! That's what this challenge is about. Being able to do the rules so well, that when you DO meet that guy that makes your heart go pitter-patter, or makes your knees get weak, you can still do the rules effortlessly because it is who you have become.

It's not about being mean, aloof, or playing games... it's about slowing down, relaxing, and letting a GUY take the reins and pursue YOU! When you really like a guy it can be hard to use self-control and not do things for him, not be extra nice/afraid to offend. For some girls this way of acting comes naturally. But for other "nice girls" (like me), we need a set of rules/guidelines to keep us "in check" so we don't fall too easily and become TOO lenient and accepting of a guy we're already into.

So...nobody else wants to do the challenge??

So true! I still come across women who feel like it's ridiculous to sit back and wait on a guy to pursue you, but what they fail to realize is that the women who are getting approached the most are the types who seem to not be so caught up on finding a mate. It's okay for us to use the rules our mothers and grandmothers used when it came to men. It's okay to expect to be chased, pursued, and courted. We want to compete with men in academia and the workplace, but that doesn't mean we can't expect a man to properly court us. The book touches on this subject and gets to the core of why some women need "The Rules".

It's funny how we seem to get approached more when we are actually in a committed relationship. I could never understand that until now.

I remember questioning why the guys we aren't into are so into us...but the ones we are crazy about seem to ignore us. It's so much more clear now.

I've been rereading WMLB and The Rules and giving the proper advice to girlfriends. They still think I'm crazy but oh well. If they wanna chase men that's on them. I have better things to do. If you want me, you're going to have to work for it. I've been realizing the mistakes I've made in previous relationships and I'm thankful that I had those experiences and have learned from them. I'm ready to move forward and use The Rules for the rest of this year, 2009, and beyond.

 

[Zaynab]

Why men love BIs is a great book, I suggest using both hand in hand. I am up for this challenge!

I think its better than the Rules book. When I read why men love witches, I thought oh wow, I've been doing this for years

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

I think its better than the Rules book. When I read why men love witches, I thought oh wow, I've been doing this for years

It is something else, a gf of mine read in one night why men marry itches and she was sold! I am not ready for that part but I know from experience when I commit to not being so available my love get his ass in gear! I use this book not to play games but to re-educate myself on how to not run him crazy so he doesnt make me catch a case!! LOL...

 

[Vinyl]

1) Why are you personally participating in "The Rules" challenge?

In my last relationship, it had gotten to the point where I was doing almost *everything* for him. I was the one calling, initiating dates, etc... I felt like I was doing a lot more to be with him than he was for me.

I don't want that to happen in my new relationship, so here I am!

2) How long do you plan on doing the challenge?
Until things get serious enough that I can relax a little - or until the rules become common knowledge for me.

3) Has pursuing men worked for you in the past? Yes? No?

I was the one who pursued my ex. It worked well at first, but had unsavory consequences down the road.

4) What do you hope to gain by participating in "The Rules" Challenge?
Security; not wondering if he's really into me or not.

5) When are you starting the challenge? (If you haven't received your book yet, you can still start the rules by making it a point not to chase/pursue any man)
Today! Hopefully I can pick up the book today as well.

 

[tiara76]

Well.... I'm still going to do "The Rules". Call it a little "experiment" if you will.

Obviously my way hasn't been working, so I'm trying on something new for size.

I really don't think it's game-playing. I think it really has more to do with respecting and loving yourself enough to not take crap from guys who are trying to do the bare minimum to get you. Oh sure, it's EASY to do "the Rules" with guys you aren't interested in. You don't even pay them any mind. You're naturally doing "the Rules". But it's harder to do the rules when you REALLY REALLY like a guy! That's what this challenge is about. Being able to do the rules so well, that when you DO meet that guy that makes your heart go pitter-patter, or makes your knees get weak, you can still do the rules effortlessly because it is who you have become.

It's not about being mean, aloof, or playing games... it's about slowing down, relaxing, and letting a GUY take the reins and pursue YOU! When you really like a guy it can be hard to use self-control and not do things for him, not be extra nice/afraid to offend. For some girls this way of acting comes naturally. But for other "nice girls" (like me), we need a set of rules/guidelines to keep us "in check" so we don't fall too easily and become TOO lenient and accepting of a guy we're already into.

So...nobody else wants to do the challenge??

I feel you mama and you make good points....thats why I don't knock it...

this is a question not just to you but to all of you ladies...

why do you think women in general tend to wan't a certain type of guy who when she's str8forward with him and shows it and he doesn't go for her, or go for her the way she wants him to.... want him even more...to the point where we do try to adjust our game and try different tactics to get him to want us more instead of moving onto somebody where there is an equalibrium amount of attraction?

or what did the book say the reason this is?

 

[Vinyl]

So I have a question about this... What if you actually -are- available most of the time? Do you just lie and pretend you have something to do most nights?

(I'm available 99.9% of the time, lol. Most of my daily activities take 3 hours out of my day and that's it.)

 

[CurliDiva]

Ok....I'm IN!

1) Why are you personally participating in "The Rules" challenge?

I just accepted a date for Saturday with a bradn new guy, and will follow the RULES to see how our interactions progress. During my last relationship (which ended in July), my boyfriend "implied" that I did not really need him or some bs that he was holding me back.

2) How long do you plan on doing the challenge?


I plan to use the RULES for the rest of the year (esp. with this new guy) - my goal is to have great dates for holidays eseason and especially New Years Eve. But I will continue to accept dates with other until I have been asked and have committed to an exclusive relationship. This is a BIGGIE for me becasue I tend to focus on only one guy at a time.

3) Has pursuing men worked for you in the past? Yes? No? (Feel free to explain/elaborate if you wish)

I never pursued a man, but I have made it "easy" for him to catch me if I'm feeling him! I've tried to be a good girlfriend, but I've noticed that my b*tchy, demanding friends have better luck with men worshipping them.

I've realize that men really do like the challenge or chase - he need to feel like they WON you over, not that you freely gave yourself.

4) What do you hope to gain by participating in "The Rules" Challenge?

I hope to regain my dating mojo just as LHCF has helped me to regain my style mojo to be "THAT GIRL"! I want to be able to pick from a bunch of suitors unstead of wasting months of one guy (while letting other potentials slip by) to find out that he is not right for me!

5) When are you starting the challenge? (If you haven't received your book yet, you can still start the rules by making it a point not to chase/pursue any man)

I plan to borrow it from the library, but in the meanwhile I will let the MAN do all of the heavy lifting in the relationship. I will encourage him for good behavior (like a pet ) but I will not PLAN anything, PAY for anything, or be too AVAILABLE until he has asked for a relationship.

Of course this includes no SEX. I have too many girlfriends complain about a guy not wanting to "commit" yet they are f*cking his brains out! Why should he commit if he is getting everything fulfilled now by you playing wifey.

 

[noemi]

So I have a question about this... What if you actually -are- available most of the time? Do you just lie and pretend you have something to do most nights?

(I'm available 99.9% of the time, lol. Most of my daily activities take 3 hours out of my day and that's it.)

Get some more hobbies, spend time doing things that you love. I'm like you but when I actually spend more time doing other activities, I am busy as a bee. Don't lie, just get busy. Read, read up on LHCF, do something to cultivate you. Make your package even better.

 

[CurliDiva]

So I have a question about this... What if you actually -are- available most of the time? Do you just lie and pretend you have something to do most nights?

(I'm available 99.9% of the time, lol. Most of my daily activities take 3 hours out of my day and that's it.)

You should try to fill your time with your own hobbies or interests. Check out the entertainment sections of your local paper to find out what shows or concerts are coming to town. Check out free or low cost exhibits or events.

I'm reading a great book right now called The Secret Laws of Attractions by Talane Miedaner. She advises that we don't look to our romantic partner to fulfill ALL of our emotional needs. This sets up additional stress for the relationship and usually your lover will not be able to satisfy all your needs.

For example, if you have the need to feel CHERISHED:

Your partner could send you cards, flowers, or call just to say he loves you! But, YOU can also make yourself feel cherished on your own by:

Get weekly pampering like a pedicure, massage, or facial.

Treat yourself to fresh flowers, magazine or new book.

Learn to accept compliments from friends or stranger graciously instead of discounting their approval.

This will make you more excited to be around – to both friends and a mate!

 

[Highly Favored8]

Why men love BIs is a great book, I suggest using both hand in hand. I am up for this challenge!

Yes, I am Reading Why Men Love Itches, The Rules, and Catch Him and Keep him By Chirstan Carter. All I can say is so far so good.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Well.... I'm still going to do "The Rules". Call it a little "experiment" if you will.

Obviously my way hasn't been working, so I'm trying something new on for size.

I really don't think it's game-playing. I think it really has more to do with respecting and loving yourself enough to not take crap from guys who are trying to do the bare minimum to get you. Oh sure, it's EASY to do "the Rules" with guys you aren't interested in. You don't even pay them any mind. You're naturally doing "the Rules". But it's harder to do the rules when you REALLY REALLY like a guy! That's what this challenge is about. Being able to do the rules so well, that when you DO meet that guy that makes your heart go pitter-patter, or makes your knees get weak, you can still do the rules effortlessly because it is who you have become.

It's not about being mean, aloof, or playing games... it's about slowing down, relaxing, and letting a GUY take the reins and pursue YOU! When you really like a guy it can be hard to use self-control and not do things for him, not be extra nice/afraid to offend. For some girls this way of acting comes naturally. But for other "nice girls" (like me), we need a set of rules/guidelines to keep us "in check" so we don't fall too easily and become TOO lenient and accepting of a guy we're already into.

So...nobody else wants to do the challenge??

This is what I am saying your whole post is so on point!

 

[Highly Favored8]

1) Why are you personally participating in "The Rules" challenge?
Because I broke up with my fiance of 4 years bad realtionship and bad break up. After Reading "The Rules" last night I had one of those Whirlwind Proposals and broke all of the rules. This man did not purse me he pushed me. At the time I thought it was good until issues of his just started comming out.erplexed

2) How long do you plan on doing the challenge?
3 months and if it works I will do 6 months max .

3) Has pursuing men worked for you in the past? Yes? No? (Feel free to explain/elaborate if you wish) Yes, I did and it has ALWAYS FAILED!

4) What do you hope to gain by participating in "The Rules" Challenge? More Confidence, knowlegde and natural order of movements in a realtionship.

5) When are you starting the challenge? I am started it on 10-6-2008

 

[Highly Favored8]

This book has gotten a lot of negative feedback. I almost did not buy it I am glad I did b/c I can apply some of the principals not all of them now some of them are just plain ole I do not know weird. I skip over them it does not relate to me. I am already that way I am reading it for reinforcement of sorts.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I am SO excited about this challenge! Thanks OP for starting this thread!

I don't feel like following "The Rules" is necessarily playing a game...for me at least. There are plenty of women who have decent self esteem who are just clueless about men and relationships. I know I have been for the longest time because I was a late bloomer when it came to dating. I wanted to treat relationships with men the same way I treated relationships with my closest girlfriends. The problem is that often times this would lead to men seeing me as less of a "challenge" and more as one of the guys.

BINGO! I too made the same mistake. I think I got so "comfortable" with guys (joking w/them, teasing them back, inviting them places, etc.) that I started to unkowingly pursue them. I didn't see the big deal with it since we were supposedly "friends" anyway. I wasn't trying to be the "aggressor" in the relationship, I just felt like here we are in the 21st Century, and that women can ask out men if they wish. Not only that but I would see other girls around me calling guys, inviting guys out to parties, and having sooo many guy friends. I used to envy and see how they were getting attention from so many guys. I just figured that these guys were going to date them seriously. Ummm....NOT! It wasn't until later on that I realized that they just basically liked the attention.

Add to the fact that my brother in-law kept egging me on ("Oh yeah...men LOVE it when you take the initiative! It's so flattering!" blah blah blah), and you can see why my mind was warped! I figured that surely he must know what he's talking about since he's a guy. Hahahaha...yeah right! What he didn't tell me is that guys find it flattering (at first) when a girl pursues them, and makes her interest known. Oh sure...they like it, because then they don't have to risk rejection, and they can rest easy. But what he DIDN'T tell me was that men lose interest very quickly in these women. Or, they use them, and never really commit to them. So, needless to say, I've learned my lesson big time!

I'll admit, I won't follow "The Rules" to a T because I do find some of it to be a bit silly. Plus I think it's important to tweak "The Rules" to work out for your individual lifestyle. But it's exciting nonetheless.

Right. I find that I have to tweak "The Rules" just a little bit for my comfort and circumstance. The general principle is the same however: DO NOT pursue/chase men! The authors really do urge you to follow the rules in the book to a T though. But I have found that I will tweak SOME things. But for the most part, I'm following the rules to the letter.

It's funny how we seem to get approached more when we are actually in a committed relationship. I could never understand that until now.

I remember questioning why the guys we aren't into are so into us...but the ones we are crazy about seem to ignore us. It's so much more clear now.

Yep!! Clear as a bell!

I think its better than the Rules book. When I read why men love witches, I thought oh wow, I've been doing this for years

Yeah, WMLB is another GREAT book. I have both books. Those books are excellent, witty, and funny! I actually like WMLB better than "The Rules", but WMLB is more for people already IN relationships. I'm trying to actually get IN a relationship. "The Rules" is more for women who are single, trying to be in relationships, dating casually, or who need to get OVER "fantasy relationships" and move on with their lives while still keeping themselves open for the right guy to come.

this is a question not just to you but to all of you ladies...

why do you think women in general tend to wan't a certain type of guy who when she's str8forward with him and shows it and he doesn't go for her, or go for her the way she wants him to.... want him even more...to the point where we do try to adjust our game and try different tactics to get him to want us more instead of moving onto somebody where there is an equalibrium amount of attraction?

or what did the book say the reason this is?

I'm not quite sure exactly what you're trying to ask but.... If I understand correctly you are wondering why women need to adjust their "game" for a man....why not just find a man who doesn't mind you pursuing him? Is that what you're asking?

Well, the book will do a MUCH better reason explaining why women should follow "The Rules", but I'll try to answer this question. The book brings out that while there are women who DO end up having relationships and even marrying men that they pursue, the book stresses that very rarely are these women ever really happy/secure in their relationships. That's not to say that if you do the Rules that you'll live happily ever after. No. Nobody can forsee the future. What the book is trying to do is help women to keep their dignity, self-esteem, and self-worth in tact by recognizing that they deserve to be pursued. Some women may marry men who they pursued/chased/initiated things with, but usually what they find is that even in their marriage, the women are the ones initiating dates/outings/etc. with their husbands. Their boyfriends/husbands don't seem to be that into them. That does a number on your self-esteem! Who wants to be in a relationship where you're always second-guessing a man's feelings for you? Personally, if I had to initiate things with a guy, or had to do FORCE him to like me, I'd always be constantly on guard that he didn't really like me as much as I liked him. Who wants to be with a man who needs so much "convincing" to like you? I know I don't.

So, doing "The Rules" will help to weed out the guys that aren't that interested in you, or who aren't interested in you enough to treat you like the queen that you are! Back in the day men actually used to fight for their women. These days, SOME men have gotten lazy. lol*

So I have a question about this... What if you actually -are- available most of the time? Do you just lie and pretend you have something to do most nights?

(I'm available 99.9% of the time, lol. Most of my daily activities take 3 hours out of my day and that's it.)

Like Noemi mentioned, GET BUSY! Get a new hobby, take those courses or dance classes you've been wanting to take, learn a new instrument, learn a new language, hang out with your girlfriends more, volunteer in the community, go to the movies, host parties over your house, do some traveling, start a book club, spend time w/family, wash your hair (lol), etc. The list goes on and on. There are a numerous amounts of things you can be doing to keep yourself busy and fulfilled.

Haha....I'll never forget one time when I first started on the LHCF and I was washing my hair 2x a week, and some guy asked me out. Hahah...I told him: "Oh, I'm sorry I can't go cuz I'm washing my hair and my hair is under a baggy deep conditioning." Do you know that he thought that I was making that up just as an excuse not to go out with him? Funny thing is, it was the truth! I was honestly washing my hair that night.

 

[noemi]

*Questions*

1) Why are you personally participating in "The Rules" challenge?
Once I realized that I was doing this all along with men I didn't want, I knew I had to at least try with the ones I want.

2) How long do you plan on doing the challenge?
For the next 6 months, at least.
3) Has pursuing men worked for you in the past? Yes? No? (Feel free to explain/elaborate if you wish)
No, but I never pursued, I just gave in too easily. I never was a phone person, but I was always "down" and too available.
4) What do you hope to gain by participating in "The Rules" Challenge?
Practice makes perfect. I want to build my confidence even more.
5) When are you starting the challenge?
Started back in August. However, I did "The Rules" with a little MTMOYC and its working too good.



*

 

[gn1g]

I agree...was going to come in here and post that the books and rules really don't do n e thing if you yourself as a person don't know how to execute them....when it comes down to even playin games its because of underlying issues on each side (male and female)...I don't knock the game because people can learn from playin them.....but always remember

when you have to play games with people.....its all really psychology, ego and manipulation and everybody no matter how many books they read or rules they follow will NOT be able to be that person that can get into somebody's head......

if the person u try to play with isn't into playin them you will be SOL and they will recognize it and be out....these are the men on a slightly elevated mindstate level and probably more worth while than the dudes who fall for the game......and hence if you are into playing them you won't vibe with them, you will vibe with men on your level

the other person is up on game and turns it back on you and it backfires because they are just smarter, more manipulative and execute better

we tend to play games with people for a whole array of different issues deep seeded in the self that have nothing to do with the other person

Girl you said something right there.

I met a guy that was a psychology major and we had a serious game of "chess" going on.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

**I wanted to add this....I found this on a website from the famous book He's Just Not that into You....

He’s Just Not That Into You…Your Daily Wake-up Call Excerpts…
1. If a sane guy likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s gonna get in his way. And if he’s not sane, why would you want him?
2. All these years, I’d been complaining about men and their mixed messages. Now I saw they weren’t mixed messages at all, I was the one that was mixed up.
3. Knowledge is power and more importantly, knowledge saves time.
4. We are all beautiful, smart, funny women and we shouldn’t be wasting our time figuring out why a guy isn’t calling us.
5. We’re taught in life, we should try to look at the bright side, to be optimistic. Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side. Assume rejection first. Assume you’re the rule, not the exception. It’s intoxicatingly liberating.
6. We go out with someone, we get excited about them, and then they do something that mildly disappoints us. Then they keep doing a lot more things that disappoint us. Then we go into hyper-excuse mode for weeks or possibly months, because the last thing we want to think is that this great man that we are so excited about is in the process of turning into a creep. We try to come up with some explanation for why they’re behaving that way, any explanation, no matter how ridiculous, rather than one explanation that’s the truth: he’s just not that into me.
7. If the guy you’re dating doesn’t seem to be completely into you and you feel the need to start "figuring him out", please consider the glorious thought that he might just not be that into you. And then go free yourself and find the one that is.
8. Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted. And unless you do move on and find the right person, you’re not going to wish you had spent more time with Stinky the Time-Waster or Freddy Can’t Remember to Call.
9. When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you and when it’s time to have sex, he’s more than overjoyed to oblige.
10. Men are not complicated. Although they’d like us to think they are…
11. If a dude isn’t calling you when he says he will, or making sure that you know he’s dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him. His actions are screaming the truth: He’s just not that into you!

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

12. You know you deserve to have a great relationship.
13. I know the guy you’re dating. He is a man made up entirely of excuses and the minute you stop making excuses for him…he will completely disappear from your life.
14. Are there men who are too busy or have been through something so horrible that it makes it hard for them to get involved? Yes. But there are so few of them that they should be considered urban legends.
15. A man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he’s just not that into you.
16. People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. Big movies are made about it. Every relationship that you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in your life. And the more you value yourself, the more chances you have of getting it.
17. If a guy wants you, he will find you.
18. Guys don’t mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "**** buddy" situation or a meaningful romance.
19. If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know immediately. He won’t keep you guessing because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
20. When men want you, they do the work, I know It sounds old school but when men like women, they ask them out.
21. Have faith. You made an impression. Leave it at that. If he likes you, he’ll still remember you after the tsunami, flood or Red Sox loss. If he doesn’t, he’s not worth the time.
22. Men for the most part, like to pursue women. They like knowing if they can catch us. They feel rewarded when they do, especially when the chase is a long one.
23. When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you’d like us to be.
24. If you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten…He’s just not that into you.
25. We don’t need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We’re fantastic.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

26. If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
27. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you, Men know how to use the phone.
28. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. This would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.
29. Oh sure, they say they’re busy. They say that they didn’t even have a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just THAT crazy. Bull****. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you.
30. A man who likes you want to spend time with you. And he’ll only settle for talking to you on the phone 5x a day when he can’t possibly get on a plane to come see you.
31. Don’t you want the guy who’ll forget about all the other things in life before he forgets you?
32. You know a guy means it when they actually do what they said they were going to do.
33. Missing someone is a sign of a healthy relationship. Not respecting you need to have some for of communication with him while he is away is not. Regardless of his dislike for talking on the phone, he should respect and care for you enough to call you if only because he knows that it will make you happy.
34. Men are never too busy to get what they want.
35. Meeting someone you like and dating him is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.
36. The next incredible guy you meet with the really good excuse is just another guy who’s hurting your feelings.
37. A man has got to have his priorities.
38. If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind.
39. If he creates expectations for you and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize he’s ok with disappointing you.
40. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.
41. Busy is another word for *******. ******* is another word for the guy you’re dating.
42. Men, just like women, want to feel emotionally protected when a relationship becomes serious. One way they do that is by laying claim to it. They actually want to say "I’m your boyfriend" or "I’d like to be your boyfriend". A man who’s really into you is going to want you all to himself.
43. Is better than nothing what we’re going for now? Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time? Just because he’s busy doesn’t make him more valuable. Busy doesn’t mean better.
44. Its about the guy who wants you, calls you, makes you feel sexy and desired fully. He wants to see you more and more often because every time he sees you, he likes and then loves you more and more.
45. Every 2 weeks, once a month. Seeing someone, having a little love and affection may help you through the day, or the week or the month, but will it help you get through a lifetime?
46. Make this solemn vow about your future romantic relationships: No more murky. No more gray. No more unidentified. No more undeclared.
47. I don’t want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don’t want to be "Kind of hanging out" with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I’ll see again because they’ve already demonstrated to me that they’re trustworthy and honorable and…into me.
48. You know you are ultimately a delicate, valuable creature who should be careful and discerning about who gets your affection.
49. You can accept his excuses all you want but is this the relationship you want? Is this how you want to feel? Perhaps forever?
50. If you’re tempted to spend countless nights just cuddling with someone, buy a puppy.
51. Don’t let your desire to be loved and feel affection cloud your judgment.
52. He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you. Love cures commitment phobia.
53. Don’t give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.
54. If you’re not able to love freely, it’s not really love.
55. No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
56. A good relationship should not be lived in secrecy. Go find yourself one worth living out loud.
57. He’s a man who’s supposed to be emotionally available enough to talk to you, see you and perhaps fall madly in love with you
58. If he is really into you, he will get over his issues fast and make sure he doesn’t lose you. The minute he’s ready, he will run out and find you. You are not easily forgettable.
59. It feels really noble and romantic, to be filled with longing, heartache, knowing the man you love, for whatever reason, can’t be yours right now. And you’re willing to wait for him, because your feelings for him are so very large and profound. If you’re really comfortable with that, noting that this book or your friends or your therapist can say will helo you change that. Eventually, I hope, like me, you just get tired of it.
60. Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers.
61. There are cool, loving, SINGLE men in the world. Find one of them to go out with.
62. As yourself one question only: Is he making you happy?
63. He doesn’t have to love your CD collection. He doesn’t have to love your shoes. But any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family—especially when they’re great.
64. Remember, you are the catch. They are out to snare you.
65. The only way you can find out that there is something better out there is to first believe there’s something out there.
66. Freaks should remain in the circus. Not in your apartment.
67. You already have one *******. You don’t need another.
68. Don’t let his personal complications confuse you into waiting around for him. If he’s not able to be really into you, then you deserve better

 

[Belle Du Jour]

10. Men are not complicated. Although they’d like us to think they are…

This ain't nothing but the truth! They are very simple creatures. And if women would shut up, listen, and observe, we'd save ourselves a lot of heartache.

 

[aribell]

I'm not quite sure exactly what you're trying to ask but.... If I understand correctly you are wondering why women need to adjust their "game" for a man....why not just find a man who doesn't mind you pursuing him? Is that what you're asking?

I'm sure Tiara76 can explain herself, but it seems like the question was more like, "If you're straightforward with a guy about your feelings for him and he doesn't reciprocate, why not just move on to someone who's excited to know that you're really into him?" If that wasn't her question, I'll go ahead and ask it. I do believe in the overall concept of the Rules. But one thing that gets me is that if a man is really into you, he's going to be happy to know that you're into him as well. Somewhere I feel that a man who you have to use the Rules on in order to hold his interest is one who either needs the rules to make him behave, or isn't serious enough about you to really want you to be head over hills in love with him. Either one seems to say, "Keep moving."

However, I'm not denying that overall, I have seen the Rules work. It could be that following the Rules gives the man space to figure out for himself how much he wants you and then to pursue you if/when his feelings get stronger.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

I disagree with those that find the rules lame, playing games, etc... I have yet to read it, but it seems that if there are no rules set in place... The guy will get bored and move on...

We all know as women if we find something we like we will get comfortable... to me, the reason why I will join this challenge is because I get attached... ummm when we going out, how come you haven't asked me to be your girl yet... how come you want me to put in for such and such....

I believe this is for US.... why do peps find that so hard... If you are cool with how your swagger is... keep it moving for those that would like to join the challenge... Last time I checked challenge threads were about the challenge, not the reasons why one wouldn't join ... erplexed....

 

[CurliDiva]

Great info Akimat!

Sometimes women give guys way too many SECOND CHANCES! You should never need to TELL (THREAT or STALK) a guy who claims to care for you!

An adult does not need to be told .....to call u....treat you well....stop sleeping with other girls...fill in the blank! erplexed IMO, if you have to do these things you are in a relationship with only YOURSELF (and it is not a good one).

If a guy tells you he has "trouble" staying faithful....BELIEVE HIM...is not "looking" for a commitment....BELIEVE HIM...just want to "chill" or 'kick it" as friends.......BELIEVE HIM and RUN!

He is NOT your BOYFRIEND even if you are sleeping with him....he is watching football on your couch every weekend.....eating your food ........or has met your Mama!

He is NOT your BOYFRIEND!

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

Great info Akimat!

Sometimes women give guys way too many SECOND CHANCES! You should never need to TELL (THREAT or STALK) a guy who claims to care for you!

An adult does not need to be told .....to call u....treat you well....stop sleeping with other girls...fill in the blank! erplexed IMO, if you have to do these things you are in a relationship with only YOURSELF (and it is not a good one).

If a guy tells you he has "trouble" staying faithful....BELIEVE HIM...is not "looking" for a commitment....BELIEVE HIM...just want to "chill" or 'kick it" as friends.......BELIEVE HIM and RUN!

He is NOT your BOYFRIEND even if you are sleeping with him....he watching football on your couch every weekend.....eating your food ........or has met your Mama!

He is NOT your BOYFRIEND!

Yes indeed!!! Ok....ladies may I suggest that we add why men love B!tches to the Rules...this is a more 'up to date' set of rules' very realistic and when I really do the things with my lover...he gets right...I dont thinks its game I think its remembering all the things that gma and them real chicks did to get pop-pop!! lol

 

[tiara76]

I'm sure Tiara76 can explain herself, but it seems like the question was more like, "If you're straightforward with a guy about your feelings for him and he doesn't reciprocate, why not just move on to someone who's excited to know that you're really into him?" If that wasn't her question, I'll go ahead and ask it. I do believe in the overall concept of the Rules. But one thing that gets me is that if a man is really into you, he's going to be happy to know that you're into him as well. Somewhere I feel that a man who you have to use the Rules on in order to hold his interest is one who either needs the rules to make him behave, or isn't serious enough about you to really want you to be head over hills in love with him. Either one seems to say, "Keep moving."

However, I'm not denying that overall, I have seen the Rules work. It could be that following the Rules gives the man space to figure out for himself how much he wants you and then to pursue you if/when his feelings get stronger.

That is what I was asking.....If you put your feelings and intentions and let a man know what you are and aren't about and he moves on, why do you want to make him change his mind?

Let me also say to set the record str8 that when I refer to the rules and games, I don't associate any negative stigmas to it its just real talk.....to get defensive about str8 forward psychological methods used to garner somebody's attention that you either think you don't have from the get go or you know you don't have is playing a game.....men driven by ego who aren't the manipulaters themselves will go for the "challenge"....the "chase"....and will be consumed with "winning"....whether or not you end up happily ever after and each finding your true selves and some real love with each other or you get even more jaded.....its still a game that was played in the beginning

because if you can't be true to yourself, express yourself freely, create your standards and boundaries and be able to let a man go and be okay with yourself and your self worth enough to know that he won't elevate you anyways and doesn't/isn't ready to step up to the plate then you start to use "strategies" and "rules" in order to try to get these certain type of men

the question I am asking...is why do women feel the need to want these type of men....

YOu can tell a man you are feeling him, vibing with him, what you want don't want and just like we women know who we are feeling pretty much from jump...so do men....if they are interested back you won't ever have to question whether they are into you or not and if we hone in on intuition and can look past the physical and past the words we can tell if they are true in their actions or if they are just playing a game for their own selfish reasons......

all of its learning and experiencing in life so no matter what you are doing it ideally benefits you in your own growth and progress ,and if you like playing the game and you like the results...its not a bad thing at all....people who don't play them or into them aren't better, they just choose different routes in doing things and people get different things out of what they choose to do

but no matter which way you want to spin it.....to not be able to just truthfully be and act like you "feel" like acting and acting a certain way to strategically try to garner a certain response from another, is playing a game

 

[AnjelLuvs]

^^^ I was assuming this thread was based on exactly that... finding that self worth and building the courage to move on, NO....

 

[NappturalWomyn]

1) Why are you personally participating in "The Rules" challenge?
I am tired of attracting dudes who need medication, or parking lot pimps.

2) How long do you plan on doing the challenge?
Until my single life is over...

3) Has pursuing men worked for you in the past? Yes? No? (Feel free to explain/elaborate if you wish)

Yes, it worked...but only so well. I ended up two complete dork ex-boyfriends. Never again.

4) What do you hope to gain by participating in "The Rules" Challenge?
As one of the posters wrote above, I am a beautiful intelligent talented woman, and I deserve a man who sees me as such.

5) When are you starting the challenge?
Started about a month ago. Here we go...

 

[tiara76]

^^^ I was assuming this thread was based on exactly that... finding that self worth and building the courage to move on, NO....

I agree...I stated in earlier posts that I agree these types of things and lessons are needed for people..men and women....I will never argue that you can't learn about yourself, other people, grow, experience...etc....also in going by these rules.....one needs to know the whole game...needs to know about the other people who are up on the rules that you are trying to play by and you also have to know who it can and can't work on.....people who deliberately play for whatever reasons they play them for.....are strategic in even who they go for....everybody isn't going for it....

and remember the movie with vivica and morris.....it can easily turn into a real challenging chess type of game if people get too caught up in just playing vs what they initially started to do it for.....

And if building self worth and courage is the motivating factor of applying these rules to men

remember

even with knowing certain things..how you feel inside about yourself, how you treat yourself and no matter what books or rules you are trying to adhere to to change that..... you will still be attracting the people who will treat you like you treat yourself.....if you don't love or like urself and think you are going to turn into an instant player and have dudes falling all over you.....you will still be probably passing up those dudes who are really feeling you and trying to run game on the ones who will treat you the crappiest anyways

it may turn out not so great....and if it doesn't...when looked at in the right perspective can easily be one of the most powerful self growth lessons life can teach....

 

[MizAvalon]

I just ordered the book. It'll be interesting to see how this turns out.

Now to figure out where to hide it so my SO doesn't see it when he comes over.

How about under the mattress?