SPINOFF: IS the other woman also to blame if a man cheats on his SO/WIFE?

[StrawberryQueen]

I don't that the "other" should be the issue. They didn't commit themselves to you. They owe you nothing at all.

Yes it would be nice if they stood on the same moral ground as you, and respected your relationship-but folks aren't like that. Go after the one who stood before you and your family AND GOD and then did you dirty.

 

[Kurlee]

No, because they think they have magic between their legs and once he's with them, he wouldn't want anyone else.

HHAHAHAHAHA

I CAN"T BREATHE!!!

 

[Kurlee]

i find it really ironic that some of you feel the other woman who is encouraging deceit and lies and sharing GERMS (Saliva, and other bodily fluids) with another woman via the man in question is not considered a triflin piece of S^#@??? Yes she didn't make a commitment to you, but she is encouraging nastiness, disease, potential baby mama drama if she or the girlfriend gets pregnant?

I don't understand it. I dont think i ever will get this mentality. My mom told me there are women who just don;t care and feel if a man wants them too bad for you, but i guess i was too naive to believe it really exists. this world is CRAZY! and SELFFISH! but i guess i was being naive.

Thanks for all your responses, whether they were yay or nay.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

i find it really ironic that some of you feel the other woman who is encouraging deceit and lies and sharing GERMS (Saliva, and other bodily fluids) with another woman via the man in question is not considered a triflin piece of S^#@??? Yes she didn't make a commitment to you, but she is encouraging nastiness, disease, potential baby mama drama if she or the girlfriend gets pregnant?

I don't understand it. I dont think i ever will get this mentality. My mom told me there are women who just don;t care and feel if a man wants them too bad for you, but i guess i was too naive to believe it really exists. this world is CRAZY! and SELFFISH! but i guess i was being naive.

Thanks for all your responses, whether they were yay or nay.

But what am I supposed to do to her? Yes, she's exercising bad judgement and IMO low morals, but what am I gonna do?

HELL YES I'd be mad at her BUT that anger needs to be refocused to the person who promised their commitment to you-not the ho down the street. Now if you knew the woman and were friends, or something that, THEN you have a right to beat both azzes.

I don't know why women get all pissed off at the women and then say nothing to their man. Yes you have a right to be mad at all parties, but the one who was with you was wrong.

Besides, folks spread diseases and have babies willy nilly-should I go after them with a shotgun too? I can't be responsible for everyone, folks have to police themselves. Yes I'm gonan raise hell if I get cheated on, and YES I'd want to cut the girl, the mailman who saw them together, the McDonalds burger flipper who sold them their food...but that's delving into an area of ridiculousness that's unnecessary.

 

[meaganita]

This is tricky...I say that because I was in a relationship with a guy once, who waited 4 months to tell me he was married. When I first met him, I asked him upfront if he was married or involved with a woman on any level and he said "NO." His situation was different (I guess) because he was african and he said he only married the woman for his green card and that was the agreement between the two of them. They didn't live together or anything. So is a marriage still a marriage in that situation?

I was upset when he told me, A.) for lying B.) for being married & C.) for keeping it from me until AFTER we established our relationship. Regardless of his reasons for getting married and lying to me about it, he still should have given me the option to choose whether or not I wanted to be in that situation! He knew I would care because I asked him upfront. Anyway, eventually I forgave him and continued to stay with him because I thought I was in love. I was only 20-21 at the time, so needless to say if it happened to me today I'd cut that ninja off with the quickness!!!

These men are runnin' some serious game nowadays. Leading double and triple lives and whatnot. Ladies gotta be careful on both sides.

 

[Princess4real]

No, because they think they have magic between their legs and once he's with them, he wouldn't want anyone else.

 

[akeli]

I never understood how the “other woman” can rationalize being involved with someone, especially a married man.

I asked my girlfriend <who is seeing a married man> this question, she told me, "She had prayed to God over and over again, that if she wasn't supposed to be with this man God needed to make her stop loving him. She didn't stop loving her man, so therefore God approves of her relationship" erplexed


I was floored.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

Speaking as someone that has been on all sides of the fence....cheater, cheated with, and cheated on. The other woman shares blame IMO if she knows that the man is involved, married and she proceeds to get with him anyway. I have been the cheated on wife, and I have been the other woman.....yeah I knew he was married, but I went on anyway because I was stupid and quite frankly, being whorish and didn't think about anyone's feelings but my own. Karma is a ****.....because when it happens to you the pain is something that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

\
This is exactly what I was gonna say!! The pain is extreme, when you are the one that is cheated on..................I cant even express in words how bad it feels..........it still takes my breath away at times.

 

[KnottyGurl]

i find it really ironic that some of you feel the other woman who is encouraging deceit and lies and sharing GERMS (Saliva, and other bodily fluids) with another woman via the man in question is not considered a triflin piece of S^#@??? Yes she didn't make a commitment to you, but she is encouraging nastiness, disease, potential baby mama drama if she or the girlfriend gets pregnant? I don't understand it. I dont think i ever will get this mentality. My mom told me there are women who just don;t care and feel if a man wants them too bad for you, but i guess i was too naive to believe it really exists. this world is CRAZY! and SELFFISH! but i guess i was being naive.

You can get mad at the other woman all you want, the fact remains that until HE DROPS HIS DRAWERS, ain't **** she can do, trifling or not. When I found out my SO was cheating, do you think I went off on her? Hell no. I talked to her like the intelligent woman I am, got ALL the information I wanted and told her he's on his way in a handbasket with a bow. I also made damn sure I told her that he was using her for the kitty and if he did it to me, someone he's been with for years, she would be next and that's IF he didn't leave her to try to come back to me.

When confronted, there wasn't **** he could say. I stone-walled the excuses and lies before they started. He left, but do you think he stayed with her? Hell no. Within 2 DAYS, his arse was back at my front door, begging to get back in. Nope. See ya pahtna. He left her ass stranded in the hotel; he drove her here and she was visiting, hundreds of miles away from home; she had to scrounge up money from family take the bus back

IMO, If their delusioned arses want him, and he indulges them, they can HAVE him; and, oh, THANK YOU for saving me the wasted years.

 

[LovelyZ]

1. not for me. i don't share. period.

2. hell yes. she's a witch with a capital B!!! I'm not advocating confronting the other woman-ever. but if she knows he's involved, she's dead wrong. I always wonder why women do this to other women. it seems so cold and heartless.

of course the man is definately wrong.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

This is tricky...I say that because I was in a relationship with a guy once, who waited 4 months to tell me he was married. When I first met him, I asked him upfront if he was married or involved with a woman on any level and he said "NO." His situation was different (I guess) because he was african and he said he only married the woman for his green card and that was the agreement between the two of them. They didn't live together or anything. So is a marriage still a marriage in that situation?

I was upset when he told me, A.) for lying B.) for being married & C.) for keeping it from me until AFTER we established our relationship. Regardless of his reasons for getting married and lying to me about it, he still should have given me the option to choose whether or not I wanted to be in that situation! He knew I would care because I asked him upfront. Anyway, eventually I forgave him and continued to stay with him because I thought I was in love. I was only 20-21 at the time, so needless to say if it happened to me today I'd cut that ninja off with the quickness!!!

These men are runnin' some serious game nowadays. Leading double and triple lives and whatnot. Ladies gotta be careful on both sides.

This is kind of off topic but it sounds like my friends situation except she is the wife. She married this guy who married her for a greencard. He wanted citizenship but she wanted love and companionship and thought he did too. Well anyway, months after marrying he moved to another state, but they are still married, and she is sitting around hurt.

So, even in that situation, someone could still be running game because who knows how serious the marriage is to the other party.

It's definitely best to stay away from married guys, no matter what they say their circumstances are.

 

[hennagirl]

Some of the opinions in the Lisa Bonet thread completely threw me for a loop. I heard some women sayin:

A) if a man is not married, hes fair game..... Ok um if a man is in a committed sexual realtionship hes still considered single?

and

B) the other woman has no obligations becuase she is not the one who made the commitment to the other woman.... Ok if u want to be technical, i guessssss that could fly, but i dunno if i know a man has a girlfriend or a fiancee, hes off the market in my eyes, i don't like to shareerplexed

Finally, my question to you guys is:

1) If a man is in a committed realtionship (girlfriend or fiancee), is he fair game?

2) Is the other woman a &$%#$#$ if she KNOWS that he has a SO and is still willing to get with him??

I spend zero time thinking about the woman in an adulterous situation . I place all the responsibility on the man. He made the commitment whether it is marriage or a committed relationship outside of marriage. I am a doctor's daughter and a doctor's wife. If I had a nickel for every woman who wanted to replace my mother or myself, I would have a pair of Manolos for every day of the year. I look to DH to remember our commitment to each other and that I would sew with salt the scorched earth beneath his feet should he stray.

 

[KnottyGurl]

Considering the content of this thread, I'm posting a link to a couple of youtube videos I thought ya'll might enjoy.

1-Wife, Wife2

2-Main/Other Woman

 

[fmnnity]

Speaking as someone that has been on all sides of the fence....cheater, cheated with, and cheated on. The other woman shares blame IMO if she knows that the man is involved, married and she proceeds to get with him anyway. I have been the cheated on wife, and I have been the other woman.....yeah I knew he was married, but I went on anyway because I was stupid and quite frankly, being whorish and didn't think about anyone's feelings but my own. Karma is a ****.....because when it happens to you the pain is something that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

UMMM. . . WHAT SHE SAID

 

[fmnnity]

Considering the content of this thread, I'm posting a link to a couple of youtube videos I thought ya'll might enjoy.

1-Wife, Wife2

2-Main/Other Woman

Those were good!!!!

 

[Windsy]

She wrong and he wrong!! Most people like to blame the woman but I would blame the man too!!

I agree. It takes two to tango!!!! IF she is aware that he is in a relationship (maried or exclusive) then she is wrong. He is wrong period!

 

[Windsy]

I strongly beleive that a man will do what he is allowed to do. If women are allowing a man that is in a relationship to sleep with them, then why will they stop cheating? There will always be someone willing to give up the goods so men will always cheat.erplexed

 

[gone_fishing]

I wish I could see who voted for what so I'd know who not to befriend.

To me the answer depends on the way you choose to look at the issue. It is either an issue of contractual logic or an issue of morality or perhaps a conbination of both.

Looking at it from a purely moral standpoint, it is wrong to get involved with a man who is married or taken.

1. Because you help them perpetuate a lie to their significant other. No, perhaps you are not the one lying BUT you are an accomplice. If this had been a bank robbery, you'd be shackled with the Defendant.

2. Because you should treat others how you would like someone to treat you. It's the Golden Rule. It's easy to say well if my man cheats on me then I must not have had him in the first place - yada yada yada and that you wouldn't be upset with the other woman BUT c'mon, all righteous indignation and anger aside, it's still going to hurt if you cared about him or you loved him. Why would you want to help do that to someone. I don't need that on my conscience.

From a purely contract logical point of view.

She didn't make the commitment, he did and so he's fair game for whatever he allows himself to do.

I still have feelings so that doesn't work well for me.

Of course then the other type of logic is this:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=134663&highlight=alienation+affection

I'm not trying to be sued, so no thanks.

 

[2Cute!]

1) This varies from person to person based on an individual's value system, but for me, absolutely not. There are so many reasons...karma is something serious, and I wouldn't want that done to me nor do I want the ramifications coming back to bite me. On top of that, I've never been in a position to not be able to get my own man so there's no reason for me to chase someone else's.

2) I definitely think a woman who knows and proceeds anyway must shoulder some responsibility, but I think she'll be dealt her own consequences sooner or later. I agree with the "I'm in a relationship with him, not her" theory so I wouldn't confront the other woman nor would I waste my time trying to make sense of what she did or why she couldn't keep her grimy hands to herself. If I remove the lackluster man, I remove her too.

WELL SAID!

 

[SleekandBouncy]

They are both to blame, but the husband holds the blunt of the responsibility to his wife whereas the other women did not commit to any agreement. The other woman is responsible on a general moral level. She participated in something that she would not want done to her and that caused another woman (and possibly children) great pain.

If I were in such a situation, my foot would be squarely up my husband's behind, but I would not have kind or forgiving feelings towards the other woman.

 

[curlcomplexity]

If the other woman didn't know he was in a relationship, I say no. However, if she does know and still decides to continue/pursue the relationship then HELL YES!!! Either way, I'd be pissed!

 

[carcajada]

I disagree now with the "if the other woman didn't know, then she isn't the one to blame" notion because I feel it's the responsibility of the woman (or man) in the situation to find out who they are with before hopping in bed or developing a relationship with him/her.

Why share your body with someone you don't even know the relationship status of much less STD status?! I say, do your research and if you didn't do the research then yes, you are the one to blame right along with the husband.

 

[curlcomplexity]

I disagree now with the "if the other woman didn't know, then she isn't the one to blame" notion because I feel it's the responsibility of the woman (or man) in the situation to find out who they are with before hopping in bed or developing a relationship with him/her.

Why share your body with someone you don't even know the relationship status of much less STD status?! I say, do your research and if you didn't do the research then yes, you are the one to blame right along with the husband.

ITA that it is the other woman's responsibility to get to know the man she is with. However, many people lie. I have a friend that was with a man for over 2 years and it was only at his college graduation when she met his girlfriend that she discovered she was the "other woman". They were together all of the time even on holidays. I myself had an ex and we shortly started dating again. He told me that he was just w/ me, but due to further research (and I always do research) I discovered that I was also the "other woman" and ended it, luckily it was before anything serious happened. It happens...

 

[luvinwife]

They are both to blame, but the husband holds the blunt of the responsibility to his wife whereas the other women did not commit to any agreement. The other woman is responsible on a general moral level. She participated in something that she would not want done to her and that caused another woman (and possibly children) great pain.

If I were in such a situation, my foot would be squarely up my husband's behind, but I would not have kind or forgiving feelings towards the other woman.

I agree with this 100%

 

[luvinwife]

ITA that it is the other woman's responsibility to get to know the man she is with. However, many people lie. I have a friend that was with a man for over 2 years and it was only at his college graduation when she met his girlfriend that she discovered she was the "other woman". They were together all of the time even on holidays. I myself had an ex and we shortly started dating again. He told me that he was just w/ me, but due to further research (and I always do research) I discovered that I was also the "other woman" and ended it, luckily it was before anything serious happened. It happens...

Exactly, people lie. My DH's best friend is a classic example of this...he is married and meets what seems like a new woman everyday... actually uses an alias and brings the women to his brother's house and tells them he lives there. He has the spare bdrm set up for himself and he spends the night with the women there and tells his wife he's at his mother's and is too drunk to drive home. He is living a double life. These women have no idea!

 

[Suerte]

Single = not married.

Cheating = cheating.

Period.

So yes, technically an unmarried man is fair game, but if he has committed himself to monogomy he needs to abide by that. It's not the "other woman's" fault if the man doesn't stick to his word.

People are equating relationships with being married. It is NOT the same thing. Yes, if you are dating a man he should respect you and not lie to you and be open with you...but he is not obligated to.

You take a risk...a big risk...when you are in an intimate and/or sexual relationship with a man who is not your husband. This is a risk women like to pretend doesn't exist...but it does.

 

[Kurlee]

Is it possible that the women who defend the "other woman", have BEEN the other woman?
Judging by the poll results, most women don't or wouldn't knowingly date men who are married or in relationships, but it seems like there are a few who agressively defend the position of the "other woman". Is it from personal experience perhaps?

 

[Caramela]

The man would be to blame here, not the female wether she knows he's involved or not. If he's truly committed himself to the relationship, then it wouldn't matter what an outside woman tried with him, he'd refuse her. If he cheats, he must not have been that committed in the first place...

 

[Princess4real]

Is it possible that the women who defend the "other woman", have BEEN the other woman?
Judging by the poll results, most women don't or wouldn't knowingly date men who are married or in relationships, but it seems like there are a few who agressively defend the position of the "other woman". Is it from personal experience perhaps?

I'm waiting for someone to come in and answer your question.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

you'd be suprided how many desperate woman there arre out there that will settle for anything. i have a quick story about myself being cheated on. i'll make it quick.

was with guy for 3 yrs...

found out he was attempting to cheat...

got the chicks number...

called her and spoke with her in a very mature manner to find out what was going on cuz you know the truth aint comin from him...

he had just met this chick and was already planning christmases and bull stuff, basically sayin nething to try and get in the pants, which he did i think within 3 days of meeting her...

she apologized said she didnt know, she was on my side blah blah...even told me her own sob story about having been cheated on just recently...

we hung up, i got rid of him...and guess who decided pick up the trash...

yup, she sure did...talk about desperate...needelss to say it wasnt long b4 he tried to come back to me while with her...

ha! i wont play that game...

what goes around comes around for sure!