So, uh, what if I no man approaches you . . .

[HoneyA]

I really believe every pot has a lid. I have seen all types of women (and men) in relationships and married. I also know women who are single, complaining about meeting men and never going out on dates or to meet anyone.

If a woman is going out, being friendly, attending social events, small and large, and men are in attendance and she is not being approached EVER, even if she puts herself in a position to be approached, then I would imagine something sinister is at play and there are deeper issues. I really can't think of anything else. It goes right back to how confident you are about being able to meet and have a man fall for you or turn a man's head to the point where he just has to have you. This isn't something you have to think about though, it just happens. I really can't think of anything else.

 

[Imani]

Agree to disagree on this one~




ah~ but-I wish you hadn't said that to her!
even more importantly ..I wish she hadn't believed you~

I know of a man, tall, handsome, talentend, smart, sucessful, etc. His wife's looks are...somewhat unfortunate and she's overweight and she's not that bright. If u met her though, she thinks she is the bomb.com, very bubbly assertive personality. Someone even struck up the nerve to ask the husband, have u ever noticed your wife looks kinda..."different". He said he didn't think so and didn't understand what they were talking about, amazingly somehow he sees her totally different than EVERYONE else.

So yea, if u just look at the numbers, statiscally, some of us will end up alone. But change your attitude, change what you believe about yourself and how your life will play out, and it doesn't have to be your reality. Don't let the media, Michael Baisden or whoever else dictate YOUR life.

 

[ebonylocs]

I think "some of us will just end up alone." Men never approach me besides for sex on rare occasions. Chasing after men doesn't work either. I've tried it. I'm willing to pay a man to marry me but that doesn't work. Some of us are just undesirable. Not everyones meant to have someone.

erplexed

Celina, we are going to have to stage an intervention for you. This is getting out of control. Do any LHCFers live in your area?

 

[Imani]

erplexed

Celina, we are going to have to stage an intervention for you. This is getting out of control. Do any LHCFers live in your area?

I concur

 

[HoneyA]

I know of a man, tall, handsome, talentend, smart, sucessful, etc. His wife's looks are...somewhat unfortunate and she's overweight and she's not that bright. If u met her though, she thinks she is the bomb.com, very bubbly assertive personality. Someone even struck up the nerve to ask the husband, have u ever noticed your wife looks kinda..."different". He said he didn't think so and didn't understand what they were talking about, amazingly somehow he sees her totally different than EVERYONE else.

So yea, if u just look at the numbers, statiscally, some of us will end up alone. But change your attitude, change what you believe about yourself and how your life will play out, and it doesn't have to be your reality. Don't let the media, Michael Baisden or whoever else dictate YOUR life.

I'm sorry but this is so funny but it proves the point. She just does what she does naturally. She has NO hang-ups about herself regardless of what anyone thinks about her. The key to it all...

 

[ebonylocs]

To answer the question, yes, some people will end up alone. That's just a fact of life that we all see everyday.

But it is impossible to say who will end up this way, or why. Some people just feel more content single (they could be with someone if they wanted). Some people attract a lot of people but never meet someone who fulfils their non-negotiable criteria or who they feel strongly enough about (they could be with someone if they would compromise their criteria or their desire for romance). Some people attract very few people and so that limits their choices (they couldbe with someone if they would compromise their criteria or their desire for romance).

By the same token, people end up with someone for a variety of reasons. Some of them so strongly desire a relationship that they go out and get one. Some of them attract a lot of people, which gives them a lot of choices, so they more easily find someone they love who meet their criteria. Some of them attract only a few people but are willing to compromise, or still by luck manage to meet that one person (and it only takes one) that suit them well.

"Will not" and "Could not" are two different things. Nearly every one could possibly find someone. I mean in London I saw an ashy grey, stick thin, wrinkled, short, unhealthy looking formerly homeless woman with scrappy hair (probably from malnutrition) walking and holding hands with a guy (he was formerly homeless too - they were both "Big Issue" sellers - Londoners know what I'm talking about). So when I see people on here with beautiful skin, luscious hair, nice bodies, (and from what I can tell, OK personalities) talking as if it is IMPOSSIBLE for someone to want to be with them, I can only shake my head.

 

[ambergirl]

.

"Will not" and "Could not" are two different things. Nearly every one could possibly find someone.

Thank you. Tis all.

 

[chocolat79]

I agree.
I'm definitely not perfect but dang.....I read the everything was find until he.. thread and I'm like nono:
In fact just a week a classy friend and a guy that she was with for 2 years and almost 6 months just broke up. I would have never gotten with him, mainly because he's a semi jerk( the semi jerks are the worst). She's a quality girl, was hardly approached and if she had rejected him she probably would have been single. But what's worse, being single for those 2 years or having a guy waste them.
Don't really know.
update: another heart wrenching breakup...
these past two years were all a lie.. im glad you 100% regretted everything. all i have left to say is I wish i had never met ...... "
See I'm not nice. I won't go on facebook posting stuff. I would just kick his a$$.
Another reason why I'm single,

Yeah, exactly, I don't like my time wasted with a fool and the drama and for what??? To have a story to tell? No thanks! I'd rather have an exotic traveling story to tell, LOL.

 

[chocolat79]

GG, I think your poll is great! I think it's a reflection of how we as BW are thinking these days and as sad as it is, it IS reality.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I believe there is someone out there for anybody however, some people will never get to meet/be with that person.

@Celinastar: where are you located?

 

[zzirvingj]

erplexed

Celina, we are going to have to stage an intervention for you. This is getting out of control. Do any LHCFers live in your area?

Glad I'm not the only one concerned; I read this entire thread just to see who was gonna pick up on and comment first on that exact line you quoted/bolded.

 

[lana]

I don't think anyone will like my answer, but since I'm happily married, I have to respond with what works for me and my friends that are married....and happy.

Evaluate yourself. (I'm not talking directly to you Glib) Anyone that is single and can't find a "decent" guy, should look at themselves.

Ask yourself a few questions?

1) Am I attractive
2) Am I overweight?
3) If I lose weight would I be MORE attractive?
4) Do I appear approachable?
a) If yes, do people approach me and validate that answer?
5) Am I the type of woman a man would want to introduce to his family?
6) What are my standards?

I would start there and figure things out. I don't want to be hurtful to anyone dealing with a weight issue or physical flaw, but men honestly usuallygo by what is attractive first and then personality.

The other mistake I see women make in my day to day life is that they OVERDUE IT, too much fake hair, too much make up, clothes way over the top, showing too much of this or that. Heels WAY too high...and clear....

I'm just saying, evaluate and try again.

Also, I think the best places to meet men are: the library, the bookstore, the grocery store, the wine loft, the fruit market...not bars, clubs, online or at restaurants. Just my honest advice.

Oh and one of the best ways to meet a nice man is through your already Married friends. My hubby has eligible single male friends that are looking for a wife. We always introduce my single girl friends to his single friends. Even if just in passing. You never know...

 

[lana]

Oh and I just thought of one other thing....

Too many of my single friends have passed up a decent guy because they were waiting for something better. They are still single (two in particular) and the two decent guys that were interested in them, are married now...

That couldn't be me.

 

[Glib Gurl]

that OP is my life... ugh bah hum bug

Okay well then that really BUMS me out because you are positively gorgeous.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I don't think anyone will like my answer, but since I'm happily married, I have to respond with what works for me and my friends that are married....and happy.

Evaluate yourself. (I'm not talking directly to you Glib) Anyone that is single and can't find a "decent" guy, should look at themselves.

Ask yourself a few questions?

1) Am I attractive
2) Am I overweight?
3) If I lose weight would I be MORE attractive?
4) Do I appear approachable?
a) If yes, do people approach me and validate that answer?
5) Am I the type of woman a man would want to introduce to his family?
6) What are my standards?

I would start there and figure things out. I don't want to be hurtful to anyone dealing with a weight issue or physical flaw, but men honestly usuallygo by what is attractive first and then personality.

The other mistake I see women make in my day to day life is that they OVERDUE IT, too much fake hair, too much make up, clothes way over the top, showing too much of this or that. Heels WAY too high...and clear....

I'm just saying, evaluate and try again.

Also, I think the best places to meet men are: the library, the bookstore, the grocery store, the wine loft, the fruit market...not bars, clubs, online or at restaurants. Just my honest advice.

Oh and one of the best ways to meet a nice man is through your already Married friends. My hubby has eligible single male friends that are looking for a wife. We always introduce my single girl friends to his single friends. Even if just in passing. You never know...

I agree with your entire post with the exception of the bolded. How long have you been married? I ask this because many people who have been married for a long time haven't been in the game for a while so really don't have the best idea of where to meet men. If you're not looking to meet quality guys while you're out (cause you already have one), then you might not have the best barometer.
I do agree that the library, bookstore, grocery store, etc. are good places to meet guys during your day to day activities. However, that does not exclude venues like restaurants, lounges, some bars/sports bars, or online. I know too many great couples who met through these venues. Heck, LHCF's own ThickHair has a wonderful love story with her FH who she met ONLINE. If someone is having issues meeting men, I'd tell them the broaden the avenues through which they could meet them, not close viable ones off because of preconceived notions based on old stereotypes. JMHO.

 

[Imani]

Oh and I just thought of one other thing....

Too many of my single friends have passed up a decent guy because they were waiting for something better. They are still single (two in particular) and the two decent guys that were interested in them, are married now...

That couldn't be me.

I don't see anything wrong with passing up a decent guy if he wasn't the guy for you. I know lots of decent guys that I would be miserable if we were together bc they just weren't the guy FOR ME.

 

[lushcoils]

I don't think anyone will like my answer, but since I'm happily married, I have to respond with what works for me and my friends that are married....and happy.

Evaluate yourself. (I'm not talking directly to you Glib) Anyone that is single and can't find a "decent" guy, should look at themselves.

Ask yourself a few questions?

1) Am I attractive
2) Am I overweight?
3) If I lose weight would I be MORE attractive?
4) Do I appear approachable?
a) If yes, do people approach me and validate that answer?
5) Am I the type of woman a man would want to introduce to his family?
6) What are my standards?

I would start there and figure things out. I don't want to be hurtful to anyone dealing with a weight issue or physical flaw, but men honestly usuallygo by what is attractive first and then personality.

The other mistake I see women make in my day to day life is that they OVERDUE IT, too much fake hair, too much make up, clothes way over the top, showing too much of this or that. Heels WAY too high...and clear....

I'm just saying, evaluate and try again.

Also, I think the best places to meet men are: the library, the bookstore, the grocery store, the wine loft, the fruit market...not bars, clubs, online or at restaurants. Just my honest advice.

Oh and one of the best ways to meet a nice man is through your already Married friends. My hubby has eligible single male friends that are looking for a wife. We always introduce my single girl friends to his single friends. Even if just in passing. You never know...

Attractive? Yes.
Fat? No
Lose weight? No, I'm already skinny.
Approachable? What does that mean exactly?
People randomly come up to me and ask for directions or help. Women and older men smile at me.
My standards are realistic. I see my ideal guy all the time.
My style is cute, but not over the top.

What else you got?

I also don't think stores or libraries are the best places to meet men. I go there all the time and men aren't there approaching women. I don't get the stigma against bars and lounges. Some of them are classy and more conducive to socializing than a library.

At libraries and bookstores, people are focused on their reading and studying to even make eye contact. At grocery stores, focused on what they"re buying.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

A lot of unattractive/unconventional looking women and/or overweight women get approached a lot, so that's not it.

chile, hush yo mouf..u ain't neva lied. i know dis one chick...not good lookin at all....husband is a cutie...they met n got married. i always try to figure people out. i checked up her n down, from head to toe. totally opposite couple, but he follows her around and does whateva she says. if she says go n grab me some clouds, he's pullin down da moon, da stars n some mo.

it's all about confidence. i've said it before and i'll say it again. you can be H-U-G-E, but when you walk in a room full of people with confidence, it makes one say "umph..who is that".

tellin u some good shyt chile....

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

Glib - care for one?

 

[HoneyA]

^^^ Love these stories but it's true. My ex complains about my attitude but he still follows me around.

Well I think the consensus is having confidence so the question is how does a woman develop that sort of confidence? Anybody got any specific tips? I really do think it's a mindset though.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Hmm, I noticed that some of us with this issue live in the DMV area. Interesting. I started a thread awhile ago about places to go in the DMV area where men approach women. It didn't get many responses, but maybe it will help some of you. Let me go find it.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/re...where-do-you-get-approached-specifically.html

Actually, someone in this thread gave the suggestions. lol

i missed dis memo. there are a lot of places to go in da dmv. i've met men at the Safeway (Clinton, MD)(late night). Neva go on a early sat or sun. NEVER. Fish Market in Clinton, ummm.....there are a ton of places that I go to. In fact, a friend of mines (him and his wife) are having a Christmas Party at his mansion in Fort Washington Maryland and there will be tons of men there, cuz trust n believe, where there are men, I'm there lololol.. he has this party every year.

i really don't think there is a specific place to go to get approached. it could be anywhere. the car wash, home depot, gas station, da licka sto, U Street in da summer time...(that outdoor flea market), Adams Morgan, you'd be surprised.

for example, this morning, i was buying my coffee at the 7-11, and was short $.69. I knew I had it, but had to dig down my bottomless pit bag to find it. This nice looking brother (blue collar) said do you need some change. I said yes, I sure do. He said here you go sweetheart, and I looked him in his eyes (eye contact) and said thank you, you're a lifesaver and a sweetheart He smiled, we chit chatted out the door. his car was parked next to mines, and we exchanged numbers.

oh, and for da record, i was lookin a hot mess. da wig was on crooked (wasn't pulled down all da way in da back cuz i felt a draft), i had on my "runnin to da 7-11 right quick to get coffee" jeans n sneakers on.

men love to feel needed. even tho it was only 69 cents, he offered, which was nice of him. it was the thought that counts. now just because i have his number and vice versa doesn't mean we will become intimate friends. i look at it as i met a nice man today. das it n das all.

 

[C(squared)]

I disagree with the overweight issue. You may be surprised at how many men prefer BBW or thick women. I'm not overweight by any means but I have several friends and classmates who aren't hurting for any men.

 

[missann]

Oh and I just thought of one other thing....

Too many of my single friends have passed up a decent guy because they were waiting for something better. They are still single (two in particular) and the two decent guys that were interested in them, are married now...

That couldn't be me.

So they should settle? Also, what's "decent"? Is it being gainfully employed, no record, no kids....? It implies mediocrity. A lot of single women are way past "decent" so they likely expect more from a partner.

 

[hopeful]

I am going to go against the grain and say I don't believe every pot has a lid, not everyone can, will, or should get married or be in a serious relationship. Not being a pessimist but I just really feel that way. I don't look at it as some type of inherent flaw in the person though.

This is how I feel. The bolded in particular cannot be emphasized enough. I hate when people think something is wrong with them or give married women "special" status. I think most women, single or married, are wonderful. I notice that some women just don't attract the type of man they like/want--I can't imagine how frustrating that would be. I think that was/is one of my blessings. I do think most women have a lid out there, some just never meet them. And I have no idea where the good men are. I've been with the same guy forever, the world has changed so IDK. I know my beautiful, smart, teen-aged daughter struggles with finding a decent boyfriend. I know my very pretty, hard-working mother never found "the one". I just wish everyone could have a loving partner if that's what they want.

 

[aribell]

^^^I do feel that finding "the one" in a soulmate kind of sense might be more of a crapshoot. I feel like finding that person you just click with, fall in love, and live happily with on and on is more a matter of serendipity.

 

[LoveisYou]

I think there's a difference between approaching a man and approaching a man, lol

For example, if you see a guy at an event and you are feeling him what's wrong with sauntering over by him and striking up a conversation. If he's feeling you he might just ask you for your number. It's different from just walking over to a guy and asking for his number. By striking up a conversation, you are sort of letting him know you are diggin' him indirectly, it's then up to him to take the lead and seal the deal.

 

[hopeful]

I could never "saunter up" to a guy. Make eye contact, smile, "accidentally" bump into him, but never just directly walk up to a man. You are brave.

 

[Glib Gurl]

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

Glib - care for one?

*takes a puff of TJG's cig*

 

[LoveisYou]

I could never "saunter up" to a guy. Make eye contact, smile, "accidentally" bump into him, but never just directly walk up to a man. You are brave.

Alright, I can't take too much credit for courage lol. The few times I have "sauntered" over I was very indirect with my approach. I would just "happen" to end up next to the guy, it wasn't direct walk over, I "somehow" (by mere happenstance) just found myself near him and just struck up a normal conversation. I wouldn't just walk over and strike up a conversation out of the blue, I would wait for an opportunity.

 

[MissMasala5]

Alright, I can't take too much credit for courage lol. The few times I have "sauntered" over I was very indirect with my approach. I would just "happen" to end up next to the guy, it wasn't direct walk over, I "somehow" (by mere happenstance) just found myself near him and just struck up a normal conversation. I wouldn't just walk over and strike up a conversation out of the blue, I would wait for an opportunity.

This is how I met DH. I was walking by and complimented his motorcycle by saying, "Nice Harley!" and he said thanks, but that it wasn't a Harley. It really looked like one, so I went over to get a closer look. At the bike, not at him

 

[LunadeMiel]

This is how I met DH. I was walking by and complimented his motorcycle by saying, "Nice Harley!" and he said thanks, but that it wasn't a Harley. It really looked like one, so I went over to get a closer look. At the bike, not at him

With my last long term relationship I indirectly offered him my number and he called the same night (I thought I had lost an item and asked him to call me in case he found it ). I never did find the shirt but we dated for 6.5 years. With DH when we first met I told him that he needed some chapstick and proceeded to give him some. He's been stuck since