So mad and hurt right now...

[FocusLady]

I just found out my Nigerian bf of almost two yrs is married. He married some girl back in his home country last summer (July 09). He just came back from a visit to Nigeria and I was unpacking his things and found a DVD of the wedding...BUSTED. I know he has younger family member and a mom back home that he takes care of. So whenever he would speak to them he speaks his language which I don't understand; of course. I should have known better. I feel so stupid. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I didn't want to go on the African stereotypes about how African males are users and liars. They have wives and families back in Africa and they come here and use women. . I'm so mad right now. I know a lot about him and his family. I want to call and have them all deported . Just to get him back. Some of them are not here legally and have fake/false passports.


(Please overlook my spelling and English. I'm very upset right now and don't feel like proofing )

 

[JustKiya]

Wowwwwwwwwwwww.

That's - wow. That's heartbreaking - I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope that you can move on, not give into the urge for vindictive revenge, and heal swiftly.

DAMN! Just up and got married, eh?

 

[ThickHair]

Let him and his illegal's go. He is no longer your problem. I hope you repacked and booted him out as soon as you saw the evidence.

Cyber hug to you sis. An associate of mine found a video tape of her HUSBAND Sunday night in a very compromising position.

 

[lesedi]

This has nothing to do with African men. This has everything to do with HIM being an inconsiderate jerk. You need one of these

 

[dlewis]

So sorry to hear that. ((((HUGS)))))

 

[dlewis]

This has nothing to do with African men. This has everything to do with HIM beng an inconsiderate jerk. You need one of these

I agree. My cousin did this to his longtime, mother of his two kids girlfriend.

 

[phynestone]

:hug: I'm sorry to hear about this.

Please don't call DHS about the relatives. Quickly separate yourself from this man, get yourself tested and cut off all contact.

God will take care of him.

 

[Rastafarai]

I know for some cultures having more than one wife is standard. Maybe he wanted to make you his second wife?

 

[Strangefruittree]

Damn Homie.... Yeah he is a jerk...

 

[FocusLady]

Yeah I'm so done with him. I can't believe him. I called him at work and told him I found the DVD of his wedding and he was at a lost for words. I have helped him so much. When his family turned their back on him; I was there. I'm packing his things now for him to get after work. He owns me a lot of money. So we have some talking to do about my $$$ and some kind of payments. I don't even want to hear about this wedding or marriage.

 

[FocusLady]

I know for some cultures having more than one wife is standard. Maybe he wanted to make you his second wife?

He has two cousins that he hangs with ALL THE TIME. They cheat on their wives and the wives know. However they have kids with these men so maybe its different for them. When we have problem these are the two cousins that come in and talk me into forgiving him and staying with him. Not this. I think his father has more than one wife. After looking at the DVD he looked super bored and not even into it. I don't know what to think about it. I don't know if it was arranged or what. I know four of his sisters had an arranged marriage. He's the youngest of eight and the only son. (Talking out loud.) I don't care what his culture is; he should have said something about this.

 

[Rastafarai]

He has two cousins that he hangs with ALL THE TIME. They cheat on their wives and the wives know. However they have kids with these men so maybe its different for them. When we have problem these are the two cousins that come in and talk me into forgiving him and staying with him. Not this. I think his father has more than one wife. After looking at the DVD he looked super bored and not even into it. I don't know what to think about it. I don't know if it was arranged or what. I know four of his sisters had an arranged marriage. He's the youngest of eight and the only son. (Talking out loud.) I don't care what his culture is; he should have said something about this.

You're right. Sorry to hear you are going through this. In the event he does not want to repay you and you have to go to court make sure you have receipts of every cent you spent on him.

Also, is there anything that ties him to the US? I ask because if he is not a citizen or legal US resident he is free to leave the country to avoid paying you your money. Just be careful and move smart.

 

[Mai Tai]

Wow! Just wow! I am so very sorry to hear this. My father is from Nigeria and believe me when I say that this is not something that ALL African men do. This man was just an A$$Hole. Period.

You say that you "should have known better," but how were you supposed to know that this man would do such a thing. Please don't start blaming yourself. You cannot be accountable for someone else's actions.

My advice is to of course get tested for HIV/AIDS, and get your life back on track. I would see if I could have the locks changed ASAP, and have his belongings waiting for him OUTSIDE the house. Have someone with you when he gets home this evening. Do not let him enter the house to retrieve his things. He does not deserve that courtesy!

 

[ThickHair]

Yeah I'm so done with him. I can't believe him. I called him at work and told him I found the DVD of his wedding and he was at a lost for words. I have helped him so much. When his family turned their back on him; I was there. I'm packing his things now for him to get after work. He owns me a lot of money. So we have some talking to do about my $$$ and some kind of payments. I don't even want to hear about this wedding or marriage.

Girl, let the money go, so you can have a clean break. Sometimes we have to take a "L" to have peace of mind. If he pays you them yippie if not, write it off, seriously.

 

[locabouthair]

Yes please get tested.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. ((HUGS))

 

[Ivonnovi]

FocusLady, I'm just posting to send you a big a Cyber-Hug. You do what you feel you must do. Yes (too) many of them are users, be proud of the fact that you found this out when you did, and hopefully before bearing any of his children or "marrying him".

 

[LilMissRed]

I'm so sorry he pulled this stunt on u {{hugs}} but yeah.. he gotta go. Be done. Dont seek revenge-GOD dont like ugly! What he did to u.. he will get his 10 fold!

WOW. just WOW.

 

[DrC]

Oh sweetheart I am so sorry about what happened. I was talking to some of my friends whoare from Africa and one of them said "Yeah, there are a couple countries that give Africa a bad name, especially Nigerians, we don't get along with them at all"

Not saying that your bf is bad business ( okay Im lying...I am), most Nigerian men have a terrible reputation of treating their women like garbage. There is a reason you found out about this...think if you would not have found out...he probably would've never told you..or would've told you 10 years and 2 kids later....

P.S. and I bet the reason he was trying to get married is to gain American Citizenship lol.

 

[panamoni]

Wow. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

 

[Almaz]

I am so sorry this happened to you. Its not all African men cause all men from everywhere do the same thing. REMOVE yourself get tested and Unass these people. They are dirt and filth Don't worry the good lord will take care of all of them

Also you don't have to call















BUT I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO CALL THE PO PO on your behalf.

Just saying

I likes helping the lord in smiting folks. specially when they do this low down dirty rotten no good ****.

 

[pookaloo83]

BUT I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO CALL THE PO PO on your behalf.

Just saying

I likes helping the lord in smiting folks. specially when they do this low down dirty rotten no good ****.

----------------------------


So sorry OP. I'm curious as to what his story is gonna be.

 

[Bachelorette]

. I want to call and have them all deported . Just to get him back.)

I would have

Gotta be frank. This happens often. Wouldnt surprise me if the wife is a virgin. whenever non-Nigerians tell me about a Nigerian SO, Im all , of course alot of them tend to think it's cos Im jealous..yea NO. Not saying that getting married to a non Nigerian doesnt happen, it does but those are the ones that have the balls to go against family and there arent many like that. Like most Indian men, they use the American women for their "needs" then go home and marry the "docile submissive wife"

Sorry to hear about your situation, but I must say I AM happy you dont have kids for him (please tell me you dont, I dont know if your mentioned it or not..wishful thinking)

 

[Bachelorette]

Oh sweetheart I am so sorry about what happened. I was talking to some of my friends whoare from Africa and one of them said "Yeah, there are a couple countries that give Africa a bad name, especially Nigerians, we don't get along with them at all"

LOL

and where is your friend from

 

[MissJ]

Sorry to say this, but this type of thing is quite common among Nigerians. Heck, that's why I banned myself from dating a man who has ties to other countries. Been there, done that. You can never know what they are doing when you two are not in the same country. Also, I remember first week of law school, a couple of friends were talking about their boyfriends back home. I was thinking to myself, "They're not going to have boyfriends for long." A few months later, I learned that one of the girl's boyfriends was Nigerian, so I was definitely sure of what I thought when I first met her. He also lived in D.C. Next thing I know, he's married to some other girl. I was thinking, "You weren't really his girlfriend, and you're the only one who didn't know it." She was heartbroken.

Also, my ex is Nigerian, so one of my friends told me about this woman who was married to a Nigerian. The lady worked with him. Well, turns out the Nigerian was already married. He managed to bring his family over here after some time, and then he tried to kick the American wife and her children out of the house so that his real family could move in. The American wife shot him.

This thread has brought back some memories. I had forgotten that I'd never date a man with ties to another country. I was about to do that a couple months ago. My freshman year of college, I had an exchange student from Korea as a roommate. She had just moved here and needed to learn better English. She started dating this guy, and when I met him, I thought he looked old. When I asked her how old he was, she said he was 33. Here's me Anyway, some weeks went by, and one day he called when she was not there. When she got back, I told her Huang called. She got so upset and told me that he was married! He has a wife back home.

 

[mscocoface]

That is some messed up stuff right there. Mercy!

 

[Ladybelle]

I don't know why, but this reminds of the book "Midnight" by Sister Souljah. OP- I know it hurts right now, but know there is something so much better out there for you. Sorry you're going through this.

 

[MissJ]

He has two cousins that he hangs with ALL THE TIME. They cheat on their wives and the wives know. However they have kids with these men so maybe its different for them. When we have problem these are the two cousins that come in and talk me into forgiving him and staying with him. Not this. I think his father has more than one wife. After looking at the DVD he looked super bored and not even into it. I don't know what to think about it. I don't know if it was arranged or what. I know four of his sisters had an arranged marriage. He's the youngest of eight and the only son. (Talking out loud.) I don't care what his culture is; he should have said something about this.

Watch out for the man who hangs out with other men who cheat all the time. Eventually their behavior will rub off on him, and of course they'll be boosting him up to cheat. However, the responsibility is solely on him. Culture my behind. He knew it wasn't your culture, so why would he even do that? I hope you don't try to rationalize his behavior.

 

[Zuleika]

Also, my ex is Nigerian, so one of my friends told me about this was who was married to a Nigerian. The lady worked with him. Well, turns out the Nigerian was already married. He managed to bring his family over here after some time, and then he tried to kick the American wife and her children out of the house so that his real family could move in. The American wife shot him.

 

[Honey Brown]

I am so sorry you are going through this.....(((FocusLady)))

 

[Keen]

He has two cousins that he hangs with ALL THE TIME. They cheat on their wives and the wives know. However they have kids with these men so maybe its different for them. When we have problem these are the two cousins that come in and talk me into forgiving him and staying with him. Not this. I think his father has more than one wife. After looking at the DVD he looked super bored and not even into it. I don't know what to think about it. I don't know if it was arranged or what. I know four of his sisters had an arranged marriage. He's the youngest of eight and the only son. (Talking out loud.) I don't care what his culture is; he should have said something about this.

If your man hangs out with cheaters and don't have a problem with it, then that's a sign he would be a cheater also. I'm sorry this happen to you. I've heard stories like yours too many time. It doesn't matter whether it was arranged or not. He is married. If you are not into that kind of stuff there is no excuse for it.