Do I have the right to feel hurt?

BronzyBella said:
Thanks everyone. I may have shown him that I was beginning to take him/us seriously.

On his birthday card, I wrote him a mushy incription he didn't directly respond to, and I also got visibly annoyed during his bday week when he was "too busy" to drop me a line.

In all honesty, this isn't the first time he's freaked out on me so I may just take your advice and keep it moving.

I think Pam hit the nail on the head when she said he used the opportunity to mention/show he was seeing other people since he realized I was getting "attached."
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Slow down OP. :yep:
 
loved said:
Your response seemed like a natural flow from the conversation. Substitute something else:

Him: I save all my energy for working and playing football.
Natural Response: Do you play football a lot?

Why raise the issue in that way if he didn't think it was an appropriate topic for discussion?

He told you who he is. The real question is are you listening and is he worth another moment of your time & energy given his priorities & where you fall (or don't fall) in those priorities.

And I agree with the other ladies on skipping a man whose main means of communication is texting. Do you notice him texting a lot when he is with you? Probably so & that's how that ball bounces.
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But here's the thing.....it seems like she became comfortable with the texting and from that developed feelings (which is okay), BUT before HE apparently has.

Let's (not you directly) take the focus off him because folks could learn a few things here....
 
Charz said:
Let him go, OP

He purpsely said he only has energy for work and sex tio\ make it clear that he doesnt want a relationship. He's pretty much looking for NSA situation.

His response was juvenile as hell too. Release the fool

@Seeking8Rights Men are supposed to be the "logical/rational" ones so I expect a better response from a man to such a question.
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Love it!! :lol:


Um wth? He is crazier than a soup sandwich. Let it go.
 
hopeful said:
@ the bolded :yep:. Texting every other day is not the business. A person can text you while going to the bathroom, out on a date with another girl, hanging out with his boys. It's truly minimal effort. If a guy is into you he will pick up the phone and talk to you, he will want to hear your voice. I really wish more women understood this. Settling for a texter is asking for heartbreak IMO. Yes I know there are exceptions where folks texted all the time, fell in love, and got married BUT that is the exception. Texting more than talking on the phone = A huge red flag.
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Completely. Ive always been suspicious of guys who only text/text more than call.

They are not to be taken seriously. I dont care about exceptions
 
To answer your question, don't let yourself be bothered with hurt. Get with your best girl & have a celebratory dinner or drink over the mess you dodged & keep the lesson in your pocket.
 
I LOVE to text! :lol:

Right now the guy I'm seeing hates that about me. I can tell he likes me a lot because he's always calling (every day) and trying to meet up with me once a week at least.

OP, I've been in situations where guys only texted me. If a guys main communication is texting then 9 out 10 times he's just not that into you, because when a guy is really into you, he wants to take up all your time!
 
"you're not a close friend, I'm not TRYING to get close to you, I'm not TRYING to be in a relationship with you.." and went off some more.
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And that's all folks....there would not even be a crack of consideration as to whether or not we will even talk again. He said it all right there.

All the other stuff was uncalled for as well...but the quoted was the defining statement.


Oh and the work partying and sex statement would have been my exit no matter what he said after that. For me, a serious, monogamous relationship type of woman, that says to me, "I will straight up cheat on you" but that's just my interpretation....
 
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hopeful said:
I tried to explain this to my daughter but she won't listen because she is shy and doesn't like talking on the phone. She will have to learn the hard way. A dude can carry on like 20 texting relationships at once, much more difficult to talk on the phone with 20 girls daily. A phone call takes effort, a little planning, and interest.
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Exactly. Totally agree with you. Today some of these men will send out a massive group texts to several women saying good morning beautiful. A huge red flag especially if the text is not personalized with your name. I once had a guy that wanted to carry out hour long conversations via text. I'm like damn a sister can't get a phone call. In hindsight every guy that I came across that just wanted to text really didn't want me in the first place. It was almost like I was something to just chill with for the time being while they found the person they really wanted to be with.

If a man is truly feeling you he will call you to talk to you and not settle for conversations with you via text messages. I'm sorry but this is a very juvenile way of trying to get to know someone nevermind extremely impersonable.

A mentor of mine told me months back that a man that is only interested in texting you and not actually talking to you is only interested in having sex with you.
 
"you're not a close friend, I'm not TRYING to get close to you, I'm not TRYING to be in a relationship with you.."

I think that that is your answer right there.He made his thoughts and feelings very clear.

IMO it would've been awkward if you asked the question out of the blue however it was a continuation of a remark that he made so no I do not think that it was inappropriate.
 
Sorry OP, I say keep it moving and leave dude in the dust. I would have likely inquired if he presented that statement to me also. His reaction could have been nicer even if he felt the question was inappropriate.
 
So OP, what have you decided to do? I don't think you read too much into the situation. He said he was attracted to you, he meets up with you often, he kisses you when you meet up, and you guys text often.

It could be that I'm not a casual kisser but if I'm kissing, there's something there. The fact that he said he's NOT trying to get to know you is ridiculous. What the heck has he been doing. My response would've been to calmly look at him, tell him to calm down and then calmly ask him what kind of fluesy (sp) does he take me for!!! if he wasn't trying to get to know me he should've let me know instead of leading me on by kissing all over me etc. Further more I would impress upon him that he brought up sex and if it's inappropriate he should've kept his mouth shut. Because I've been kissing all over you, I have a right to know if you're all over town.

He was trying to use you as a plaything while building meaningful relationships with others. His flipping out was disrespectful. I could go more in depth but suffice it to say, that it's really good you found out his true character and intentions.
 
Yes his reaction was outtaline and borderline psycho. :ohwell: And in regards to asking such a "personal question" you can ask whatever the hell you want to sweetie...gf/bf/bestfriend/mama/daddy/etc or not.
 
sweetie, run ....run while you still can...this is NOT :nono: the one for you..



BronzyBella said:
Earlier in the summer, I met a guy. We realized right away that we had a lot in common. We started texting each other every other day and seeing each other ever couple of weeks (we live pretty far apart). He told me he was attracted to me/liked me, and I told him the same. We never did anything but kiss and seemed to be hitting it off.

The other day, we're having a conversation (via text) and he mentions that he saves all his energy for work, partying and sex. I couldn't just ignore the comment. Wondering how he would respond, I asked "Oh. Do you have a very active sex life or something?" He FREAKED out on me, telling him I had no right to ask him a personal question like that (which I agree with - hindsight)... but he also told me "you're not a close friend, I'm not TRYING to get close to you, I'm not TRYING to be in a relationship with you.." and went off some more.

I was embarrassed to have asked a question that offended him/made him respond that way but at the same time I was relieved that something (his intentions towards me) came out like that.

We haven't talked since and I'm considering cutting him off altogether. Why? Because I don't like the idea of dating someone while they're actively seeking to meet other people (via clubbing once a week) because you aren't "good enough" (for lack of a better term)... or developing feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way.

Do you think there was anything inappropriate about his reaction? A guy friend of mine told me that I had no right to ask him such a question if he wasn't my boyfriend.

Do I have a right to feel hurt by how cold/upfront he was about it?
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I deleted him from my phone / BBM yesterday. I really doubt he'll call or email to find out why (since he probably already knows why).

I've learned a few things from this experience though...

I will never do the BBM/text only thing with a guy ever again.

I will never date a younger man (he was 26, I'm 29) ever again.

I will stop seeing a guy right away if we go out (even if it's my treat) and he doesn't even reach for his wallet for gesture's sake.
 
BronzyBella said:
I deleted him from my phone / BBM yesterday. I really doubt he'll call or email to find out why (since he probably already knows why).

I've learned a few things from this experience though...

I will never do the BBM/text only thing with a guy ever again.

I will never date a younger man (he was 26, I'm 29) ever again.

I will stop seeing a guy right away if we go out (even if it's my treat) and he doesn't even reach for his wallet for gesture's sake.
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It should never be your treat early in the relationship anyway. Otherwise, I agree with your insights. I wish you the best. You live and learn and we all make mistakes. I hope the next guy you date is a sweetheart.
 
hopeful said:
It should never be your treat early in the relationship anyway. Otherwise, I agree with your insights. I wish you the best. You live and learn and we all make mistakes. I hope the next guy you date is a sweetheart.
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hopeful said:
Yes! And he will be like "What's up?" like nothing happened lol. Ignore his calls and texts.
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hopeful - you give the best grown woman advice! You always say stuff I would say, except I would go off on a huge rant - your advice is so succinct and on point, I love it :yep:
 
Seeking8Rights said:
Or it could be that the OP was reading more into things than what really were and her asking the question hit a nerve with him. He might be the type to take things slow, so it probably turned him all the way off.
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I dunno. I mean, the type of person who is discreet and 'takes things slow' doesn't seem like the type of person who would mention via text that they are conserving their energy for sex and partying. JMO. :nono:

He sounds loco. AND, I'm glad he showed his tail before you guys got too serious op. Consider it a disaster averted.
 
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He sounds crazy as hell. Who goes off when someone asks a question about a topic they brought up in the 1st place. Thank your lucky stars you two didnt really get involved.

Sent from my Super Kewl EVO... Please blame the phone for the typos
 
Ah gee guys like talking about sex and more doing the act. You don't need to feel sorry for asking, if you don't ask you don't know. What happen to freedom of speech? KIM on this one.
 
I agree With everyone else... Run don't walk!! Sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince but he is out there somewhere you just have to be able to recognize the difference and don't waste time thinking about the toads
 
PatTodd said:
He deliberately raised the issue of sex to provoke a reaction from you, so that he could tell you that he doesn't plan on getting serious with you. Believe him and move on.
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I agree.....He was testing you. Smh....:nono:

Whatever his "reasons" for his comment...He's still a JERK and you deserve better. Any guy that would react to an innocent question like that has issues imo.

So, you're good enough to come see and kiss upon, but you're not good enough to be in a "relationship" with? Puh-leeeze. Boy...get out of my face w/that nonsense. :hand:

Some men out here I tell you!! :nono:

I don't think that comment should have been ignored, so I'm glad you said something instead of just acting like you're his "gal pal" who he can freely talk to about his sex-capades. Please... :nono2:

Please don't waste anymore of your precious time or head space on this dude. :nono: His poor behavior is not even worth analyzing. Just say: "NEXT!" And move on...



ETA: And see...this is reason # 3,426 why I absolutely DETEST guys texting me during the "getting to know you stage"! :wallbash: It is so lazy, impersonal, and keeps you at an arms-length distance if you ask me. :nono: Not only that, but when you're texting all the time, so much can be misconstrued through text....as may have been the case in this situation. Things look different through written word as opposed to verbal speech where you can hear a person's tone, and sometimes even feelings through their voice.

Also, Anytime a guy is texting more than calling you is a RED flag imo. :imo:
 
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