*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

NYE was :2inlove: We have major chemistry and he didn’t leave my side the entire event. He was even right by my side during the NYE countdown and we were each other’s first person to wish happy new year. But he’s still expressing his fear of commitment and giving up his freedom. I am guarding my heart and keeping tight boundaries. We have stuff in common that helps keep things platonic.
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
when you’re Inside the car and he’s walking to get in , do you reach over and open the door @Plushottie
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I did that when I was in my twenties. Some Men had me thinking for me to show I cared about them (showing them I was a gentleman), I had to reach over and open their door. I don’t do that anymore. My daddy never told me to do that, so I learned some hard lessons over time to stop doing that dumb crap.
I do hold doors for people period because I have manners. I was raised to be thoughtful and kind to others.
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
I don’t literally mean open the door I mean unlock it @ckisland
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Why would their door be locked in this day and age? Now if was cold or raining and their door was locked, I would unlock it. That’s the human thing to do. This is a common sense issue. Why would someone sit there like a kid or a dog and just let someone fumble around trying to unlock the door?
 
TrulyBlessed said:
NYE was :2inlove: We have major chemistry and he didn’t leave my side the entire event. He was even right by my side during the NYE countdown and we were each other’s first person to wish happy new year. But he’s still expressing his fear of commitment and giving up his freedom. I am guarding my heart and keeping tight boundaries. We have stuff in common that helps keep things platonic.
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He is so far in the friend zone. He gets no candy or cookies! Relationship talk should be off limits now. I wouldn’t even entertain that anymore. That’s a manipulation tactic to get you to try harder to win him over. There is no responsibility or accountability on his part. Keep the energy and conversations strictly platonic. He already told you he doesn’t want to be your man.
 
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I gotta figure out this birthday party for my little one , get my sensors fixed on the car before my inspection ends and sell this house.

January gonna be a busy month.
 
So one of my initial findings is non committal men are accustomed to surface relationships. And if you ask a lot of questions/follow-up questions to get to know them more they are not used to that and may be quite turned off lol. It makes me think of the many times where I go places and I see two people staring at their phones the entire time without talking to each other. People really don’t want to connect on a deeper level anymore.
 
I don’t want to insinuate that BM are toxic, dangerous, or inherently damaged. There are some toxic, damaged, delusional people out there that are just more vocal and loud. They fill the atmosphere with negativity and are agents of division.
I love men of the African Diaspora. Nothing out there like them, just like the women of the diaspora.

If the desire to have a loving relationship with someone is a goal, then I’m all for it. People just need to get clear and honest about what they want and the energy it will take to get it, as well as sustain it.
I just wanna put that out there for the new year!
 
Do you know what made me give CB a chance?

He could tell by the tone of my voice something was different. He also verbally told me after that hes trying to learn me so hes paying attention.

Hes not my normal cup of tea and he annoys the crap out of me with his backwards thinking but hes really making an effort. Im not perfect but I really love to talk everything out. Friends, family, significant others. Imma talk to you death and listen just as hard because most people listen to respond and not to understand.
 
Listened to a coworker talk about the things shes been through and knowing that shes aware of not falling for the okey dokey but she still finds herself wanting to have the attention because any attention is better than no attention.

This is a beautiful black accomplished woman.

We had a long talk but you cant make anyone realize their own worth. They have to come to it on their own. My experiences Ive shared and I hope it helps.
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
Listened to a coworker talk about the things shes been through and knowing that shes aware of not falling for the okey dokey but she still finds herself wanting to have the attention because any attention is better than no attention.

This is a beautiful black accomplished woman.

We had a long talk but you cant make anyone realize their own worth. They have to come to it on their own. My experiences Ive shared and I hope it helps.
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Tell her if she wants some attention to go volunteer at an animal shelter. She will get a lot of attention at the animal shelter.
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
If only @Evolving78
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To clarify, the point is to get busy with a distraction of helping, or being of service that can create a meaningful or insightful impact on one’s circumstances. Basically getting out of your head about the things you can’t control and focus on things you can. If wanting attention from a man is what she wants, then she has to understand that emotional bumps and bruises comes along with the territory. All she can do is control how she handles herself and stay firm in her boundaries. I stepped outside of my home for 10 mins and got some attention! Lol I wasn’t looking for it either.

Does this woman have challenges in being social? If she does, then that’s a different story.
 
Trigger warning (violence against women)

Woman’s Bumble date held her captive for 5 days, authorities say​


SPRING, Texas (KPRC) - A Texas man is facing charges after authorities say he kidnapped, tortured and sexually assaulted a woman he met on a dating app.

Zachary Mills, 21, has been charged with a first-degree felony of aggravated kidnapping. His neighbors had a lot to say about the jarring allegations against him that detail the reported kidnapping beginning on Christmas Eve and spanning five days.

“People are crazy,” neighbor Keyana Archer said. “It’s pretty scary with the new dating world only being mostly online.”


According to court documents, the victim met Mills on the Bumble dating app and agreed to visit him on Christmas Eve at his apartment home in Spring, Texas.

Once she got there, he allegedly tried to have sex with her, and she refused. Records show Mills then started punching, slapping and biting her. He’s also accused of raping her and hitting her with a screwdriver when his hands got tired.

Officials believe Mills deprived the victim of food and water for the five days he allegedly held her captive.

The documents go on to say the victim was finally able to escape and get help when Mills left Thursday to go to his father’s house. Investigators say she suffered severe bruising to both eyes, bite marks and cuts to both her throat and nose and severe bruising to the majority of her body.


Mills was arrested Friday. He has since been released from jail after posting a $50,000 bond but is on 24-hour house arrest, other than essential travel, according to his attorney.

He is set to be arraigned on the aggravated kidnapping charge in March and could face more charges.

A Bumble representative said in a statement that Mills has been blocked from the app. The company also offered seven tips for safe dating that include always meeting in a public place, telling someone you trust where you’re going and researching the person you’re meeting as much as possible.

Not victim blaming but never meet a man in his house or let him come to yours. :nono: In the early stages.
 
Evolving78 said:
To clarify, the point is to get busy with a distraction of helping, or being of service that can create a meaningful or insightful impact on one’s circumstances. Basically getting out of your head about the things you can’t control and focus on things you can. If wanting attention from a man is what she wants, then she has to understand that emotional bumps and bruises comes along with the territory. All she can do is control how she handles herself and stay firm in her boundaries. I stepped outside of my home for 10 mins and got some attention! Lol I wasn’t looking for it either.

Does this woman have challenges in being social? If she does, then that’s a different story.
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its more she wants the attention from an ex who’s no good for her. She knows that but sometimes a voice is telling her it’s better than not having any attention and trying to make it work with someone knew. She was trying to figure out how to keep reminding herself that when she’s lonely. I’m going to suggest therapy next time I talk to her. @Evolving78
 
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