*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

kimpaur said:
Spill the tea, what happened :look:
Click to expand...

The first guy I met leaving the grocery store… about 50 miles from my house… we hit it off pretty well. Ended up going on three dates. Each date he drove to me because *ahem* I’m not driving an hour down the road for no man :lol: So, I guess he started to feel like since he was driving to me an hour each way he should be able to come to my house and that’s a negative. He just kept pressuring me to come to my house and I just wasn’t here for it and eventually he started with the sex talk and GOODBYE! Blockedt.

number two I met the same day that I met the first one and his pick up lines were pretty funny but he was an instant regret because I did a google search and found all kinds of criminal cases so that was a no and goodbye. Blockedt.

after careful consideration, I blockedt number three today. I say that because he lives in my apartment complex and my lease isn’t up till the end of this month and I don’t know if this fool crazy and not only does he know where I live but he lives where I live :lol: I didnt want to rock the boat too much since he knows my address and is able to have access but FORGET IT!! He bring his narrow behind to my door if he want to he will get every last vapor of the smoke!

anyway, number 3 was just texting me half to death. I’m not in need of a text buddy at 37 and there was nothing really substantive to our conversation. I wouldn’t have necessarily blocked him based on that but buddy tried me hard this weekend… text at 2:38am “are you up?” I didn’t see it until around 8am when I woke up because we all know good and well ain’t nothing up at 2:38am in the morning but a** and mine was snug tight in my blanket lol. I didnt respond and shrugged it off even though I was very annoyed. Next day he engages in normal texting like nothing happened he asks “wyd” (which also grinds my gears). So I responded “leaving the grocery store” he says “come by when you get back” ??? Because I’ve never been over before and why am I coming to your house? So I didn’t respond. Monday which was the holiday he texts again “how are you” I said “I’m good… how are you.” He responds “I’m good just chillin.” :mad: girl I didn’t even respond because at this point I don’t care and why are you texting me. So, after I do my little running around on Monday I come back home and stop to check the mailbox which is at the front of the complex. His apartment is second floor also in the front of the complex across from the mailboxes. I peep he’s out on his balcony :rolleyes: when I pull up. Get my mail and as I’m walking back to the car he says hey so I say hey. Ol’ creepin ahh negro but whatever :lol: nothing the rest of the day. Yesterday he texts asking what’s for dinner. At this point I feel like you trollin me but I went ahead and humored him. I told him what I had. Girl, he responded “you’re for dessert.” Girl. Woosah.

I thought about calling to cuss him until I ran out of breath but I went with my better judgment. I didn’t respond. But as I said, after careful consideration I decided to block him. I’ll let y’all know if anything pop off. I promise he better not try me though. How quickly will he find out that I’m not the one nor the two.

sigh. So excuse my mouth full of Ebonics and poor grammar and punctuation errors. I’m not going back to read this mess lol.
 
I had a whole extravagant dream about the Ex. He picked me up on our date in a huge self-piloted airplane/helicopter thing that he won from a bet :laugh: . Disguises were involved and other hijinks. It was one of the best dreams I've had in a long time. I woke up smiling so hard. I'm mad that he still makes me feel this way :drunk:
 
He invited me to his place for dinner for a first date but that was a NO because I sensed horney vibes and Im not comfortable or know him like that so then he switched up and we went to the movies instead for first date and it was nice; then 3 days later he delivered flowers to me. He's still very much into me coming over but Im feeling him out for now.
 
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How do you ladies feel about lists for your ideal man?

My therapist and I are making one and it’s very eye opening but at what point does it get to be too specific?
I’ve never done one of these before so I’m curious as to how others feel about them.

Thoughts?
 
kimpaur said:
How do you ladies feel about lists for your ideal man?

My therapist and I are making one and it’s very eye opening but at what point does it get to be too specific?
I’ve never done one of these before so I’m curious as to how others feel about them.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
I think it’s good to have one so that you know what you’re looking for as long as it doesn’t have superficial characteristics or traits like hazel eyes, 6’5 with a six pack etc. I think having the ones that you consider deal breakers are important all the rest is nice to have, so just having some wiggle room for men that don’t meet all the things on your list just the very important ones.
 
So I’m single again yay. :rolleyes: This breakup really hurt because I really loved this dude. We were together for 6 months and it was the most adventurous, fun and affectionate relationship I ever had and now it’s over. He had so many issues though, insecure, manipulative, emotional, immature, clingy, etc. He was stressing me out towards the end, I had to let him go. I keep on dating (insert culture here) but I’m going to stop dating these dudes cause they got major issues. I also need to stop feeling like I’m some kinda of love doctor that can heal and help these men. My mom said I was always like that since I was a little girl, always friending the people that were considered odd, cast out, or strangely different. I guess in some way I identify with them, because I don’t always feel like I fit in and I feel sorry for them, I can see they have a good heart behind all that baggage but being in a relationship with these dudes are just hurting me.
 
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NaturalEnigma said:
So I’m single again yay. :rolleyes: This breakup really hurt because I really loved this dude. We were together for 6 months and it was the most adventurous, fun and affectionate relationship I ever had and now it’s over. He had so many issues though, insecure, manipulative, emotional, immature, clingy, etc. He was stressing me out towards the end, I had to let him go. I keep on dating (insert culture here) but I’m going to stop dating these dudes cause they got major issues. I also need to stop feeling like I’m some kinda of love doctor that can help heal and help these men. My mom said I was always like that since I was a little girl, always friending the people that were considered odd, cast out, or strangely different. I guess in some way I identify with them, because I don’t always feel like I fit in and I feel sorry for them, I can see they have a good heart behind all that baggage but being in a relationship with these dudes are just hurting me.
Click to expand...
I was that way, but not anymore. I’m learning there is a difference when someone is just going through something vs that’s just the way that they are. Saving people and loving the hurt away is basically seeking validation through them. It’s like if I fix them and love them, then they will give me what I want and need. If I see the beauty in them, then maybe they will see it for themselves and we can live happily ever after.
I did that with friendships and relationships. I did that when there were times I needed to solely focus on me, but instead I would run out and focus on others. I would attract people like that too! So much codependency going on!! Everybody was trying to fix each other instead of working on themselves just so they won’t be alone.
When it comes down to it, people that try to reduce or fix others do not deem themselves as lovable and feel they have to earn love. It is just another aspect of unworthiness. Always needing to prove that you deserve something. Now I just deal with my stuff and work towards the goals I would like to accomplish for ME!!
 
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NaturalEnigma said:
So I’m single again yay. :rolleyes: This breakup really hurt because I really loved this dude. We were together for 6 months and it was the most adventurous, fun and affectionate relationship I ever had and now it’s over. He had so many issues though, insecure, manipulative, emotional, immature, clingy, etc. He was stressing me out towards the end, I had to let him go. I keep on dating (insert culture here) but I’m going to stop dating these dudes cause they got major issues. I also need to stop feeling like I’m some kinda of love doctor that can help heal and help these men. My mom said I was always like that since I was a little girl, always friending the people that were considered odd, cast out, or strangely different. I guess in some way I identify with them, because I don’t always feel like I fit in and I feel sorry for them, I can see they have a good heart behind all that baggage but being in a relationship with these dudes are just hurting me.
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Aw...I know all too well how much break ups hurt. Even when it's for the best (hug).
Good news is you sound really self aware. That's half the battle :) .
 
Evolving78 said:
I was that way, but not anymore. I’m learning there is a difference when someone is just going through something vs that’s just the way that they are. Saving people and loving the hurt away is basically seeking validation through them. It’s like if I fix them and love them, then they will give me what I want and need. If I see the beauty in them, then maybe they will see it for themselves and we can live happily ever after.
I did that with friendships and relationships. I did that when there were times I needed to solely focus on me, but instead I would run out and focus on others. I would attract people like that too! So much codependency going on!! Everybody was trying to fix each other instead of working on themselves just so they won’t be alone.
When it comes down to it, people that try to reduce or fix others do not deem themselves as lovable and feel they have to earn love. It is just another aspect of unworthiness. Always needing to prove that you deserve something. Now I just deal with my stuff and work towards the goals I would like to accomplish for ME!!
Click to expand...
Thank you @Evolving78 for sharing this. You hit the nail on the head (a couple times) lol. I was thinking that it might be unworthiness and having to prove myself for love but I just felt like I do so much self work, therapy, affirmations, yoga, meditation, reading self help books, praying etc. Although I’m in a much better place then I was years ago I’m surprised that somewhere deep inside I still feel unworthy. If you were to ask me I’d say I’m the bee’s knees, but I guess my subconscious doesn’t agree. When is that going to go away? What have you found helpful to detach yourself from broken people and discover your worth?
 
@NaturalEnigma
I’m a work-in-progress too! But a beautiful person on this board a few years ago told me to tell the little girl inside of me that it was going to be ok and love and protect her. I don’t get it right everyday, but I try my best to show up for her, letting her know that she is loved and cared for. I’m an adult now and I have the ability to speak up for myself and I am learning I don’t have to tolerate behavior that I feel is unsafe or negative to my well-being.
 
So yesterday
I was catching
up on the
latest season
of The Chi
(Showtime)

So Tiffany and
Emmett are married
but have been
having an
open relationship.
Emmett who has
always cheated
on Tiff has struggled
with Tiff being
with other dudes,
never mind that
she put up with
his cheating :moon:
for years.

Well, Emmett is
now in his feelings
and wanting to
settle down, only
Tiff ain't ready;
she likes the
"variety" and wants
things to stay
as they are.

Emmett tells her
that he doesn't
wanna stay married
if she won't commit.

Tiff decides to
hit up her side-dude
to see if he
is willing to
be exclusive.

The exchange
was rather interesting:

 
kimpaur said:
How do you ladies feel about lists for your ideal man?

My therapist and I are making one and it’s very eye opening but at what point does it get to be too specific?
I’ve never done one of these before so I’m curious as to how others feel about them.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

My therapist had me do the same. She told me not to put the basic stuff like must be nice, have a job, be clean lol. It was cool to do and have on hand as I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted after my break up last year.

I don't think mine is too specific. But I'm not holding out for someone to meet every single thing on the list.
 
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