Quoting myself for background. I got back together with X last fall and had to break things off over the weekend.
Over the summer, X disappeared and I had no idea why. He reappeared and mentioned that he and his son were in a car accident. In my post last year, I said that unless he was in a coma, I didn't understand how that translated into two months of radio silence. Well, I didn't take into account the emotional and mental toll that could've taken. He's a widower (wife died unexpectedly and alone with no one to render aid or call for assistance) and as a result, he has a lot of anxiety about his family's health. The car accident, added to everything that was happening with COVID, social justice and the election stuff in the news, and convincing himself that he needed to be strong for everyone was overwhelming for him. He ended up blocking out everyone in his life he didn't have to talk to, including me. He talked about what he was doing to get professional help and asked if we could try again. So we did, and things were good for a while.
The winter was quite harsh. Between X's immediate and extended family, there was a stroke, one COVID scare, two COVID hospitalizations, a COVID death and another car accident all within a four month period. I could see him withdrawing into himself again but there was nothing I could do. He went back to pushing everyone away who wanted to help him. He admitted it. Wouldn't talk, wouldn't text, wouldn't see anyone. He knew what he was doing but somehow couldn't make himself do differently. Eventually he did ask to see me a few times and then ghosted me after we'd made plans. No apologies, no acknowledgements of what he'd done. Just nothing. I did everything I could think of to be supportive.
I talked about everything with friends, and the general consensus was: It was great that I was trying to be there for him, but from the outside looking in, it looked like this was having a negative impact on me. Honestly, it was. I felt sad and alone, useless and untrusted. I felt stupid for not knowing how to help, naïve for being hopeful that things could get better, cruel for considering ending things when he seemed to be at such a low point.
In one of our last exchanges, I told him how frustrated I was that he wouldn't let me help him. He said I didn't deserve how he was treating me, right before he ghosted me the final time. He's a great guy going through a tough time. Maybe X just isn't that into me. Maybe at this point in time he's not in the right frame of mind to be with anyone. In my head I know if he's treating everyone this way then it's not personal, but it doesn't stop the heart break.
Quoting myself for background. Sorry, this is kind of long.
The past few weeks have been pretty rough. My relationship with X ended last month and I've spent the past five weeks trying to emotionally process the loss. The isolation from COVID and my continued frustration with work have added to the overall sadness, loneliness and stress I've been feeling. At first I was dreaming about X regularly and crying everyday, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night just to burst into tears. Then I was only crying every other day, then every few days, and then I'd only get upset when someone mentioned him. Last week I realized that I was able to talk about X and what happened with no tears at all. I felt like the worst was over. And then two things happened.
#1. I thought I'd blocked X, but I got a text on Friday in response to me telling him weeks ago that I wanted to pick up my personal belongings from his place. He said that he and his son were in a car accident last month. Mmmkay, well outside of being in a coma, I'm not sure how that translates to almost two months of radio silence. We're supposed to talk but I'm conflicted. There's a part of me that wants to find out what happened and make sure he's ok. At the same time, I stand by what I posted last month. I don't feel like I should be begging for important information like this if we're in a relationship.
I’m so mean. But I’m so tired of these fools. If I’m going to get out my bed on a Saturday morning it better be for something worthwhile. I may have met you for breakfast but you said a hug... and what do I get out of this? Please. Lol!
) ! She posted a video that she was going to be emotionally offline when it comes to romance until 2022. She basically said that she was becoming jaded by the dating scene, and wanted to protect her romantic dreams. I so got that! Her whole video had me like "Yes, girl!! Tell them!! Tell them!" 
I'm joining her. I'm not entertaining no dudes romantically until 2022 
(I have never been asked that). He was like traditional vs modern and he gave examples what that meant to him. Traditional=guy does all the heavy lifting (calling first, creating dates, paying, etc). Modern= woman takes the lead at times (paying, planning dates, etc). 
