*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

I wasn't sure where to put this as it's not a dating thing, but more like trying to understand a man's way of thinking.

So this guy has two children with a woman he has been split up with for about three years. He insists that he can't stand her, in fact he calls her a whore which is awful in itself. This is his reasoning; he says she goes out every week to see men, she leaves her 8 and 11 year old with her parents when she should be looking after her children. I say to him, isn't she entitled to have a life, he says no her life should be about looking after the children until they're 18 and her social life needs to take a back seat. This is because his mother was only about family, she worked around the clock, no partying so this is where the view stems from.

However, it's okay for him to pursue a relationship and be with a woman (or women) but not the mother - really?
 
LushLox said:
I wasn't sure where to put this as it's not a dating thing, but more like trying to understand a man's way of thinking.

So this guy has two children with a woman he has been split up with for about three years. He insists that he can't stand her, in fact he calls her a whore which is awful in itself. This is his reasoning; he says she goes out every week to see men, she leaves her 8 and 11 year old with her parents when she should be looking after her children. I say to him, isn't she entitled to have a life, he says no her life should be about looking after the children until they're 18 and her social life needs to take a back seat. This is because his mother was only about family, she worked around the clock, no partying so this is where the view stems from.

However, it's okay for him to pursue a relationship and be with a woman (or women) but not the mother - really?
Click to expand...

Men are nuts.
He isn't so concerned that he asked mom to take the kids instead of her parents, huh? That would eat into his time that he spends tricking. I have found that a lot of men don't want to see women happy at all and especially w/o them. SMH
 
BrownBetty said:
Men are nuts.
He isn't so concerned that he asked mom to take the kids instead of her parents, huh? That would eat into his time that he spends tricking. I have found that a lot of men don't want to see women happy at all and especially w/o them. SMH
Click to expand...

I agree. If she’s dating someone or dating in general I would think she would have to see that person at least once a week. It’s not like she’s abandoning the children. Waiting until the kids are 18 to date doesn’t make sense to me, that’s a long time and the kids are 8 and 11, it’s not like they are 2 and 5. It’s not up to him when she decides to date. He sounds controlling and possessive. Also him calling her a whore is a red flag. If he can call the mother of his children a whore then what will he call his girlfriend or future wife.
 
LushLox said:
I wasn't sure where to put this as it's not a dating thing, but more like trying to understand a man's way of thinking.

So this guy has two children with a woman he has been split up with for about three years. He insists that he can't stand her, in fact he calls her a whore which is awful in itself. This is his reasoning; he says she goes out every week to see men, she leaves her 8 and 11 year old with her parents when she should be looking after her children. I say to him, isn't she entitled to have a life, he says no her life should be about looking after the children until they're 18 and her social life needs to take a back seat. This is because his mother was only about family, she worked around the clock, no partying so this is where the view stems from.

However, it's okay for him to pursue a relationship and be with a woman (or women) but not the mother - really?
Click to expand...
Hes possessive. Curious but really don’t care to know if she initiated leaving him. More, she’s not pining over him, she’s living her life and likely open to looking for another man at the same time. Also, how does he know she’s looking for men? If his mother was only about family, it’s likely he had all her focus and his view on women is that’s how they should be.
Agreed with @NaturalEnigma and @BrownBetty
 
Saludable84 said:
Hes possessive. Curious but really don’t care to know if she initiated leaving him. More, she’s not pining over him, she’s living her life and likely open to looking for another man at the same time. Also, how does he know she’s looking for men? If his mother was only about family, it’s likely he had all her focus and his view on women is that’s how they should be.
Agreed with @NaturalEnigma and @BrownBetty
Click to expand...

Yeah she left him but apparently since then she’s asked him back and he’s said no. I do believe when he says he doesn’t want her back.

I said the same thing, how do you know that she’s out seeing men but he says she goes out every week without fail and she doesn’t come home until midday next day so he’s pretty sure. I also said she’s “living her best life,” and he says “well she shouldn’t have had children then.” :look: There’s no point trying to change his view. He holds his mother in such high regard other women just look completely inferior in comparison.
 
LushLox said:
Yeah she left him but apparently since then she’s asked him back and he’s said no. I do believe when he says he doesn’t want her back.

I said the same thing, how do you know that she’s out seeing men but he says she goes out every week without fail and she doesn’t come home until midday next day so he’s pretty sure. I also said she’s “living her best life,” and he says “well she shouldn’t have had children then.” :look: There’s no point trying to change his view. He holds his mother in such high regard other women just look completely inferior in comparison.
Click to expand...
Wow girl. Just wow. If he didn’t want her back, he wouldn’t know what she’s doing and her coming and going’s. Sounds to me he’s just mad she left him first, she didn’t beg when he turned her down and now she is living her best life and he’s left with dust. His mom shielded him from real life. You dodged a good one.
 
LushLox said:
Yeah she left him but apparently since then she’s asked him back and he’s said no. I do believe when he says he doesn’t want her back.

I said the same thing, how do you know that she’s out seeing men but he says she goes out every week without fail and she doesn’t come home until midday next day so he’s pretty sure. I also said she’s “living her best life,” and he says “well she shouldn’t have had children then.” :look: There’s no point trying to change his view. He holds his mother in such high regard other women just look completely inferior in comparison.
Click to expand...
Sounds like he want to punish her and keep her being a single mother.
 
LushLox said:
I wasn't sure where to put this as it's not a dating thing, but more like trying to understand a man's way of thinking.

So this guy has two children with a woman he has been split up with for about three years. He insists that he can't stand her, in fact he calls her a whore which is awful in itself. This is his reasoning; he says she goes out every week to see men, she leaves her 8 and 11 year old with her parents when she should be looking after her children. I say to him, isn't she entitled to have a life, he says no her life should be about looking after the children until they're 18 and her social life needs to take a back seat. This is because his mother was only about family, she worked around the clock, no partying so this is where the view stems from.

However, it's okay for him to pursue a relationship and be with a woman (or women) but not the mother - really?
Click to expand...
Problem number 1- he called his children's mother a whore. Dating or not dating that's a red flag as human being. Seeing as you had relations and have offspring with said where. That would not set right me. He need to stop calling her out her name. I remember an ex called his baby mother a bee and I like, sir was excuse me. He apologized and I told him never in his life to address the mother of his child in that manner.
Problem number 2 - The woman is doing nothing wrong except dating and moving on, which he also did. Problem with him is that he moved on without her and part of him is controlling and jealous towards her.I mean does he look in the mirror and call himself a whore cause i assume he has moved on as well so therfore by his standards he one too.

Men are so strange. I also dated a guy who didn't date women with kids but had a kid. He didn't tell me at first but I got it out of him. Men and they contradictions. Thats why I live my life the way I want you don't like there go the door. Still single after 2 years cause of all these broken men who don't know what they want and who they are.
 
karma is REAL

All those years of strife and look at you both! Thought you were getting a prize. Im trying not to be petty but I AM laughing.

You really just told me you make that man turn his tracking on so you know where he is at all times?
You really just told me you follow that man to make sure hes going where he said he was?
You really just told me you made that man change his phone number so he wouldnt text the girl he was cheating on you with and HE still contacted her?
YOU REALLY trying to save face with this man?

smh! * cackling on the inside *
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
karma is REAL

All those years of strife and look at you both! Thought you were getting a prize. Im trying not to be petty but I AM laughing.

You really just told me you make that man turn his tracking on so you know where he is at all times?
You really just told me you follow that man to make sure hes going where he said he was?
You really just told me you made that man change his phone number so he wouldnt text the girl he was cheating on you with and HE still contacted her?
YOU REALLY trying to save face with this man?

smh! * cackling on the inside *
Click to expand...

Team "Do Too Much." What a miserable existence.

giphy.gif
 
excuse my discombobulated story.

I did it again. I realised the great guy that really liked me and treated me like a princess was worth fighting for a little too late.

Now he's decided to stay in Australia and start a new life out there. We both knew we would be see each again this December when he's due to return but we only just confessed to one another verbally that the reunion was with the intent of us giving it a go. Now i feel like a fool. He's been consistent and unwavering in his adoration and appreciation of me since our time together. But i pushed him away when he suggested coming to visit me, me going to visit him...holiday...spending NYE together and when i started warming to the idea of really letting go and flying out there covid hit. So we were to wait till Dec. And with each month that went by I knew Australia was winning him over. He looked happy, content with work and enjoyed the outdoors. But Dec was coming and he just needed to get back for us to fulfil our potential. Last month he got his return date and with quiet confidence I basked in the certainty of being in a blossoming relationship at the end of the year. Then yesterday hit. And I've cried most of today.

He verbalised everything i already knew deep down regarding his feelings but this time he shared his intent which had been to move back for us. i was perfect for him and since our time together i was the only woman he wanted to be in a relationship with but, Australia made him happy, he could build something of his life. And I understood. i understand. He finally found where he fit in. He didn't fit in here and I know that.
But boy does this hurt.

I felt so free with him, l felt welcomed and felt loved. One night we were in the french countryside and there was a storm in the distance. The lightening lit up the sky in a way I had never seen before and so i suggested we head out into the field out front with a blanket and do the do under the lights and it was magical. We finally made our way in and the lightening subsided but the rain poured. So i shouted lets go dance in the rain naked and all 6ft 3 of him ran out there with my hand in his and we yelled and joy danced in the downpour. It probably lasted a minute but in my mind it plays back in looped slow motion, its almost cinematic.

Now he's found his home, he'll settle down with someone and it makes me sad that she won't be me.

maybe in another lifetime.
 
cocomochaa said:
excuse my discombobulated story

......
Click to expand...
I’m so sorry Cocoa.

So you two were dating but not committed? Or was this a fling that got turned serious?
Was Australia always a possibility?

Sorry for all the questions. It almost seems like you two were already in a relationship so I’m confused about the needing to confess feelings .
 
kimpaur said:
I’m so sorry Cocoa.

So you two were dating but not committed? Or was this a fling that got turned serious?
Was Australia always a possibility?

Sorry for all the questions. It almost seems like you two were already in a relationship so I’m confused about the needing to confess feelings .
Click to expand...
No worries!sorry y’all I wrote that I was emosh. when we met 2 years ago he was working on assignment near by and I thought it would be a summer - autumn fling. I was committed to not falling but deep down knew we were something special. When he left to go back to Germany ( I live in Switzerland) I washed my hands of him in my mind; but he kept suggesting we make plans, meet up, travel etc and expressing how much he thought of our time together but I shrugged it off.

I felt like he was good old faithful. That reliable man who would always pursue me and this year I realized “He’s pretty darn good for me”. And although we had never said out loud “if we give this a go, it will likely be the last relationship either one of us will have “ we both knew it.

What makes it worse is he’s beautiful lol. And a freak. Fml
 
cocomochaa said:
...
Click to expand...

Awww, that is tough!
I know you didn’t ask for advice,but I’m a bit of a romantic : I would lay my cards all out on the table-have you told him the things you’ve written in your posts above? I feel like that’s the only way you’ll get through this with no regrets. The vibe I get is that a lot has been left unsaid between you two.
Say your peace and let the cards fall where they may.
 
I am on a dating site and have been an equal opportunity dater. Lately, I've been seeing an Indian guy, an Isrealis and a white guy. They are average looking and the Indian guy is very tall and fit. The Indian guy is a business owner, the Isreali guy work in the medial field and the white guy is a Program Manager. When I am out with them, I am getting looks from black men. Just last weekend the white guy and I were at an Italian restaurant eating outside on the patio. I notice a black guy sitting to the table next to us eavesdropping and watching us, so I look over to see that he is out with a white woman and they are talking very little. He seem more interested in us, and I look over to see him checking us out. I was very amused.

Also last Sunday, I met the Indian guy out to brunch. We sat outside at the restaurant and a group of black men were there sitting outside as well. They were watching as we got up to leave. Then I was out with the Isrealis guy for dinner 2 weeks ago. The restaurant was large and empty so we sat inside. A black guy looked like he wanted to holla as I passed by and met my date. He watched us from across the room and looked surprised when we sat down.. He was attractive and by himself.

I say all of that to say, black men seem to have a problem or maybe intrigued when they see a black woman out with an other or white man; and so do white women when I am out with white men.. Anyone else noticing this? I am slightly amused!

Yes, black women are desirable! :)
 
@BrownSkin2

What you experienced is accurate. WW act really funny when a WM shows anything but disdain to us. BM just are str8 up hypocrites, out with their non-Black partner looking at you with side eye while you are out minding your business.

I usually laugh at them or don't notice until the person I'm out with says something.

You better go ahead with your rotation!
 
BrownBetty said:
@BrownSkin2

What you experienced is accurate. WW act really funny when a WM shows anything but disdain to us. BM just are str8 up hypocrites, out with their non-Black partner looking at you with side eye while you are out minding your business.

I usually laugh at them or don't notice until the person I'm out with says something.

You better go ahead with your rotation!
Click to expand...
Yes, this black guy was just all into our conversation and he and the WW just seem so awkward together. Hardly talking... hehehe

I went out twice with a Nigerian guy. He was really cute and worked as an engineer in IT. He even bought me some groceries on our last date, but he was like an octopus with his hands and asked to see my nipples, and asked if we could go to my place because it was close by. I had to cut him off! The nerve and disrespect.. lmao. He wanted me to plan all the dates. He had no ideas of where to go except to my place. lmao

Yes, its fun dating multiple men!
 
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cocomochaa said:
No worries!sorry y’all I wrote that I was emosh. when we met 2 years ago he was working on assignment near by and I thought it would be a summer - autumn fling. I was committed to not falling but deep down knew we were something special. When he left to go back to Germany ( I live in Switzerland) I washed my hands of him in my mind; but he kept suggesting we make plans, meet up, travel etc and expressing how much he thought of our time together but I shrugged it off.

I felt like he was good old faithful. That reliable man who would always pursue me and this year I realized “He’s pretty darn good for me”. And although we had never said out loud “if we give this a go, it will likely be the last relationship either one of us will have “ we both knew it.

What makes it worse is he’s beautiful lol. And a freak. Fml
Click to expand...

Can you explore the possibility of moving to Australia as well? Maybe even a short term work project to see if it's the real deal?
 
BrownSkin2 said:
I am on a dating site and have been an equal opportunity dater. Lately, I've been seeing an Indian guy, an Isrealis and a white guy. They are average looking and the Indian guy is very tall and fit. The Indian guy is a business owner, the Isreali guy work in the medial field and the white guy is a Program Manager. When I am out with them, I am getting looks from black men. Just last weekend the white guy and I were at an Italian restaurant eating outside on the patio. I notice a black guy sitting to the table next to us eavesdropping and watching us, so I look over to see that he is out with a white woman and they are talking very little. He seem more interested in us, and I look over to see him checking us out. I was very amused.

Also last Sunday, I met the Indian guy out to brunch. We sat outside at the restaurant and a group of black men were there sitting outside as well. They were watching as we got up to leave. Then I was out with the Isrealis guy for dinner 2 weeks ago. The restaurant was large and empty so we sat inside. A black guy looked like he wanted to holla as I passed by and met my date. He watched us from across the room and looked surprised when we sat down.. He was attractive and by himself.

I say all of that to say, black men seem to have a problem or maybe intrigued when they see a black woman out with an other or white man; and so do white women when I am out with white men.. Anyone else noticing this? I am slightly amused!

Yes, black women are desirable! :)
Click to expand...

I've had black men come up to me on a date with an "other" man just to make their presence known :giggle:
Boy bye LOL
 
So, I've been on the market for a few months now. My engagement ended in a bang (I have yet to update the rlshp and dating thread. I'll get around to it though).

Imma be honest, I like online dating. Maybe the outlook is why the experience has mostly been pleasant for me over the years?

Anyhoo, there are two guys in the rotation right now. One gotta go though only because I don't see the potential there. I already let him know this, so we're good. The other one? Iunno, we'll see. He's aight company. He knows how to act, but his personality...he's so extroverted, he even talks loud. I'm more introverted and contemplative. However, he lives super duper close to me (literally walking distance) so it's no biggie for now.

I'm back on OKC just taking my time.

I haven't seen my ex-fiance (for lack of a better term) in 3+ months. However we are planning to meet this week to talk. This seems to be the right time so I am looking forward to it. Who knows? We may be able to cultivate something positive.

Lastly, my stock went up. My last two dates literally thanked me for being "organic" during our meet ups. This tells me that that feminine aspect of myself shines through. I'm working on my physique since I am 15 lbs overweight and I definitely want the outside of my body to match who I am on the inside (beautiful, fit, conscious and loving). I'll get there though.

Tis all!

ETA: I gotta give myself credit.I'm only 12lbs overwieght. *insert Cardi B laugh*
 
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A lot of things that I have planned for are coming to fruition in my career and personal life. One thing that I didn't have to focus on is dating. I usually meet people all the time and would date. The pandemic has thrown a wrench in this. I realized that I will have to put a little effort into meeting new folks. I am thinking about revisiting the apps with intention.
 
"Dating" has been weird during this time. I jumped back online about 2 months ago. Things aren't usually terrible for me, but this time around has been just plain weird. With the 2nd wave of 'rona upon us, I'm really not trying to go on dates, but I want a cuddle buddy :cry3:. Not an FWB, but just some company. So I ended up on a housedate with a fellow some time ago. I would not usually do this, but I legit didn't feel like going out.

I do have a "friend" though. He came by to visit me the other day, and even though nothing happened (he knew well in advance that it wasn't going to). he took out my garbage on the way out. It was such a random, but nice gesture. He might've earned some bonus time. Lol.

Ok, so ya girl needs a lil help. How do you get a guy to invite you over without having to ask him. Yes, I'm serious. I don't feel like initiating and I want to test my seduction(?) skills in the process. :look:
 
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