*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

Dposh167 said:
I just realized this is the same guy in one of my FB groups. I'm in the group that he initially posted this in. I didn't realize it spread like wildfire. He actually doesn't have 12 kids. It was found out that he was lying and made it up because he wanted attention and to stir up controversy in the group. He didn't think people in the group would share it to hundreds of others and he started getting phone calls from his family/friends asking what this was about. So he finally admitted to us it was a lie. He's an idiot. I'm not sure how many kids he does have, but it doesn't look it's 12
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Well isn't he just the smartest kid on the short yellow bus.
 
Men are so funny but yet utterly predictable creatures. I've been talking to this guy for a long time, right through lockdown. Didn't think anything would come of the chat and that we would just be friends, so I thought cool. I mean it's not like I don't have interest elsewhere. However his chat starts to dwindle a bit and then I didn't hear anything from him for a while. So I thought alright then I'll just archive him off and forget him. He did text me some random message but I ignored it and I didn't say anything to him.

So yesterday he texts to say he misses me and suddenly he wants to meet up - but why, why now - why the sudden rush? It's almost like he's finally realised - wow she may actually be speaking to other people and her interest is waning :look:

I don't even want to meet him now after all that, but we do get on very well. It's so irritating, why do people waste time lol.
 
LushLox said:
Men are so funny but yet utterly predictable creatures. I've been talking to this guy for a long time, right through lockdown. Didn't think anything would come of the chat and that we would just be friends, so I thought cool. I mean it's not like I don't have interest elsewhere. However his chat starts to dwindle a bit and then I didn't hear anything from him for a while. So I thought alright then I'll just archive him off and forget him. He did text me some random message but I ignored it and I didn't say anything to him.

So yesterday he texts to say he misses me and suddenly he wants to meet up - but why, why now - why the sudden rush? It's almost like he's finally realised - wow she may actually be speaking to other people and her interest is waning :look:

I don't even want to meet him now after all that, but we do get on very well. It's so irritating, why do people waste time lol.
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Yeah I wouldn’t meet up with him either. He showed you how he will behave if you continue on with him. We don’t do tests! He had a woman that showed genuine interest in him and messed up playing games.
 
LushLox said:
Men are so funny but yet utterly predictable creatures. I've been talking to this guy for a long time, right through lockdown. Didn't think anything would come of the chat and that we would just be friends, so I thought cool. I mean it's not like I don't have interest elsewhere. However his chat starts to dwindle a bit and then I didn't hear anything from him for a while. So I thought alright then I'll just archive him off and forget him. He did text me some random message but I ignored it and I didn't say anything to him.

So yesterday he texts to say he misses me and suddenly he wants to meet up - but why, why now - why the sudden rush? It's almost like he's finally realised - wow she may actually be speaking to other people and her interest is waning :look:

I don't even want to meet him now after all that, but we do get on very well. It's so irritating, why do people waste time lol.
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‍:oops:Don't do it.
He probably bored.
And you can do better.
 
Ayesha81 said:
So this guy I've been talking too on Saturday I was out running errands helping a relative move into her new place. So I casually text him about how my day is going. Why did he reply like 4hours later "How is your weekend going so far, thanks for checking on us." Who is us?! And didn't I just tell him about my weekend ?! Anyway I went with my instinct and replied back at him thanks for checking on us too.
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This T girl has been in a relationship with this guy and hes always all over her. Its just astonishing to watch in real life so to speak.

Shes masculine in the face but sort of feminine (hair/clothes wise). Her former best friend had the full surgery and now just eye catching. I think they fell out because of it. Both are hairdressers.
 
Quoting myself for background. Sorry, this is kind of long.

The past few weeks have been pretty rough. My relationship with X ended last month and I've spent the past five weeks trying to emotionally process the loss. The isolation from COVID and my continued frustration with work have added to the overall sadness, loneliness and stress I've been feeling. At first I was dreaming about X regularly and crying everyday, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night just to burst into tears. Then I was only crying every other day, then every few days, and then I'd only get upset when someone mentioned him. Last week I realized that I was able to talk about X and what happened with no tears at all. I felt like the worst was over. And then two things happened.

#1. I thought I'd blocked X, but I got a text on Friday in response to me telling him weeks ago that I wanted to pick up my personal belongings from his place. He said that he and his son were in a car accident last month. Mmmkay, well outside of being in a coma, I'm not sure how that translates to almost two months of radio silence. We're supposed to talk but I'm conflicted. There's a part of me that wants to find out what happened and make sure he's ok. At the same time, I stand by what I posted last month. I don't feel like I should be begging for important information like this if we're in a relationship.

#2. I was supposed to have dinner with my parents and sister today. As soon as I walked into my parents' house, my mother and sister made a joke about the breakup that I'm sure they thought was lighthearted. They didn't have the details about why we broke up and didn't know the weeks of unhappiness I'd just endured (we're "stiff upper lip" people and don't tend to get too emotional or talk about feelings). They also didn't know X had popped up again but still I felt like I was sucker punched in the gut after they said what they said. I was kind of in a daze for about 10 minutes and then I spent another 10 minutes trying to hold back tears because I was so hurt. Then I stood up and said, "I don't want to be here, I want to go home." I tried to walk out before having a total emotional meltdown but it didn't work. Before I could get out the door I erupted into tears and basically told my mother that I thought the joke was insensitive. Now I'm back to nonstop tears, and I can't take anything to knock me out because I have a work thing tonight starting at 10.

Even in my frustration, I'm trying not to be too hard on my mom because I know she's not a naturally soothing person. When I texted her about the breakup - only because she asked about X - she offered to listen if I wanted to talk, but I know that's not her forte so I passed. She's already apologized for upsetting me today. My parents checked in on me after I left, and that's the first time they heard about how hard everything has been on me these past few months. I guess I need to do better too.


OhTall1 said:
*sigh*

Thanks for asking. Between this and a frustrating work situation, today was a bad day. Lots of tears. And now it won't stop raining, so it's the perfect recipe for sadness.

I posted once before about an argument we had early in the relationship where he gave me the silent treatment for days and someone warned that this was a bad sign. I got what she was saying but figured, we're grown ups, right? We'll talk, we'll work together to resolve things if we want this to work. But this marks the third time he's done it. Once is a mistake, twice is a coincidence, three times is a habit. This just is who he is.

I'm not interested in begging someone to let me in. It was only eight months, and for the most part it was a good eight months. But this is a major deal breaker. We're done. He's blocked.
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Saludable84 said:
@OhTall1 do you have anyone you can talk to and who provides emotional support? Idc how strong we try to be, we all need a hug and comfort. Especially during these times.
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Thanks so much. I do have people to talk to. My friends have been there for me during this and they've seen how messed up I am over this. The challenge is that I've spent more time single than boo'd up in my adult life so I'm used to being alone. But because of COVID, this is the first time I've felt lonely. I had a very good self care routine prior to the shut downs and the things that can be used as substitutes or done virtually just aren't the same.
 
(((Hugs))) @OhTall1 I’m so sorry you’ve been having a hard time. I’m more alone now too than I’ve ever been. Sometimes I’m fine but other times I feel so lonely. Not being able to go to the movies and out to lunch with family and friends is very hard. Some people are doing those things but I don’t feel safe enough yet to do so because of my age and some pre-existing issues. I’m sorry too about the break up.

Hang in there. It won’t always be like this.
 
hopeful said:
(((Hugs))) @OhTall1 I’m so sorry you’ve been having a hard time. I’m more alone now too than I’ve ever been. Sometimes I’m fine but other times I feel so lonely. Not being able to go to the movies and out to lunch with family and friends is very hard. Some people are doing those things but I don’t feel safe enough yet to do so because of my age and some pre-existing issues. I’m sorry too about the break up.

Hang in there. It won’t always be like this.
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Yes, I had no idea what it would be like to go through this pandemic as a single person. The first few months were hard. I'm a pretty chill person but the isolation took my breath away. Sometimes I'd only see a delivery person or the mail person every few days. It is weird going an entire day and more w/o seeing anyone.

As soon as we were allowed to meet up outside, I started meeting friends for walks and checking out different outdoor spaces in the area. We're so glad to see each other again and agreed to keep checking on each other. I did start walking more by myself to get fresh air and exercise before the meetups started too. Even health professionals say that you need to get outside, see people, etc. for your mental health.

Not to mention the other needs that can't be met when you're keeping your distance from people :/

Video chats with friends and family are great as well.
 
prettyinpurple said:
Yes, I had no idea what it would be like to go through this pandemic as a single person. The first few months were hard. I'm a pretty chill person but the isolation took my breath away. Sometimes I'd only see a delivery person or the mail person every few days. It is weird going an entire day and more w/o seeing anyone.

As soon as we were allowed to meet up outside, I started meeting friends for walks and checking out different outdoor spaces in the area. We're so glad to see each other again and agreed to keep checking on each other. I did start walking more by myself to get fresh air and exercise before the meetups started too. Even health professionals say that you need to get outside, see people, etc. for your mental health.

Not to mention the other needs that can't be met when you're keeping your distance from people :/

Video chats with friends and family are great as well.
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I actually enjoy the social distancing. I’ve been practicing it before the pandemic. I’ve become introverted over time and have been celibate for a few years. I have been taking time to become more aware of who I am and why I felt the need to have people around in the past.
 
Evolving78 said:
I actually enjoy the social distancing. I’ve been practicing it before the pandemic. I’ve become introverted over time and have been celibate for a few years. I have been taking time to become more aware of who I am and why I felt the need to have people around in the past.
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It doesn't feel different now that the social distancing is an enforced thing, not something you chose to do?
 
I understand the ladies that are struggling with all of this as a single person. Especially because I’ve had two major unexpected losses during this time (not to COVID; I don’t know why I feel the need to always make that clear). I lost my Dad in March and my grandmother in July. It’s certainly tough having to face loss and a whole pandemic and all of the political/social unrest alone. Also, I moved to a different State last year in October so my family isn’t nearby.

Thankfully I have family and friends visiting for extended periods of time on a very regular basis. Most of my family/friends are working remotely during this time or laid off so they’ve been able to visit for weeks at a time. It helps but times like this I wish I were married or coupled up. I’ve spent enough time alone. I’m whole and don’t need no more healing from past relationships etc. I’m still grieving my losses but married/coupled people deal with grief as well... together.

so that’s where I am. Plus Chadwick’s death really hit me hard. I’m doing the best I can to stay connected to my circle of supports... and I have people checking in on me regularly... but the arms of a man (the right man :look: ) would definitely help me out right nah lol.
 
I was in Brooklyn for Labor Day by a waterfront with a guy I’m dating and all I kept on seeing were children and the desire to have my own child was so strong. I almost wanted to cry. I saw a high school girl in a prom dress getting professional photos done, I saw a cute little Asian girl arguing with her Dad that she wanted to stay in the ice cream store, just so many kids of all ages and I couldn’t help but think when am I going to have my own child. I even said that to the guy I was with. He said don’t worry it’ll happen one day. Somedays I don’t even know if it will.
 
Update on the guy I went out with, that’s officially over. I never liked him. He was a wanna be cop (nothing against cops) but he was on that Blue Lives Matter tip. I told him he had anger issues (something I observed in the first 3 dates) and seemed to always deflect and be defensive. Of course he turned it out around and said I was the problem and that he hates Black Lives Matter and what they stand for, and he shouldn’t have to censor himself around me, mind you dude was black. I’m glad that’s over. I’m proud of myself for seeing the signs early and speaking up. I felt like he was throwing me this nice guy image. Speaking up revealed his true colors. Before this conversation we had I was considering giving him another chance, but there are just some people you shouldn’t give your trust to.
 
Bette Davis Eyes said:
Woke myself up crying. I was dreaming about my mother and explaining to someone that she had passed.

I hate having this conversation over and over with people that dont know .

Good thing I start therapy soon.
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Sorry for your loss. I’m glad your seeking out therapy sometimes we need help to work through things and there’s nothing wrong with that please get well get healthy do you can live your best life.
 
NaturalEnigma said:
Update on the guy I went out with, that’s officially over. I never liked him. He was a wanna be cop (nothing against cops) but he was on that Blue Lives Matter tip. I told him he had anger issues (something I observed in the first 3 dates) and seemed to always deflect and be defensive. Of course he turned it out around and said I was the problem and that he hates Black Lives Matter and what they stand for, and he shouldn’t have to censor himself around me, mind you dude was black. I’m glad that’s over. I’m proud of myself for seeing the signs early and speaking up. I felt like he was throwing me this nice guy image. Speaking up revealed his true colors. Before this conversation we had I was considering giving him another chance, but there are just some people you shouldn’t give your trust to.
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Most cops have anger issues not all but it’s a thing. I’m glad you saw he wasn’t a got early on and just imo your just dating you don’t owe him anything even if you had been engaged certain red flags like anger should not be ignored.
 
Lucia said:
Most cops have anger issues not all but it’s a thing. I’m glad you saw he wasn’t a got early on and just imo your just dating you don’t owe him anything even if you had been engaged certain red flags like anger should not be ignored.
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You’re absolutely right. I’ve dated so many men with anger issues it doesn’t come as a surprise to me anymore, but I should have jumped ship earlier.
 
NaturalEnigma said:
You’re absolutely right. I’ve dated so many men with anger issues it doesn’t come as a surprise to me anymore, but I should have jumped ship earlier.
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I’m proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. You saw the signs and got clear about what was going on. You moved on and that’s what matters! We can beat ourselves up sometimes because we don’t recognize red flags right away, or try to give someone who clearly doesn’t deserve the benefit of a doubt.
There are times when we might be slow to respond to things, since it may take time to process and make sense of what is going on in the moment. It could be cognitive dissonance, or just needing time to think things through.
 
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