*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

whosthatgurl said:
My heart literally hurts. At the beginning of the year I believe I posted in here about possibly finding someone.

Things were going so well until they weren’t. Immediately he was taking me out on dates, introducing me to his friends, etc. What makes matters worse is that he’s friends with my family. That’s how I was introduced.

He gave the reasons as to why he had to back off of me was him not being everything I want and need, he has a “lot going on”, and he’s trying to spare me. Yet he mentioned not wanting to treat me like the other females he has because he respects me.

My final straw was a social media comment I saw where he insinuated that he was in the company of another female while on vacation.

like this man started off SO strong with me. Introduced me to his friends, was mentioning introducing me to his mom... like this one hurts especially he was the one after an abusive relationship.

there’s way more than what I can say, but this just sucks.

my mood has been horrible and my desire to eat just isn’t there.
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We just have to learn to take things slow. People that want to speed things up so early in the relationship are not in it for the long haul. They are in it for the thrill of the moment. Once the high wears off, they move on to the next person. Sometimes the don’t give you any kind of closure.

Emotional unavailable people always what to rush things. They rush into telling you personal details of their past, they rush physical intimacy, they introduce you to everyone to make it seem like you are special, they tell you all of these wonderful plans they want to make with you, etc.. they do all of this because there really is no true substance to them. I used the noun people instead of men because women do it too. Hell, friends do it! Be careful of Women that are too quick to call you Sis and BFF and you really don’t know them. They force themselves on to you, which forces you to let your guard down and minimize your boundaries.
Don’t feel bad. You found out early on before things got too serious on your end. When you are ready to get back out there again, really get to know that person. LISTEN.

I recently had a conversation with someone and I could tell all between the lines what he was on. He was emotionally unavailable and couldn’t answer questions straightforward. And I didn’t just ask question about dating. I’m not even looking to get involved with anybody, but I did pick his brain to see what was his purpose in trying to waste my time. He just wanted to fill a void. I’m nobody’s space/time filler. People just really need to learn how to be alone until they get it together and are ready.

Folks that are just out here playing and practicing are causing a lot of heartbreak. But we also have to be accountable for what we allow into our lives. Don’t just let someone roll up into your life and spin you all around. You walk away not knowing your left from your right.
 
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Evolving78 said:
We just have to learn to take things slow. People that want to speed things up so early in the relationship are not in it for the long haul. They are in it for the thrill of the moment. Once the high wears off, they move on to the next person. Sometimes the don’t give you any kind of closure.

Emotional unavailable people always what to rush things. They rush into telling you personal details of their past, they rush physical intimacy, they introduce you to everyone to make it seem like you are special, they tell you all of these wonderful plans they want to make with you, etc.. they do all of this because there really is no true substance to them. I used the noun people instead of men because women do it too. Hell, friends do it! Be careful of Women that are too quick to call you Sis and BFF and you really don’t know them. They force themselves on to you, which forces you to let your guard down and minimize your boundaries.
Don’t feel bad. You found out early on before things got too serious on your end. When you are ready to get back out there again, really get to know that person. LISTEN.

I recently had a conversation with someone and I could tell all between the lines what he was on. He was emotionally unavailable and couldn’t answer questions straightforward. And I didn’t just ask question about dating. I’m not even looking to get involved with anybody, but I did pick his brain to see what was his purpose in trying to waste my time. He just wanted to fill a void. I’m nobody’s space/time filler. People just really need to learn how to be alone until they get it together and are ready.

Folks that are just out here playing and practicing are causing a lot of heartbreak. But we also have to be accountable for what we allow into our lives. Don’t just let someone roll up into your life and spin you all around. You walk away not knowing your left from your right.
Click to expand...

Omg, is there anyway I can quote you for my book? (I’ve been writing since October of last year) and what you and the previous poster said made so much sense. To the bolded, we had a three hour conversation before our first date. Within that conversation he said some things that I should have taken heed to. But me being me, I thought that he grew up from that and knows how to truly treat people moving forward. Thankfully we didn’t get fully intimate/physical. It was a line that we didn’t cross. But I’m so irked because he knew what I had just gotten through.

Anyway, I slightly fault myself for not backing up when I should have, but he was vetted for by three people that he knew. Out of the three, two are looking at him sideways now for how he did me. The other one is taking up his defense and that is about to put a wedge in our relationship.
 
LushLox said:
I’m so sorry - from someone who’s been there. The worst thing is the disappointment when they do this mess. You invest yourself, your time, everything to this person and then they do this. He knew he wasn’t emotionally available for you so why start something with you. The worst kind of man smh. :nono:

I’ve only just in the last few months gotten over the last guy who did something similar. Yes it’s painful and it’s going to hurt for a while and you won’t want anything to do with men for a while but you’re going to get over it and you will do better.

I know people hate hearing this but at least you found out that he isn’t worth your time relatively early.
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I actually told him that during our last conversation. I was like, you knew you had these problems before you met me.

I just hate that he wasted my time especially with us both saying we didn’t want to waste each other’s time.
 
Evolving78 said:
We just have to learn to take things slow. People that want to speed things up so early in the relationship are not in it for the long haul. They are in it for the thrill of the moment. Once the high wears off, they move on to the next person. Sometimes the don’t give you any kind of closure.

Emotional unavailable people always what to rush things. They rush into telling you personal details of their past, they rush physical intimacy, they introduce you to everyone to make it seem like you are special, they tell you all of these wonderful plans they want to make with you, etc.. they do all of this because there really is no true substance to them. I used the noun people instead of men because women do it too. Hell, friends do it! Be careful of Women that are too quick to call you Sis and BFF and you really don’t know them. They force themselves on to you, which forces you to let your guard down and minimize your boundaries.
Don’t feel bad. You found out early on before things got too serious on your end. When you are ready to get back out there again, really get to know that person. LISTEN.

I recently had a conversation with someone and I could tell all between the lines what he was on. He was emotionally unavailable and couldn’t answer questions straightforward. And I didn’t just ask question about dating. I’m not even looking to get involved with anybody, but I did pick his brain to see what was his purpose in trying to waste my time. He just wanted to fill a void. I’m nobody’s space/time filler. People just really need to learn how to be alone until they get it together and are ready.

Folks that are just out here playing and practicing are causing a lot of heartbreak. But we also have to be accountable for what we allow into our lives. Don’t just let someone roll up into your life and spin you all around. You walk away not knowing your left from your right.
Click to expand...


Your post reminds me of a YouTube video of a dating coach who opened my eyes to the dating world and what to expect from most of the men we date. It made me feel a lot better after watching it, because sometimes being rejected by a guy makes you start questioning your self worth and what you bring to the table. But in reality a lot of these guys ain’t about nothing.

 
NaturalEnigma said:
Your post reminds me of a YouTube video of a dating coach who opened my eyes to the dating world and what to expect from most of the men we date. It made me feel a lot better after watching it, because sometimes being rejected by a guy makes you start questioning your self worth and what you bring to the table. But in reality a lot of these guys ain’t about nothing.

Click to expand...


What a great video. It’s like most of us know this because it makes sense, but sometimes we need to be told, no holds barred.
 
NaturalEnigma said:
Your post reminds me of a YouTube video of a dating coach who opened my eyes to the dating world and what to expect from most of the men we date. It made me feel a lot better after watching it, because sometimes being rejected by a guy makes you start questioning your self worth and what you bring to the table. But in reality a lot of these guys ain’t about nothing.

Click to expand...

I like what she said. “live life abundantly and let love tap you on the shoulder!”
 
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NaturalEnigma said:
Your post reminds me of a YouTube video of a dating coach who opened my eyes to the dating world and what to expect from most of the men we date. It made me feel a lot better after watching it, because sometimes being rejected by a guy makes you start questioning your self worth and what you bring to the table. But in reality a lot of these guys ain’t about nothing.

Click to expand...


that’s literally what I wrote when i was reflecting this morning.
 
NaturalEnigma said:
Your post reminds me of a YouTube video of a dating coach who opened my eyes to the dating world and what to expect from most of the men we date. It made me feel a lot better after watching it, because sometimes being rejected by a guy makes you start questioning your self worth and what you bring to the table. But in reality a lot of these guys ain’t about nothing.

Click to expand...

I finally got a chance to watch this and I’m between wanting to cry and feeling like dang.
 
He says he thinks of me as his lady, bare in mind we haven’t met yet! He admits that he shouldn’t think or say this, but clearly he wants me to know. He’s said this a couple of times now, but I haven’t responded to those particular comments; it’s crazy to apply such a label given our position. Gives me all of those red flags - “fools rushing in” etc. It surprised me because he was so big on taking our time and getting to know each other.

*sigh* I’m going to continue to quietly observe and see
 
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Evolving78 said:
So many men and all of their hateful comments and attitudes regarding women and reproductive health... it so disheartening.. there are many men against an employer paying for birth control and hormonal therapy, but have no problem being in a woman’s face wanting sex..
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As I told my guys friends plenty of times: Men don't like women they like women parts.
 
BrownBetty said:
As I told my guys friends plenty of times: Men don't like women they like women parts.
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I agree. So much hate and disrespect. Women are damned if they do, damned if they don’t. No pay for maternity leave, no birth control, Taxes on feminine products, abortion rights in question... why would a woman take a chance and have sex at this point in time?
 
LushLox said:
Controversial view, but I think sanitary products should be completely free at least for those who are on very low incomes.

Period poverty is a real thing that many girls/women are dealing with right now. It’s hard enough having a period nevermind how much the products cost.
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Not controversial at all. I so agree! Aunt Flo is a part of being a woman (majority of women) :look: and won't go away up til menopause so that ish needs to be free.
 
LushLox said:
Controversial view, but I think sanitary products should be completely free at least for those who are on very low incomes.

Period poverty is a real thing that many girls/women are dealing with right now. It’s hard enough having a period nevermind how much the products cost.
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I do agree on this. Once I was responsible for my sanitary products and hygiene, I would work an extra day (when I was in college) to afford simple luxuries. The sadder part is as much as I tried, going a cheaper/less expensive route always failed me. Dk how my mom did it.

I’ve already told myself once my IUD is removed, I’m getting a menstrual cup. Likely honeypot or saalt. It’s like they punish women for something natural but a box of condoms is cheaper and men still can’t do the bare minimum.
 
Saludable84 said:
I do agree on this. Once I was responsible for my sanitary products and hygiene, I would work an extra day (when I was in college) to afford simple luxuries. The sadder part is as much as I tried, going a cheaper/less expensive route always failed me. Dk how my mom did it.

I’ve already told myself once my IUD is removed, I’m getting a menstrual cup. Likely honeypot or saalt. It’s like they punish women for something natural but a box of condoms is cheaper and men still can’t do the bare minimum.
Click to expand...
I wonder will you have to pay out of pocket expense to remove the IUD if you have coverage under your employer? I saw the bill for what the doctor charged for removal of Mirena IUD I had inserted years ago. Thank the lord that was covered at the time.
The Mirena helped a lot and it wasn’t just about preventing pregnancy for me, but it did cause other issues. I was married when I had the Mirena.
I saw some period panties in the store that were like $20 for one pair..
 
Evolving78 said:
I wonder will you have to pay out of pocket expense to remove the IUD if you have coverage under your employer? I saw the bill for what the doctor charged for removal of Mirena IUD I had inserted years ago. Thank the lord that was covered at the time.
The Mirena helped a lot and it wasn’t just about preventing pregnancy for me, but it did cause other issues. I was married when I had the Mirena.
I saw some period panties in the store that were like $20 for one pair..
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I did it for probably the same reasons as you lol. Idk if they charge to take out and I’m insured but they charge to put it on so I could only imagine.

I didn’t want to do period panties because I wasn’t sure what chemicals were in them to keep blood there, if that makes sense. I’m all for free bleeding, but I didn’t want to get away from pads just to wear something else that’s just the same thing with a different face.
 
Saludable84 said:
I did it for probably the same reasons as you lol. Idk if they charge to take out and I’m insured but they charge to put it on so I could only imagine.

I didn’t want to do period panties because I wasn’t sure what chemicals were in them to keep blood there, if that makes sense. I’m all for free bleeding, but I didn’t want to get away from pads just to wear something else that’s just the same thing with a different face.
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The thing with insurance now your employer can deny coverage for birth control if they properly claim it is against the organization’s moral or religious beliefs. So keep that in mind and make sure when you have that procedure done, you are covered.
 
LushLox said:
What a great video. It’s like most of us know this because it makes sense, but sometimes we need to be told, no holds barred.
Click to expand...

Right! My problem is I keep meeting different variations of the same emotionally unavailable men. I hope this is the last of them.

Evolving78 said:
I like what she said. “live life abundantly and let love tap you on the shoulder!”
Click to expand...

Yes! I love that quote. That’s going to be my motto from now on, I’m not chasing after anyone. I need to stop thinking every man I meet is the “one”. It’s exhausting.

whosthatgurl said:
I finally got a chance to watch this and I’m between wanting to cry and feeling like dang.
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I could understand how you feel. If I would have watched this video soon after I broke up I would be in my feelings too. She was kinda harsh, but it was greatly needed.
 
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Saludable84 said:
I did it for probably the same reasons as you lol. Idk if they charge to take out and I’m insured but they charge to put it on so I could only imagine.

I didn’t want to do period panties because I wasn’t sure what chemicals were in them to keep blood there, if that makes sense. I’m all for free bleeding, but I didn’t want to get away from pads just to wear something else that’s just the same thing with a different face.
Click to expand...


Off topic but: I never knew until this forum (you are not the first to say this; I am just commenting finally on it lol) that people thought period panties were meant to be bled into freely. When I was having unusually heavy periods, I purchased some to use as regular underwear and lined them with a pad like normal. I did this to save my real underwear from leaks and me from having to get stains out.
 
Reinventing21 said:
Off topic but: I never knew until this forum (you are not the first to say this; I am just commenting finally on it lol) that people thought period panties were meant to be bled into freely. When I was having unusually heavy periods, I purchased some to use as regular underwear and lined them with a pad like normal. I did this to save my real underwear from leaks and me from having to get stains out.
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They kinda are though, unless Ive got them wrong. They are made/marketed to replace pads and tampons, or wear with a tampon or cup for extra protection. Most reviews ive read, people seem to not trust them on heavier days.
 
Saludable84 said:
They kinda are though, unless Ive got them wrong. They are made/marketed to replace pads and tampons, or wear with a tampon or cup for extra protection. Most reviews ive read, people seem to not trust them on heavier days.
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Oh I believe you! I guess I just never paid attenttion to how they were marketed or
anything. I was just surprised tho, as I would never have considered using them like that., and I still wouldn't :lachen:.
 
Don't give these dudes more than 6 months to a year to poo or get off the :censored: pot because they will knowingly use you as long as they can. YES, 6 months to a year is enough time to know who the hell the other person is especially with a background check. I bet you know what kinda people your co-workers who you rarely talk to are in 6 months to a year but the person who you spend your free time with is a mystery. :nono: I want to punch this dude in the throat.
107736141_3583825858312792_7432487681287021421_n.jpg
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Don't give these dudes more than 6 months to a year to poo or get off the :censored: pot because they will knowingly use you as long as they can. YES, 6 months to a year is enough time to know who the hell the other person is especially with a background check. I bet you know what kinda people your co-workers who you rarely talk to are in 6 months to a year but the person who you spend your free time with is a mystery. :nono: I want to punch this dude in the throat.
107736141_3583825858312792_7432487681287021421_n.jpg
Click to expand...

I agree with all of it. I watched 2 friends in an on and off 10 yr rlp where he dragged her to couples therapy to "fix things". He picked up and left her to live his best life elsewhere. She was crushed. He said he didn't want to get married. I believe he didnt want to MARRY her.

Q5 ain't just wasting her time he living off of her too. Nah b it cant work.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Don't give these dudes more than 6 months to a year to poo or get off the :censored: pot because they will knowingly use you as long as they can. YES, 6 months to a year is enough time to know who the hell the other person is especially with a background check. I bet you know what kinda people your co-workers who you rarely talk to are in 6 months to a year but the person who you spend your free time with is a mystery. :nono: I want to punch this dude in the throat.
107736141_3583825858312792_7432487681287021421_n.jpg
Click to expand...
OMG, he freely admitted this online! Just terrible! Hopefully, she wises up n leaves him.
 
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