*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

Miss_Luna said:
Last year I moved from one country to another. My job has extended an offer to move to another country this year. This place is absolutely beautiful and I would be doing the work that I am truly passionate about and can have a real impact. It's a shorter flight back home then the two previous countries that I've lived in over the past three years. I would consider living here long-term - quality of life is one of the highest in the world.

I met a guy in October. We discussed this move, and my history of moving, and he appeared to be very enthusiastic, but it was/is early in the relationship. At the moment, there are no labels applied, since we are still getting to know each other, but it is an exclusive relationship meaning we're not seeing other people. We discussed what we were looking for, long-term, marriage, kids, etc., before anything became physical. Everything was going well, we got into one semi-significant disagreement around Christmas, but managed to push through it. After NYE, which we spent with our separate friend groups, we had lunch and I asked him what he was most looking forward to in 2020 and he said "moving to X-country", where I would be moving. I was excited because he has mentioned taking a sabbatical and coming there for a while.

We talk every day and spend about 40% of the week together, either having lunch or at his place. Over the last week or so his attitude/behavior has been really off - his replies are shorter and more general, not picking up on FaceTime, kind of distant. My gut was telling me something was off, so I texted him "I'm curious to see how you feel about this relationship" and his reply was "It's going great", which is very out-of-character for him. I was like wtf is that about, so I asked him if he sees this as something that could be long-term and he replied "hopefully".

I was wrong to even start this conversation via text, but I still didn't like his answer. He texted me this morning and apologized for the short reply; he was out with friends and couldn't have a full-on conversation. I don't know if I'm overthinking this, but something feels off but I can't pinpoint what triggered this behavior. I have been away for a week, for work and meeting with friends and he mentioned being a bit jealous,but I don't know what to think.

Maybe it's the moving...two weeks ago he was all for it. Maybe it's something personal, I don't know, but he hasn't mentioned anything. I am ready for a relationship but not with just anyone and his ambivalence is frustrating me, but I'm not sure if I want to quit just yet. This is hard because my career makes it so easy to just move on with my life and act like certain people and situations never happened :look:, but I like this dude. :-/
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I'm a strong believer in gut feelings. If I were you, I'd fall back, while living my life. It's up to him to come around.
When/if he comes around, address this period of ambivalence on his part. Coz if I were you, I'd want that sorted out if we were to move forward. Even if it's nothing, better to clear the air and not have to wonder.
 
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@Reinventing21 Thank you. I was definitely panicking. We met up yesterday and his behavior was completely different. I think I'm projecting my insecurities, to my own detriment.

I'm going to fall back, as far as discussing a relationship. As you suggested, I'm just going to enjoy this time I still have here before I move and see what happens. There's no reason to break this off and start something else, especially when I'm going to move anyway. The hardest part will be preventing myself from catching too many feelings. I don't have the kind of time that allows me to date multiple people, nor do I want to, but that is the risk with all of this.
 
Sosoothing said:
I'm a strong believer in gut feelings. If I were you, I'd fall back, while living my life. It's up to him to come around.
When/if he comes around, address this period of ambivalence on his part. Coz if I were you, I'd want that sorted out if we were to move forward. Even if it's nothing, better to clear the air and not have to wonder.
Click to expand...


Thank you. We discussed his ambivalence yesterday and it was a mix of both of us not communicating very well. I understand his perspective a bit more, but when it comes down to it I need to worry about and take care of myself.

We're going to move forward and give it some time. As much as I would like for this to go well, I still need more time to decide if he's someone I want in my life for the long-term, as well. He hasn't done anything to make me think otherwise, but it's early.

I'm going to play my part, live my life. I don't need to, and I refuse to coerce someone into being with me. There are other options in the country that I'll be moving to :look:, which is another reason I'm trying to see where his head is, in terms of this situation.
 
one week 2 dates and I don't want to jump him. not sure if he's lovebombing me or genuinely smitten :" i have so much love i want to give you... i haven' t been captivated like this in a long time"
Hes a banker, 6ft 3, white, speaks 6 languages, not ugly but doesn't gym and has no intentions to... If his body was nice I would definitely be more attracted to him :( we're having dinner tomorrow.

met another guy on friday. I walked into the bar and saw this 6ft5 handsome man with the most beautiful brown complexion. I clocked he noticed me but I went on my way to the private area downstairs. 5min later he appears beside me and he pretty much couldn't keep his eyes off me the entire night. He's taking me out for drinks this friday and I'm excited.
 
Second week on these dating apps and it has been interesting.

No dates yet but chatting up a few.

I have had a bunch of 20 something like my profile or say hi. :scratchchin:. I prompted delete and don't acknowledge.
But why is this 23 year old coming in hot? :eek::eek::eek: My age is clearly on my profile (41). His opening line caught my attention so I had to respond. :lol: He isn't off putting in his convo and is replying to my line of questioning appropriately. I may have to explore this. :look: #hotgirlwinter
 
Sooo back from dinner and some lovebombing:

Should we go to Thailand next winter? Let’s do it?


Bollywood films are terrible!
me: I actually like Bollywood films
Yeah some are good they are funny

You and I are the same person it’s crazy! I was just going to say that

We can go in March to Valencia it’ll be be fun!


Now I just got home and seen a text along the lines of: my expectations of meeting someone on tinder was low...im usually very traditional...I’m so lucky to have met you... I stopped texting the girl I mentioned I was talking to on our first date... I don’t use tinder anymore... just fyi.

Sometimes he says what he thinks I want to hear. I can’t tell it’s because he’s a narcissist or just insecure because I’m amazing .

How do I respond ladies because I’m going to date other guys, it’s only been 10 days since we first met. He looked more attractive today but still didn’t want to jump him.
 
cocomochaa said:
Sooo back from dinner and some lovebombing:

Should we go to Thailand next winter? Let’s do it?


Bollywood films are terrible!
me: I actually like Bollywood films
Yeah some are good they are funny

You and I are the same person it’s crazy! I was just going to say that

We can go in March to Valencia it’ll be be fun!


Now I just got home and seen a text along the lines of: my expectations of meeting someone on tinder was low...im usually very traditional...I’m so lucky to have met you... I stopped texting the girl I mentioned I was talking to on our first date... I don’t use tinder anymore... just fyi.

Sometimes he says what he thinks I want to hear. I can’t tell it’s because he’s a narcissist or just insecure because I’m amazing .

How do I respond ladies because I’m going to date other guys, it’s only been 10 days since we first met. He looked more attractive today but still didn’t want to jump him.
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This definitely looks like love-bombing. It's been less than two weeks since you met but he's suggesting trips, letting you he "deleted" the app, dropped one girl and more. Imo, the outlook is not good on this person being genuine given how fast they are pushing things forward. You have to ask what for? What's the rush?

If I were in your shoes, I would likely pass on this dude as imo this is the type that typically comes in super hot but goes cold without warning. Usually either the rose-tinted glasses fall off or they're playing that inconsistent rewards manipulation tactic.

With that said, if your gut is telling you that this person might be legit, I would suggest openly telling him that it hasn't been very long since you two met and whilst he may be feeling strongly, suggest that this pace doesn't match your current speed and you'd like to take things slow. I personally think something along this lines makes your boundaries clear enough and it's not necessary to tell him you're dating others. Imo, you're a free agent; it should be a given.
 
cocomochaa said:
Sooo back from dinner and some lovebombing:

Should we go to Thailand next winter? Let’s do it?


Bollywood films are terrible!
me: I actually like Bollywood films
Yeah some are good they are funny

You and I are the same person it’s crazy! I was just going to say that

We can go in March to Valencia it’ll be be fun!


Now I just got home and seen a text along the lines of: my expectations of meeting someone on tinder was low...im usually very traditional...I’m so lucky to have met you... I stopped texting the girl I mentioned I was talking to on our first date... I don’t use tinder anymore... just fyi.

Sometimes he says what he thinks I want to hear. I can’t tell it’s because he’s a narcissist or just insecure because I’m amazing .

How do I respond ladies because I’m going to date other guys, it’s only been 10 days since we first met. He looked more attractive today but still didn’t want to jump him.
Click to expand...

“I had a great time too! Let’s go out again soon (if you do want to see him again)” Or something like that and keep it simple.

To me, him sharing the info about not using Tinder anymore, etc. is a way to see if you’re going to respond “Me too!” and/or to try to move things forward quickly. If he keeps trying to push things along then I’d probably say something like @tocktick suggested. “It’s great that you’ve enjoyed the dates we’ve gone on. I’ve been having fun too but because we’ve just started getting to know each other, I’d like to take things slow”.
 
When J first popped up, I wrote down how I wanted him to treat me. That's exactly what he's doing. I would be happy if his situation wasn't complicated. We had a really good time at lunch. He actually planned out where he was taking me which was really sweet and thoughtful. We played I Declare War while we waited. Everything was so dang nostalgic!
 
How do people not get paralyzed with fear when you think about making the big decisions in life and knowing just how much everything can go wrong? I want a family. Talking to J about his own sons makes me want my own children even more. But so much can go wrong!!!!! You can make the best decisions in the world, and there are so many factors outside of your control. Starting a family is such a leap of faith on every level. And people do this causally?! Like how?

Excuse me while I sit in the corner and have a minor crisis :alcoholic:
 
ckisland said:
When J first popped up, I wrote down how I wanted him to treat me. That's exactly what he's doing. I would be happy if his situation wasn't complicated. We had a really good time at lunch. He actually planned out where he was taking me which was really sweet and thoughtful. We played I Declare War while we waited. Everything was so dang nostalgic!
Click to expand...

Is I Declare War a video game?
 
Everything is feeling a lot like high school in 2020.
My high school sweetheart is back in my life for the moment, and the guy I really really like(d) is into my best friend still (she turned him down almost 2 years ago).
I need the old to go on somewhere. I'm ready for someone new.
 
This Nigerian guy I started seeing about a month ago tried having the "exclusivity talk" with me the day before yesterday.

I am not ready to cut off my other heauxes, so I basically said "We barely know each other" :laugh:
Other than me not being ready to cut off my other heauxes, I really do feel like we have not been seeing each other long enough for us to be exclusive. Also, he's younger than me and he's a Gemini. I'll keep seeing him, but I am not even close to being ready to be exclusive with anyone.
 
I went to a speed dating event and it was interesting and pretty much what I expected: many women, a handful of men. I think I counted 8 men. There was simply not enough time for the men to talk to all the women, I got to talk to only two and I wasn't interested in either of them for various reasons. I talked to more women than I did men :lol: It was fun just for the experience, but I'm not sure I would do it again.

There was also a comedian to kick off the event who started off by calling it a women's empowerment event, which was funny, and then it was all down hill from there. First he gave a shoutout to a light-skinned girl in the audience and joked that all the guys are going to want to talk to her and the rest of us will be mad :huh: Then he referred to her friend as black :huh: He went on to joke about Tinder and how single moms always have things like "my 3 kings" and "not looking for hook ups" in their profiles, but "they were open to hookups when they were making those 3 little n-words". " Yes, he referred to kids as little n-words. He also talked about how it's difficult to date in DC because the black women have attitudes and how men want to feel needed and the women in DC are too successful.... it was just cringeworthy. And he tried to say we were a tough crowd :huh:
 
gimbap said:
I went to a speed dating event and it was interesting and pretty much what I expected: many women, a handful of men. I think I counted 8 men. There was simply not enough time for the men to talk to all the women, I got to talk to only two and I wasn't interested in either of them for various reasons. I talked to more women than I did men :lol: It was fun just for the experience, but I'm not sure I would do it again.

There was also a comedian to kick off the event who started off by calling it a women's empowerment event, which was funny, and then it was all down hill from there. First he gave a shoutout to a light-skinned girl in the audience and joked that all the guys are going to want to talk to her and the rest of us will be mad :huh: Then he referred to her friend as black :huh: He went on to joke about Tinder and how single moms always have things like "my 3 kings" and "not looking for hook ups" in their profiles, but "they were open to hookups when they were making those 3 little n-words". " Yes, he referred to kids as little n-words. He also talked about how it's difficult to date in DC because the black women have attitudes and how men want to feel needed and the women in DC are too successful.... it was just cringeworthy. And he tried to say we were a tough crowd :huh:
Click to expand...
That sounded like a boo fest! He sounds like a gross human being.
 
gimbap said:
I went to a speed dating event and it was interesting and pretty much what I expected: many women, a handful of men. I think I counted 8 men. There was simply not enough time for the men to talk to all the women, I got to talk to only two and I wasn't interested in either of them for various reasons. I talked to more women than I did men :lol: It was fun just for the experience, but I'm not sure I would do it again.

There was also a comedian to kick off the event who started off by calling it a women's empowerment event, which was funny, and then it was all down hill from there. First he gave a shoutout to a light-skinned girl in the audience and joked that all the guys are going to want to talk to her and the rest of us will be mad :huh: Then he referred to her friend as black :huh: He went on to joke about Tinder and how single moms always have things like "my 3 kings" and "not looking for hook ups" in their profiles, but "they were open to hookups when they were making those 3 little n-words". " Yes, he referred to kids as little n-words. He also talked about how it's difficult to date in DC because the black women have attitudes and how men want to feel needed and the women in DC are too successful.... it was just cringeworthy. And he tried to say we were a tough crowd :huh:
Click to expand...
Wow. There was also a speed dating event at the Ques event- Black Owt same night.
 
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