*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

I do not think anyone means that the the opposite of not hiding that info is flaunting it.

I certainly do not mean that. Purposefully hiding or going out of one's way to avoid revealing something like that is unecessary and not healthy imo. If asked, by all means answer honestly and without shame or apology. If someone drops you over that, then that person is likely not the one.

Evolving78 said:
I agree and I would have kept it very generic with that topic.
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Reinventing21 said:
I do not think anyone means that the the opposite of not hiding that info is flaunting it.

I certainly do not mean that. Purposefully hiding or going out of one's way to avoid revealing something like that is unecessary and not healthy imo. If asked, by all means answer honestly and without shame or apology. If someone drops you over that, then that person is likely not the one.
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I understand your logical and reasoning, but nope, keep it generic as possible when it comes dating.
 
Thank you for that but I want to understand what you mean better. What do you mean 'generic' then? Do you mean 'vague'?

Like guy asks you: Did you go to college or grad school?
And you answer: Well I might have had some education. What about you?

I used to be vague in the beginning of a dating relationship, not because of some coy plot to make sure the man felt masculine, but because I was always paranoid, too distrusting of his intentions to fully reveal my personal info.

But once I trust someone, I would think I would want to know how they would react to who I truly am.

So, I would love to hear your full perspective. Like if you do mean vague, how long do you stay vague? And what is your purpose? .

Thanks!

Evolving78 said:
“

I understand your logical and reasoning, but nope, keep it generic as possible when it comes dating.
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weaveadiva said:
.

.

@Kimiche @sunflora @cinnespice
For online dating have you considered broadening your settings to include men in other cities? Sounded ridiculous to me (I mean, how are we supposed to date?) but I know a couple who just married and they met this way.
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I will have to try that and see what happens. I get a lot of out of state guys though. One said that he comes to LA often, but I do not want that situation.
 
I'm not having much luck with this dating thing. :lol: So I started talking to this guy the other day from one of the dating sites. We sent messages back and forth and he seemed cool. We exchanged numbers and he called me last night. 1. I do not like his voice. 2. He talks a lot and would barely let me get a word in. 3. I do not like his loud laugh. A basketball game was on that I wanted to watch, so I told him that I was going to call him back after it was done. This fool had the nerve to call me instead of waiting for me to call him back. He called me twice and I didn't pick up. I do not want his thirsty behind. Now I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of him. :scratchchin:

Are you ladies giving out your real numbers to these guys or one that is generated from one of the apps like TextMe?
 
That's so weird. I almost prefer guys without degrees. Up in DMV guys with degrees got it paid for by mom and dad and have little work ethic. All the guys I meet in my age range (late 20s) have been in school for the last 8 years. B.S., M.S.... it's like they don't ever plan on working. I guess that's cool if you're in it for the money, but my last relationship ended due to him not understanding what it meant to have to work for things. It sounds silly in text but it was really a huge deal-breaker for me.

I find other men come off as pretentious when they find they are at a higher level of education than me. But I make more money! I was talking to one dude and at some point he asks me 'do you read books?' I stared at him blankly because as you can imagine, someone asking a black woman this already sounds like an insult. So to my blank stare he responds, 'you know, like paper...words?' I was done after that.

And now I'm mad and rambling LOL. I guess that is to say, if education level is an important factor, I don't want him. If he thinks he's dumber than me or smarter than me because one of us had enough money, time and patience to complete school, again, don't want him. If you want to know how smart or dumb I am, talk to me. I'll figure out the same, without looking at your resume.
 
Reinventing21 said:
Thank you for that but I want to understand what you mean better. What do you mean 'generic' then? Do you mean 'vague'?

Like guy asks you: Did you go to college or grad school?
And you answer: Well I might have had some education. What about you?

I used to be vague in the beginning of a dating relationship, not because of some coy plot to make sure the man felt masculine, but because I was always paranoid, too distrusting of his intentions to fully reveal my personal info.

But once I trust someone, I would think I would want to know how they would react to who I truly am.

So, I would love to hear your full perspective. Like if you do mean vague, how long do you stay vague? And what is your purpose? .

Thanks!
Click to expand...
If that question comes up I would just say I went to such and such and leave it at that. The purpose is to not get into a masculine conversation and to keep it light on your side. If it blossoms into something beyond a first date or two, it will eventually come out.
 
@sunflora Yeah , a guy acting superior would be a no go for me too.

As I said before, education alone is not a measure of intelligence or worth. I agree that for some people, education level is just about different opportunities and circumstance. One has to look at many different character traits, actions etc., to figure out who a person is.
 
Evolving78 said:
If that question comes up I would just say I went to such and such and leave it at that. The purpose is to not get into a masculine conversation and to keep it light on your side. If it blossoms into something beyond a first date or two, it will eventually come out.
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@Reinventing21 this is pretty much my point when I first said that I dont discuss it or keep it minimal. It is technically a masculine conversation and it can become/seen as competition. We may not see it like that, but they do. The last guy that asked me, I told him "yes"; he asked where and I told him where. Luckily for me, he had monies, so I knew there were no motives. He asks a question and he gets an answer of the question he asked. IME, when you start getting into all of that and offering information, some of the ones that are "impressed" by you are basically sizing what you bring to the table. Let them find out later, but not in the beginning. Dont be paranoid.
 
im going to end it with tenderoni. I've been super stressed at work the last couple days and thought hold on, i don't think i can call him. wait we rarely communicate except to plan a date or brief check-in.
This feels amateur. yes he's sweet and lovely when im around him. but what real value am i getting out of this.
 
So. I have been celibate for quite a while. I met this man by darn near accident and myyyyy has he opened up some thangs for me. What was that thread folks were talking about the crazy things they were doing for some D?! Well, I feel like I'm two sessions away from that :lachen::cry3::drunk:. In all seriousness, he seems like a nice guy as well.

Anyway, I'm officially settled in to my new city! I've been trying to get back out there in the online dating realm, but I'm not really feeling it. It just seems like so much effort for so little reward. I was ghosted by a guy I'd been seeing for four(!!!) months, right as I was feeling ready to be exclusive. It's a mess. I've been "positioning" myself, going out solo, smiling, flirting, so here's to meeting someone the old fashioned way!

Regardless, this move has been so, so good for me! I have gained so much confidence. I look effin' amazing, and I feel like I'm finally in touch with my feminine, sensual energy. Overall just feeling great!
 
Kookookiwi said:
So. I have been celibate for quite a while. I met this man by darn near accident and myyyyy has he opened up some thangs for me. What was that thread folks were talking about the crazy things they were doing for some D?! Well, I feel like I'm two sessions away from that :lachen::cry3::drunk:. In all seriousness, he seems like a nice guy as well.

Anyway, I'm officially settled in to my new city! I've been trying to get back out there in the online dating realm, but I'm not really feeling it. It just seems like so much effort for so little reward. I was ghosted by a guy I'd been seeing for four(!!!) months, right as I was feeling ready to be exclusive. It's a mess. I've been "positioning" myself, going out solo, smiling, flirting, so here's to meeting someone the old fashioned way!

Regardless, this move has been so, so good for me! I have gained so much confidence. I look effin' amazing, and I feel like I'm finally in touch with my feminine, sensual energy. Overall just feeling great!
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I could’ve written literally all of this! So happy for you sis. Where did you move to?
 
cocomochaa said:
im going to end it with tenderoni. I've been super stressed at work the last couple days and thought hold on, i don't think i can call him. wait we rarely communicate except to plan a date or brief check-in.
This feels amateur. yes he's sweet and lovely when im around him. but what real value am i getting out of this.
Click to expand...


vulnerability my ass. So we are done. Although i did not see a future, i thought we could have a nice chapter like though winter/spring. On friday half asleep he said
" im not seeeing anyone else that could lead to anything at the moment"

Now this didn't sit well with me hence why I've been wanting to call it off. In my mind he basically said " right now there's no one else but if someone came along then..." i spoke to my therapist today and she said " tell him you like him, have no idea what you want this be but wouldn't feel comfortable him dating other people but if he wanted to, deuces"

Well i did that and he was honest. He liked me and if we wanted to do more with each other then that would be great. There's no one on his radar however if he went to the club and met someone he wouldn't want to have to say no or restrain himself.

I explained that's his prerogative but I couldn't date someone if in the back of my mind i was thinking is this the weekend he meets someone new?

He actually thought I'd be like "erm okkkk cool" and asked " so what now?

o_O

I'm annoyed because we got on well and damn is he fine but I'm amazing. If he wants to keep his options open on the off chance he might come across someone badder than me then good luck wit dat my guy.

Almost time for my work travel to cease and I can date more.
 
Evolving78 said:
If that question comes up I would just say I went to such and such and leave it at that. The purpose is to not get into a masculine conversation and to keep it light on your side. If it blossoms into something beyond a first date or two, it will eventually come out.
Click to expand...

Saludable84 said:
@Reinventing21 this is pretty much my point when I first said that I dont discuss it or keep it minimal. It is technically a masculine conversation and it can become/seen as competition. We may not see it like that, but they do. The last guy that asked me, I told him "yes"; he asked where and I told him where. Luckily for me, he had monies, so I knew there were no motives. He asks a question and he gets an answer of the question he asked. IME, when you start getting into all of that and offering information, some of the ones that are "impressed" by you are basically sizing what you bring to the table. Let them find out later, but not in the beginning. Dont be paranoid.
Click to expand...

I'm going to respectfully disagree with this approach.

I know everyone has different approaches/experiences when it comes to dating and this approach may work for others. But for me the approach of keeping it vague when it comes to education or avoiding a conversation because it's masculine, feels like I'd be contorting myself and not interacting the way I naturally would and I avoid doing anything that makes me feel like that or otherwise uncomfortable. So, if they bring up that conversation and see it as a competition and don't like the answer I give, so be it. Don't start none, won't be none. :laugh: I wouldn't feel like I was missing out or like I "chased away a good one". Maybe they were a "good one", but they were not a good one for me.

If they bring it up and "like" that I have a higher degree because of some type of ulterior motive, I'll figure it out at some point and proceed from there. Still not missing out because I don't want someone who only wants me because of some ulterior motive.

When I meet someone I try to interact with them as naturally as possible because if it's the right person, our personalities and the way we interact will mesh well together. If not, then we're not compatible and that's fine.
 
Not sure how many of you ladies in here pray, but if you do, I definitely need it. I thought I was doing good, and that has proven to be a bust. I've been crying uncontrollably as of late and I know it's not all relationship-related, but I am beyond sad at the fact that I'm yet alone and still going through a lot.

So prayers needed please.
 
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