*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

LdyKamz said:
A friend of mine is in another city doing something stupid with some man she shouldn't have gone to see in the first place. She flew all the way down there when he was being distant and cold for the entire month before the trip. She would complain to me daily about it and I told her several times to fall back and cancel that trip. She didn't listen.

So she gets there, they go to a party and head back home where he proceeds to give her the "it's not you it's me" speech and the whole "I can't give you what you want right now". She texted me at 2am to tell me what happened but said she was fine. Her texts were riddled with typos which told me she definitely was not OK. She said she had family in the area and would go over there.

Text her today to find out she still hasn't left his house thinking that her sulking and pouting will make him feel bad. Since it's not working she's decided she is going to ask his friend (a guy she met at the party) if he "wants to get dinner?" My thing is if the friend was into her and asked her I probably would tell her to go for it but 1. She's texting him and planning on asking him out and 2. This will not make the first dude jealous and I know she's hoping it will.

Anyway, I told this whole story because I cannot believe how common this is and how often women play stupid games like this only hurting themselves in the end. Don't women want to be happy? After listening to her go on and on I had to flat out tell her "Girl, stop being stupid. Pack your s*** and COME HOME!" I don't want to kick her when she's down but this is just dumb. She needs to stop.

***I didn't have anywhere else to post this and felt the single ladies thread was the place.
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UPDATE:

She texted me to tell me she's back in town and...wait for it...she slept with him 2 more times after they had that talk. If I could I would post the screenshots to the madness. I was like um why did you do that? And does that mean you didn't go stay with family? She said no. So she stayed there the whole time thinking what, that she would guilt him into a relationship with her? I was like just forget this dude man. Delete and block. She hit me with the "but he's one of my best friends!" My response was "Friend, read this carefully. NO HE IS NOT! He is not your friend! If he cared about you at all he would not have slept with you after he told you he couldn't give you what you want" She didn't want to hear that and continued to blame him saying she wished he hadn't tried to hook up with her. My thing is yeah this dude sucks but at some point take some responsibility here. He tried because he's a man and YOU LET HIM. What incentive does this man have to have a relationship when you're willing to sleep with him after he tells you he's not going to give you one?!

She also told me that she has threatened to dump boyfriends that didn't like him and I'm just looking at my screen like you sound like a real idiot since he's not dropping the people in his life (some of whom are past gfs) for her. She said he would...except right before she left we had dinner and she spent the whole time complaining that he's still friends with an ex who is jealous of her and doesn't like her. I mean he won't drop this girl when you're sleeping with him and you out here dumping potential boyfriends because they can tell this guy is a creep? It's like common sense is gone.

She pretty much changed the subject in the middle of the convo and I went with it. She won't listen to me so gotta let her do her own thing I guess.
 
Mr. C's grandfather died Monday night. I found out the next morning and it was not pretty. I'm trying to be as compassionate as I can be, but he pushed my buttons hard. It's weird having such a big thing happen so early on. We haven't had our first date yet (tomorrow). So our date night for Sunday has been postponed. He has to fly back home tomorrow, then out of the country for the funeral this Saturday. I hope that I can put a smile on his face tomorrow.
 
Eww. My mom keeps trying to convince me to date some ugly FOB guy that has nothing going for himself. She tells me to get with him or I’ll be single forever. I’m 25! I’m young, childless, black, slim, gorgeous, long hair down my back, beautiful brown skin, I got amazing style, nails done, hair did, already make good money and I’m about to graduate in 2 months as a nurse and double my money, good credit, only 4K in debt from my car and credit card that will vanish once I get a job as a nurse, great personality. I got everything going for myself. I’m not picky I’m PICKING. I CHOOSE who I want. I lack nothing to be so desperate. She lives in a state of scarcity I live in a state of abundance. That’s why she made the desperate choice she made and has lived in poverty every since, tho I love my dad, they broke. Cause she was 19 and desperate. 19!! What the heck was she so desperate for as a beautiful 19 year old??? Got married to a 32 year old man who was broke. Now you want me to make the same desperate choice? No ma’am.

Furthermore my mom said through the grapevine the FOB guy said he’s liked me for years but felt I was too good for him. Ya damn right
tenor.gif

I’m wayyy to good for him. And when a man admits your too good and too high up he’s gonna drag you down to his level. Believe what men say the first time!
 
Thanks @Royalq and it’s funny you post this.

Last night I went out to dinner with a girl I met and she told me I’m too picky. I didn’t really try to justify myself, just that when there are yellow flags there, this situation can only go two ways and it’s likely going to go red. People wanna be so nice but often, mainly women, don’t understand that being nice comes with a huge price, while prizes are priceless and come with a unmeasurable value. You have to possibly live with this person the rest of your life (because that’s how women think) so why live in suffering and misery. I’ll continue to pick until I choose.
 
Saludable84 said:
Thanks @Royalq and it’s funny you post this.

Last night I went out to dinner with a girl I met and she told me I’m too picky. I didn’t really try to justify myself, just that when there are yellow flags there, this situation can only go two ways and it’s likely going to go red. People wanna be so nice but often, mainly women, don’t understand that being nice comes with a huge price, while prizes are priceless and come with a unmeasurable value. You have to possibly live with this person the rest of your life (because that’s how women think) so why live in suffering and misery. I’ll continue to pick until I choose.
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Exactly. More women need to start being the pickers and not the chosen. Because women have been chosen for millenniums now and it hasnt faired well. Ive recently really started carving out what kind of man I want and not being ashamed of my standards. Cause they look at me and see Im gorgeous and I got my stuff together and they want me but Im not allowed to look at them and measure their worth?? This FOB guy saw my beauty, brains, body, charm, moeny, and said he wants it. But my mom is like dont look at his money, dont look at his face, dont look at his personality, dont look at anything. Like, what?? I cant have any standards whatsoever but clearly he has high standards. Im not here for it.
 
A friend was just ghosted by a guy she wasn't attracted to. I asked "why are you dating him?" because she mentioned over and over how she wasnt attracted to him.
He was the opposite of every man she ever dated. Supposedly he was really successful but his evil exwife gets half his check in spousal and child support. They have 1 kid, the wife has a whole career and worked throughout the marriage. Oh and she took the house too. *eyeroll*

This was the reason he gave as to why the entire 4 months they dated they only went out once. Everything else were home dates.

I told her if his money is as tied up as you say it is... which I highly doubt, then he can't afford to date and again you don't even like him. Here is the kicker they made plans to go out to a nice restaurant and he stood her up. She has never heard from him again. I guess he blocked her on all SM and her #.
Smh...

I tell women all the time do not lower your standards to be with anyone. Men aren't lowering ish. If anything they are aiming for the sky.
 
-I had a 'D' appointment last night... and it was magical :blondboob: :lol:

-I've never used dating apps before and have been against online dating because I really like going out and meeting people in real life. I can't get an accurate impression of someone and their vibe over the internet. But, today for the first time I downloaded a dating app and created a profile...it's kind of fun so far.
 
Question for the ladies who have been single for awhile. How do you avoid becoming jaded by the dating process?

I’ve been single for 3 years now. I took the first year off and over the past two years I’ve had mostly mediocre experiences in the dating world. It doesn’t help that I live in a 90+ % white city and I’m only interested in Black men.

I still believe in Black love and see this in my future but I don’t love the negative lens that I’ve begun to view dating from. I’m currently taking an extended break... but any tips on how to keep the optimism?
 
LdyKamz said:
UPDATE:

She texted me to tell me she's back in town and...wait for it...she slept with him 2 more times after they had that talk. If I could I would post the screenshots to the madness. I was like um why did you do that? And does that mean you didn't go stay with family? She said no. So she stayed there the whole time thinking what, that she would guilt him into a relationship with her? I was like just forget this dude man. Delete and block. She hit me with the "but he's one of my best friends!" My response was "Friend, read this carefully. NO HE IS NOT! He is not your friend! If he cared about you at all he would not have slept with you after he told you he couldn't give you what you want" She didn't want to hear that and continued to blame him saying she wished he hadn't tried to hook up with her. My thing is yeah this dude sucks but at some point take some responsibility here. He tried because he's a man and YOU LET HIM. What incentive does this man have to have a relationship when you're willing to sleep with him after he tells you he's not going to give you one?!

She also told me that she has threatened to dump boyfriends that didn't like him and I'm just looking at my screen like you sound like a real idiot since he's not dropping the people in his life (some of whom are past gfs) for her. She said he would...except right before she left we had dinner and she spent the whole time complaining that he's still friends with an ex who is jealous of her and doesn't like her. I mean he won't drop this girl when you're sleeping with him and you out here dumping potential boyfriends because they can tell this guy is a creep? It's like common sense is gone.

She pretty much changed the subject in the middle of the convo and I went with it. She won't listen to me so gotta let her do her own thing I guess.
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@LdyKamz - you did your best but it seems like your friend needs serious help.
Also, I think that at some point, women are going to have to stop using 'he's a man' as an excuse for some men's trashy behaviour, and accept that being a man does not automatically translate to having no integrity. He's a mitch... 'tis all.
 
shespoison said:
I do. He’s very googlable lol. I can’t lie, it’s very sexy. :look:

I have no plans to attend his church any time soon.
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:lachen: IDK why when I read this I thought about how on more than one occasion, the church ladies thought they were in line to be a first lady. The the pastor shows up with somebody they've never seen before and bam, all the women are mad. :lol:
 
Browndilocks said:
:lachen: IDK why when I read this I thought about how on more than one occasion, the church ladies thought they were in line to be a first lady. The the pastor shows up with somebody they've never seen before and bam, all the women are mad. :lol:
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He's young and attractive so I know there are women with dibs. He claims that he doesn't date his parishioners and I believe him. I know that if we decide to do this thing for real its going to be hard. Between the church and his mother I'm going to be judged to hell and back. I'm not too worried because either he'll have my back and shut them down or I'll be gone.
 
shespoison said:
He's young and attractive so I know there are women with dibs. He claims that he doesn't date his parishioners and I believe him. I know that if we decide to do this thing for real its going to be hard. Between the church and his mother I'm going to be judged to hell and back. I'm not too worried because either he'll have my back and shut them down or I'll be gone.
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He's going to announce your relationship in front of the church and there are going to be chicks whaling and running out of the sanctuary. Then somebody's mother is going to want to talk to him to see what TF happened :lol:. Then everybody is going to want to be your new best friend. :lachen:

I'm playing w/u but I've definitely seen it happen.
 
shespoison said:
He's young and attractive so I know there are women with dibs. He claims that he doesn't date his parishioners and I believe him. I know that if we decide to do this thing for real its going to be hard. Between the church and his mother I'm going to be judged to hell and back. I'm not too worried because either he'll have my back and shut them down or I'll be gone.
Click to expand...
Its ok you have something they don't :)
 
BrownBetty said:
A friend was just ghosted by a guy she wasn't attracted to. I asked "why are you dating him?" because she mentioned over and over how she wasnt attracted to him.
He was the opposite of every man she ever dated. Supposedly he was really successful but his evil exwife gets half his check in spousal and child support. They have 1 kid, the wife has a whole career and worked throughout the marriage. Oh and she took the house too. *eyeroll*

This was the reason he gave as to why the entire 4 months they dated they only went out once. Everything else were home dates.

I told her if his money is as tied up as you say it is... which I highly doubt, then he can't afford to date and again you don't even like him. Here is the kicker they made plans to go out to a nice restaurant and he stood her up. She has never heard from him again. I guess he blocked her on all SM and her #.
Smh...

I tell women all the time do not lower your standards to be with anyone. Men aren't lowering ish. If anything they are aiming for the sky.
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She “gave him a chance”. I hate giving out chances cause men aren’t giving “chances” to women they aren’t attracted to, so why are we?
 
KiSseS03 said:
Question for the ladies who have been single for awhile. How do you avoid becoming jaded by the dating process?

I’ve been single for 3 years now. I took the first year off and over the past two years I’ve had mostly mediocre experiences in the dating world. It doesn’t help that I live in a 90+ % white city and I’m only interested in Black men.

I still believe in Black love and see this in my future but I don’t love the negative lens that I’ve begun to view dating from. I’m currently taking an extended break... but any tips on how to keep the optimism?
Click to expand...
Lots of travel keeps me optimistic. I always meet someone who keeps me inspired (domestic and international). Would you do a long distance relationship? I have no interest in one at this point, so I’m on hiatus until I move to a city where I want to stay put.
 
I was working with a coworker today and sometimes it’s nice talking to a man about dating.

So, I was on Reddit and this girl was talking about how a guy was busy and she’s worried and has had to initiate conversation so she wanted advice. So a guy told her to reach out and make plans. Oh dear. Another guy gave her four different types of modes and told her she should still reach out.

So I told my coworker that women need to be careful asking men for advice because if he isn’t masculine, the advice will be in favor of the guy. Now, he’s an introvert and likewise for me, so I kinda blurted that out without sugar coating what I was really trying to say. I thought he was going to call me mean, but sure enough, he said “you’re right and men who aren’t masculine will enjoy watching women jump through hoops for them” and laughed. He also said non-masculine men are lazy and are not likely to change or give a woman what she wants and if he does change, he will likely leave. Idk how true it is but I changed the conversation :laugh:
 
So ex-SO and I are always going round and round about relationships in general. For example, when some black athlete had to pay his ex wife 50%, he (like damn near most black men) was up in arms. I told him that he was more worried about dude’s money than dude was because he should’ve been thinking about giving his (ex)wife 50% when he was impregnating the side chick. I also pointed out that he was more upset about dude’s money than dude breaking his wedding vows.

I’ve come to agree that black women should marry men who bring what they bring to the table and said that was my desire for my daughter given all that she brings to the table. He did all this projecting (I have more education and make more) and put words in my mouth. The conversation didn’t end well.

Now we are debating this tweet



He got his feelings hurt :abducted:
 
Browndilocks said:
He's going to announce your relationship in front of the church and there are going to be chicks whaling and running out of the sanctuary. Then somebody's mother is going to want to talk to him to see what TF happened :lol:. Then everybody is going to want to be your new best friend. :lachen:

I'm playing w/u but I've definitely seen it happen.
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Girl this is real life you are speaking! Lol stuff like that gets out of pocket when the pastor, or a man in a powerful position thinks he is a prize, but pastor dude isn’t acting like he is the prize. I’m glad she is keeping him on his toes and humble! Lol
 
NijaG said:
Lol..... that might not be this meme to use. Right after she let the hit it.
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That confused the heck out of me, but she is a broken confused mess herself. I mean she had a full on relationship with her brother and does a lot of rotten things, but I still like that line though.
 
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