*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

I hope this is not too harsh.
  • @PeaceLover used to always laugh when I said I always fell in love with less than stellar men. She said, but you know they're less than stellar (broke, selfish, ungenerous, dumb). You can't fall in love with a man if you don't talk to him. I agree with this now.
  • This isn't a relationship this is a situation-ship.
  • If he hasn't started dating you by now he probably won't. Men treat you the BEST in the beginning. You have to have strong boundaries so they don't just use you. Use your time, advice, thoughts, body, and more.
  • Strive to NEVER be a man's counselor. You're not getting paid to be his Dr. Phil and you have your friend girls and platonic friend guys to be your advice givers. Plus, men are not appreciative of this in he end. You don't get a cookie for this.
  • If he knows about your dirty past/trauma....many times they will use it to their advantage.
  • If you're not dating him, men like to show off the women that they care about. You are a friend. Yall are just chilling.
  • Men show affection to the ones they love. He's not hugging and kissing you to show you his boundary that yall are just friends.
  • Look at his actions not at his words that he loves you.
  • I would give him a script: It always feels so good when we converse. However, I'm much more of a people person. I would prefer we go out on a date to get to know each other better. ;) (See what he says. If he says he doesn't like titles or he doesn't date....he's not serious about you)
 
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A dude that I frequent often came up to me. He tries to talk to me daily, but I don't like how he's coming at me. However, I'm proud of myself I cut the conversation off. He told me his intentions. He just got our of a divorce (like me) a little less than a year ago and so he's searching for some sexual "tenderness" *rolls eyes*. I'm not searching for that so I'm not interested. I told him instead I'm looking for something a little bit more consistent. He played stupid and asked consistent how. I told him. I'm looking for consistent communication and dates leading to a stable committed relationship. He kept saying he hopes I make an exception to the rule. I said, "I won't" and promptly got off the phone.

He told me I know I will be an asset to his life. Afterwards I started thinking....I know this dude will come back to me again. I guess I need to tell him I don't need friends, or ask him the question how will HE be an asset to ME?
 
PrissiSippi said:
I hope this is not too harsh.
  • @PeaceLover used to always laugh when I said I always fell in love with less than stellar men. She said, but you know they're less than stellar (broke, selfish, ungenerous, dumb). You can't fall in love with a man if you don't talk to him. I agree with this now.
  • This isn't a relationship this is a situation-ship.
  • If he hasn't started dating you by now he probably won't. Men treat you the BEST in the beginning. You have to have strong boundaries so they don't just use you. Use your time, advice, thoughts, body, and more.
  • Strive to NEVER be a man's counselor. You're not getting paid to be his Dr. Phil and you have your friend girls and platonic friend guys to be your advice givers. Plus, men are not appreciative of this in he end. You don't get a cookie for this.
  • If he knows about your dirty past/trauma....many times they will use it to their advantage.
  • If you're not dating him, men like to show off the women that they care about. You are a friend. Yall are just chilling.
  • Men show affection to the ones they love. He's not hugging and kissing you to show you his boundary that yall are just friends.
  • Look at his actions not at his words that he loves you.
  • I would give him a script: It always feels so good when we converse. However, I'm much more of a people person. I would prefer we go out on a date to get to know each other better. ;) (See what he says. If he says he doesn't like titles or he doesn't date....he's not serious about you)
Click to expand...

Ok, thank you. You bust my lil bubble but I appreciate it.
 
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LivingDoll said:
Ok, thank you. You bust my lil bubble but I appreciate it.
Click to expand...
If it's too harsh please let me know. I'll delete it but I've been in this same situation. I was really hoping things would change. We stayed in this little situationship for 3 years. I never got a Christmas gift. We never went on dates. We went on outings but other people were always there. He didn't come to my graduation. He always said I gave him the best advice he just wasn't looking to settle down. As soon as he saw the girl he really wanted...he got ready overnight. He pursued her and still remained friends with me. EVEN ASKED ME FOR ADVICE TO HELP THIS NEW GIRL THAT HE REALLY LIKED. Once he even asked me advice for her with her in the room...don't be fooled. Men go after what they want. If they're not doing that...they're not that interested. Not to say they won't be interested in the future but you'll know when they are.
 
bellatiamarie said:
I’m in a tough season right now. It’s hard not having support!!! I know I’ve said it before but I’m tired of putting on my big girl panties every day. I. Am. TIED. Why do people think I can do this? I know I make it look effortless but honey I’m hanging on by a wing and a prayer OK!!!
Click to expand...

I am right here with you! RIGHT here.

I was talking to God recently, bawling crying, wondering why do I have to be so strong. There isn't another option for me. I cant give up.

No one is perfect. No one has had the perfect relationship. We are all flawed and make mistakes. You are more than enough. Just keep getting up.

@bellatiamarie
 
PrissiSippi said:
A dude that I frequent often came up to me. He tries to talk to me daily, but I don't like how he's coming at me. However, I'm proud of myself I cut the conversation off. He told me his intentions. He just got our of a divorce (like me) a little less than a year ago and so he's searching for some sexual "tenderness" *rolls eyes*. I'm not searching for that so I'm not interested. I told him instead I'm looking for something a little bit more consistent. He played stupid and asked consistent how. I told him. I'm looking for consistent communication and dates leading to a stable committed relationship. He kept saying he hopes I make an exception to the rule. I said, "I won't" and promptly got off the phone.

He told me I know I will be an asset to his life. Afterwards I started thinking....I know this dude will come back to me again. I guess I need to tell him I don't need friends, or ask him the question how will HE be an asset to ME?
Click to expand...
I feel like a broken record explaining this to guys. If you don't know what consistency means you will find out soon enough. I had guy tell me that sex is the end result of dating not a relationship. :wallbash: no you big dummy sex is only part of it. Sex is great but it's not the be all end all. About 95% of the time it ends right at this phase for the guys I have talked to. These guys are not serious, and I know exactly what I want and you can't persuade me. That leads you to becoming dropped like a hot dropped and blocked.


RoseofLily said:
I don't know what's wrong with my dating life. Don't know if it's me, the location I'm in or both. These men out her are something else
Click to expand...
No it's not you. It's the men, some are mitch made men. I live in NYC and if this the best that the city has to offer, I put in my thoughts to the universe to send better and put the others in man reforming classes to learn how to be a man, seriously.
@LivingDoll :bighug:
 
RoseofLily said:
I don't know what's wrong with my dating life. Don't know if it's me, the location I'm in or both. These men out her are something else
Click to expand...
Same here, I think it is more me though and not truly making an honest effort!

cinnespice said:
I feel like a broken record explaining this to guys. If you don't know what consistency means you will find out soon enough. I had guy tell me that sex is the end result of dating not a relationship. :wallbash: no you big dummy sex is only part of it. Sex is great but it's not the be all end all. About 95% of the time it ends right at this phase for the guys I have talked to. These guys are not serious, and I know exactly what I want and you can't persuade me. That leads you to becoming dropped like a hot dropped and blocked.

No it's not you. It's the men, some are mitch made men. I live in NYC and if this the best that the city has to offer, I put in my thoughts to the universe to send better and put the others in man reforming classes to learn how to be a man, seriously.
@LivingDoll :bighug:
Click to expand...
I am going to try that tactic of choosing my thoughts, happy more positive ones.
 
AnjelLuvs said:
Same here, I think it is more me though and not truly making an honest effort!


I am going to try that tactic of choosing my thoughts, happy more positive ones.
Click to expand...

I second this. I've definitely worked on my feelings/mood, being softer and more feminine and not getting stuck in a feeling other than overall happiness. Not sure if it's working but it helps with a better states of mind for eliminating peasants and trolls.
 
Y'all have some gems in this thread.

Trying to deal with what feels like a serious shakeup in my life recently.

I'm feeling rejected, lonely, sad and a bit confused. Wondering what I've been doing wrong and how to fix myself. Then I try to remind myself that maybe these people who are finding it so easy to walk out of my life is for good reason. It's all happening at once, and so damn swiftly, that it took me by surprise and hurt like hell.

I think I really, FINALLY am seeing the clear sign that I need to focus and tend to what I'm missing within myself before I think about giving any part of me to another person.
 
My reader said I needed to try online dating again :rolleyes: I’m on Bumble and Tinder. I was trying to be more...open (i.e less superficial)...but I’ve been matching with too many people so I’m being cut throat again lol. I’m chatting with one guy I actually kind of like. I have no expectations, but it’s nice to not be annoyed.
 
I'm back on Bumble and being very selective. I got the add on where I can see who swiped right for me first, it's the only way Bumble is bearable to me. Guys who answer all the questions except the one about having kids are funny to me. Hate, hate, hate dating, but I already dislike the holiday season and would like someone to kiss on new years eve
 
I took a break from dating but have decided to dip my toes in the water again. Went out with a guy and we had a great date but something didn't feel right. Then he tells me he's deleting Tinder for some bs reason but he wanted to see me again. No phone communication, all texts. The old me would have called for clarification. The new me just kept it moving.

I'm about to meet a guy for a date and I'm as excited as when I go to the dentist. I'm trying to stay positive but these want to be prizes and men with 50-11 kids are wearing me out.
 
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ArrrBeee said:
I took a break from dating but have decided to dip my toes in the water again. Went out with a guy and we had a great date but something didn't feel right. Then he tells me he's deleting Tinder for some bs reason but he wanted to see me again. No phone communication, all texts. The old me would have called for clarification. The new me just kept it moving.

I'm about to meet a guy for a date and I'm as excited as when I go to the dentist. I'm trying to stay positive but these want to be prizes and men with 50-11 kids are wearing me out.
Click to expand...
 
LivingDoll said:
I’m not sure. I think i’ll just tell him I’m done. Then radio silence.
Click to expand...

Don't do that. Do not tell him you're done. Just go straight to radio silence. That's the only language they understand. Giving forewarning automatically gives him the upper hand. He will make it his mission to pursue not you, but your availability. Telling him is a trap. Don't do it.
 
ArrrBeee said:
I took a break from dating but have decided to dip my toes in the water again. Went out with a guy and we had a great date but something didn't feel right. Then he tells me he's deleting Tinder for some bs reason but he wanted to see me again. No phone communication, all texts. The old me would have called for clarification. The new me just kept it moving.

I'm about to meet a guy for a date and I'm as excited as when I go to the dentist. I'm trying to stay positive but these want to be prizes and men with 50-11 kids are wearing me out.
Click to expand...

I’m with you. I’m ok with where I’m at now. I’d rather meet someone organically at this point. I’m seeing someone who is organic and two who were from OLD. I’m not in the mood to meet anyone new. Seriously.
 
I deleted my online profiles again.
I was talking to a guy who got upset that I would not meet him for coffee on thanksgiving day. He asked what days was I free i told him Sunday, I had plans for Friday and Saturday already cause you know I have a life. Thanksgiving is reserved time for my family cooking and going out to Long Island. He lives in Sussex county I live in Brooklyn and his family is originally from BK, and he here all the time. So he texted me thanksgiving night as asked how I was doing (forgot to block his arse). Then 3 minutes later texted me and said that he doesn't get a good vibe from me and that I am being flaky. He said he doesn't want to give a woman like me a chance with a guy like him. Then 30 seconds later he sends the same message on POF and says do not contact him anymore. I thought of about 30 different ways to roast his arse like red pepper but I simply typed OK. Then blocked him from my phone and online. This is why I hate online dating. Who bred these guys???
 
cinnespice said:
I deleted my online profiles again.
I was talking to a guy who got upset that I would not meet him for coffee on thanksgiving day. He asked what days was I free i told him Sunday, I had plans for Friday and Saturday already cause you know I have a life. Thanksgiving is reserved time for my family cooking and going out to Long Island. He lives in Sussex county I live in Brooklyn and his family is originally from BK, and he here all the time. So he texted me thanksgiving night as asked how I was doing (forgot to block his arse). Then 3 minutes later texted me and said that he doesn't get a good vibe from me and that I am being flaky. He said he doesn't want to give a woman like me a chance with a guy like him. Then 30 seconds later he sends the same message on POF and says do not contact him anymore. I thought of about 30 different ways to roast his arse like red pepper but I simply typed OK. Then blocked him from my phone and online. This is why I hate online dating. Who bred these guys???
Click to expand...
Dang you gave a response..I would have silently been ghost, LMFAO
 
cinnespice said:
I deleted my online profiles again.
I was talking to a guy who got upset that I would not meet him for coffee on thanksgiving day. He asked what days was I free i told him Sunday, I had plans for Friday and Saturday already cause you know I have a life. Thanksgiving is reserved time for my family cooking and going out to Long Island. He lives in Sussex county I live in Brooklyn and his family is originally from BK, and he here all the time. So he texted me thanksgiving night as asked how I was doing (forgot to block his arse). Then 3 minutes later texted me and said that he doesn't get a good vibe from me and that I am being flaky. He said he doesn't want to give a woman like me a chance with a guy like him. Then 30 seconds later he sends the same message on POF and says do not contact him anymore. I thought of about 30 different ways to roast his arse like red pepper but I simply typed OK. Then blocked him from my phone and online. This is why I hate online dating. Who bred these guys???
Click to expand...
You really dodged a bullet. He is entitled and wants to continuously push the boundaries you have in place. No, no, and no.
 
PrissiSippi said:
You really dodged a bullet. He is entitled and wants to continuously push the boundaries you have in place. No, no, and no.
Click to expand...
I really did, none of what he did was necessary especially for a grown man with 2 kids. He is mad that I would not change my plans for him and that I have boundaries. He asked on Tuesday for Thursday thanksgiving day :confused:

I tell guys right off at the start I go to school full time and work full time(job has down time like now I'm studying). If you invite me for drinks and you were thinking it might lead to sex ( guys have tried it). Too bad for you i'm having ginger ale and we can talk, sober on my side at least. Do not ever invite me out the same day or day after because 95% of the time the answer will be no ( I don't care if sitting at home binging netflix the answer is no). And if you ask me what days I'm free and I tell you, and you are not free on those days and get mad ( he not first one who got mad) that's on you. If we are already established and dating I will work around a schedule or accept a same day/next day date. Most guys only want to date on the weekends, I don't know about you but there are 7 days in the week. These boundaries are in place for a reason.
 
Had a moment of weakness and reached out to someone who's been touch and go and I was undecided of how to proceed.

He was kind and let me know he was rekindling things with an ex - whether true or not - and wanted to be transparent and honest, and we had a long thoughtful conversation about it.

While in retrospect, it kinda stung, I do appreciate his approach. He was a cool person. This again, is further strengthening my perception that God has recently been working overtime to remove what is not meant to be/necessary from life as of late in a swift, blunt fashion. It's a little jarring but I'mma just let it happen and keep moving forward.
 
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