SlimPickinz
Summer where are you?
I hope not.I'm sure someone is going to read your post and wonder what the big deal was
*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*
- Thread starter DarkJoy
- Start date
That's what pissed me off the most. As if I was going to be like nooooo please don't cancel. I used to get upset when these guys showed their asses earlier on, but now I prefer it. Less wasted time!
Dude from last weekend's dating and sexing extravaganza sent me an email while I was at work planning our upcoming date. We're a lot alike in both good and bad ways, we both like to go places and explore new areas, and I think we both have commitment issues and like moving around a lot. But right now I keep telling myself he's just a friend to me and that calms my anxiety a lot and allows me to live in the moment. I'm enjoying learning to ignore the fake urgency of marriage
Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
Why does a person feel that they need to know if you’re “dating” or if their even being “considered” if you’ve expressed many times to that person their actions don’t meet up with their words “I want you”? It’s funny: when you don’t press an issue, the issue begins to get pressed.
I read that if you are thinking about a person and distract yourself to lessen thinking about them for 10 days, it will help you to push them out of your mind. Tomorrow is day 10 and I hate to say it worked for me.
I read that if you are thinking about a person and distract yourself to lessen thinking about them for 10 days, it will help you to push them out of your mind. Tomorrow is day 10 and I hate to say it worked for me.
Curious about how you did this if you care to share?
Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
She recommended finding other things to think about or do. At first I didn’t like it because it’s like, keep busy, which for me, makes me anxious. Then I went back to increasing focus on me.
I started by the tried and true ignore function. Then not being so available. Since we work together (but only see each other one day a week), I either watch 90 day fiancé
or YouTube or read reddit subforums at my desk. This is outside of regular work. When I get home, my phone is normally on vibrate and I spend time with my son, but if I get home around 6:45-7 I won’t go back to my phone until 8. Reply to messages and go iron, exercise, bathe, whatever. If the person reached out to me, just make them wait longer before reaching back out. Purposely distract yourself until it becomes a habit and eventually your mind will follow. You also can’t be worried about the consequences.I had a date last night and I forgot! Can you believe that? My train after work was so screwed up that the date completely slipped my mind. When I got off the train I happened to see my sister and I ended up walking with her to the grocery store. Something similar almost happened to me earlier in the week on my way to court. I was on a train heading back to Brooklyn and for a minute I forgot I was going to the court and almost missed my stop thinking I was on my way home. I had to hop off the train at the last minute. Smh!!! I guess I've been distracted lately.
Anyway, he sent a text at like 9 saying so I guess you aren't coming. I felt so bad and called him to apologize. He didn't answer so I texted him the apology and he wrote back no prob. I feel bad but I'm not rescheduling because we haven't been in contact since he asked me out (which is quite honestly how the date slipped my mind). Not saying me standing him up is his fault but I really forgot he existed for a minute. I do feel bad though.
Anyway, he sent a text at like 9 saying so I guess you aren't coming. I felt so bad and called him to apologize. He didn't answer so I texted him the apology and he wrote back no prob. I feel bad but I'm not rescheduling because we haven't been in contact since he asked me out (which is quite honestly how the date slipped my mind). Not saying me standing him up is his fault but I really forgot he existed for a minute. I do feel bad though.
feferity
pepper dem gang
Thanks! You're definitely right. Right now my mood is definitely "resigned" so I'm not attracting ANYBODY whether prince or peasant
I probably need to come to terms with a few things before I can spring into dating again. The biggest thing is the serious lack of options in my city/state (Oklahoma
). I probably could be more pro-active on dating apps when I go out of town, that's the only thing I can really do 
feferity
pepper dem gang
Men seem to take this as a "challenge" rather than the rejection that it is. I'm like why do you like abusing yourself this way
This is great advice.
Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
My BF told me he did this when he left the country a little while back. He said the matches he got when he landed across the pond were ridiculous and much better. Like 10x more than here. Hes into men thoughThanks! You're definitely right. Right now my mood is definitely "resigned" so I'm not attracting ANYBODY whether prince or peasant
I probably need to come to terms with a few things before I can spring into dating again. The biggest thing is the serious lack of options in my city/state (Oklahoma
but I get what he was saying. Try it.
shespoison
Well-Known Member
Cali bae is in town. We were supposed to hang out today but he has a meeting outside the country and is flying out.
We ended up just getting together last night. It’s so easy being with him. I know it’s because it a low pressure situation. At least until he moves here for good in a couple of months.
He’s kind of a butthole in general but he’s very sweet to me and when he notices I don’t like something he adjusts. I don’t even have to say anything.
I love our vibe and I’m curious to see what happens once he’s here permanently.
We ended up just getting together last night. It’s so easy being with him. I know it’s because it a low pressure situation. At least until he moves here for good in a couple of months.
He’s kind of a butthole in general but he’s very sweet to me and when he notices I don’t like something he adjusts. I don’t even have to say anything.
I love our vibe and I’m curious to see what happens once he’s here permanently.
feferity
pepper dem gang
@feferity Exactly! In fact there have been many (many many many!) times when I will get a text or call like 20 minutes before and I'd be like um I made other plans since I hadn't heard from you. I think I've gotten so used to doing that, that when/if I don't hear from a man, he is immediately removed from my mind. Because in this case it wasn't even an active decision to forget about going on this date. It was a legit stop and think moment like oh snap I was supposed to have a date tonight but oh well. I only feel bad because it's clear that this dude really doesn't know that he should have kept in contact instead of just assuming that he was locked in and probably thinks he was stood up just because. I didn't set out to intentionally stand him up.
I'm currently reading "The Untelling" by Tayari Jones and came across a part that made me think of this thread:
"Colette wasn't married, and as far as I knew, she wasn't even dating anyone, had never dated anyone. But she didn't wear her solitariness the way a lot of single women did. For her it seemed like a choice. For everyone else it seemed like a sentence."
"Colette wasn't married, and as far as I knew, she wasn't even dating anyone, had never dated anyone. But she didn't wear her solitariness the way a lot of single women did. For her it seemed like a choice. For everyone else it seemed like a sentence."
movingforward13
I do what I want...
Anyone in the DC area? There is a Black networking event tonight at a Brazilian steakhouse in Tyson’s corner. One of the ladies said a lot of men came out last time. I am headed down there with one of my friends-
Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
And this is not good. They begin to not think clearly.
prettyinpurple
Well-Known Member
I am not in the mood to head to Tyson's tonight, but keep us updated about future ones! I gotta get my mind right to get in that traffic lol.
Ms. Tarabotti
Well-Known Member
How was the event?
movingforward13
I do what I want...
It was alright- men were there but I didn’t meet anyone (had an emergency and had to leave an hour and a half after I got there).
Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
So I joined POF. I’m about to close this profile. I know I’ve been out of the game for a minute, but when did men become so mitchified.
I created a profile while I was bored at work at 1:30. A guy (out of like 15 within 45 minutes) messaged me. Some light talk. So, I left for a meeting for an hour. Get back and check.... this fool told me that I didn’t respond, he’s not down for games and that he’s being catfished. I said hold up....
I showed my BF and he said “he has a point”. I said I should block him and he said just respond back. Fine. He calmed down. I went back to work. Didn’t reply until after 7 when I got home. Here he goes again “but I text during work...” well good for you was my reply. So later, he asks if he can text me since I’m not on the app. I should have blocked him from the beginning. Gave him my google voice. This fool had the nerve to tell me how dare I give him a google voice number and I’m playing games and went on and on. Called me about 10 times in less than 5 minutes. I didn’t even tell him off. Told him it’s about me and my safety, he’s crazy, I don’t like his tone and blocked him everywhere.
This is why I keep telling the live person I have around that ain’t no one taking me anytime soon. I told my friend I’m never taking his advice ever again. He knows I’m not down with WWAB and after I tell him again, I’m just blocking with the quickness with my instincts.
I created a profile while I was bored at work at 1:30. A guy (out of like 15 within 45 minutes) messaged me. Some light talk. So, I left for a meeting for an hour. Get back and check.... this fool told me that I didn’t respond, he’s not down for games and that he’s being catfished. I said hold up....
I showed my BF and he said “he has a point”. I said I should block him and he said just respond back. Fine. He calmed down. I went back to work. Didn’t reply until after 7 when I got home. Here he goes again “but I text during work...” well good for you was my reply. So later, he asks if he can text me since I’m not on the app. I should have blocked him from the beginning. Gave him my google voice. This fool had the nerve to tell me how dare I give him a google voice number and I’m playing games and went on and on. Called me about 10 times in less than 5 minutes. I didn’t even tell him off. Told him it’s about me and my safety, he’s crazy, I don’t like his tone and blocked him everywhere.
This is why I keep telling the live person I have around that ain’t no one taking me anytime soon. I told my friend I’m never taking his advice ever again. He knows I’m not down with WWAB and after I tell him again, I’m just blocking with the quickness with my instincts.
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Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
My OLD profile comes with a disclaimer now:
*you will get my google voice number. Period.
*i don’t work with a brother. You need to come finished and done.
*you will get my google voice number. Period.
*i don’t work with a brother. You need to come finished and done.
I'll be 32 in less than two months and I'm still single. Meanwhile, it seems like everyone else around me is getting into relationships or married. I went from having a group of friends where maybe all but one person was single to now being the only single one in the group.
I won't even lie...I'm starting to feel some kind of way. I've had a few dates here and there, but no sparks...and it's much harder to date where I live, it seems. I just don't know. I'm tired of dating apps and stuff. Nothing of quality on them. Part of me wants to enjoy being single while I can, but another part of me is afraid that I'll always be single...and it bothers me. I just feel more lonely now than I ever have before with all that's going on around me.
I won't even lie...I'm starting to feel some kind of way. I've had a few dates here and there, but no sparks...and it's much harder to date where I live, it seems. I just don't know. I'm tired of dating apps and stuff. Nothing of quality on them. Part of me wants to enjoy being single while I can, but another part of me is afraid that I'll always be single...and it bothers me. I just feel more lonely now than I ever have before with all that's going on around me.
I always say with online profiles, don't bother with all that. IMO online profiles shouldn't be about what you won't do, what you don't like and what you won't tolerate. Keep it positive, say what you do like, what you're looking for and forget all the rest, right? I know there are some duds online but I always swipe left on men who have disclaimers because even if their profile is in sync with mine and what I want, the negative vibe is difficult to ignore. (*Not calling you negative at all! - just sharing my experience)
Saludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
I know, but I’m traumatized
I was being positive but then he started that. I’ll edit the last part out, but not the number part lolSaludable84
Better Late Than Ugly
I meant to ask yesterday. How do you ladies feel about men wanting to meet you after roughly a day or few hours of [text] conversation? It kinda raises a flag for me.
One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when people like to volunteer their two cents and tell me why I'm single when they know absolutely nothing about my life or relationship experiences. Men are the BIGGEST culprits of this and it's so annoying. I just had a guy tell me that I'm single because I don't observe the signs around me and because I need to make better choices...this guy has only ever met me twice through mutual friends and knows nothing about me. I really wish people would mind their business and stop giving unsolicited advice or commentary.
Ipanema
Well-Known Member
Hi all. I just wanted to say I tried Bumble, and had a great experience. I loved being able to make the first move. No weird and annoying messages from creeps. The profiles disappear until there's a match. I only put two sentences in my profile, which were lines from a poem that I liked. I didn't take anyone seriously. I had some interesting conversations. Most of them didn't lead anywhere. But one dude is now my boyfriend, so OLD was a success for me this time.
VeryBecoming
Devil's Avocado
I feel ya. There are two singles left in my group of about 20 friends and acquaintances. On one hand, I do wonder when I'm going to settle down with someone and want my single friends back but on the other hand, it makes me think ok, there are still some good guys to be found out there.
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AnjelLuvs
Well-Known Member
So glad came into this thread... the last couple of posts have been super positive which I need...
Right now, I am talking to this dude as of very recent within last 2weeks or so, I am leaning back extra hard... The guy asks if we could go out, this was Thursday of last week, since I had a plans all weekend I told him the following Wednesday...
We had spoke on phone once but everything else is text.
Yesterday, he sent a text and I took a long time to respond and the response was that I could tell him in person. He is like oohhhh we agreed on Wednesday right, I am like yea, nothing else...
I want to be like the poster upthread that just takes self out, forget trying to see if he is going to come through...
Right now, I am talking to this dude as of very recent within last 2weeks or so, I am leaning back extra hard... The guy asks if we could go out, this was Thursday of last week, since I had a plans all weekend I told him the following Wednesday...
We had spoke on phone once but everything else is text.
Yesterday, he sent a text and I took a long time to respond and the response was that I could tell him in person. He is like oohhhh we agreed on Wednesday right, I am like yea, nothing else...
I want to be like the poster upthread that just takes self out, forget trying to see if he is going to come through...
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