*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

VeryBecoming said:
The idea of dating sounds really good in my head. Then someone asks me out and I cut off all contact immediately. I should probably call my therapist :look:
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Lol...dont date. You're not ready. This is why i stopped. The idea sounds nice....and then when it gets close to actually having to do the work I dont want to. I dont wanna txt everyday. I dont feel like talking about me and my past and what i like to do and blah blah blah. I stopped online dating because of this. It doesnt make sense for me to waste my time and others. Im ok with going out with my friends... looking cute, being seen by guys, and flirt. Maybe quick chit chats. But thats all im willing to do right now. I think that quenches the thirst of wanting to be out there but not having to do anything lol
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
It's hella work LOL
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Seriously!

Dposh167 said:
Lol...dont date. You're not ready. This is why i stopped. The idea sounds nice....and then when it gets close to actually having to do the work I dont want to. I dont wanna txt everyday. I dont feel like talking about me and my past and what i like to do and blah blah blah. I stopped online dating because of this. It doesnt make sense for me to waste my time and others. Im ok with going out with my friends... looking cute, being seen by guys, and flirt. Maybe quick chit chats. But thats all im willing to do right now. I think that quenches the thirst of wanting to be out there but not having to do anything lol
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I'm not emotionally ready but I'm going to date anyway. Practice makes perfect? I don't particularly care if I'm wasting their time and I ain't got nothing better to do :look: This one guy, who I call Dr. Boring, keeps saying he wants to get to know me and I'm like, "why? What are you doing to do with this information??" :lol:

I only meet guys in real life but I'm thinking about hopping on the apps.
 
So I had 2 other potentials in line. I'm pretty sure one is a line cook at a restaurant talking about he's in luxury hospitality. Is that a thing? Y'all tell me. He texted me today talking about when are you usually free? Maybe I'm stupid because I didn't understand the question and said so. I was like "usually?" He wrote back he's asking what days I work? Umm I work Monday-Friday. I know some people work on weekends but idk...is it me? Was that weird or nah?

The 2nd one? Smh He started out so funny. He told me he would call. He didn't call. He texted me at 9pm yesterday talking bout some hey it's me. :lachen:I wrote back me who? Lol His response was ok ttyl then. Man get off my phone. Deleted and blocked.

Date on Thursday with #1 because I'm free but I also wanted to see him on Saturday because I know I'll be more energetic. We'll see what happens.
 
LdyKamz said:
So I had 2 other potentials in line. I'm pretty sure one is a line cook at a restaurant talking about he's in luxury hospitality. Is that a thing? Y'all tell me. He texted me today talking about when are you usually free? Maybe I'm stupid because I didn't understand the question and said so. I was like "usually?" He wrote back he's asking what days I work? Umm I work Monday-Friday. I know some people work on weekends but idk...is it me? Was that weird or nah?

The 2nd one? Smh He started out so funny. He told me he would call. He didn't call. He texted me at 9pm yesterday talking bout some hey it's me. :lachen:I wrote back me who? Lol His response was ok ttyl then. Man get off my phone. Deleted and blocked.

Date on Thursday with #1 because I'm free but I also wanted to see him on Saturday because I know I'll be more energetic. We'll see what happens.
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If he's in the restaurant business it's not an unusual question. We have weird schedules.
 
sarumoki said:
If he's in the restaurant business it's not an unusual question. We have weird schedules.
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I get that because very early on he apologized for a late message saying he keeps late hours. The next day I asked what he did and he hit me with the "I'm in luxury hospitality". I didn't quite understand but I did assume that + late hours also probably meant he worked weekends. Thing is I'm not in luxury hospitality and he knows this (hence his apologies - knowing that I have a regular 9-5). He knows what I do. I think I could understand him asking me that if I said I was also in the restaurant biz or another field with equally unusual hours. But whatever. I guess it doesn't matter now because I talked to him tonight and he seemed corny so NEXT! :lol:
 
LdyKamz said:
I get that because very early on he apologized for a late message saying he keeps late hours. The next day I asked what he did and he hit me with the "I'm in luxury hospitality". I didn't quite understand but I did assume that + late hours also probably meant he worked weekends. Thing is I'm not in luxury hospitality and he knows this (hence his apologies - knowing that I have a regular 9-5). He knows what I do. I think I could understand him asking me that if I said I was also in the restaurant biz or another field with equally unusual hours. But whatever. I guess it doesn't matter now because I talked to him tonight and he seemed corny so NEXT! :lol:
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Ohhhh, I thought he didn't know what you did.
 
VeryBecoming said:
The idea of dating sounds really good in my head. Then someone asks me out and I cut off all contact immediately. I should probably call my therapist :look:
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Well, I played myself saying this because of course, I ran into one of the blocked guys last night. He came up to me and was like why don't you ever respond to my messages? I told him I'd unblock but I'm definitely not going to.
 
So soon a you start messaging someone on a dating site, is it expected to just give up number? once past the formalities of names and location do you give number... I am not interested in text buddies. At least tell me what looking to get out of things a lil back and forth.. iunno, just feel like doing this all wrong...
 
VeryBecoming said:
Well, I played myself saying this because of course, I ran into one of the blocked guys last night. He came up to me and was like why don't you ever respond to my messages? I told him I'd unblock but I'm definitely not going to.
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Been there sis. I unblocked him while he was in my face then added him right back after he paid for my drinks. No one has time for trash. He DM'd my homegirl on IG like yo tell Slim to chill out and just unblock me I want to talk. Byeeeee
 
AnjelLuvs said:
So soon a you start messaging someone on a dating site, is it expected to just give up number? once past the formalities of names and location do you give number... I am not interested in text buddies. At least tell me what looking to get out of things a lil back and forth.. iunno, just feel like doing this all wrong...
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If I respond to a message from the guy that means I'm halfway interested. If he doesn't ask for my number within the first few messages then I unmatch. See ya!
 
LdyKamz said:
I get that because very early on he apologized for a late message saying he keeps late hours. The next day I asked what he did and he hit me with the "I'm in luxury hospitality". I didn't quite understand but I did assume that + late hours also probably meant he worked weekends. Thing is I'm not in luxury hospitality and he knows this (hence his apologies - knowing that I have a regular 9-5). He knows what I do. I think I could understand him asking me that if I said I was also in the restaurant biz or another field with equally unusual hours. But whatever. I guess it doesn't matter now because I talked to him tonight and he seemed corny so NEXT! :lol:
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This guy just sent me his damn work schedule and he works from 5pm - midnight every single day and then gonna talk about I'm open to doing something before work. Now, I dated someone in the restaurant business before and seeing each other was hell. I was always out late on weeknights and tired at work. With that guy, we finally agreed to settle on seeing each other on his 1 regular day off which was a weekend day but in the end that wasn't sustainable and I needed more time during regular hours than he was able to give. The problem with this new guy here though is I already told him that I work a regular 9-5 (9:30 - 6 actually but ya know) so how is he still coming in trying to weasel his way in without actual concrete suggestions. Telling me you are open to doing something before 5 on a weekday when I am at work tells me you are not listening to me and only thinking about yourself. Had he said that and maybe suggested a quick bite during lunch that would have been something but this "I'm open to doing something before work" Bruh! How exactly? Moving on :rolleyes:

In other news, #1 came over last night. First time at my place and he stayed over. It was so much fun! And we got up and took the train into the city together this morning. He is so adorable. He met me after work yesterday and took me to dinner and we talked about his issue that I've been monitoring. He was really very open and honest about a few things and I appreciated that a lot. I understand things much more clearly now. Still watching just to make sure he's not trying to pull the wool over my eyes but he seems like a decent guy. I still need to get this rotation going though so I don't get caught up :look:

Oh, came back to add that he also tried to casually mention money and this huge check he just got from one of his plays being optioned for a tv show. I've been here before when the guy is trying to impress me because he wants to get more serious. He already told me where he stood so I know that him bringing this up was his polite nudge that he's exclusive material. It was cute. I just nodded and said "that's great" and went back to my soup :lol:
 
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I'm sure this is nothing new but I'm noticing more and more that after a breakup or even a string of bad dates, my female friends go and do a bunch of emotional work on themselves. Guys...just drink more. Thus, the maturity gap keeps growing and the cycle repeats itself. Should women not retreat into themselves after a bad experience? Should men do it more?

Also, I went to a dinner party that was nearly equal couples and single folks. Things got shady very quickly. The coupled women were so smug about it and the single women were hardcore trolling them! The married folks have been married for less than 5 years but they were acting as though they've figured life out entirely. One wife commented that she "just couldn't imagine dating today, I'd kill myself" and a single girl mentioned how miserable all the husbands looked and then a husband agreed with her! Another wife said she's so happy to have someone to travel with and so a single girl asked her when the last time she went on a vacation and the wife said 8 years ago :lol: Later, as people drank more, the husbands were trying to go out to bars with the single folks and the wives were getting pissed. It was so strange.
 
The more time goes by, the more I see how absolutely useless and full of it some men are.

Even the “good” ones are horrible. I’m not even talking about men I’ve dated. I’m basing it on my male friends and all the shady things I’ve seem them do.

I’m straight but it is very hard to like men right now.
 
VeryBecoming said:
I'm sure this is nothing new but I'm noticing more and more that after a breakup or even a string of bad dates, my female friends go and do a bunch of emotional work on themselves. Guys...just drink more. Thus, the maturity gap keeps growing and the cycle repeats itself. Should women not retreat into themselves after a bad experience? Should men do it more?

Also, I went to a dinner party that was nearly equal couples and single folks. Things got shady very quickly. The coupled women were so smug about it and the single women were hardcore trolling them! The married folks have been married for less than 5 years but they were acting as though they've figured life out entirely. One wife commented that she "just couldn't imagine dating today, I'd kill myself" and a single girl mentioned how miserable all the husbands looked and then a husband agreed with her! Another wife said she's so happy to have someone to travel with and so a single girl asked her when the last time she went on a vacation and the wife said 8 years ago :lol: Later, as people drank more, the husbands were trying to go out to bars with the single folks and the wives were getting pissed. It was so strange.
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Being single rocks! Lol
 
VeryBecoming said:
I'm sure this is nothing new but I'm noticing more and more that after a breakup or even a string of bad dates, my female friends go and do a bunch of emotional work on themselves. Guys...just drink more. Thus, the maturity gap keeps growing and the cycle repeats itself. Should women not retreat into themselves after a bad experience? Should men do it more?
Click to expand...


Firstly, the retelling of this party has me :lol:.

And re: the bold. Yep, I also noticed this. Imo, there's lack of introspection. Or rather, they don't do they kind of reflecting where they determine they need to work on themselves as a means of going forward. Men generally feel they have time and don't stress about someone coming into their lives, imo. Most of all, they expect to be accepted as they are. Men should do more emotional work but they're not really encouraged to.

I think many women do this emotional work for some sense of control or we believe the reason our relationships "fail" is fundamentally our fault. And we think it's important we learn how to "correct" ourselves for the next relationship because we're pressured to find someone and don't want to fail again.

After my last relationship, I said F it to working on myself. I don't need to. I learnt good lessons; I took it all as a learning experience and reflected with curiosity. It wasn't a launchpad for emotional work. I'm not opposed to it, when it clearly needs to be done (and done without being motivated by fear), but up until a point. We shouldn't work on ourselves into perpetuity in order to be "worthy". Men, typically, are not.
 
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