*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

KammyGirl said:
Thanks ladies! I knew y'all would have my back. A girl in my volunteer group asked why I didn't accept his apology and move on with the night. At least I know he pays for dates was her reasoning.


I wasn't sure if I handled it right to be honest. I quickly went through the different ways to react: getting up and leaving, not wasting my breath and just paying, reminding him that a gentleman always pays and so on and so on. In the end I chose to practice telling him about himself in a more toned down way. I have a problem with either going overboard with a curse out or not saying anything at all. This was the best happy medium I could come up with spur of the moment lol
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Nah - this was dope. I have to remember this in case I ever encounter something similar.
 
sgold04 said:
I posted this in the gossip thread too.I was in NYC for the past several days and I went on a date with guy I know. He told me he likes his women to use a strap-on with him :abducted:
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Guess he figured why waste time if you're not into what he's into. I keep saying men don't care and always immediately ask for what they want (no matter how weird or whatever) so I want to practice the same.
 
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MzLady78 said:
This probably explains my complete and utter disinterest in dating.

It's really quite sad at this point how long it's been since I've been in a committed relationship. More "situationships" than actual boyfriends by far. I've really done myself a great disservice with all the settling and time-wasting. Now I'm 40 with nothing that even resembles a prospect.

I know all I can do now is make better choices going forward, but damn. It's a shame. :ohwell:
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Now is the time we build that love and connection with Self. No prospects but a lot of introspect in what we have experienced. That time is gone, so we must forgive ourselves and others, and develop a heart of gratitude for each new day that is given to us. We all get 24 hours a day. Today is a new day and half of the day is gone! Lol it is our time to shine!
 
I’m learning to reach out and ask for help! I’m not gonna go on in life trying to work it all out in my head anymore! Not living in the fear of pride anymore! That Miss Independent, I can do it all by myself mentality won’t get you very far! Lol I’m happy that there are people and resources available out here to help me to be successful!
 
So there are 2 men in my rotation. One is a wanna be bad boy and has done nothing to earn my affections. We've hung out a few times and during I felt so tense, on edge and like he wasn't as into me. I could feel myself working at it and I didn't like it at all. The other has an edge to him but that is without trying. He is still very sweet and very complimentary and our conversations are often silly and cute in nature. We get along well and I don't feel any anxiety when talking to him. Guess which one I can't get out of my head?! You guessed it - that ever elusive bad boy. This should be a no brainer so what in the entire hell is my problem?! Is it just conquering something you feel like you can't have because the bad boy is not what I want...yet I want him so bad. Plus the other guy isn't local so it's easy to go for the local bad boy who doesn't seem that into me. Someone please come kick my arse. I can't be here making the same damn mistakes into my mid 30's. Time's a ticking and I need to get better at this already.
 
I saw an old friend at a conference. We had an emotional connection while in grad school, but I stopped hanging out with him because he had a girlfriend and we started to transcend “just friends”. I hadn’t seen him in two years, so a group of us went bar hopping. It ended up just being us two and he told me that he still feels the same way about me that he did all those years ago, and that I’m everything he’s ever wanted in a woman.

He’s still with the same girl though, and I’ve learned a lot watching their relationship. I don’t want someone that will string me along the way he’s done her. And I also don’t want to be a woman who chases a man (this is how they got together).
 
sgold04 said:
I saw an old friend at a conference. We had an emotional connection while in grad school, but I stopped hanging out with him because he had a girlfriend and we started to transcend “just friends”. I hadn’t seen him in two years, so a group of us went bar hopping. It ended up just being us two and he told me that he still feels the same way about me that he did all those years ago, and that I’m everything he’s ever wanted in a woman.

He’s still with the same girl though, and I’ve learned a lot watching their relationship. I don’t want someone that will string me along the way he’s done her. And I also don’t want to be a woman who chases a man (this is how they got together).
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Take it from me and I’m coming from experience, leave him alone. Don’t even be friends with him. Say hi and goodbye!
 
shortdub78 said:
Take it from me and I’m coming from experience, leave him alone. Don’t even be friends with him. Say hi and goodbye!
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That part. If his situation were to suddenly change, I wouldn’t be with him. His cowardice in his relationship is scary to me. My parents were married for 25 years before my dad said he wanted a divorce. He said he had been unhappy for years....but to the outsider, and to my mom, he played the part of a loving, happily married man. That scared the crap outta me. You mean a man can play you that long and do it that well?! I won’t lie and say that the way their situation went down didn’t effect me. I have a difficult time trusting words AND behaviors in men because I see the lengths a charmer will go through to put on a facade. I see it with my friend as well, and I don’t want to be that woman.
 
sgold04 said:
That part. If his situation were to suddenly change, I wouldn’t be with him. His cowardice in his relationship is scary to me. My parents were married for 25 years before my dad said he wanted a divorce. He said he had been unhappy for years....but to the outsider, and to my mom, he played the part of a loving, happily married man. That scared the crap outta me. You mean a man can play you that long and do it that well?! I won’t lie and say that the way their situation went down didn’t effect me. I have a difficult time trusting words AND behaviors in men because I see the lengths a charmer will go through to put on a facade. I see it with my friend as well, and I don’t want to be that woman.
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All of this right here. His words aren’t matching up with his actions. And nobody can act that well. There are always signs, and a lot of people will try to go into fix it mold when they feel something just isn’t right with their partner, or can feel a negative shift in the relationship. Been there, done that, seen it happen, and been in your shoes. I fell for that mess. He even had an old picture of me that he kept on his person. I thought that was romantic... lol silly of me...he is difinitely behaving like a coward. His words don’t line up with anything. You wanna be with me and think about me, but you are still where I left you last time.. nothing has changed. He is just caught up in the moment and feeling of seeing you, but hasn’t taken any real action in his life.
 
shortdub78 said:
All of this right here. His words aren’t matching up with his actions. And nobody can act that well. There are always signs, and a lot of people will try to go into fix it mold when they feel something just isn’t right with their partner, or can feel a negative shift in the relationship. Been there, done that, seen it happen, and been in your shoes. I fell for that mess. He even had an old picture of me that he kept on his person. I thought that was romantic... lol silly of me...he is difinitely behaving like a coward. His words don’t line up with anything. You wanna be with me and think about me, but you are still where I left you last time.. nothing has changed. He is just caught up in the moment and feeling of seeing you, but hasn’t taken any real action in his life.
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DF08065E-B5F8-419E-B8E8-CC52C43480ED.gif
 
So three weeks ago, a man hits me up on online dating to ask me if I have a hot date tonight. I said no but if I did, I would let him know. Then he goes that is how I am asking you on a hot date (I guess men don’t say - hi there, love your photos. You seem like an interesting person so would you do me the honor of having a date with me so we can get to know one another more).
Apparently- him asking if I had a hot date was him asking for a date.

Any way- I took a look at his profile. He seems like a conceited fool by his photos. Arrogant and cocky. I didn’t really find him physically attractive so I stopped responding.
Well 3 weeks later YESTERDAY, he hits me up to tell me that he was out of my league any way, then proceeded to block me so I couldn’t respond to his asinine comment.

Out of my league Sir? You hit me up and I CURVED you... and you waited 3 whole weeks to tell me how much better you are than me lol. Then proceeded to block me so I wouldn’t hurt your feelings with the truth. Some b!tch a$$ made men we have going on.
 
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So I just completed my first tax season under my business- very successfully for the short 3 months. I had 70 clients directly and I completed the contract with the financial group. They since changed the “terms” of the contract and want me to bring my clients under their umbrella (control) so I won’t be renewing this contract. But that is for a business thread vent.

Any way- local DC friend took me out to celebrate. She asked what I wanted and I told her lamb chops so she took me to this nice restaurant and we talked. And she mentioned again that she is ready to have a baby but doesn’t even want a man. And we had a deep discussion about that. And my bestie just popped up pregnant and while I was shocked and a lil disappointed at first (she was waiting for marriage), I get it.

The men now a days want you to court them. They want you to pay half, they don’t want to be providers, they subconsciously want a slave.
They want a woman to work a full time job to pay at least half the bills THEN come home to your second job. Tending to the house, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids. If you have a newborn, you are going to get up by yourself, if you have older kids, you have to deal with homework, bathing and feeding them. Then you have to be ready to have sex every night. Be his porn star so he doesn’t cheat on you. And if you complain, he says you are nagging and finds the next woman to cheat on you with any way.

My friends are in their mid 30s and while they haven’t made perfect dating decisions, they have patiently waited for men our age to grow up and get to the marrying point so they can have the family. They are tired of waiting and chances are they aren’t going to get a good PARTNER if they continue to wait. So I gave her my blessing (she seemed like she wanted the approval) and told her I would plan her baby shower. She makes great money (over $150K) and chances of her finding her equal are slim. These men are upset that women require a man making more than minimum wage. My friends and I make great money and we put in the work to get to this point. What are these men doing?

I am planning besties gender reveal and I get it. While I want the marriage and etc for my friends, I believe that for some it isn’t going to happen just due to what is “left” out here. This isn’t going to stop their lives. And although I didn’t want them to be single mothers- if they get hooked up with a man who isn’t a partner or a provider, they will end up single mothers that are pseudo slaves any way.
 
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shortdub78 said:
I’m learning to reach out and ask for help! I’m not gonna go on in life trying to work it all out in my head anymore! Not living in the fear of pride anymore! That Miss Independent, I can do it all by myself mentality won’t get you very far! Lol I’m happy that there are people and resources available out here to help me to be successful!
Click to expand...

I'm like this too, I don't like asking for help at all, not even from my nearest and dearest. I need to work on it because asking for help sometimes does not equate to weakness.
 
Had date #4 with MFT yesterday. It was a nice daytime date. We get along so well. There is the emotional/intellectual attraction that I'm looking for, but the physical just isn't. He put his arm around me when we were talking at a local rose garden and it was okay but still something felt off. It feels like we're building a nice friendship rather than a relationship. We have another date planned but I'm looking at other dates as well. I hate this.
 
Just hung out with the bad boy and again I of course didn't feel good after. I don't feel bad but I don't feel good. He practically ignored me the entire time on his phone talking about he was reading the news :confused: So I got on my phone too because what else was there to do? When I got tired of that I got up to start heading home. He put his phone down when I got up and I laughed and was like "oh don't put your phone away on my behalf" And his response was well you were on your phone too. I just walked away and he ran in front of me and was like "So you aren't going to give me a hug?" I just kept walking right on past him and he smiled and said "Ok" and I kept going. Why am I in this crap? This is high school stuff. I'm better than this. He is deleted and blocked. Ugh - this blocked list is like a mile long!
 
movingforward13 said:
So I just completed my first tax season under my business- very successfully for the short 3 months. I had 70 clients directly and I completed the contract with the financial group. They since changed the “terms” of the contract and want me to bring my clients under their umbrella (control) so I won’t be renewing this contract. But that is for a business thread vent.

Any way- local DC friend took me out to celebrate. She asked what I wanted and I told her lamb chops so she took me to this nice restaurant and we talked. And she mentioned again that she is ready to have a baby but doesn’t even want a man. And we had a deep discussion about that. And my bestie just popped up pregnant and while I was shocked and a lil disappointed at first (she was waiting for marriage), I get it.

The men now a days want you to court them. They want you to pay half, they don’t want to be providers, they subconsciously want a slave.
They want a woman to work a full time job to pay at least half the bills THEN come home to your second job. Tending to the house, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids. If you have a newborn, you are going to get up by yourself, if you have older kids, you have to deal with homework, bathing and feeding them. Then you have to be ready to have sex every night. Be his porn star so he doesn’t cheat on you. And if you complain, he says you are nagging and finds the next woman to cheat on you with any way.

My friends are in their mid 30s and while they haven’t made perfect dating decisions, they have patiently waited for men our age to grow up and get to the marrying point so they can have the family. They are tired of waiting and chances are they aren’t going to get a good PARTNER if they continue to wait. So I gave her my blessing (she seemed like she wanted the approval) and told her I would plan her baby shower. She makes great money (over $150K) and chances of her finding her equal are slim. These men are upset that women require a man making more than minimum wage. My friends and I make great money and we put in the work to get to this point. What are these men doing?

I am planning besties gender reveal and I get it. While I want the marriage and etc for my friends, I believe that for some it isn’t going to happen just due to what is “left” out here. This isn’t going to stop their lives. And although I didn’t want them to be single mothers- if they get hooked up with a man who isn’t a partner or a provider, they will end up single mothers that are pseudo slaves any way.
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I think if a woman in that situation is going to have a baby alone, she should also get a sperm donor. Avoid all kinds of problems.
 
KammyGirl said:
Just hung out with the bad boy and again I of course didn't feel good after. I don't feel bad but I don't feel good. He practically ignored me the entire time on his phone talking about he was reading the news :confused: So I got on my phone too because what else was there to do? When I got tired of that I got up to start heading home. He put his phone down when I got up and I laughed and was like "oh don't put your phone away on my behalf" And his response was well you were on your phone too. I just walked away and he ran in front of me and was like "So you aren't going to give me a hug?" I just kept walking right on past him and he smiled and said "Ok" and I kept going. Why am I in this crap? This is high school stuff. I'm better than this. He is deleted and blocked. Ugh - this blocked list is like a mile long!
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You did good! Today is a new day! Feel good about today! Consider that a teaching moment and move forward. You can’t fix, or change what was manifested. Now focus on you and what you do want. The Universe showed you through your thoughts and focus on things you didn’t want. Now allow the Universe show you what you do want!

One day, you won’t even accept numbers and friend requests that you will have to block. That list will get shorter and shorter.
Sorry for the typos. Typing fast on my phone...smh lol
 
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movingforward13 said:
She is. She was asking my opinions about it. I may go with her to her appointments.
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Tell her to talk to and hook up with some single moms. Making good money provides you with options, but it doesn’t provide you with another parent. You can get a nanny, but you are still responsible and the main one that will be held accountable. Warm fuzzing feelings of wanting to be a mom isn’t a good reason to become a mother. She actually is in a good position to make a clear good decision about this. Why does she want to be a mother? Is that her purpose in life? Has she prepared for motherhood? Does she make time for the children around her now? And getting a sperm donor is ok, but you are still getting unknown DNA. I mean would you plant an unknown seed in a garden that you cultivated?
 
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