*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

KammyGirl said:
Thanks ladies! I knew y'all would have my back. A girl in my volunteer group asked why I didn't accept his apology and move on with the night. At least I know he pays for dates was her reasoning.


I wasn't sure if I handled it right to be honest. I quickly went through the different ways to react: getting up and leaving, not wasting my breath and just paying, reminding him that a gentleman always pays and so on and so on. In the end I chose to practice telling him about himself in a more toned down way. I have a problem with either going overboard with a curse out or not saying anything at all. This was the best happy medium I could come up with spur of the moment lol
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Women are truly each others worst enemies at times, I swear. :rolleyes:

Don't nobody have time to be entertaining negroes' childish little games.
 
shortdub78 said:
@KammyGirl
Girl I was sitting at the table and the bar with you! Lol good story! I’m proud of you! You handled it how it needed to be handled!
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Haha me too!

KammyGirl said:
Thanks ladies! I knew y'all would have my back. A girl in my volunteer group asked why I didn't accept his apology and move on with the night. At least I know he pays for dates was her reasoning.
...
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Accepting and staying would have been the best way for her because what matters to her is that he pays. But what matters to you is how a person treats you. You don’t want a man that “tests” you. For you (and me) testing is rude and disrespectful. It’s just unkind IMO. He ruined the date. At that point the date was not about making sure you had a good time or that he impressed you. In that moment he showed his true colors and how he feels about women. Like you, I would have gladly paid for my meal and moved on.

To each their own. Be proud of yourself. I don’t think I would have thought of doing something like that in the spur of the moment — but bet I will now if I’m ever in that situation and I will report back too lol. There are many ways to handle situations. You were put on the spot and did your best and honored yourself.

Another lady was put on the spot, I think it was @ArrrBeee. She sweetly reminded her date that he invited her out and the guy apologized and paid. Then she blocked him:). I like how both of you handled things. There’s no perfect solution. Depends on the person and situation.

I plan to try out both ways and see how it feels if ever in this situation. If you did as ArrBeee did your guy might have been rude. Who knows? You did your best.

Just glad you didn’t sweetly pay and think that was cool. Or curse him out. Or pay and suffer through more of his company. Or take your card back from him and let him him think he had just done some grand gesture. One thing for sure you can know you didn’t handle things poorly. And even if you had, so what? You live and learn and keep moving forward.
 
MzLady78 said:
This part was EPIC!

I love everything about how you handled this, @KammyGirl, especially having another dude come meet you! :lol:
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Lol I texted him and was like yoooo you won't believe this. He was like I'll be there in 5. When he got there he didn't even look at him but sat down and was mouthing "this him?" I was giggling so hard. The guy was looking at us out of the corner of his eye looking pitiful. He knew he messed up.
 
I had date #2 with MFT today. We had lunch and talked at B&N. We got some of our favorite books and talked about them and just chatted about everything. I actually lost track of time. It's so easy to talk to him. The only thing I'm not feeling is the physical attraction on my end. We started talking love languages and we're both quality time/physical touch. Normally I want a man to touch me but I realized if he tried to touch me it would feel awkward. So I don't know. We have another date planned next week but if the physical attraction doesn't come soon I'm going to have to break it off.
 
I had an interesting day yesterday. So im 24 and feel like men are completely uninterested in me. Ive never dated before and I always laid the blame on them never approaching me. I never thought it was my mannerisms and who i was with.
So yesterday i went to a convention. I dressed up nicely in a red dress, hair flat ironed, makeup nice. Walking around i noticed men kept staring at me, as they usually do, and it started frustrating me all over again. Why stare if you wont approach? During a lunch break i met up with my crew of friends. I went to say hi to this married woman that i know. She is well kept, a man that loves her to pieces, 3 beautiful kids, just everything. She looked at me and my crew and whispered in my ear “theres alot of cute guys here. Try to walk around alone”. I didnt get what she meant by that at the time. She told me again to walk around by myself. At the end of the convention me and my friend volunteered to help clean up. So we were cleaning together and there was a cute guy nearby cleaning to. The cleaning coordinator came and separated me and my friend so we can cover more areas faster. As soon as my friend was gone and i was cleaning alone the cute guy pulled up and started talking to me. I was so caught off guard and awkward. He tailed me around for a bit trying to start a convo but im such an inexperienced idiot i didnt recognize that he was hitting on me. So i came to an epiphany of a few things.
1) always come looking nice. This is a event ive been to many many times and nothing ever happens. I really didnt feel like dressing up but im glad i did. I noticed alot of guys staring
2) smile more. I think alot of the guys were staring because they found me pretty but i keep such a straight face they arent sure if im approachable. So i decided next even to make eye contact and smile more. When they guy talked to me i was happy and in a good joking mood. I guess that was inviting to him.
3) stop walking in a crew. Now i know what that women meant. Men are humans too that get intimidated. Same way i freeze up when i have to walk through a group of men, men too can get intimidated. Especially one of my friends thats really loud. Notice the guy only came to me when i was away from my loud friend and all alone. Its easier to approach a girl by herself then having to pull up to a whole crew.
 
hunnychile said:
@ScorpioBeauty09 and @KiSseS03 Where are you ladies located? I am compiling my top 5 list of cities for grad school and need to know what cities to shortlist and what cities to avoid. :lol:
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I’m in the SF Bay Area. I live in Oakland but the men I date live all over the Bay. Don’t know if you’re trying to shortlist or avoid my area though lol.
 
1. It's been a week since I last heard from you. You better be coming with more than just "hey ScorpioBeauty09 how's your weekend going?" o_O

2. Trying something new. Not really new but new for me. :look: OK Cupid says women who send the first message get 17% more first dates. Whether that's true or a gimmick, I'm trying it. I sent 3 messages to men whose profiles I liked. If they don't respond then I can say I tried. And move on.
 
To set the scene:It’s snowing on this muthafornicating April morning, I’m irritated from fussing at my kid, I got my tooth pulled last week, we’re walking to the bus and we’re late.

Random guy that my mom knows:Hi
Me:Hi
Him: You don’t never give me no conversation, you gone give me some conversation today?
Me: No
Him: yo mom always give me conversation and you never do
Me: talk to her then
Him: Aw hayle naw, I don’t wanna talk to the mama, I wanna talk to the daughter
Me: *ignores him*


And to top it off, my mom takes my THOR shirt that I’ve only worn once and USES WINDEX TO CLEAN HER FKING PHONE OFF!!!

I clearly need a new Monday. This one is defective.
 
I have really been immersing myself in connecting to my inner being. I know I say I wanna stay being single, but this makes sense as to the why of it all. When a person has been out of alignment for so long, and then start feeling good, they immediately wanna jump back into a relationship. But if a person isn’t all the way there, they will keep attracting the same things and people. Especially if the person is so focused on what he or she doesn’t want. You manifest into your life what is vibrationally going on with you. It’s like a mirror. Gotta work on changing the image from inside out, not just the outside. Your talk and walk may be different, but you still got a lot of residue on you that needs to be cleaned up.
 
shortdub78 said:
I have really been immersing myself in connecting to my inner being. I know I say I wanna stay being single, but this makes sense as to the why of it all. When a person has been out of alignment for so long, and then start feeling good, they immediately wanna jump back into a relationship. But if a person isn’t all the way there, they will keep attracting the same things and people. Especially if the person is so focused on what he or she doesn’t want. You manifest into your life what is vibrationally going on with you. It’s like a mirror. Gotta work on changing the image from inside out, not just the outside. Your talk and walk may be different, but you still got a lot of residue on you that needs to be cleaned up.
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Love this!

Eta: I've said something similar about there being so many matches. Like there are sooooo many people in the world why would it matter if this one person is not a match? It goes back to that other thread where we were talking about mourning a relationship that was no good for you when really you're mourning the potential of the relationship you wanted when this one wasn't it. Getting back to self and having that great relationship with yourself will attract better quality not the "wobblers" they speak of in the video. Going to continue listening. Thanks @shortdub78
 
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It has been a crazy week for me and somehow I thought buying a ticket to a comedy show tomorrow evening would be a great way to round it out. Ummmm....:spinning: I want to go to sleep! :lol:

It’s supposed to be hot and sunny so I’ll pick out a cute outfit and mosey on over there after work lol. Do single men go to comedy shows like that? In my memory all I can recall seeing were couples.

I might also go to a music performance on Saturday night if they still have tickets available. Rolling solo to both. :curtain:
 
I just got off the phone with MFT finalizing our plans for tomorrow. I love talking with him. We never run out of things to talk about. I had a crazy week again and it was nice to be able to talk about it with someone other than my family. If the physical attraction was there I'd be on cloud 9.
 
So I just got some nasty text messages from the split the bill dude. I thought I blocked him but I only deleted the number. I have to remember to block first then delete. Anyway he called me all the b's in the world. He told me I was a liar (about what idk) he said some other really crazy filth. All this over one failed date?? I'm not gonna lie I was so shocked and outraged that thoughts like these could come from another human being (and about me no less) that I cried a little bit. Not because I took any of what he said to heart but because the hate in this world that people display when they can't manage their own feelings is sad, sickening and vile. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I just got hit by a truck. I'm just struck dumb for real. And I feel like crying again. Where do people like this come from? Now that I have the number again its been blocked.
 
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@KammyGirl
All of what he did was transfer energy. You really left him something to think about and he probably never experienced something like that before. Don’t you feel bad and allow him to continue to take you out of your alignment. I totally understand how you feel. All of what he texted isn’t reality. It is only his mirrored perception of himself that he has displayed to you yet again. Don’t you cry anymore. If you need to screenshot and email the text to a friend, and delete it from your phone. Block him. Usually we would want to react and respond, but don’t let this dude take you down the rabbit hole.
What I recently read and learned that darkness is only the absence of light, so you know what you need to do to get out of the dark? Turn the light on! This is becoming a daily practice for me. I’m glad you came to us. You are not those things he called you. He is a sad little boy that hasn’t dealt and healed from whatever happened to him. And that is how you have to view that. Block him, forgive him for he is just a sad, scared little boy that is acting out, and move on.
 
I'm at my cousin's, sitting here minding my business and her guy friend randomly asked me why I don't have kids. I said because I'm not married. He was like "good answer".

Ninja, first of all, I wasn't trying to impress you. 2nd, you are entirely too damn old not to know that it's rude AF.

I'm so annoyed right now. Whoever is bringing the liquor needs to come on.
 
Had date #3 with MFT. We went to see Rampage and then to a restaurant, and then to his work place since it was so close. After he gave me the tour he said he wanted to talk about where things are going. I tensed up because I thought he was going to have the exclusivity talk and while I like him, I was feeling more physically attracted to him, I'm not ready for that. He said he's having the greatest time getting to know me and he feels like a middle schooler when he's around me. We talked about our past relationships and vulnerabilities in a way I've yet to with any man. We both like the slow pace and we're doing more physical things like leaning into each other. So I'm good right now. We never run out of things to talk about. I stayed out way longer than I planned. We met up at 4 in the afternoon. I didn't get home until past 11 at night. Date #4 is scheduled for next Saturday but he was really pushing for this week. My schedule is too busy.

This is good.
 
KammyGirl said:
So I just got some nasty text messages from the split the bill dude. I thought I blocked him but I only deleted the number. I have to remember to block first then delete. Anyway he called me all the b's in the world. He told me I was a liar (about what idk) he said some other really crazy filth. All this over one failed date?? I'm not gonna lie I was so shocked and outraged that thoughts like these could come from another human being (and about me no less) that I cried a little bit. Not because I took any of what he said to heart but because the hate in this world that people display when they can't manage their own feelings is sad, sickening and vile. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I just got hit by a truck. I'm just struck dumb for real. And I feel like crying again. Where do people like this come from? Now that I have the number again its been blocked.
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You stomped on his ego and spread it on the sidewalk and he doesn't know what to do with himself. Too bad for him because he deserved every bit of it. Unfortunately he's someone who lashes out when he's cornered. All you did was show him some things about himself in a very classy way, I might add, and he can't handle it. He's messed up and you dodged a huge bullet.

Don't think on it too much. He is not worth it.
 
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shortdub78 said:
I have really been immersing myself in connecting to my inner being. I know I say I wanna stay being single, but this makes sense as to the why of it all. When a person has been out of alignment for so long, and then start feeling good, they immediately wanna jump back into a relationship. But if a person isn’t all the way there, they will keep attracting the same things and people. Especially if the person is so focused on what he or she doesn’t want. You manifest into your life what is vibrationally going on with you. It’s like a mirror. Gotta work on changing the image from inside out, not just the outside. Your talk and walk may be different, but you still got a lot of residue on you that needs to be cleaned up.
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Great post :yep:
 
We had a wonderful time in New Orleans this past weekend. Sixteen hours in the car gave us tons of time to talk and laugh. I had a list of like 300 questions that we used as part of our "get to know you better" plans. It was great.

Yesterday, we deleted our Bumble accounts and today, he booked our birthday trip to Cabo since his birthday is in June and mine is in July. We're going right before July 4th. :2inlove:
 
shortdub78 said:
I have really been immersing myself in connecting to my inner being. I know I say I wanna stay being single, but this makes sense as to the why of it all. When a person has been out of alignment for so long, and then start feeling good, they immediately wanna jump back into a relationship. But if a person isn’t all the way there, they will keep attracting the same things and people. Especially if the person is so focused on what he or she doesn’t want. You manifest into your life what is vibrationally going on with you. It’s like a mirror. Gotta work on changing the image from inside out, not just the outside. Your talk and walk may be different, but you still got a lot of residue on you that needs to be cleaned up.
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This probably explains my complete and utter disinterest in dating.

It's really quite sad at this point how long it's been since I've been in a committed relationship. More "situationships" than actual boyfriends by far. I've really done myself a great disservice with all the settling and time-wasting. Now I'm 40 with nothing that even resembles a prospect.

I know all I can do now is make better choices going forward, but damn. It's a shame. :ohwell:
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
You stomped on his ego and spread it on the sidewalk and he doesn't know what to do with himself. Too bad for him because he deserved every bit of it. Unfortunately he's someone who lashes out when he's cornered. All you did was show him some things about himself in a very classy way, I might add, and he can't handle it. He's messed up and you dodged a huge bullet.

Don't think on it too much. He is not worth it.
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Agreed. Big hugs @KammyGirl
 
LushLox said:
The guy I have been seeing is so horribly needy and suffocating. I told him that I couldn't make our date this evening and he seems to have gone into some ultra sulk. :ohwell:

I'm going to have to take a time out from dating. I'm tired of it and I don't have the patience for all of the BS that comes with it.
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Girl don't let him suck your energy to a point where you don't date. Bump that. That's a trick of the enemy. J/K. Kinda...
 
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