*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

So this guy I met on Bumble last month and I are really going strong. It scares me. We "swiped right" and spoke for the first time on March 7; met face to face for dinner the next day; then he took his daughter on a hiking trip for spring break and sent me scenic pictures and text while he was gone. He returned and we've been together ever since. I met his best friend since childhood. He's met my adult sons.

Yesterday, he came over for my Easter dinner party with my family and fit right in. This is going too fast. My sons said I need to relax and enjoy the ride.
 
I celebrated my birthday last week and I had a great time but I am soooo glad it’s over.

I had people over and I only invited one bae...and that’s only because he bought the food. How about the other bae, the one who took me out on my actual birthday asked me if he was invited so I had to say yes.

They both came but were there at different times.

A good amount of my homegirls canceled on me. One even said she was on her way and never came, didn’t pick up the phone when I called or text me an update.

Then her daddy asked me to forgive her in a fb comment. I inboxed him and told him that it was funny he knew that she didn’t come and why but she hadn’t even contacted me yet.

Then her terminally ill mother called me and left a message to call her back. I will not. She’s always on some bull. She’s canceled.

Funny thing is, all my male friends came through with drinks, food, hookah and etc. I find it interesting that I can always count on them but my girls are raggedy.

I know I just did a bunch of complaining but I had an amazing week.
 
It's become more and more clear to me that in choosing to pursue my education (medicine), in this city, I have chosen my career over love. I have been on all the dating apps and gone on tons of first dates in the past year but every man I've met in this college town feels like a "settle." I pass on at least 90% of the whack men that message or approach me. This past weekend I was in San Francisco and I flipped through OkC in that city and there so many handsome, accomplished men... I know they're not all bae material, or even good people, but the numbers compared to where I will be living for the next two years of my life, are astronomical. Same thing happened when I was in New Orleans, New York, Barcelona, etc... This city doesn't have the job prospects for the men I want, and is also about 90% white (I like Black).

I've even tried dating long distance/having travel baes but it's just too hard to start a relationship that way. I'm not willing to settle so it really looks like I'm going to spend another 2 full years totally single. It's sinking in today. Time to get a new hobby.
 
KammyGirl said:
My membership with match is coming to an end and I'm not going to renew so I just went on make sure it doesn't automatically charge my credit card in a few days. I had tons of messages but there was one from tonight so I respond back and I end up having some light conversation with this guy about our day and what we did. He asks for my number and I give it to him only because messaging on match is brutally slow. So halfway through our text convo homeboy asks me for a full body pic. Men really are not shy about asking for what they want huh? So I politely told him no. A few texts later he asks again but this time he goes "I can't just have one sexy pic?" So at first it was a full body pic now it's a sexy pic? Alright, cool. So I followed his lead and asked for what I wanted. "Can I have $1000?" He writes back lol so I ask again "You can't just give me $1000" He writes back "I'm starting to think you're serious" I said I am. He asked if I only wanted money? I answered with "do you only want sex?" He apologized after that. I'm feeling petty and mean and I think I did enough so I just stopped responding. I only messaged him because I was bored and he served his purpose. Deleted and blocked. I am in such a terrible mood and I will be until this stupid haircut grows out!
Click to expand...




I hate men asking for pics, I’m going to use this next time I’m pestered for one.
 
I've been on dates every night for the past 3 nights. I have one more coming up on Thursday with Diplomat. He wanted to see me tomorrow but I asked to move to Thursday because I need a break. So...

1. Saturday with my first love. 1/4 Sudanese 3/4 African-American. I always thought he would decide to come after me when I was with someone and I think that it's happening. :rolleyes: He's halfway through residency and is thinking about coming to the medical center in my area to do his fellowship. *facepalm* Whether he gets it or not he wants to visit the area again. He talked so much **** about the Bay Area but now that he's been here he likes it. o_O Me thinks him being with all those crazy wypipo back East in Orange Hitler territory has gotten to him. Anyway our connection is still the same. We never run out of things to talk about. He reminds me so much of my dad it's not even funny. When we first met I loved it. Now, not so much. I'm a lot like my dad so I actually need someone more like my mom. My dad's a doctor too so when I told my mom how our dinner was she's like, "this is so much like your father it's not even funny." He's as passive as he ever was. I thought it was because he didn't like me, now I get this is how he is. Not for me. Not romantically anyways.

2. Sunday with Tesla. He's Indian. I had fun with him but he's a bit too soft spoken. I had to have him repeat things for me a few times. He's more passive than I'd like so I had to direct the conversation which I know will get old. I had a good time with him but I'm not sure that I see romance here. First off, I had to plan where we went. And then he got lost getting to the place. And he asked if I wanted to pay half the bill. Now maybe he wanted to pay all of it but was following my lead but I want a man to take the lead, at least in the initial stages so no. He's a perfectly nice guy, just not for me.

3. Tonight with MFT. He's Salvadorean, he treated me to a Salvadorean restaurant and I loved the food. I had so much fun with him. People wouldn't think he'd be my type based on appearance but I laughed so much. He and my mom are in the same profession and went to the same grad school actually. We talked about serious things and stupid things and just enjoyed each other's company. I would've kept talking to him more but the place was closing and I had a long day so I was getting tired. I'd be up for another date. Given that he's an MFT and I'm the daughter of one, there's certain things we understand about relationships and I like that we both want to move slowly, not rush and let things happen naturally.

4. I have my second date with Diplomat on Thursday. He's half Russian/half Egyptian. Out of all these men I'm the most physically attracted to him. He says he's not interested in moving fast physically, which only heightens my interest. :look: Anyway I like how take charge he is. Even though I picked the location because he's coming closer to me, he picked the time. He's a bit of a workaholic which concerns me. He's a Capricorn as is my first love, they were born on the same day actually. We'll see. He gets under my skin more than the other men do. I said upthread he reminds me how American I am. It's not bad but its unnerving.
 
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I used to go in my blocked folder on my phone and see which fools were still texting and calling. I realized this morning I don't do that anymore. Probably because there are so many people on the blocked list. I just had to add the receptionist/secretary in my office to the blocked list and I went to check to make sure it took and I was like whoa! I don't know why I ever used to go back and look in the first place.
 
Smiling makes all the difference doesn't it? Just had a man in line in front of me buy my lunch. The cashier was a total witch and in the middle of him ordering she told him to hold on and started doing who knows what. While he was waiting he turned around to compliment my boots. I said thank you and smiled. He asked me what I was getting and I said I wasn't sure. I was not interested in talking to him but there was no need to be nasty so I smiled and just let him talk to me.

When the cashier came back she was rude to him again when he asked a question about a confusing part on the menu. He actually turned around and apologized to me for taking so long and said he must be an idiot. Lol When it was my turn I had a question as well (Seriously their menu is stupid!). She huffed and puffed and rolled her eyes and I couldn't help saying something. I tried to be as polite as I could and was like "listen you're making all these faces but all we can do is go by what's on the menu in front of us. If the menu is incorrect what is the problem with telling us?" He turned around was like "Yes! I like her. Put hers on my tab. How much do we owe?" :lol: When she gave him the change she slammed it in his hand. He just looked at me and laughed.

He left before I did. This man didn't want anything from me but just think. If I hadn't smiled at him or ignored him like I initially wanted to I wouldn't have had free lunch. $15 back in my pocket.
 
KammyGirl said:
Smiling makes all the difference doesn't it? Just had a man in line in front of me buy my lunch. The cashier was a total witch and in the middle of him ordering she told him to hold on and started doing who knows what. While he was waiting he turned around to compliment my boots. I said thank you and smiled. He asked me what I was getting and I said I wasn't sure. I was not interested in talking to him but there was no need to be nasty so I smiled and just let him talk to me.

When the cashier came back she was rude to him again when he asked a question about a confusing part on the menu. He actually turned around and apologized to me for taking so long and said he must be an idiot. Lol When it was my turn I had a question as well (Seriously their menu is stupid!). She huffed and puffed and rolled her eyes and I couldn't help saying something. I tried to be as polite as I could and was like "listen you're making all these faces but all we can do is go by what's on the menu in front of us. If the menu is incorrect what is the problem with telling us?" He turned around was like "Yes! I like her. Put hers on my tab. How much do we owe?" :lol: When she gave him the change she slammed it in his hand. He just looked at me and laughed.

He left before I did. This man didn't want anything from me but just think. If I hadn't smiled at him or ignored him like I initially wanted to I wouldn't have had free lunch. $15 back in my pocket.
Click to expand...
I have an approachable face and most of these dudes I have zero interest in, but smiling will bring men to you like bees to honey. It's kind of annoying, living in a majority black area because older black men are not shy. :lol:

A girlfriend and I were catching up in a bar a couple years ago and the bartender bought us another round we hadn't ordered. When we looked confused, she said a gentleman said that it looked like you ladies were having such a good time that he bought this for you but told me not to serve you until after he left. We got the drinks so obviously homeboy was long gone but tell me why we both turned around looking for him? :lol: I thought that was such a cool, kind, mysterious thing to do. :giggle:
 
Y'all know I am on a dating sabbatical but I am willing to entertain non-black men and men with money this summer for some excitement/entertainment.

Not too long ago, Kim Love tweeted that we should be thanking BW we see in IR because it signals to other men who may be interested that some of us we are open to it. I think she was being simultaneously tongue in cheek yet truthful. I don't have strong opinions on interracial dating but I look at making myself available to these men as a service for the positive PR of BW. :lol:

I know some of y'all love the whole "if he's interested he should approach me first" and I get it but if I was hard up for some lovin' I would reassess my strategies based on facts and what works in the real world. No one is saying chase them but sometimes NBM and men in general* need a little encouragement, a positive indication that you are open and I've learned a lot of women do a lot of flirting in their heads and wonder why these men aren't taking the bait. Cuz they don't know you're hitting on them, dum dum. :lachen:

*Addendum on that: I have been working on being more assertive by complimenting well-dressed/handsome men I see while I'm out. Just a simple, "hello, what cologne is that/you look very sharp today/you are such a handsome man I had to say something" and when I tell you 9 times out of 10, these dudes are gobsmacked. And the other time, they're suspicious. :lol: Men have many of the same hang-ups women do and they are almost never approached so they never expect it and they always appreciate it. You can see their egos swell as I part ways. Makes me feel super powerful. :look:
 
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hunnychile said:
I'll do a search but has anyone used The League app? Apparently it's very exclusive and your profile has to be approved before you can join. You have to connect to your LinkedIn profile or pay a membership fee. I used to joke to my friend that she should try dating on LI because "at least you can confirm if that n-word got a job." (My exact words :lol:). I'm wait-listed for now but by the time I open up my roster again maybe I'll have that to draw from. :giggle:

They do let you join a little chat room with other people have been wait-listed in your area, which I thought was a cute idea. A quick scroll through the lists reveals I am the cutest. :look:
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My application was accepted. :look:
 
I had date #2 with Diplomat and my first instinct was right. He was too charming and talking a lot but saying a whole lot of nothing. I felt like he was lying or saying things to sound good a lot of the time. The final straw came when he ogled our waitress right in front of me, but then talked about us hooking up. Hayle no. After all that, he tried to kiss me at the end and was quite bold about it. No way. He was blocked shortly after I got home, on my phone and on OK Cupid.

Meanwhile I have date #2 with MFT on Saturday.
 
Stuck on the train so I have a quick date night story for you all. I had a date planned for tonight but because today will be crazy I moved it to last night at the last minute. I was just going to cancel but thought why not? So we go out and the date wasn't anything to write home about. Just a regular boring date to me. He joked around too much and talked about his college days all night. Boring! I was not planning on seeing him again but at the end of the night when the check came he put his card down and then motioned to me and said "are you going to put your card in?" :eek: When I tell you this has never happened to me EVER IN MY LIFE that is not exaggeration. I hear stories all the time on the board and I have male friends who talk about splitting on a date but I have never experienced this EVER. I was so surprised for a second I didn't know what to do with myself. But I checked my feelings instead of getting up and just walking out.

Instead, I kind of smirked at him giving him a chance to get the "just joking" out of the way because he seemed like the type to play a stupid prank like that. When he didn't do that I pulled out my card and said "oh? ok" He then smiled and picked up my card and handed it back to me and said "that's ok". :rolleyes: See to me guys like this are almost worse than the ones you really want you to pay. He looked really pleased with himself and I kindly took my card from him and put it back down and said "no I insist" He looked confused and I said "I would hate for you to think we were actually on a date". He still looked confused and I said "It's fine. This was either one of 2 things. Either you fully expected me to pay OR this was some sort of test to see if I would be the type to offer even if you never intended for me to pay. Neither of which are attractive or appealing to me. But really it's fine" He said something but I didn't hear him and I didn't ask him to repeat it. Now maybe I handled it wrong but I just had to call him out. I had to! Like who the hell do you think you are?! And I'm not hear for these stupid games! You are either a man who knows how to date or you're not. And if this is the test to gauge if I'm the woman for you then I can tell you right now I am not!

When the waiter came over I asked if there was room at the bar. He said yes so I said "Can you please split this check and bring my receipt to the bar?" And off I went. Dude followed me to the bar and apologized and admitted that he was trying to see if I was the type to throw a fit at having to pay or if I would chip in. He actually said "throw a fit" :mad: He continued on to say he was glad that I put the card down but he always pays on a date and he wouldn't even want a woman that would want to pay. In my head I'm like so I lose either way. I could have thrown a fit and he wouldn't have liked that or paid and he wouldn't like that either. I didn't even bother engaging him in conversation. He tried to sit next to me and order a drink but I did not talk to him at all and had actually already texted a guy friend of mine who lived in the area to come meet me. When he got there that other fool immediately got up and left. Can you believe that?! He was already going to be deleted but now he's deleted and BLOCKED!
 
@KammyGirl
IMO you handled that beautifully. You took a stand for yourself and how you want to be treated. You sent a message loud and clear not just to him but to yourself that being treated like that is unacceptable. And well-played IMO re asking that the bill be split and moving to the bar. Instead of you being uncomfortable you shifted that embarrassed energy onto him. I am so proud of you! And you inspire me girl.
 
shortdub78 said:
@KammyGirl
Girl I was sitting at the table and the bar with you! Lol good story! I’m proud of you! You handled it how it needed to be handled!
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Exactly.

A guy I was seeing decided that we should go to breakfast. Mind you, this was after I spent the night at his place.


When it was time to pay, I thought nothing of it. He paid but then said it bothered him a little that I didn’t offer.

I was genuinely shocked. He is usually an absolute gentlemen. I think his “feminist” ways were ****** up his brain.

We went on with our day and I forgot about it until hearing your story. I wonder how I could have handled that in a way to make him understand me better.
 
Thanks ladies! I knew y'all would have my back. A girl in my volunteer group asked why I didn't accept his apology and move on with the night. At least I know he pays for dates was her reasoning.

hopeful said:
@KammyGirl
IMO you handled that beautifully. You took a stand for yourself and how you want to be treated. You sent a message loud and clear not just to him but to yourself that being treated like that is unacceptable. And well-played IMO re asking that the bill be split and moving to the bar. Instead of you being uncomfortable you shifted that embarrassed energy onto him. I am so proud of you! And you inspire me girl.
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I wasn't sure if I handled it right to be honest. I quickly went through the different ways to react: getting up and leaving, not wasting my breath and just paying, reminding him that a gentleman always pays and so on and so on. In the end I chose to practice telling him about himself in a more toned down way. I have a problem with either going overboard with a curse out or not saying anything at all. This was the best happy medium I could come up with spur of the moment lol
 
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