*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

deediamante said:
I have flat out asked before. :look:

But if you are wanting to be more smooth about it :lol: I'm hoping he will bring up his upbringing and the convo moves into when he moved to the US then you could ascertain his status. If he says he's only been here for under a year, then he is here on a visa (unless he won green card status in the green card lottery). It usually takes a year or two to get one, if everything is on the up and up.

Or you could even ask him at this point if the convo is about him being in the US. I wouldn't think it was crass. :lol: Then again I have no tact sometimes LOL.
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Lmbo see I’m not that bold unfortunately :laugh:

I do know he’s been in the US for 14 years and has been at his company here for 8 so I’m assuming he is likely a US citizen by now right? I don’t know how these things work :(
 
Life is about to pick up and get very busy for me. I am starting a new job (again!), I will start my volunteering assignment soon, I am going to be taking a writing class and I think I'm about to take up yoga - I want to gain some flexibility. Now normally I would be worried about filling up my schedule too much and not leaving room for a man but I don't feel like that. I feel like I'll eventually meet someone out and about doing all these things and he'll have to get in where he fits in. I don't feel pressured.

The guy from last night (the bad boy that I hate that I like) asked me if I ever feel worried about getting married. I said no. Then he rattled off a bunch of questions. It went like this:

Him: Do you ever worry about getting married?
Me: No
Him: Do you want to get married?
Me: Yes
Him: Do you think you will get married?
Me: Yes
Him: To who?
Me: *shrug* Someone
Him: Do you want children?
Me: Yes
Him: Are you going to freeze your eggs?
Me: *frowns* No

Then he just sat back and looked at me and smiled. (He has dimples which makes him smile even cuter. I hate him!!) I then excused myself to the ladies room to let him think over the information he thought he somehow pried out of me. Anyway I say all of that to say after having that conversation, the old me would be very concerned about over scheduling myself. The me I am now...I'm excited to start filling up all this free time I've had! The man will come.

Eta: I forgot to mention the reason I even wrote this post. Everyone is being very supportive of all I want to do but my mother is concerned I'm "running away from something" by keeping myself busy. She is happy about me volunteering and all but she thinks I'm taking on too much and might be hiding something. She's asked me several times if I'm seeing anyone and if I expect to "put myself out there"?
 
cinnespice said:
I take the cake with that. My mother says if looks could kill the whole world would be dead from my resting bih face.
I can't help it. I try to soften a little sometimes, but a lot of the times its automatic.
I have been told I look intimidating. That just means you didn't try hard enough, I don't bite :look:
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The person that said it to me said I was just too “perfect”. That guys feel intimidated by me, that I’m too “put together” and I never look like I have an off day even if I am I don’t convey that. o_O
I don’t really know how to take that. It’s been in my mind since it was said.
Another person (these are both co-workers) said that there are a lot of guys interested in me, especially since the weight loss. That’s a whole other topic, because why are you suddenly hot for me now? But literally NOBODY ever approaches me. I speak all the time, I’m all over the place because of what I do, smile, am personable, make small talk. But I can’t remember the last time anyone asked me out. Except for the guy in the convenience store that asked me if I was a church girl and pressed his number in my hand....:lachen:
 
crlsweetie912 said:
The person that said it to me said I was just too “perfect”. That guys feel intimidated by me, that I’m too “put together” and I never look like I have an off day even if I am I don’t convey that. o_O
I don’t really know how to take that. It’s been in my mind since it was said.
Another person (these are both co-workers) said that there are a lot of guys interested in me, especially since the weight loss. That’s a whole other topic, because why are you suddenly hot for me now? But literally NOBODY ever approaches me. I speak all the time, I’m all over the place because of what I do, smile, am personable, make small talk. But I can’t remember the last time anyone asked me out. Except for the guy in the convenience store that asked me if I was a church girl and pressed his number in my hand....:lachen:
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You don’t want them. If they’re too intimidated to approach they may just know they ain’t spit and not want to chance you seeing that for what it. Count ya blessings and ignore lol
 
The cutie I met in the grocery store has already annoyed me, he’s a very sporadic texter and it’s been almost a week and he’s made no mention of a date or anything of the sort.

I don’t like chatting with men that don’t make plans because I’m not here to be your own pal boo & he just hit me about 30 minutes ago with this nonsense.

E8CF133B-D059-4EFF-AD30-4A4701B2D86F.jpeg

First of all.....your first contact of the day is going to be at 11:00pm? And what does hangout mean? I need a plan honey, I’m too old to just “hangout”.

He’s fine but he’s totally killed my lady boner with his nonsense


giphy.gif
 
crlsweetie912 said:
The person that said it to me said I was just too “perfect”. That guys feel intimidated by me, that I’m too “put together” and I never look like I have an off day even if I am I don’t convey that. o_O
I don’t really know how to take that. It’s been in my mind since it was said.
Another person (these are both co-workers) said that there are a lot of guys interested in me, especially since the weight loss. That’s a whole other topic, because why are you suddenly hot for me now? But literally NOBODY ever approaches me. I speak all the time, I’m all over the place because of what I do, smile, am personable, make small talk. But I can’t remember the last time anyone asked me out. Except for the guy in the convenience store that asked me if I was a church girl and pressed his number in my hand....:lachen:
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You are personable and approachable but most men aren't going to cold approach a woman. I'm rarely approached by men while out and about and this was a constant source of frustration for me. Like you, I'm all over the place and always around new people, but many of those environments still aren't conducive to meeting men who feel comfortable enough to approach a stranger. I never met dudes at the grocery store despite everyone's insistence that it is a goldmine of single men. Networking events and singles meetup groups were also a bust for me because they were full of single women and the competition was too much. It's only when I do stuff like go to the rock climbing gym, or meet up with a hiking/kayaking group that I actually meet single men who approach me (though I'm taken now). The only consistent source I've found to meet single men offline has been anything outdoorsy. It's more than a handful of single men there and since they are in an alpha-like setting, they'll actually approach. The black men there are always happy to see an outdoorsy black woman. Also those makerspace places tend to be full of smart, single men and just a few single women (:look:). If I ended up single tomorrow I'd sign up for a few classes at a makerspace, join a local tech meetup (make friends and go to their house parties), and attend some meetings for nature conservation or something else nerdy. I'd stay far away from the bars, lounges, and happy hours unless I'm just going for fun. I'm not charismatic enough to thrive in that setting and unless you're in a major metro area with lots of single people, those places are overhyped as places to meet men. Been there, done that, and got nowhere.
 
I met a lovely French guy tonight; handsome, funny, smart and good company. The only slight downside is he is very slight, he has quite a small frame. I prefer a man with a bit more meat on his bones, and he's nice, almost too nice tbh!

So I still find myself wanting the other one who isn't any good for me. I need a slap too. :look:
 
UniquelyDivine said:
The cutie I met in the grocery store has already annoyed me, he’s a very sporadic texter and it’s been almost a week and he’s made no mention of a date or anything of the sort.

I don’t like chatting with men that don’t make plans because I’m not here to be your own pal boo & he just hit me about 30 minutes ago with this nonsense.

View attachment 425909

First of all.....your first contact of the day is going to be at 11:00pm? And what does hangout mean? I need a plan honey, I’m too old to just “hangout”.

He’s fine but he’s totally killed my lady boner with his nonsense


giphy.gif
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When I receive messages like this I feel like quoting Stringer Bell from the Wire "get on with it mf'er!" I hate all the hemming and hawing, either ask me out and pick a place or leave me be LOL
 
I'm doing something incredibly stupid right now. I'm making a huge mistake and I know it. I just can't help myself though. This guy is no good for me. We are not a thing. We are not going to be a thing. Yet, I can't stay away from him. We are not right for each other and I suspect he's trying to see if he can get me even though he probably doesn't really want me. I think I'm seeing this for real and for some reason instead of acting on that instinct, I am running straight into the fire instead of away from it. Did all the sense just fall out of my head or what? How do I disengage? My friends are no help.
 
KammyGirl said:
I'm doing something incredibly stupid right now. I'm making a huge mistake and I know it. I just can't help myself though. This guy is no good for me. We are not a thing. We are not going to be a thing. Yet, I can't stay away from him. We are not right for each other and I suspect he's trying to see if he can get me even though he probably doesn't really want me. I think I'm seeing this for real and for some reason instead of acting on that instinct, I am running straight into the fire instead of away from it. Did all the sense just fall out of my head or what? How do I disengage? My friends are no help.
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He is a time waster and your time and energy deserves more than that. You have been doing all of this self work, making good choices and now here comes the test. It always comes around this time in the process. He is charming you and drawing you in. This will go nowhere and you will end up back at square one. Stuff and relationships like this will have you making wacky decisions and having bad effects on other aspects of your life. Leave Him Alone. This isn’t about just having some fun. You got your new job, you are learning how to set boundaries and become more assertive, etc. don’t let this fool have you deviate from the plan.
 
shortdub78 said:
He is a time waster and your time and energy deserves more than that. You have been doing all of this self work, making good choices and now here comes the test. It always comes around this time in the process. He is charming you and drawing you in. This will go nowhere and you will end up back at square one. Stuff and relationships like this will have you making wacky decisions and having bad effects on other aspects of your life. Leave Him Alone. This isn’t about just having some fun. You got your new job, you are learning how to set boundaries and become more assertive, etc. don’t let this fool have you deviate from the plan.
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You are so right. I actually cried a little tonight about how unkind I was about to be to myself. Is it self sabotage? I mean I know I'm going to get hurt and I'm already sure of what I actually want. It's very clear and precise and he isn't it so why? Human relationships are weird. Like what is drawing me to this man knowing he's not right? Knowing I don't want what is going to happen after this is over. What am I getting out of this? And if I'm not feeling good why would I bother? I'm trying to figure out why I would make the complete opposite decision of what I know I want. I don't understand why I would do that at all and it's soooooo strange.
 
KammyGirl said:
I'm doing something incredibly stupid right now. I'm making a huge mistake and I know it. I just can't help myself though. This guy is no good for me. We are not a thing. We are not going to be a thing. Yet, I can't stay away from him. We are not right for each other and I suspect he's trying to see if he can get me even though he probably doesn't really want me. I think I'm seeing this for real and for some reason instead of acting on that instinct, I am running straight into the fire instead of away from it. Did all the sense just fall out of my head or what? How do I disengage? My friends are no help.
Click to expand...

I could have written this whole post a few years back! I even told my friends that he’d be a mistake on the same day I leaped:look:. In the end, it was exactly what my gut told me it would be... A passionate disaster!

Block him and delete his number!
 
KammyGirl said:
You are so right. I actually cried a little tonight about how unkind I was about to be to myself. Is it self sabotage? I mean I know I'm going to get hurt and I'm already sure of what I actually want. It's very clear and precise and he isn't it so why? Human relationships are weird. Like what is drawing me to this man knowing he's not right? Knowing I don't want what is going to happen after this is over. What am I getting out of this? And if I'm not feeling good why would I bother? I'm trying to figure out why I would make the complete opposite decision of what I know I want. I don't understand why I would do that at all and it's soooooo strange.
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Don't be so hard on yourself. I always try and take a positive out of each situation; the important thing is you know he isn't right for you. Perhaps previously you would have entered into such a relationship and got yourself hurt but now you're wiser and stronger. That's something to be celebrated as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately in life we are sometimes drawn to the things that we want but can’t or shouldn’t have. The fact that we shouldn’t have this thing be it a person, food, drink etc just makes it more harder to resist.

I'm in exactly the same boat as you and I have decided to just block the guy, I don't need time wasters in my life.
 
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