*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

beingofserenity said:
The common dating advice is to date a bunch of guys untill you meet the one. I know that works for some people, but it is super exhausting and a waste of energy for me.

In a way, I feel free not having to worry about being found attractive by anyone else.
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I think that's my problem because I've always felt that way. :look: I remember saying this in college when a lot of the girls were freaking out because there were so few guy (the ratio was 70 to 30) and I was like I'd rather wait to find the one rather than date around because that **** is exhausting and people looked at me like I had two heads. :ohwell:
 
beingofserenity said:
Okay!

Yeah, this is where I am too. I went on one ridiculous date with someone who I have been putting off for months just to give it a chance and it was the worst date I've ever been on :lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:

I have no energy or desire to date unless it is my husband either.

The common dating advice is to date a bunch of guys untill you meet the one. I know that works for some people, but it is super exhausting and a waste of energy for me.

In a way, I feel free not having to worry about being found attractive by anyone else.
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But the thing is how do you know? I used to say the same. Guys liked me and I would talk to a few of them. But when I picked one that seemed in line with what I was after I stuck with him.

I only started to embrace the idea of dating many guys at once in recent years. After my engagement ended and I got older I ramped up my dating not wanting to waste time on one thinking that if it went south after a whole year I would have to start over with licking my wounds from the break up, looking again (or waiting to be found) and then start the dance all over. By that time I've already lost at least a good 6 months to a year. But my mind set only changed as I got a bit older and realized I wanted a family. Not to mention never really wanting to go through a bad break up again. If things fizzle out I can mourn that relationship in a different way instead of my usual devastation after the one I thought was the one has exited my life.
 
KammyGirl said:
But the thing is how do you know? I used to say the same. Guys liked me and I would talk to a few of them. But when I picked one that seemed in line with what I was after I stuck with him.

I only started to embrace the idea of dating many guys at once in recent years. After my engagement ended and I got older I ramped up my dating not wanting to waste time on one thinking that if it went south after a whole year I would have to start over with licking my wounds from the break up, looking again (or waiting to be found) and then start the dance all over. By that time I've already lost at least a good 6 months to a year. But my mind set only changed as I got a bit older and realized I wanted a family. Not to mention never really wanting to go through a bad break up again. If things fizzle out I can mourn that relationship in a different way instead of my usual devastation after the one I thought was the one has exited my life.
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I really don't know.

Maybe in the future I'll change my mind and want to date around again, but the thought right now vaguely disgusts me.

I don't think the date multiple people is bad advice, but it just doesn't work for me right now. Because I still get emotional baggage even when I'm not fully invested and I don't want that. I don't want to feel obligated to text or call back or make time for anyone. I don't want to feel pressured to have sex. I don't want to smell someone else's stank breath. I don't want to worry about being found attractive by a man or getting a bikini wax just in case. I don't want to look cute for anyone but myself. I don't want to cry about being alone....like, I just want to take all my energy that I used to invest in relationships and re-invest it in me.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
I think that's my problem because I've always felt that way. :look: I remember saying this in college when a lot of the girls were freaking out because there were so few guy (the ratio was 70 to 30) and I was like I'd rather wait to find the one rather than date around because that **** is exhausting and people looked at me like I had two heads. :ohwell:
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Lol.

My fear is that I'll sit out on the sidelines for too long and miss finding "the one," which is why I want to be as active as possible even if I'm not really trying to date.
 
In the process of building the roster back up. This is why I don't like younger men (i.e. men my age :look:) They are either immature, broke or just looking for hookups.

So far I have 3 in the running right now. One is exactly my age. Adorable with the deepest dimples and a 6 pack to die for. He's got a bit of a unibrow but we can fix that. He's a jokester. I could live with it if it wasn't constant. Everything is a game all the damn time. I like to laugh and have a good time but every single little thing does not need to be joked about. Real conversations do not need to be avoided and I don't need a lol after every other word through text. And he has roommates! What is this?

The 2nd one is a year older than me and he seems like he has it together. Decent job, car, lives alone. Tall, in good shape but not as cute as the first guy. But even though he has it together he seems kind of stingy. I can't tell for sure it's just a vibe I'm getting from him. We'll find out but I don't want a penny pincher or to spend all my time building some man up in his younger years.

The last guy is older and he is perfect. Mature, fun, ready for a serious relationship, makes good money, not stingy BUT he's divorced with 3 boys. Ummm yeah he's definitely not going to be a keeper. I'm trying to build a quality roster this time so I will add as many as I can juggle so I have good ones to choose from.
 
I am finally home after running the streets for a week.

I went to Baltimore for a graduation and caught up with my old undergrad crew. I had a ball. I met up with 9 peoples in 2 days. Got back to nyc at 12 am and had the nerve to meet friends at the bar.

Got in at 4am and woke up at 10 to go to Boston. Theennnnn we drove back to bk just in time for Kwanzaa crawl....

I made some new friends and reconnected with old ones. I’m finally back home and sick as a dog. I got so much love from my old friends that I had to hold back tears.

I’m ready to stay in my house for 2018 unless I’m headed to a meeting or networking event. A girl is retiring.
 
shespoison said:
I am finally home after running the streets for a week.

I went to Baltimore for a graduation and caught up with my old undergrad crew. I had a ball. I met up with 9 peoples in 2 days. Got back to nyc at 12 am and had the nerve to meet friends at the bar.

Got in at 4am and woke up at 10 to go to Boston. Theennnnn we drove back to bk just in time for Kwanzaa crawl....

I made some new friends and reconnected with old ones. I’m finally back home and sick as a dog. I got so much love from my old friends that I had to hold back tears.

I’m ready to stay in my house for 2018 unless I’m headed to a meeting or networking event. A girl is retiring.
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Sounds like you had a great time!!!

My friends and I affectionately refer to summer '17 as our "Thot Tour". Lol It was literally racks on racks of bbqs. house parties, kickbacks, HHs, day parties, brunches, etc. Every wknd was a lituation!!

Cosigning the bolded for 2018. Lol
 
I just ran into this guy that I had about 2 convos with in the past! Within those two convos, i decided that i wasn’t interested. He goes out of his way to speak to me everytime he sees me and I feel like he does it out of spite! Well today, he came over to speak to me, told me he thought we were going to go somewhere but, I just kicked him to the curb and I shouldn’t do people like that. I mean we have had this exact convo at least 3 times. Im not obligated to date him.
 
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What's everyone doing for New Years?

I'm going out to my cousin's again. I love it out there. Its only 45 minutes from Boston, but it feels like being out in the country somewhere, it's so quiet and peaceful. Nobody had any interest in going out to a bar or anything, which is cool with me.

2017's drama started right at the beginning, so I'm happy to be starting 2018 in a different emotional space. Still very much hurt and healing from those events, but I'm optimistic that it'll be a better year.
 
gimbap said:
I want to do something for New Year's Eve, but it's so freakin cold. So I will probably be in my apartment under a blanket
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deediamante said:
Keeping it simple this year with a date with me myself and I on my couch. :lol:

It's too cold! Plus the last couple of years I went all out and though I had a ball I want to chill this NYE.
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Yeah, it's freezing here! I can't imagine doing anything outside. :nono:

My cousin is sick, so that's a no-go. Gonna go to my aunt's instead. I'm kinda bummed the original plan isn't happening, but I know that will be a good time too.
 
So the moment I decide that I'm focusing on my self only and not on men, two men from my past have shown up. One just hovers around me at events, but doesn't say anything. I don't say anything, either. The other sent me a text, saying that he loves me. Hmm, I wonder what I should do? :scratchchin: Start a conversation with the guy who is too punk to open his mouth and say hello? Tell the other guy that I love him, too? Tell him that I want a committed relationship that involves loving, kindness, and being there for one another alw---? And then swing around in shock as he makes a run for it? :roadrunner: No, I'm not playing games with these guys. I'm over it. 2018 is all me. I'm evening thinking of joining that femininity thread, but just for me. :kiss3:
 
@MzLady78 I have a brunch in the morning, but I plan on being home the rest of the day drinking champagne and watching Netflix lol. I've had a busy week socially, and I need to introvert for a day or two.

OAN: Had 2 dates this week. One was a first date that went horribly, dude has serious bitterness issues. 2nd date was a guy I've been out with a few times. I think he was hoping to be invited up tonight, but I have no desire to sleep with him. He's my free food and movie man.

I've kinda stopped making New Years resolutions, but I do need to reclaim my time and not let work consume my life, so I have some weekend trips planned the within the next few months, and I need to live it up here before I move. I'm looking forward to 2018.
 
I’m going to church tonight. Church will end right after midnight and I’m pretty sure I’ll be ready for bed. I went to Miami Funkfest last night so that’ll be considered my New Year partying :lol:

Happy New Year, ladies. I pray that you all will experience great health, wealth, peace, joy, love, and happiness in 2018 and beyond.
 
Happy New Year's, ladies! :grouphug: Wishing all of us a satisfying year of love, work, manifestation, and fun. May we continue to be the beautiful, confident, intelligent, caring, and fun-loving bunch that we are. :kiss:

My goals this year are to see how long I can remain single. :giggle: Honestly, in the past few weeks I have really come to embrace the fact that a serious romantic partnership is nothing I'm interested in pursuing at this stage in my life. I've never had trouble dating but I always lacked the desire to. It was always more of a matter of "cute guy I like well enough asked me to be his girlfriend so I'll say yes" without any real consideration to the more practical side of what makes a relationship worthwhile for me personally.

All of my previous partnerships took no small amount of cajoling on their parts and in a humorous twist of "gender roles," I've been dealt more ultimatums than I've doled out. :look: My mother and my god-mother are single, and whenever they inquire about my love life only to hear that there is no one in my picture, they seem a little exasperated. This past year I dated for the fun of it and this year I plan to be single for the fun of it.

Honestly, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted since I've decided to stop fighting against my logic and my desires. I was previously an unintentional heartbreaker, and not the fun, love-em-and-leave-em kind but the "no, you legitimately broke my heart" kind and while it was never intentional, I was never proud of it. :sad:

I've never dated bums/losers and don't plan to start, but this year I'm making a point to remain single yet open to options that enhance my life in some way. I plan to spend 2018 at the gym, studying in the library, playing tennis, going hiking, spending time with my friends, going to concerts, checking out museums and events and just basically living my life doing exactly what I want. I am not against dating but if a man comes along and is serious about a spot in my life, he's going to have to make spending time with him rank like it does all the other things I have planned for myself. I love free food but dinner dates are uninspired. I can enjoy myself wherever I go and I have been on dates where I had a such a good time because I was enjoying myself. It was like taking myself on a date and I'd rather do that and meet multiple people in the process versus sitting across from one person the entire night. :lol:

One guy I was dating last summer, each of our dates was something different: zoo, concert, carnival, cirque du soleil, a gun range, a Nigerian birthday party (lol), so I know it can be done. I'll post this in the "lean back girl" thread but he told me every time he talked to me, he would get frustrated that when he tried to make plans with me, it was always weeks out. I always had something going on but he said he liked that about me. It made him feel like he had to make a concerted effort to come up with things that would be so fun for me that I would actually confirm a date with him.

This year I plan to be unabashedly and irrevocably for me and I am soooo excited Ironically, when I am at my most selfish is when I'm also my most magnetic so I'm sure y'all will be seeing a lot of me in here. :eyebrows2: In fact, I'll kick it off with a fun short story about the universe and her timing: no more than a week after I dumped the guy I told y'all about, another man who I had initially written off in order to pursue that relationship, texted me saying "if your circumstances change, I'd still love to take you to dinner." Haven't heard a peep from dude since saying I would be dating someone else and yet here he is. Almost like he knew somehow. :drunk:
 
so a former married coworker contacted me who just gave birth to a cute little girl 3 weeks ago. she's experiencing a bad case of postpartum depression. Since I been through it, offered some advice.

Anyway she hates our old job. Before we parted on her last day before maternity she was saying she didn't plan to return because she hated it and wants time with the new baby and her toddler. And the PPD has complicated things to where she's considering meds (constant crying, lack of interest in baby and in life, panic attacks).

In a nutshell, her hubby quit his job because he hated it and accepted a lower paying one without consulting her.:mad::mad::mad: It's also much further away.

She was already the breadwinner but now the gap is wider. She has to return EARLY, medicated, and stressed. Add to it the 10mi extra on his commute (in SF 10mi could mean an hour extra) means she scrambling to figure out a way to get childcare because her job has longer hours and more stressful. He's an elementary school teacher. She's STEM.

They been married 8 years.

...and people wonder why I ain't moving to get a DH #2.:look::spinning:
 
Wow @DarkJoy! What a mess:nono:. I would not want to be in your friend’s shoes. People often say they can do bad by themselves but I prefer to see it as I can do great by myself. Her husband sounds awful. She was already the breadwinner and now that they have a child it’s almost as though he wants to make sure he feels no added pressure on himself whatsoever. So selfish and unmasculine. What a turnoff.

And no need for you to rush to get dh #2. The same people wanting you to remarry won’t be anywhere to be found if you ended up unhappy.
 
hopeful said:
Wow @DarkJoy! What a mess:nono:. I would not want to be in your friend’s shoes. People often say they can do bad by themselves but I prefer to see it as I can do great by myself. Her husband sounds awful. She was already the breadwinner and now that they have a child it’s almost as though he wants to make sure he feels no added pressure on himself whatsoever. So selfish and unmasculine. What a turnoff.

And no need for you to rush to get dh #2. The same people wanting you to remarry won’t be anywhere to be found if you ended up unhappy.
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At the bolded, I feel that way too! Without the dead weight, I've never been so well financed in my life! Just have to answer to the one kid.

Unfortunately, for my old coworker, this is baby #2. She has a toddler plus the newborn now. He knows she' not going anywhere now and takes advantage. smh.
 
DarkJoy said:
At the bolded, I feel that way too! Without the dead weight, I've never been so well financed in my life! Just have to answer to the one kid.

Unfortunately, for my old coworker, this is baby #2. She has a toddler plus the newborn now. He knows she' not going anywhere now and takes advantage. smh.
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Two babies with a loser and now if she left him she’d be paying him child support and maybe alimony too for at least 4 years. I guess she thinks this is the best life has to offer her? It’s sad. And he probably thinks that because he works at all that she’s lucky. This is a cautionary tale for marrying down.
 
hopeful said:
Two babies with a loser and now if she left him she’d be paying him child support and maybe alimony too for at least 4 years. I guess she thinks this is the best life has to offer her? It’s sad. And he probably thinks that because he works at all that she’s lucky. This is a cautionary tale for marrying down.
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This here sums it all the heck up! Avoid marrying down!
 
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