*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

My date was aight. He is sweet but idc. I don’t ever want to see him again :lachen:


He reminds me of my first real boyfriend. In looks and demeanor. That fool damn near annoyed me to death after 4 years and I just cant find a care for any dude right now.

I’m just going to tell him I’m not ready to date when he calls me and then never pick up my phone again.
 
SurferBabe said:
I've been focused on relocating so I haven't been trying to meet men.

There is one guy I'm kinda dating, but I'm not thinking about anything serious since I'm moving in a few months. I'm just enjoying the ride because I have nothing to lose. We hung out over the weekend and I had a great time! It was refreshing to finally be able to be myself with a guy. We have a lot in common and he accepts me as-is. I know what I want for the future if I decide to fully focus on dating again. I've spent the last few years trying to make things happen with guys who weren't compatible with me and it has been exhausting and disastrous. I'm creating a life that is fulfilling with or without a man. I have faith that the universe will deliver when the time is right.
Click to expand...

Amen to alla dis, sis!!!
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Ohhhh what did she tell you about in regards to a relationship??


Thinking out loud about Jo.. first I was like ugh she was soooo off about milk chocolate but when I talked to her in July about him she said he “could” be the one and “don’t give him any coochie” :laugh: now I see why.


I’m excited to hear what continues to manifest for you!




I’ll pm you :yep:
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Can I get a pm too?
 
When dating does anyone else start to get an overwhelming urge to break up with someone? It happens to me without fail in every relationship that lasts more than three months. Everything in my brain and body is telling me to get out, even when nothing is really “wrong.” It’s kind of cool, kind of annoying. I sort of agonize over it a lot but always end up leaving and immediately feel less stressed after having done so.
 
So I finally went out on a date with my introvert bae last week. I really like him, but this one is a slow burn. Something tells me he is taking his time to vet me before jumping into something serious, so Im trying to be patient per my guy friends advisement. :rolleyes: Im used to guys being more aggressive, but we talk everyday and he is super consistent, supportive and sincere, so Im gonna follow his lead.
Meanwhile, Mercury Retrograde has brought my Moroccan prince bae back to me after a pregnant pause! :2inlove: We went on the most amazing date back in September, but somehow any potential for more was put on hold due to him traveling back and forth to LA where his company is based. Imagine my surprise when he hit me up to see if I was going to be spending the holidays in DC instead of going hm to Houston! He was super happy to hear that we would both be in town and we have a date scheduled for tonight!! I can hardly contain my excitement :drunk:
 
hunnychile said:
When dating does anyone else start to get an overwhelming urge to break up with someone? It happens to me without fail in every relationship that lasts more than three months. Everything in my brain and body is telling me to get out, even when nothing is really “wrong.” It’s kind of cool, kind of annoying. I sort of agonize over it a lot but always end up leaving and immediately feel less stressed after having done so.
Click to expand...

This is me with nearly everything. As soon as I have something I'm like "nice, go away now!" Do you think it's caused by being in a relationship where you don't see a real future or is it based in some fear you have?
 
hunnychile said:
When dating does anyone else start to get an overwhelming urge to break up with someone? It happens to me without fail in every relationship that lasts more than three months. Everything in my brain and body is telling me to get out, even when nothing is really “wrong.” It’s kind of cool, kind of annoying. I sort of agonize over it a lot but always end up leaving and immediately feel less stressed after having done so.
Click to expand...

Me. I was like that my entire dating life, until meeting my current boyfriend. I do think I had a fear of commitment, but I also know, after meeting him, that I also was waiting for him. I think feeling less stressed after having broken up with these guys is a big testament that you're leaving for the right reasons. My present boyfriend asks me at least once a day if I'm getting scared. I'm not, because I'm not scared of having this feeling the rest of my life. With the other guys I left, even if they were great (and they were; I've had my share of good guys) I just felt...I don't know...drained? He doesn't make me feel empty or in need of a recharge. He recharges me. And being an introvert, that says a whole lot.

You're still young, right? In your twenties? From your posts, you seem to be well rounded and on a healthy path in life. If you ever start to realize a pattern where you actually don't feel better after breaking up with the dudes, explore that further. But for now, enjoy the ride.
 
VeryBecoming said:
This is me with nearly everything. As soon as I have something I'm like "nice, go away now!" Do you think it's caused by being in a relationship where you don't see a real future or is it based in some fear you have?
Click to expand...
This most recent breakup was most definitely because I knew it wasn't going anywhere. We were incompatible but I was willing to go along with it because it was supposed to be lighthearted, fun, and noncommittal but I realized I was acting in a way inconsistent with my desires (wanting to remain casual and him wanting to be committed). I initially agreed to be sexually monogamous after some pressure from him, thinking I could work on my commitment issues, but it ultimately just wasn't a good match.

I can't say exactly where my behavior comes from so I've been trying to examine that more by reading and being more vulnerable, but I don't think this last fling was the environment for that. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection and now that things are over between me and last dude I'm happy to be refocused on myself. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I'm kind of upset I let it go as long as it did.
GreenEyedJen said:
Me. I was like that my entire dating life, until meeting my current boyfriend. I do think I had a fear of commitment, but I also know, after meeting him, that I also was waiting for him. I think feeling less stressed after having broken up with these guys is a big testament that you're leaving for the right reasons. My present boyfriend asks me at least once a day if I'm getting scared. I'm not, because I'm not scared of having this feeling the rest of my life. With the other guys I left, even if they were great (and they were; I've had my share of good guys) I just felt...I don't know...drained? He doesn't make me feel empty or in need of a recharge. He recharges me. And being an introvert, that says a whole lot.

You're still young, right? In your twenties? From your posts, you seem to be well rounded and on a healthy path in life. If you ever start to realize a pattern where you actually don't feel better after breaking up with the dudes, explore that further. But for now, enjoy the ride.
Click to expand...
I am an introvert as well so reading that definitely resounded for me. That's wonderful that you've found someone that makes you feel that way. I read a book called "Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky, and Indecisive Girl's Guide to Overcoming Fear of Commitment" (what a title :lol:) and the author says waiting for the "right one" can be faulty thinking because unless we work through the commitment issues now, we run the risk of not recognizing the right one or sabotaging ourselves when he does come. I wanted to use this guy as a sort of training ground for me but we lacked a connection strong enough for me to see expending the effort as worthwhile.

Ironically, whole time I was dating this guy I was talking to another man on friendly terms but the vibe was totally different. We were engaged and could talk literally for hours, laughing, sharing our thoughts, etc. He told me he was interested in me but because of my issues I didn't want to enter a relationship knowing that I was going to tap out a couple months later. This other guy seemed like a smaller risk but it just ended up being a waste of time. :spinning:
 
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hunnychile said:
This most recent breakup was most definitely because I knew it wasn't going anywhere. We were incompatible but I was willing to go along with it because it was supposed to be lighthearted, fun, and noncommittal but I realized I was acting in a way inconsistent with my desires (wanting to remain casual and him wanting to be committed). I initially agreed to be sexually monogamous after some pressure from him, thinking I could work on my commitment issues, but it ultimately just wasn't a good match.

I can't say exactly where my behavior comes from so I've been trying to examine that more by reading and being more vulnerable, but I don't think this last fling was the environment for that. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection and now that things are over between me and last dude I'm happy to be refocused on myself. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I'm kind of upset I let it go as long as it did.

I am an introvert as well so reading that definitely resounded for me. That's wonderful that you've found someone that makes you feel that way. I read a book called "Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky, and Indecisive Girl's Guide to Overcoming Fear of Commitment" (what a title :lol:) and the author says waiting for the "right one" can be faulty thinking because unless we work through the commitment issues now, we run the risk of not recognizing the right one or sabotaging ourselves when he does come. I wanted to use this guy as a sort of training ground for me but we lacked a connection strong enough for me to see expending the effort as worthwhile.

Ironically, whole time I was dating this guy I was talking to another man on friendly terms but the vibe was totally different. We were engaged and could talk literally for hours, laughing, sharing our thoughts, etc. He told me he was interested in me but because of my issues I didn't want to enter a relationship knowing that I was going to tap out a couple months later. This other guy seemed like a smaller risk but it just ended up being a waste of time. :spinning:
Click to expand...
have you ever looked into attachment theory. There's a thread floating around in the relationship forum.
I've learned so much about how I attach myself to men based on that information. You maybe a fearful avoidant. OR you just really aren't feeling the men who you are with. I think if you find yourself feeling like this consistently you should look into it
 
Dposh167 said:
have you ever looked into attachment theory. There's a thread floating around in the relationship forum.
I've learned so much about how I attach myself to men based on that information. You maybe a fearful avoidant. OR you just really aren't feeling the men who you are with. I think if you find yourself feeling like this consistently you should look into it
Click to expand...
I’m dismissive avoidant. Read an entire book on it and it was spot on. :lol: I think it’s probably me not being into the guys as much. I dated one man very briefly who I had no attachment troubles with but we also didn’t make it to three months so who really knows what would have transpired.
 
Is there room in this thread for someone who wants to be purposefully single for a full year?

:)

Meaning absolutely no dating, no talking, no getting to know anyone, no going out with the intention of meeting anyone, no talking to ex bfs lol.

Nothing beyond platonic.

No sadness about being alone.

No sex.

I've been repeating lessons lately and I want a break from the up and down.

It's going to be difficult for me. I've never done anything like this, but I feel like I need to.
 
rafikichick92 said:
I think SG might be about to propose. I can’t talk to anyone about it in real life because if he is, my friends are in on it and I don’t want to make it awkward for them/have someone accidentally give it away. I am suspicious because last night as we were waiting in the theater for Star Wars to start, he blurted out that he got us tickets to the Ferris wheel and that we have to go as close to Christmas as possible. We talked about going at Christmas way back in September and a Christmas proposal is a dream of his, so my brain is clicking with the potential implications. I wish I could think of someone IRL who’s not in on this—if it is indeed happening—to discuss it with. I’m going to be side eying my friends and relatives this whole week!
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Well, I was right!!! SG is now FH! He put a ring on it ladies!!!!! :toocool:
 
:lachen:
hunnychile said:
When dating does anyone else start to get an overwhelming urge to break up with someone? It happens to me without fail in every relationship that lasts more than three months. Everything in my brain and body is telling me to get out, even when nothing is really “wrong.” It’s kind of cool, kind of annoying. I sort of agonize over it a lot but always end up leaving and immediately feel less stressed after having done so.
Click to expand...

This is absolutely me.. like I look forward to ~3 months because that means I gave you a fair shot. “This was normal and nice, thank you for your time.. but this isn’t going to work. Bye now.” :lachen::lachen:

I’ve had long relationships.. they were just crazy intense and I’m constantly looking for that intensity/energy level.

Naturally, I blame this on being a Pisces and having so much water in my chart. :look::lachen:
 
My roster for the first quarter of the new year is almost complete. I just need a sports junkie to go to games with, and a free spirit for all the artsy weird **** I like to do. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but I am open to one if it's right. FWB is steppin up although I haven't asked him to, it's nice.
 
silverbuttons said:
:lachen:

This is absolutely me.. like I look forward to ~3 months because that means I gave you a fair shot. “This was normal and nice, thank you for your time.. but this isn’t going to work. Bye now.” :lachen::lachen:

I’ve had long relationships.. they were just crazy intense and I’m constantly looking for that intensity/energy level.

Naturally, I blame this on being a Pisces and having so much water in my chart. :look::lachen:
Click to expand...
I could’ve typed that myself. I’m not surprised we understand each other so well. :lol:
 
beingofserenity said:
Is there room in this thread for someone who wants to be purposefully single for a full year?

:)

Meaning absolutely no dating, no talking, no getting to know anyone, no going out with the intention of meeting anyone, no talking to ex bfs lol.

Nothing beyond platonic.

No sadness about being alone.

No sex.

I've been repeating lessons lately and I want a break from the up and down.

It's going to be difficult for me. I've never done anything like this, but I feel like I need to.
Click to expand...
ME!!
I have absolutely no interest in dating anybody. I have no more online profiles. I'm not even going out looking for men. If a friend wants to go somewhere I'll go...but I have no thoughts on "who will I meet". I've been over it for the last 6 months and it looks like it is creeping into 2018. And I'm just fine with that. I love going to sleep like a baby knowing I'm not worrying about what some man thinks...or why he hasn't called...or why he isn't committing.

But I am still open to meeting a certain type of man. A man who is looking for something serious in general. I don't mind putting in some time to date a man like that. But all these other fools. No way. Actually, I don't even find myself getting into another relationship with someone unless I know he will be my husband.
 
Dposh167 said:
ME!!
I have absolutely no interest in dating anybody. I have no more online profiles. I'm not even going out looking for men. If a friend wants to go somewhere I'll go...but I have no thoughts on "who will I meet". I've been over it for the last 6 months and it looks like it is creeping into 2018. And I'm just fine with that. I love going to sleep like a baby knowing I'm not worrying about what some man thinks...or why he hasn't called...or why he isn't committing.

But I am still open to meeting a certain type of man. A man who is looking for something serious in general. I don't mind putting in some time to date a man like that. But all these other fools. No way. Actually, I don't even find myself getting into another relationship with someone unless I know he will be my husband.
Click to expand...

Okay!

Yeah, this is where I am too. I went on one ridiculous date with someone who I have been putting off for months just to give it a chance and it was the worst date I've ever been on :lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:

I have no energy or desire to date unless it is my husband either.

The common dating advice is to date a bunch of guys untill you meet the one. I know that works for some people, but it is super exhausting and a waste of energy for me.

In a way, I feel free not having to worry about being found attractive by anyone else.
 
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