*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

KammyGirl said:
Whose profile is this?
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A guy from OKCupid.

Ipanema said:
She wants an autistic man, and one with ADHD? What? :spinning: A list like this makes me think she's been doing this for too long.
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This is a dude. Earlier in his profile, he mentioned he has ADHD and believes he's somewhere on the spectrum, so I think he's open to someone with similar traits. I think you're on the money that he's being doing this for too long. The whole profile (although certain parts were relatable) was pure comedy for the most part.

ETA: reading some of the other comments, it's interesting some assumed this was a woman. I realised there were no clues about the person's gender from the image, so I can understand. His profile came up as I was browsing the site - profiles of other women don't pop up.
 
tocktick said:
This is a dude. Earlier in his profile, he mentioned he has ADHD and believes he's somewhere on the spectrum, so I think he's open to someone with similar traits. I think you're on the money that he's being doing this for too long. The whole profile (although certain parts were relatable) was pure comedy for the most part.

ETA: reading some of the other comments, it's interesting some assumed this was a woman. I realised there were no clues about the person's gender from the image, so I can understand. His profile came up as I was browsing the site - profiles of other women don't pop up.
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That is strange. I've never heard of a guy wanting a "womanist," and worrying about somebody touching his hair. This guy sounds like a hot mess.
 
KammyGirl said:
This guy I'm talking to on Match is really nice. We've talked on the phone once and he seems cool. Not to mention he is so good looking! Problem is, he has children and I really really really don't want to date a man with kids. Am I being unreasonable? Missing out on decent men because of this requirement? I realize if I'm still single in another couple of years then I may have to rethink this but right now? I'm not feeling dating a dude with kids.
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As someone who has dated more men with kids than without, I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

If he's a good dude who is active in his children's lives and not a deadbeat, you have to be prepared for and ok with them always coming first. This means dates may be cancelled at the last minute, he may be pressed for time because of their sports practices, dance recitals, friend's birthday parties, etc. But again, this all depends on his level of involvement.

It's not easy, and while I'd love to make no children a deal-breaker, regardless of what I've seen others say on this board, IME it's damn near impossible to find at my age.
 
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Ipanema said:
That is strange. I've never heard of a guy wanting a "womanist," and worrying about somebody touching his hair. This guy sounds like a hot mess.
Click to expand...
tocktick said:
A guy from OKCupid.



This is a dude. Earlier in his profile, he mentioned he has ADHD and believes he's somewhere on the spectrum, so I think he's open to someone with similar traits. I think you're on the money that he's being doing this for too long. The whole profile (although certain parts were relatable) was pure comedy for the most part.

ETA: reading some of the other comments, it's interesting some assumed this was a woman. I realised there were no clues about the person's gender from the image, so I can understand. His profile came up as I was browsing the site - profiles of other women don't pop up.
Click to expand...
Strangely, the womanist thing is what tipped me off. I feel like a woman would have used the term feminist as it relates to men (but probably would use the term womanist as it relates to black women). I don't know why I thought that but for some reason it made my spidey senses tingle.

MzLady78 said:
As someone who has dated more men with kids than without, I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

If he's a good dude who is active in his children's lives and not a deadbeat, you have to be prepared for and ok with them always coming first. This means dates may be cancelled at the last minute, he may be pressed for time because of their sports practices, dance recitals, friend's birthday parties, etc.

It's not easy, and while I'd love to make no children a deal-breaker, regardless of what I've seen others say on this board, IME it's damn near impossible to find at my age.
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As far as the bold goes know this will be my reality in a few years. I'm holing out for as long as I can.

Yeah, I'm not going any further with this. I agree with practicing dating but in this case there's no need for me to attach myself to someone I could actually like knowing good and darn well it's going to be a pain in my butt down the line. It'll be that much harder to break away later.
 
MzLady78 said:
...
If he's a good dude who is active in his children's lives and not a deadbeat, you have to be prepared for and ok with them always coming first. This means dates may be cancelled at the last minute, he may be pressed for time because of their sports practices, dance recitals, friend's birthday parties, etc.
...
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I disagree with the bolded. I don’t think anyone should be in a relationship where they have to accept never being first, the priority. Part of being a mature person is finding balance. If a man cannot make the woman in his life feel like a priority then he shouldn’t be dating. In the beginning, when he doesn’t know the woman yet, the children will naturally be more important. But if the relationship becomes monogamous and exclusive, the man has to find a way for the woman to be a priority as well. Otherwise it will be a lopsided and unfulfilling relationship.
 
hopeful said:
I disagree with the bolded. I don’t think anyone should be in a relationship where they have to accept never being first, the priority. Part of being a mature person is finding balance. If a man cannot make the woman in his life feel like a priority then he shouldn’t be dating. In the beginning, when he doesn’t know the woman yet, the children will naturally be more important. But if the relationship becomes monogamous and exclusive, the man has to find a way for the woman to be a priority as well. Otherwise it will be a lopsided and unfulfilling relationship.
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Yeah, I feel you.

It's highly possible that I've dealt with guys who just couldn't/didn't do that with me.
 
So he received a series of bad news in one week. I told him I don’t want to be with him news that he didn’t take well. Then I told him I
will be relocating back to where we attended undergrad. I think that hurt more because I pretty much told him I will be local again (something that has caused us to be apart for years)but I don’t want to be with you.

All is fair in love and war. I’m not sorry if he knew how to treat people he wouldn’t be going through this right now. C’est la vie.
 
MzLady78 said:
Yeah, I feel you.

It's highly possible that I've dealt with guys who just couldn't/didn't do that with me.
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I just hear people say that all the time. Like it’s a catch 22 for women. If he neglects the kids he’s a deadbeat dad. If he’s a good dad, you will come second. Either way the woman can’t win.

If a man can’t find a balance he shouldn’t be dating toward any type of serious relationship. If a woman wants a serious relationship she should never accept always being second to his children, his career, or anything. That’s not a healthy, fair, loving, mature relationship. It’s not either/or. It’s both/and.

He can be a loving and devoted father and be a loving, devoted partner to a woman. Sometimes he has commitments to keep with the kids. Sometimes he has promises to keep with the woman. If he has kids with problems, or who are very young, or he does not have enough support to allow him to date properly etc., then he shouldn’t be dating seriously and no women should see him as a prize or that situation as optimum. It’s just not fair.

Men also love using any excuse to not be fully available or present. And saying he has to work a lot to make money or my kids come first sounds good, makes him look good, and is hard to argue with. Makes the woman look needy when it is him who is not being fully available or showing up for the relationship.
 
My friend has been terrorizing me all week with her relationship drama but what she told me today really shocked me.

She’s been dating this guy for about 2 months and over the weekend his ex popped up saying she was pregnant, he told my friend the last time he messed with the ex was 7 months ago but come to find out he lied to her about the last time he had slept with his ex-girlfriend.

However; it happened a few weeks before he had met my friend , he told her he lied because he didn’t want her to be turned off and not talk to him.

Apparently the ex was sleeping with multiple guys at once, how he knows that I don’t know, so the guy told my friend that they should go and get tested and she got mad about that too.

The kicker is my friend has slept with a new dude every month for the past for five months! And two of them raw, I told her as a sexually active responsible adult you should’ve got tested anyways, anytime you start messin with somebody new there is always a possibility that they have something!

How can you get mad at this man for saying that and you been out here heaxin just as much, if not more than him?


Sorry for the randomness but I had to get that off my chest :laugh: she had me soooo irritated.
 
Ipanema said:
That is strange. I've never heard of a guy wanting a "womanist," and worrying about somebody touching his hair. This guy sounds like a hot mess.
Click to expand...

:lol: In the photos, he has a lot of hair; I'm sure dumb (white) folks have tried to touch it with nary so much as an insincere courtesy ask. That aside though, his profile was entirely full of quote worthy lines of WTF. HAM is correct.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
Well I met Classic Man when I wasn't thinking of dating anyone at all. He came out of nowhere lol. And my schedule is already jam packed. :look:
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I gotcha! I wouldn't get too upset about it. He's a single man so it didn't cross his mind to inform you of his weekend plans. It would have been nice but it is clear that he values his freedom and is fitting you into his life on his terms. Is he an alpha? Dial back the emotional investment, give him space, and let him get ahead of you in his feelings. If he's interested, and you give him space, it'll happen. Next time you see him, be just as warm, flirty, and engaging as you have been, but when he's not around, detach. Even if you don't have other men to date, make him think you do. I'd be unavailable next time and take myself on a date if I have to. Make him miss you. It's hard for us to control our emotional investment when we're super into someone but quality men are used to every woman longing for them. Once you create a longing and sense of urgency in them (through actions) they are inspired to commit and they appreciate it. This could be a good one just don't get ahead of him emotionally. Turn the convention he's used to on its head. If he's interested he ain't going nowhere. If he's not, oh well. There is nothing so rare and magical about this man that he can't be replaced. It's taken me over a decade to understand this. Trust in your awesomeness and this man, or the next one, will be begging you for exclusivity.
 
SurferBabe said:
I gotcha! I wouldn't get too upset about it. He's a single man so it didn't cross his mind to inform you of his weekend plans. It would have been nice but it is clear that he values his freedom and is fitting you into his life on his terms. Is he an alpha? Dial back the emotional investment, give him space, and let him get ahead of you in his feelings. If he's interested, and you give him space, it'll happen. Next time you see him, be just as warm, flirty, and engaging as you have been, but when he's not around, detach. Even if you don't have other men to date, make him think you do. I'd be unavailable next time and take myself on a date if I have to. Make him miss you. It's hard for us to control our emotional investment when we're super into someone but quality men are used to every woman longing for them. Once you create a longing and sense of urgency in them (through actions) they are inspired to commit and they appreciate it. This could be a good one just don't get ahead of him emotionally. Turn the convention he's used to on its head. If he's interested he ain't going nowhere. If he's not, oh well. There is nothing so rare and magical about this man that he can't be replaced. It's taken me over a decade to understand this. Trust in your awesomeness and this man, or the next one, will be begging you for exclusivity.
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Thanks. I agree with you on the bolded. Thanks for the blue. :p

He got back to town on Monday and asked for date with me first thing on Tuesday for this coming Friday. :look: Good thing he asked for Friday because my weekend was already filling up. When I found out he was in NOLA I deliberately did not contact him. He's not an alpha but he lives alone and has for the past 10 years. He's close to his mom but can only stand to be in the same house as her for a few days at Christmas, and was raised as an only child. So he's not used to having to tell anyone anything lol.

I hear you on the emotional investment. He's the first man I've even been remotely interested in in a few years so he's stirring up feelings I haven't had in a long time and also feelings I've never had before because I've never met anyone like him lol. So it's jarring because I'm not sure how to handle them. I'm used to having my guard up and not letting anyone in.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
Thanks. I agree with you on the bolded. Thanks for the blue. :p

He got back to town on Monday and asked for date with me first thing on Tuesday for this coming Friday. :look: Good thing he asked for Friday because my weekend was already filling up. When I found out he was in NOLA I deliberately did not contact him. He's not an alpha but he lives alone and has for the past 10 years. He's close to his mom but can only stand to be in the same house as her for a few days at Christmas, and was raised as an only child. So he's not used to having to tell anyone anything lol.

I hear you on the emotional investment. He's the first man I've even been remotely interested in in a few years so he's stirring up feelings I haven't had in a long time and also feelings I've never had before because I've never met anyone like him lol. So it's jarring because I'm not sure how to handle them. I'm used to having my guard up and not letting anyone in.
Click to expand...

Are you also seeing other people?
 
UniquelyDivine said:
She’s been dating this guy for about 2 months and over the weekend his ex popped up saying she was pregnant, he told my friend the last time he messed with the ex was 7 months ago but come to find out he lied to her about the last time he had slept with his ex-girlfriend. However; it happened a few weeks before he had met my friend , he told her he lied because he didn’t want her to be turned off and not talk to him. Apparently the ex was sleeping with multiple guys at once, how he knows that I don’t know, so the guy told my friend that they should go and get tested and she got mad about that too. The kicker is my friend has slept with a new dude every month for the past for five months! And two of them raw, I told her as a sexually active responsible adult you should’ve got tested anyways, anytime you start messin with somebody new there is always a possibility that they have something!
Click to expand...
Friend :spank: is trying to catch something deadly as she is playing with fire.
 
Clearly, I'm bored because I decided to semi-troll a guy who has a blatant copy-paste profile. He dropped me a message to say hi and "invite [me] to look at [his] profile". One thing mentioned there was trail running, so I instead of ignoring/blocking, I decided to ask what his favourite trails were. :look:

The locations he replied with were definitely not trail routes but super touristy spots that most runners probably avoid. I reply, "there are trails there?" and then he asks me what I "mean by trails??" :lol:. I ask if he actually wrote his profile. He replies yes. I block.

Here are the search results for the line in his profile where he mentions running trails. Hardly a unique profile.
 
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hopeful said:
I disagree with the bolded. I don’t think anyone should be in a relationship where they have to accept never being first, the priority. Part of being a mature person is finding balance. If a man cannot make the woman in his life feel like a priority then he shouldn’t be dating. In the beginning, when he doesn’t know the woman yet, the children will naturally be more important. But if the relationship becomes monogamous and exclusive, the man has to find a way for the woman to be a priority as well. Otherwise it will be a lopsided and unfulfilling relationship.
Click to expand...
I get what she's saying but when there are two conflicting priorities children typically win. For example, it's your birthday and have plans but his kid gets into an accident and is in the hospital. The person dating someone with a kid has yo understand that he will cancel to be with his kid. That's alot to expect for someone without children.
 
TCatt86 said:
I get what she's saying but when there are two conflicting priorities children typically win. For example, it's your birthday and have plans but his kid gets into an accident and is in the hospital. The person dating someone with a kid has yo understand that he will cancel to be with his kid. That's alot to expect for someone without children.
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That's a pretty extreme example. The same thing could be said for another immediate family member getting in an accident and going to the hospital on your birthday. @hopeful is saying he should be willing to keep his commitments to you (woman in a serious relationship with) just as he would his children.
 
Dee-Licious said:
That's a pretty extreme example. The same thing could be said for another immediate family member getting in an accident and going to the hospital on your birthday. @hopeful is saying he should be willing to keep his commitments to you (woman in a serious relationship with) just as he would his children.
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I understand what she's saying. My point is when there are two conflicting priorities the children will likely win. A less extreme example is you bday falls on a week he has his kids. The mother won't switch and he can't find a sitter so you spend your weekend either with his kids or without your man. A woman dating him would have to understand that her bday will take a backseat to his family obligations. It's just alot to ask when you're making accommodations for children that aren't yours and it ain't for everyone.
 
TCatt86 said:
I understand what she's saying. My point is when there are two conflicting priorities the children will likely win. A less extreme example is you bday falls on a week he has his kids. The mother won't switch and he can't find a sitter so you spend your weekend either with his kids or without your man. A woman dating him would have to understand that her bday will take a backseat to his family obligations. It's just alot to ask when you're making accommodations for children that aren't yours and it ain't for everyone.
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I'm not single, but if I were, any new man that i meet would have to understand that my kids come first. If you don't have kids it's hard to understand your date's/SO's obligation towards his children.

I get what you're saying perfectly.

*tiptoe out of thread*
 
SlimPickinz said:
So I came to complain about some idiot and her bad ideas and then I noticed the tagline for the RF. I wonder if it was necessary to say only male and female relationships are allowed. I think my time here at LHCF is going to end soon. It's too strict for no reason.
Click to expand...


I remember a member that would talk about her GF sometimes, I wonder if that’s why she’s no longer around :scratchchin:
 
SlimPickinz said:
So I came to complain about some idiot and her bad ideas and then I noticed the tagline for the RF. I wonder if it was necessary to say only male and female relationships are allowed. I think my time here at LHCF is going to end soon. It's too strict for no reason.
Click to expand...

ppl get around it by changing up the pronouns *shrug*. I remember being blah with that rule too and I'm straight but the conservativeness is a bit extra.
 
New guy is meeting my needs for physical affection that is non- sexual. Hugging, hand-holding, just touching. He is very affectionate. Other than that, I feel no spark. But according to the book I read, that no spark feeling is good when you are used to bad relationships. With China Man, it was like a spark that turned into a flame that turned into blue flame that charred us both. I'm tired of being burned.
 
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