*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

All4Tris said:
Oh, it's ok if he lost interest. That's perfectly fine with me. But, that "it's done" came off nasty to me.
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One thing I'm hell bent on learning to do is stop internalizing other people's crappy treatment/behavior. If it kills me, I'm gonna do this.

If I know I didn't do anything wrong and someone wants to show their arse, that's their issue and I'm gonna start keeping it pushing.
 
TCatt86 said:
I was dating someone that needed to spend more time than I could give. I'm pretty upfront with my availability. Mother, demanding job. I can do once a week easy but if you want more schedule the time. He wanted everyday or at least a few times a week. That just wasnt feasible..So there's that. On to the next.
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Were you really feeling this guy though? I find that I can make a little extra time if I'm really feeling the guy, otherwise it feels like too much of a hassle.
 
MzLady78 said:
One thing I'm hell bent on learning to do is stop internalizing other people's crappy treatment/behavior. If it kills me, I'm gonna do this.

If I know I didn't do anything wrong and someone wants to show their arse, that's their issue and I'm gonna start keeping it pushing.
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I agree... I'd never ask him wth his problem is. But, I feel you on not internalizing their crappy treatment. I know I didn't do ish to him.
mzpurp said:
It seems like he's acting like you're bothering him about your own property!
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Right! I haven't even been sweating him about it. This is the first time that I've asked and he's had it for two weeks. He was supposed to bring it to me twice... I didn't even say anything when he didn't follow up on the days that he was supposed to bring it.

SurferBabe said:
Yea, that's nasty and cold. Was the decision to stop dating mutual?
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I don't feel like we really started dating. But, he said I was hard to read and that he had decided to fall back because he didn't want to put himself out there if I wasn't into him like that. He overthinks everything so, when he talked about my actions that made him feel the need to fall back, I thought we had agreed to it being a misunderstanding. I felt like he was expecting too much too soon. At any rate, we left off on a good note (or so I thought) and he kinda went silent (last week) which means we haven't really communicated much. I knew he was sick last week. But, he just sent me a few more texts saying that it ended up being walking pneumonia and that he was pretty much out of it last week. Meh dating is no longer an option.
 
@All4Tris I'm not sure I would care enough to read into his message. If I felt like we left off on a good note and we were just chilling or whatever I would have only responded to that message with a "thank you" or "thanks, i'll get it at the party"

In other news I have been in such a crappy mood all week. Professional and personal life is kind of annoying at the moment. I just want to lock myself in my apartment and not come out for a few days. No dating news to report and surprisingly I'm still feeling good in that area. It's everything else that's messed up.
 
All4Tris said:
So dude and I will be at the same party this weekend. I sent him a text asking him to bring my firestick and not to worry about jail breaking it if he hadn't. He sent me a reply saying "it's done." That's it, that's all. I'm trying to figure out what I did to him.
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This would piss me off so much. Like bih give me my damn ish! Wtf! It's done?! Well then give it to me duhhh! I wonder how long it's been done?! Smh
 
SurferBabe said:
Were you really feeling this guy though? I find that I can make a little extra time if I'm really feeling the guy, otherwise it feels like too much of a hassle.
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I actually was but I also was putting some responsibility on him. Ie. If you want to see me more than once a week, when my son is with his father, plan something and give me notice. I don't have issues getting a sitter. I think he was either not really feeling me or just a lazy dater because he didn't step up. I can't do all that. Towards the end i became frustrated with what I considered a lack of effort.
 
qchelle said:
This would piss me off so much. Like bih give me my damn ish! Wtf! It's done?! Well then give it to me duhhh! I wonder how long it's been done?! Smh
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Sounds like it's been done at least a week... since he was giving me a rundown of how sick he was last week and how he worked 2 events (last week) even though he was sick :rolleyes:. I've been yelling if this ninja don't run me my ish for at least a week.
 
2 nights in a row this man (the one I met in Barbados) has blown up my phone after midnight. It's set to go to "do not disturb" mode after 10, so he's not waking me up, but WTF? He's gonna hear it when I do talk to him.

Oh, and why does he claim he loves me and wants to marry me? Really, dude? I'm not usually one to tell someone how they feel, but come on.

My life, man. Never a dull moment.
 
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sgold04 said:
I was added to this beard gang group on FB. Men are posting their pics with age, location, marital status and #of kids. Women are going craaaaaaaazy over these men, and I am unimpressed. Only one guy made me scroll back up to look more closely lol. Maybe it's because I'm not attracted to 40+ men (with some exceptions) and the group skews older. They also seem like the kind of guys who call women "females" and post stupid memes about Black people being poor because some of us buy Jordans. Anyways, seeing the other women's excitement in contrast to my lack of excitement made me realize I may not be open at all to meeting someone lol. I'm just like "meh".
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Is this the group? 75k members in 3weeks. Huffpo article: Beard Game Matters group goes viral on Facebook
 
Well OkCupid is dry AF right now. I wish I could show you all the "quality" of the dudes where I live :confused:. Your best bet around here is to snatch one up from out of town, because the ones born and bred here? :barf: Chile... I might come back with screenshots y'all. I feel the urge to dust off my computer screen whenever I log in and search for single men in my location :lol:. My hands get ashy just from opening up my inbox. :nono:

I haven't heard back from California dude (the only decent guy I've met on OkCupid so far) about our museum date next weekend but I'm not sweating it. I've made my own plans for that weekend just in case. I'm leaning back on this one. I did meet a doctor on there and we chatted a bit but I leaned back on him as well because I'm not into the penpal thing. If a guy is really interested, he'll initiate a meetup. I'll be in Toronto week after next, so excitement about my trip is keeping my mind busy in a good way!

Any dates this weekend?
 
MzLady78 said:
2 nights in a row this man (the one I met in Barbados) has blown up my phone after midnight. It's set to go to "do not disturb" mode after 10, so he's not waking me up, but WTF? He's gonna hear it when I do talk to him.

Oh, and why does he claim he loves me and wants to marry me? Really, dude? I'm not usually one to tell someone how they feel, but come on.

My life, man. Never a dull moment.
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sarumoki said:
Did Barbados get hit by the hurricane? :look:
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ohhhhhhh.... woooowwww
 
sarumoki said:
Did Barbados get hit by the hurricane? :look:
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:lol:

Nah, they didn't. But he's literally been saying this since I got back. We get off the phone and he's like "I love you". Bruh, no you really don't.

He told me he wants his next relationship to be it, and I think he's trying to make me the one cuz we had one good night together. Meanwhile, I don't wanna even think about falling in love again for a very long time, and I definitely don't see it with him.

Or, it could just all be BS, cuz that's what they do.
 
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MzLady78 said:
:lol:

Nah, they didn't. But he's literally been saying this since I got back. We get off the phone and he's like "I love you". Bruh, no you really don't.

He told me he wants his next relationship to be it, and I think he's trying to make me the one cuz we had one good night together. Meanwhile, I don't wanna even think about falling in love again for a very long time, and I definitely don't see it with him.

Or, it could just all be BS, cuz that's what they do.
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Just because he's pursuing you doesn't mean you have to fall for him. Continue to heal, lean back, and let him prove his words with actions. Since you are guarded, this is the perfect time to practice observing without participation. Let the infatuation be one sided. If talking to him makes you feel good in the moment, and you don't feel yourself falling for him, then talk to him on lonely nights when the silence gets to you and you need an ear. Use him. :look: But I'd also make him back up his words with actions. Saying "I Love You" means nothing. If he knows you're in a bad spot emotionally, what is he prepared to do to put a smile on your face? If he's full of crap, he'll eliminate himself very quickly. Otherwise, in time you might have a friend. Anything is possible but make your healing a priority.
 
I think I am getting depressed-
Two friends died unexpectedly this week...
Like they were in their mid 30s - this was not expected at all.

The deal wasn't closed yesterday with the financial group. They are being more aggressive with the percentage they want from my business along with other last minute stipulations... so we tabled the discussion. This morning I submitted to them my new proposal, which gives and takes away some of their wants.

Mind you- I am not made for this. Negotiations are not my strongest point in business but I have received a lot of coaching from peers so I know now to demand my coins because my value is pretty high. They know this since they are really trying to press forward but of course everyone looks out for themselves. I am too nice a lot of the times. I need to bring my inner B out with her leather high heels.

The good note is I met their CPA- the guy is REALLY nice and he was very impressed with me- told them that right in front of me so I know my value went up once I had his approval. CPA asked me if I could help him with some side projects with his office and two of his clients independent of the financial group.

Dating- I am miserable. I have tried to break things off with Lee for a while now but he isn't letting go and he does things to keep me (my heart strings) tied. He is a good guy but I really just don't see it. I do love him though so it puts me in this weird place- like I don't want to regret the decision. He knows I am keeping my options open but it is like he doesn't care.

And regarding my other options- I am just not impressed. It isn't a superficial thing (even though that is a piece of it) but I am really analyzing these men. What drives them, their empathy (or lack of), their responsibility and accountability to themselves and others (or lack of), etc. I see black men blaming black women right and left and I am like (wow). It disgusts me. These men will down women for having standards and clown us when we give one a chance- we just can't win. And I love my black men but WTF.

I am depressed. I think the two deaths are fueling it but I am really just sitting here thinking about life and the point of it all.

And before I end this- please look into getting life insurance, even if it is just enough to pay for your funeral. GoFundMe isn't life insurance. GoFundMe isn't life insurance. GoFundMe isn't life insurance!

I am going to take the Health and Life insurance exam next week so I can become an agent to offer that service too since the financial group is sponsoring me.
WE (points to skin) need it.
 
:bighug:
movingforward13 said:
I think I am getting depressed-
Click to expand...
movingforward13 said:
Two friends died unexpectedly this week...
Like they were in their mid 30s - this was not expected at all.

The deal wasn't closed yesterday with the financial group. They are being more aggressive with the percentage they want from my business along with other last minute stipulations... so we tabled the discussion. This morning I submitted to them my new proposal, which gives and takes away some of their wants.

Mind you- I am not made for this. Negotiations are not my strongest point in business but I have received a lot of coaching from peers so I know now to demand my coins because my value is pretty high. They know this since they are really trying to press forward but of course everyone looks out for themselves. I am too nice a lot of the times. I need to bring my inner B out with her leather high heels.

The good note is I met their CPA- the guy is REALLY nice and he was very impressed with me- told them that right in front of me so I know my value went up once I had his approval. CPA asked me if I could help him with some side projects with his office and two of his clients independent of the financial group.

Dating- I am miserable. I have tried to break things off with Lee for a while now but he isn't letting go and he does things to keep me (my heart strings) tied. He is a good guy but I really just don't see it. I do love him though so it puts me in this weird place- like I don't want to regret the decision. He knows I am keeping my options open but it is like he doesn't care.

And regarding my other options- I am just not impressed. It isn't a superficial thing (even though that is a piece of it) but I am really analyzing these men. What drives them, their empathy (or lack of), their responsibility and accountability to themselves and others (or lack of), etc. I see black men blaming black women right and left and I am like (wow). It disgusts me. These men will down women for having standards and clown us when we give one a chance- we just can't win. And I love my black men but WTF.

I am depressed. I think the two deaths are fueling it but I am really just sitting here thinking about life and the point of it all.

And before I end this- please look into getting life insurance, even if it is just enough to pay for your funeral. GoFundMe isn't life insurance. GoFundMe isn't life insurance. GoFundMe isn't life insurance!

I am going to take the Health and Life insurance exam next week so I can become an agent to offer that service too since the financial group is sponsoring me.
WE (points to skin) need it.
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Aww sis. Sending healing, cleansing energies your way. I would put actively seeking companionship on the backburnner. Is it terribly rude to ask for a break? If he cannot respect your emotional and spatial needs, you may need to be more assertive. I believe in the release of apana, and in times of stress, it can build. Some form of creative release, even exercise. You are the priority at this time. Dating can pull you deeper.
 
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My exes are my closest friends :spinning:

It sounds dumb but they know I'm a spoiled maniac and still help me when I need them. Take me out to eat and help me move and whatever else I need...

I let one crash by me last night...he was uptown and it was late. He asked in advance. I wanted to say no but he let me crash last time I found myself in bk super late.

We ended up talking about some old stuff and the issues we had when we lived together. I was amazed because he JUST realized last night that I don't love him the way I did before:lachen:

He referenced the time we went to a party together and he went to get us drinks. As he came back I was dancing with some dude who I mistook for someone else (long story) anyway...he said "you dont throw it back on me like you used to." I felt bad but I also laughed because I didn't even know I was doing it and didn't know he noticed.
 
random:

I think my platonic male friend is going to hit me up for cash soon. he's starting to sound desperate. he's been out of work all summer BY CHOICE.

This the 2nd time in 5 years he left a job by choice emotionally. First time not only he try to hit me up to help on rent after being served an eviction noticr, he was about to ask to post up at my house... with me and my then 6 year old?! even if I wasn't a mom he'd have been outta luck. negro please... you in your 50s. you need to be helping ME out.
 
I'm just getting home and I sit down at my desk/vanity in my bedroom to pluck my eyebrows. I'm sitting there listening to people outside talking and enjoying the background noise and I hear this woman say "but why did I have to call you at 9?" And she sounds really angry so I angle the mirror and open the 2nd window so I can see. Lol Basically the plan was for the man to pick the woman up for breakfast around 10. He was just showing up at 2. I hear him say but you called me at 10:04 why didn't you call me at 9 and she said again why should I call you at 9? I couldn't hear the whole conversation but I heard her also say "you have your own life and I have my own life but I'm supposed to hold my breath for this" This ninja said "yes, yes you should" :eek::mad:.

He didn't care not a single lick that she was angry. He starts backing away to his car and is saying "are you ever in Harlem, I know a place, I'll pick you up. I'll fix it" I wanted to smack him my damn self. She said yeah i heard that before.

I wonder why she even bothered having the conversation. I would have either went to breakfast alone if i wanted to go out or got back into my pajamas and enjoyed my Saturday without him. I would not have even come downstairs to see his face. And because she did I can tell he feels like she'll get over what he did and he'll do it again. He knows she's mad but at least she's talking to him. That's the attitude he showed. I mean if he can do wrong and she still gives him the time of day what motive does he have to do better? He would have been standing outside my door like a fool. If I answered at all the only thing I would have said is "please leave before my neighbors call the police". I've used that before. :look:

Circular dating is important for this very reason. If she had other men in her life, I doubt she would have entertained this loser that showed up 4 hours late for a breakfast date.
 
This researcher has been at my job all week. Today he strolls up to the desk smiling talking about "hi again" its the first time I notice he is cute.

While I am helping him he asks me some questions about myself and I'm like :look: is he low key tryna holla.

When I leave he says that he'll see me Monday and I will tell him that I'm off that day but I hope he has a good time in NYC.

I googled his name. He's successful and low key famous. Too bad he lives in LA. I have never dated a white man but I'd thank about it cuz him cute.
 
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