*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

shortdub78 said:
Maybe you should check out the Rori thread? It seems helpful in focusing on tuning out the negative energy and channeling your feminine energy to work to your advantage. maybe you could venture out of your city and go to different events?
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I'll check out the Rori thread. I'm an empath so learning to tune out negative energy will be a valuable skill regardless of the context. I'm in Houston, so outside of my city is worse as far as prospects lol (when I think of immediate surroundings). But I'm traveling a lot more for my new position and I'm hopeful because I meet interesting men every time I leave.
movingforward13 said:
@sgold04 - where you moving... D.C. maybe...???
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It's funny you say that...I had my heart set on Atl because it's my second home, but I had a reading with Vanessa and she said she sees me back in DC, or NYC. She said Atlanta wouldn't be bad for me, but a place with a diversity of people, thought, and careers would be best for me career wise and romantically. I loooooooved DC. I have some boos there, but the cost of living + winter gives me pause. But now I'm open. The job is remote work so I can live anywhere
 
sgold04 said:
I'll check out the Rori thread. I'm an empath so learning to tune out negative energy will be a valuable skill regardless of the context. I'm in Houston, so outside of my city is worse as far as prospects lol (when I think of immediate surroundings). But I'm traveling a lot more for my new position and I'm hopeful because I meet interesting men every time I leave.


It's funny you say that...I had my heart set on Atl because it's my second home, but I had a reading with Vanessa and she said she sees me back in DC, or NYC. She said Atlanta wouldn't be bad for me, but a place with a diversity of people, thought, and careers would be best for me career wise and romantically. I loooooooved DC. I have some boos there, but the cost of living + winter gives me pause. But now I'm open. The job is remote work so I can live anywhere
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Come to D.Ceeeeeee. Snow is beautiful and peaceful! Just get some man to shovel it for you lol
 
WWWWHHHHYYYYYY is a guy from 10 years ago sending me throwback picks in dm? We did not end on good terms, I cut him off, blocked him on all social media and completely ignored him last year when we were at the same party. WTF?? What in the world will it take? Why is he still stalking me? He's god's gift to women. I don't understand. :confused:
 
Lawd knows I am trying. Idk why I woke up with vanilla sheet cake on my mind yesterday. So Jah was like I will bring you some, do you want a whole cake? No, I love cake! I been doing good, with the no sugar, no meat. Just bring me a taste. I thought he was joking.

He brought a whole damn cake, Cola, Peanut M&Ms and a bottle of wine...so what am I eating this morning? Sheet cake and self loathing.
 
OAN my ex husband is so agreeable now. I think it is just time. His grandmother is going through cancer, but I honestly think he needs someone to open up to without the misogynistic facade. I went through it too and he was not supportive. He was talking about how his grandmother lost her hair and was withdrawing, even with a very supportive family, but I did not even have that. I had to advocate for myself, because EH became distant. I will never forget the day I came back home after having my breast removed and I couldn't breathe and I was blacking out. The space was inflating fast. I begged my EH to please drive me to the hospital and he acted like it annoyed him. I did not want to drive myself because I was scared of blacking out. It was not until after I threathen to call the ambulance he drove me. I blacked out a couple of times en route and he thought I was pretending. When we got there I blacked out then projectile vomitted like the Exorcist, before losing consciousness. Turned out they did not cauterize all the things they cut so I was hemorrhaging badly. I could have died! Really! I carried that hurt with me for so long. Still did not get an apology. Even now I get a little tight in the jaw recounting it.

So it presenting itself again in his life and he is having me function as his empathy, like when we were married. He got into social work. He was so adamant and I told him he lacked empathy are you sure this is what you want to do? Yes, he wanted to work with male veterans. I told him you do not get to choose your case load. There are female soldiers, in addition to, soldiers having wives and children. I wrote his papers in undergrad, graduated Summa. He was going through his MSW, we were divorced. Sure enough during practicum, his supervisor said he needed to practice on empathy. Now he has degrees in a profession he doesn't want to be in. Everything is full circle.

I am also more agreeable too, not to put all miscommunication on him. I would get arrogant. I am like if it is not about our child, you cannot approach me. I am busting my arse here. I bust it with little yield, but now I sit back and let things come to me with greater reward.

We went to my son's ice cream social last week. I compromised and put him in a new school. It is like 89% white and only 5% black. Not my cup of tea but dad think it is what is best as far as advancement. I wanted to put him in a more afrocentric curriculum. When DS gets a bit older, I will let him make the choice if he wishes to be homeschooled for a period.

Like I told my friend, I am a "road less travelled" kinda girl so I never revisit romantically, but it is nice to evolve in a parenting sense. DS will love the geniune harmony being created, but I need to give him gentle reminders that mom and dad will not be in the space he wants us to exist. If we were together, it would be argumentative, exploitive and I would have never gained a sense of agency. We would have went down with the ship. I would have been busting my arse without my own sense of agency.
 
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shespoison said:
Men are so annoying!

This man I met last week has been trying to hang out with me. I told him I'm available Thursday and he said ok but he's not available until midnight I tell him that it's too late for me and he asks why...

Because I said so fool! So hes like you don't want to see me? blah blah blah. He feels a way because I am not free until next week.

He keeps saying he knows I like him. I'm like whatever dude. I don't know you well enough to like you but right now you're really annoying. He thinks my personality is an act. I tell him I don't know what to tell him other than good night and I get off the phone.

I don't want to block him because we have friends in common and it's possible I can work with him professionally in the future...but my God! Stfu!


He said so much other nonsense and it is clear he has never met a woman like me or he would shut his trap and relax.
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He is really trying to get in those panties! And that so-call personality act is basically saying, you trying to come off like you aren't down, but I know you want this D, so stop frontin! Men can be so simple at times! lol don't go out with him. He has no good intentions.
 
HappyMadison said:
OAN my ex husband is so agreeable now. I think it is just time. His grandmother is going through cancer, but I honestly think he needs someone to open up to without the misogynistic facade. I went through it too and he was not supportive. I am also more agreeable too, not to put all miscommunication on him. I am like if it is not about our child, you cannot approach me. I am busting my arse here.

We went to my son's ice cream social last week. I compromised and put him in a new school. It is like 89% white and only 5% black. Not my cup of tea but dad think it is what is best as far as advancement. I wanted to put him in a more afrocentric curriculum. When DS gets a bit older, I will let him make the choice if he wishes to be homeschooled for a period.

Like I told my friend, I am a "road less travelled" kinda girl so I never revisit romantically, but it is nice to evolve in a parenting sense. DS will love the geniune harmony being created, but I need to give him gentle reminders that mom and dad will not be in the space he wants us to exist. If we were together, it would be argumentative, exploitive and I would have never gained a sense of agency. We would have went down with the ship.
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That's where we are at as well. He is being agreeable, but I know why. It's cool though. There is no tension between us and that's good for the children. I'm trying to stay in an area that is more diverse, or just more blacks period concerning school. The other school districts I was looking at were most made up of whites and like 14-15% Hispanic. Blacks made up like 1.2% that would be an extreme culture shock for my children. I think they would fit in ok. It wouldn't bother me at all concerning myself. I have been trained and raised to fit in anywhere. Plus my kids think their father is white, and he was adopted! :lachen: they have a lot of his personality, likes, and dislikes.
 
HappyMadison said:
Lawd knows I am trying. Idk why I woke up with vanilla sheet cake on my mind yesterday. So Jah was like I will bring you some, do you want a whole cake? No, I love cake! I been doing good, with the no sugar, no meat. Just bring me a taste. I thought he was joking.

He brought a whole damn cake, Cola, Peanut M&Ms and a bottle of wine...so what am I eating this morning? Sheet cake and self loathing.
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Oh my word! Is your Aunt Coming into town soon? Lol I get like that around that time too! I bought a pint of ice cream. I ate it all by myself! I ate a salad afterwards to not feel so bad! Lol
 
shortdub78 said:
Oh my word! Is your Aunt Coming into town soon? Lol I get like that around that time too! I bought a pint of ice cream. I ate it all by myself! I ate a salad afterwards to not feel so bad! Lol
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He gave me the Ultimate Auntie welcome package. She is supposed to arrive between the 19-21st but this eclipse I got me all out of sorts. The need for cake was so intense. I said that whole cake will be gone by noon. I love my sheet cake. It doesn't have to be my birthday, I go in! He drew a smilie face with his finger and I stared at him mutha*****ly lol.
 
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Sitting on the back patio with my feet in the pool sipping a mimosa. The cook leaves around 3 and doesn't come back until dinner time so I worried about feeding myself while he wasn't here and asked him to make me grits, sausage, eggs with cheese and green peppers. He looked at me crazy and was like you gonna eat all that? And then I asked if he could also make some grilled chicken cutlets for later. I told him I would slice the avocado and tomato myself when I was ready. He rolled his eyes and said "oh no you don't. Mr ____ told me to make whatever you wanted."and scurried back in the house. Lol Damn. Tomorrow I go back to my apartment with no cook, no pool and no tennis court. :crying3:
 
shortdub78 said:
That's where we are at as well. He is being agreeable, but I know why. It's cool though. There is no tension between us and that's good for the children. I'm trying to stay in an area that is more diverse, or just more blacks period concerning school. The other school districts I was looking at were most made up of whites and like 14-15% Hispanic. Blacks made up like 1.2% that would be an extreme culture shock for my children. I think they would fit in ok. It wouldn't bother me at all concerning myself. I have been trained and raised to fit in anywhere. Plus my kids think their father is white, and he was adopted! :lachen: they have a lot of his personality, likes, and dislikes.
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I cannot pinpoint my son's racial personality yet. His dad is a charming person in public spaces. That why everyone was baffled when I relayed my American horror story of a marriage. Me I observant and antisocial, but I am warm in public. DS makes friends easily, because he is so chill, however, I had to give him "gentle lessons" on people taking advantage of him. I am already in a space where I am mistrustful of dewhites, I scared I will show my black arse at some point or he grows an affection for Beckys. I would be crushed. I create a counterbalance with the people I hang with and their black daughters as well as me reinforcing beautiful black images.

I worry he will let people take advantage of him. He came home from his dad's and was like Mom, I let this kid borrow my water raft and he refused to give it back so I pinched him really hard, but I warned him. I was so amused he was gully. It was a different side of him. I was like so he is not a pushover he just discerns his energies.
 
shortdub78 said:
He is really trying to get in those panties! And that so-call personality act is basically saying, you trying to come off like you aren't down, but I know you want this D, so stop frontin! Men can be so simple at times! lol don't go out with him. He has no good intentions.
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Yes and no. He would hang out with me at 11 am if I let him. He worked late on the only day I was available.

Most men's intentions are questionable until they really know you. My issue with him is not that. I couldnt care less about his intentions. It's more that he is so freaking annoying. He texted me this morning and he claimed that he saw me last night...he believes I was on a date because I told him I a had plans.


I told him that he didn't and he stressed that he did :rolleyes: I was home taking my braids out. I told him that I didn't like speaking to him, that he was annnoying and a liar because I was home.

All of a sudden he was joking. I told him that I don't we are going to get along and left it at that.

I'm am so nice and friendly that men think i am soft. So when they say stupid crap and they realize I am no nonsense with zero patience for bull....they think I am playing tough. When I am just both.
 
OK I did it. Signed up for a gym.
1. To lose this TUMMY
2. To get me out the house
3. Never know who you will meet

As I am signing up- nothing but brothers coming in on a Saturday morning. They at the gym ladies. Unfortunately I am not going there to socialize- Operation Bombshell Figure 2018 is in effect. But I will remember to smile and say hello to everyone I meet on my way in and out. I want to lose 20 pounds and flatten the tummy and tone up the rest.

Last time I did Operation Bombshell Figure, I lost 25 pounds and went from a size 10 to a size 8 to fit into my wedding dress so I am looking very forward to these results. I am starting at size 10/bordering 12 and 169 pounds.
 
shespoison said:
Yes and no. He would hang out with me at 11 am if I let him. He worked late on the only day I was available.

Most men's intentions are questionable until they really know you. My issue with him is not that. I couldnt care less about his intentions. It's more that he is so freaking annoying. He texted me this morning and he claimed that he saw me last night...he believes I was on a date because I told him I a had plans.


I told him that he didn't and he stressed that he did :rolleyes: I was home taking my braids out. I told him that I didn't like speaking to him, that he was annnoying and a liar because I was home.

All of a sudden he was joking. I told him that I don't we are going to get along and left it at that.

I'm am so nice and friendly that men think i am soft. So when they say stupid crap and they realize I am no nonsense with zero patience for bull....they think I am playing tough. When I am just both.
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That midnight comment is what got to me. It came off like he was on bs and nothing else, but you handle yourself very well. He is just gonna have to learn the hard way, that you aren't the one to play with! You got him together!
 
Why does this man assume that I'm sitting by the phone on a weekend day/night waiting for him to call to take me out? I made MY plans for MY weekend last week. If you had plans for me for this weekend, you should've arranged them with me last week. Now you're butt hurt because we played phone tag all day and you couldn't squeeze yourself into my day? Then wanna get mad and text talmbout "I've been trying to reach you all day to spend time with you." When I text back saying that I called you back you respond with "goodnight." Girl, I didn't even respond. I am so #unbothered... with your passive aggressive asz.
 
I am really confused by milk chocolate as of late, we only see each other about once a week, and when we do I don't feel like he is not showing enough excitement to be in my presence. I guess I am just a spoiled brat because I'm used to men immediately embracing me or giving me a kiss when they see me, I guess this is another conversation we need to have.

I am also annoyed because today is my birthday & I invited him out to a lounge for this thing called playdate and he asked me what my plans were later in the day, I told him I really didn't have any plans because all of my friends and family are eight hours away and he told me he made reservations for dinner, which is awesome, but why are you just now telling me that?
 
UniquelyDivine said:
I am really confused by milk chocolate as of late, we only see each other about once a week, and when we do I don't feel like he is not showing enough excitement to be in my presence. I guess I am just a spoiled brat because I'm used to men immediately embracing me or giving me a kiss when they see me, I guess this is another conversation we need to have.

I am also annoyed because today is my birthday & I invited him out to a lounge for this thing called playdate and he asked me what my plans were later in the day, I told him I really didn't have any plans because all of my friends and family are eight hours away and he told me he made reservations for dinner, which is awesome, but why are you just now telling me that?
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Happy Birthday!!!
 
:birthday3: @UniquelyDivine

We're close to bday twins, my bday was Thursday :)

Sounds like Milk Chocolate is taking you for granted. All the advice on this board about seeing other people is hitting home for me as I listen to these stories. Trust your gut. Your confusion is telling you something it. I wonder if he thinks being celibate is "enough" to unlearn all of his previous bad behavior, because it's not.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
I am really confused by milk chocolate as of late, we only see each other about once a week, and when we do I don't feel like he is not showing enough excitement to be in my presence. I guess I am just a spoiled brat because I'm used to men immediately embracing me or giving me a kiss when they see me, I guess this is another conversation we need to have.

I am also annoyed because today is my birthday & I invited him out to a lounge for this thing called playdate and he asked me what my plans were later in the day, I told him I really didn't have any plans because all of my friends and family are eight hours away and he told me he made reservations for dinner, which is awesome, but why are you just now telling me that?
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Happy Birthday!

You are not a spoiled brat. When men value you, they are equally excited to see you. Prior to being exclusive did you see each other more? Maybe you need to fill your time up and get busy with something else that makes you happy. I realize you're exclusive right now so other men aren't on the agenda but what else makes you happy?
 
sgold04 said:
:birthday3: @UniquelyDivine

We're close to bday twins, my bday was Thursday :)

Sounds like Milk Chocolate is taking you for granted. All the advice on this board about seeing other people is hitting home for me as I listen to these stories. Trust your gut. Your confusion is telling you something it. I wonder if he thinks being celibate is "enough" to unlearn all of his previous bad behavior, because it's not.
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Ahhhhhh Happy Birthday to you my Leo twin!!
:rose: :naughtycouch:


I feel the same way, Having a roster so real and cutting off all the other men in your life because you're exclusive with somebody is not a way to live :look: I wonder that too, I don't think he knows how to be in a healthy & normal relationship.


MissNadia said:
Happy Birthday!

You are not a spoiled brat. When men value you, they are equally excited to see you. Prior to being exclusive did you see each other more? Maybe you need to fill your time up and get busy with something else that makes you happy. I realize you're exclusive right now so other men aren't on the agenda but what else makes you happy?
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Thank you!! :grin:

We saw each other 2-3 times a week & he would take me out to lunch in between our "dates", A lot of my downtime is preoccupied with grad school right now, but I have been meeting some new friends in the city & venturing out a little bit more, so I'm going to focus on continuing to build my circle.
 
KammyGirl said:
Happy Birthday!!! @UniquelyDivine

Was this dinner of his supposed to be a surprise? He's confusing me too because he sounded like he knew better than all this nonsense he's carrying on with. Lol How can he ask you about birthday plans the day of?
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Thank you boo! :D

I don't think it was supposed to be a surprise at all, which is why I'm really confused as to why he brought it up at the very last minute, I appreciate the gesture but I'm still annoyed. Girl right? He was so grown man during the talking phase, I don't know what is up his butt lately.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Thank you boo! :D

I don't think it was supposed to be a surprise at all, which is why I'm really confused as to why he brought it up at the very last minute, I appreciate the gesture but I'm still annoyed. Girl right? He was so grown man during the talking phase, I don't know what is up his butt lately.
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So are you going out with him tonight and is he going to the thing you invited him to? I just want you to have a great day with or without him!
 
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