*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*
- Thread starter DarkJoy
- Start date
I like it. And you can go from day to night if the date runs longer.I was thinking about wearing this for a day date tomorrow. White is so bright, but I don't have anything else to wear.
@movingforward13 congratulations on all the big moves. Don't go to law school. Don't do it. Lol
movingforward13
I do what I want...
It was always a big dream of mine ever since I was 18 but back then I didn't think I was smart enough to go. Plus I had a baby super young and didn't have help. Then I fell in love and put that over my grind so now I am playing professional catch up.
I won't do it now (for many reasons)---- but if these student loans get paid off sooner than later - I can't make no promises before I hit 40. I will feel educationally complete with the JD and would already be "practicing" in my field (taxes and extending that to divorces and helping women get their fair share). It wouldn't be a waste but I cannot take on the loans right now... sigh
Ok putting it out my mind now 
ivyness
Well-Known Member
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
i was in that polished woman thread. I just gave myself a pedicure. I washed my hair last night. I bought some healthy stuff to eat yesterday. I'm working on school today. I may cook a nice meal for my babies. I am working on being a polished put together woman for myself. I'm not doing to be attractive, or to attract anyone.
I'm just going to work on being a good girlfriend/wife to myself! Lol
I can't wait to start working out! I gotta get my arms ready for the gun show! lol
I'm just going to work on being a good girlfriend/wife to myself! Lol
I can't wait to start working out! I gotta get my arms ready for the gun show! lol
I'm hating because I don't have the desire to do it. lol Undergrad is paid off for me and I still can't justify spending that kinda money. I like law. But I don't think I want to be an attorney and I'm almost done feeling bad about it. I feel bad about it mainly because the way I've done things law school is the obvious next step and everyone is looking at me like what are you waiting for? Like I'm an idiot or something for not taking the next step. If you really want to do it, go for it! It would be a great accomplishment!
It was always a big dream of mine ever since I was 18 but back then I didn't think I was smart enough to go. Plus I had a baby super young and didn't have help. Then I fell in love and put that over my grind so now I am playing professional catch up.
I won't do it now (for many reasons)---- but if these student loans get paid off sooner than later - I can't make no promises before I hit 40. I will feel educationally complete with the JD and would already be "practicing" in my field (taxes and extending that to divorces and helping women get their fair share). It wouldn't be a waste but I cannot take on the loans right now... sigh
movingforward13
I do what I want...
I don't have the desire to study but I do desire the accomplishment. Just can't afford it now.
The client hit me back- said the contract will be ready to sign this weekend. Contract is a year or more. We will see how it goes.
The client hit me back- said the contract will be ready to sign this weekend. Contract is a year or more. We will see how it goes.
TwoSnapsUp
Well-Known Member
A relative of mine has been going through something personal (and hopefully not too serious) with her SO. She was venting to me and I basically told her how to speak to him to get what she wants out of him (no manipulation as this is a serious issue affecting both of them) using some communication techniques from the relationship gurus I am learning from. I stressed no nagging or saying anything negative that would cause him to feel the need to become defensive.
I told her how to let him know how his needed action would make her happy and how it would provide extreme improvements in their relationship.
She texted me minutes later and told me she thinks it is working because he broke down emotionally and she has never seen this. I'm praying things work out in the end.
I told her how to let him know how his needed action would make her happy and how it would provide extreme improvements in their relationship.
She texted me minutes later and told me she thinks it is working because he broke down emotionally and she has never seen this. I'm praying things work out in the end.
TwoSnapsUp
Well-Known Member
Update:
It worked! He's taking the necessary action now!!!! It worked faster than I thought it would (about an hour) He is determined to make her happy.
Keeping them in my prayers.
OAN: I wish I learned these communication skills when I was younger.
It worked! He's taking the necessary action now!!!! It worked faster than I thought it would (about an hour) He is determined to make her happy.
Keeping them in my prayers.
OAN: I wish I learned these communication skills when I was younger.
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LovinLea
Well-Known Member
You were right, he was a bit mad though.
qchelle
Well-Known Member
What guru and what skills?
TwoSnapsUp
Well-Known Member
All the ones that get talked about in the relationship forum, including
Rori Raye
The Queens Code (book)
I take bits and pieces from what I read.
Threads:
https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/katarina-phangs-dating-philosophy.820571/
https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/men-dont-love-women-like-you.795963/page-41#post-24112311
https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/the-rori-raye-way.819909/
https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/the-queens-code-by-alison-armstrong-bookclub.770059/
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
Told you!!! If he's really interested, he'll check back in. The ones we purposely ignore do it all of the time. So did he believe you?
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
Some guy I went on a few dates with back in college just went public with his male lover. Looking back it all makes sense now but he did a good job of hiding it. They cute though. rafikichick92
Well-Known Member
I follow a blog called What Women Never Hear (wwnh.wordpress.com) by an elderly gentleman who gives relationship advice. He advocates being very upfront and direct in terms of asking questions to screen out men. He has written several lists of questions to ask over the years (see posts #1039, 1607, 1609, and 2198 on his site for examples). I'm not comfortable being as direct as he recommends and some of his wording is a bit like, "whoa", but I do like his mindset and I try to incorporate the principle of not being afraid to ask hard questions upfront.
Anyway, date was interesting. I didn't end up asking any of the questions on my list, but I did get some questions answered that weren't on the docket for last night, I got some free food out of the deal, and I had an ah-ha moment this morning, so I consider it successful. My goal in dating is to figure out his character as a man and whether or not we are going the same place at the same pace. After our conversation last night, this morning I woke up thinking we're maybe going the same place, but probably not at the same pace. I've discovered my intuition is usually spot on with these kinds of things, so I wrote it down and will wait for more evidence to confirm or deny before I move on. He is very sweet personality-wise, but that only goes so far. I need to see substance.
I'm only minimally invested at this point, so I'm not too worried. We'll see what happens. Still open to dating others, though I have no prospects at the moment. The other guy from last weekend never called me, which is perfectly fine because I did not care for him at all.
See. He was probably thinking I know she liked me so what happened to her? A simple mistake of accidentally deleting his number should be easily forgiven. So when y'all going out?
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Further update: Nope. Should have stayed gone and I just told him so.
What happened?
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I have peace of mind and control of the narrative that is my life. Peace of mind is #1 in my book.
It was a great feeling to be comfortable with my own company and not "need" someone to be happy or have fun. It's quite empowering actually. It's even gotten to a point that I prefer to travel or attend events solo
So the biggest changes I felt was that I have no anxiety in trying to find a man. It also helped me be more selective in what I looked for in a man. If I met him, wonderful! If not, then I was still living my best life.Hope that makes sense and answered your question @hopeful
Yes, that is very helpful. Especially the bolded. Thank you. Have you noticed that when you operate this way in the world that it makes other people, especially women, uncomfortable? I've noticed that some people seem uncomfortable with women who make themselves, instead of men or their children, the center of their universe. It is a much happier, more peaceful, and safer way to live. I think you attract more men when you are male-centered, and attract fewer but higher quality men when you are self-focused.
We are whole and complete with or without a boyfriend or husband. As one lady posted awhile back, we are the cake -- rich, moist, delicious, satisfying -- men are the icing. Cake is enough. Cake is wonderful! It is the foundation.
There is nothing like being in charge of your life, taking good care of yourself, and being cautious about who you let into your world. We wouldn't let just anyone into our home, so why would we allow just anyone access to our bodies, emotions, and hearts without serious vetting?
TwoSnapsUp
Well-Known Member
My childhood friend's baby brother told me today not to worry because if I can't find anyone, him and I could just make a baby together.
ivyness
Well-Known Member
He planned a weekend away for this weekend. I realised that if I was dreading spending 48 hours with a self absorbed ******* no way could I spend the rest of my life with him. Sorry for the short response I typed all the details out and my phone froze and they dissapeared.
ETA: and he again said I will never find anyone. Ok. I'm fine by myself.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
You will never find anyone? Really now? He has a lot of nerve. Good for you for canceling.
CharmingMy childhood friend's baby brother told me today not to worry because if I can't find anyone, him and I could just make a baby together.
Smh Childish. And abusive. It sounds stupid but men say things like this in the hopes that your self esteem is such trash you'll accept whatever nonsense they're doling out. This being the 2nd time you've dumped him, he shouldn't have even tried it.
I met a guy tonight while I was out with my friend. After my friend and I had been at this place for a couple hours, it started to rain on us so they were kind enough to switch our table. We ended up sitting at a bigger table with extra seats so I used the empty seat next to me to hold my bag. A guy at the table next to us pulled the empty seat (with my purse in it) closer to him so he could rest his arm on it. I realize now he was trying to get my attention. He looked back at me and I gave him a stink look and pulled the chair out from underneath his arm and back closer to me. I then made a big production of moving my purse and asking my friend to put it in the empty chair on her side. I'm so extra sometimes. He turns around again and smiles at me. I ignore him and he turns back to his friends. After a minute he turns around again and says excuse me, but you are very beautiful. And I say yes I know. Thank you 
He laughs and then asks me my name. I tell him but of course I don't ask his. He tells me anyway and then tells me I'm pretty again and says he hopes I'm having a nice time. I said I was but I was going to get back to my friend. I didn't want to ignore my friend but he was cute so after a few minutes I excused myself to the ladies room so he could approach me and talk to me alone if he wanted to. It worked because when I came out he was standing there and was like I'm sorry I didn't want to keep interrupting you and your friend. We talked very briefly about the place and how we were enjoying it and then he asked me if he could call me sometime. I said yes and he started nervously putting in the number. It took him 4 tries. lol Even though our tables were right next to each other, once we sat down, I didn't acknowledge him again but he kept turning around to look at me. It was so funny and I heard his friend say "Damn man, you wanna go sit with her? Just call her later" I pretended not to hear.
I am still on break but if he does call and he's not a total idiot and entertains me I won't dismiss him right away.
I realize now he was trying to get my attention. He looked back at me and I gave him a stink look and pulled the chair out from underneath his arm and back closer to me. I then made a big production of moving my purse and asking my friend to put it in the empty chair on her side. I'm so extra sometimes. He turns around again and smiles at me. I ignore him and he turns back to his friends. After a minute he turns around again and says excuse me, but you are very beautiful. And I say yes I know. Thank you He laughs and then asks me my name. I tell him but of course I don't ask his. He tells me anyway and then tells me I'm pretty again and says he hopes I'm having a nice time. I said I was but I was going to get back to my friend. I didn't want to ignore my friend but he was cute so after a few minutes I excused myself to the ladies room so he could approach me and talk to me alone if he wanted to. It worked because when I came out he was standing there and was like I'm sorry I didn't want to keep interrupting you and your friend. We talked very briefly about the place and how we were enjoying it and then he asked me if he could call me sometime. I said yes and he started nervously putting in the number. It took him 4 tries. lol Even though our tables were right next to each other, once we sat down, I didn't acknowledge him again but he kept turning around to look at me. It was so funny and I heard his friend say "Damn man, you wanna go sit with her? Just call her later" I pretended not to hear.I am still on break but if he does call and he's not a total idiot and entertains me I won't dismiss him right away.
lavaflow99
In search of the next vacation
At first bolded: I haven't really noticed if folks are uncomfortable around me. I don't think so or sense it. Or maybe I am just oblivious to it since I'm doing my own thing.
I have been called selfish a couple of times though when folks find out I don't have/want kids and am living my life and traveling the world with no one's input. At second bolded: I eat cake for the icing. I love icing!!
I am a huge fan of that edge piece with all that extra icing. Maybe that's why I had a issue for so many years. But the analogy makes sense. You can eat cake and enjoy fully (if prepared well with tasty ingredients) without icing. Icing is extra...a bonus...
hopeful
Well-Known Member
At first bolded: I haven't really noticed if folks are uncomfortable around me. I don't think so or sense it. Or maybe I am just oblivious to it since I'm doing my own thing.
At second bolded: I eat cake for the icing. I love icing!!
I actually think I said it wrong. Maybe I should say we are the cake and the icing. They are like the sprinkles, shaved chocolate, or something. Idk lol. Because I love icing too!
movingforward13
I do what I want...
You know how many TIMES I have heard that. Usually coming from men that hate that I am rejecting them. He is just mad. Give him the finger.
movingforward13
I do what I want...
So Lee and I got into a fight yesterday. Something stupid but I will admit I kept the fight going... not really sure why. My childish moment I guess. I lost all my communication training in the middle of it, which did not help. I tried to regain it back with "I feel" instead of "you always", but the damage was done.
He responded in a way that shocked me though.
After he was tired of me being all aggressive (I was, I am working on being more feminine and handling conflicts more direct but sweetly like @Mai Tai), he said -
"Movingforward13, you are my queen and I don't like how you are talking to me. Speak to me nicely instead of aggressively and we can get to the bottom of this. Men like when women speak to them nicely so be nice to me". So I literally just stopped. He got all Alpha on me, compliment me and checked me all at the same time. I have never had a man so that before. It turned me on.
He responded in a way that shocked me though.
After he was tired of me being all aggressive (I was, I am working on being more feminine and handling conflicts more direct but sweetly like @Mai Tai), he said -
"Movingforward13, you are my queen and I don't like how you are talking to me. Speak to me nicely instead of aggressively and we can get to the bottom of this. Men like when women speak to them nicely so be nice to me". So I literally just stopped. He got all Alpha on me, compliment me and checked me all at the same time. I have never had a man so that before. It turned me on.
SlimPickinz
Summer where are you?
So sweet! He offered a backup plan awwwwwwwMy childhood friend's baby brother told me today not to worry because if I can't find anyone, him and I could just make a baby together.
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