*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

UniquelyDivine said:
This is why I get confused, I don't know what the guidelines are for this but it makes total sense! I feel like a true alpha won't be down for it but if he's not stepping up or acting brand new (like in my case) then all's fair.

*Kanye shrug*
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I'm annoyed to read about the latest developments because it sounds nothing like the man we've come to 'know' so far. I really hope he isn't wasting your time.

Regarding the bolded, a true alpha male will step up and focus on dominating whatever competition there is to win your heart.
Considering where you two are, if milk chocolate won't respect your right to see others, then I would think he is entitled, lazy and not self assured. Because what is there to worry about if he believes he has what it takes and other men are lacking (for you)?
 
sgold04 said:
I guess I'll give an update since my flight is delayed. I'd appreciate your input ladies.

I met a guy. He's typical of what I find here: college educated, high paying career, owns a home (had it custom built), wants to settle down, and he's really into me. He's attractive I suppose, looks just like Ice Cube lol. The problem is I don't find him interesting, intellectually. He's a simple dude. Goes to work and then goes home and smokes cigars on his porch. Rinse and repeat. Doesn't read, watches sports only, etc. I'm an introvert so I can be a homebody, and I'm a football and basketball fan, but I need convo that's A LOT more stimulating. We don't need to discuss esoteric stuff all the time, but I need bae to have the capacity to + some wit. Normally I'd cut him off, but I'm thinking maybe this is the marrying type, and I'm trying to figure out if I can be content with someone like him.

Here is where I'd like your input. Am I being unrealistic to want a smart, funny, witty, handsome, masculine, gainfully employed, well-endowed, down-to-earth man who has a provider mentality, believes in monogamy AND respects and values women (not misogynistic)? Half of the women in my life tell me that man doesn't exist, and half tell me if I just have faith, it will happen. I dunno, I'm a sociologist by training and I know many of these characteristics combined in one man seem to be pretty rare in patriarchal cultures...which is why I'm thinking I should just give up and marry Mr. Basic

ETA: forgot to add reflective, thoughtful, and caring.
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well... hmmm... my next move IS for the simple dude like that. My job is intellectually challenging enough. Science and systems stuff all damn day. And I have friend online and irl who can pick up the slack when I need to go deep on something. Would you have that?

For me I need the opposite to my life of extra stress when I get home. We both can't be high stress Type A types. Things boil over and go boom. I see i was making this mistake before.

You say he's simple. Do you mean unintelligent or likes a simple life? I assume he's intelligent because hes educated but prefers the simple life? Does he have the capacity for deep conversation or nah?
 
DarkJoy said:
well... hmmm... my next move IS for the simple dude like that. My job is intellectually challenging enough. Science and systems stuff all damn day. And I have friend online and irl who can pick up the slack when I need to go deep on something. Would you have that?

For me I need the opposite to my life of extra stress when I get home. We both can't be high stress Type A types. Things boil over and go boom. I see i was making this mistake before.

You say he's simple. Do you mean unintelligent or likes a simple life? I assume he's intelligent because hes educated but prefers the simple life? Does he have the capacity for deep conversation or nah?
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Same. I just want to talk ish for the most part. I hated going on dates with these DC dudes who liked to pick my brain and have intellectual talk. :lol: I was dating these types, looking for a more simple dude. And boy did I get it, cuz I wonder about this guy sometimes :look: lol I find that I enjoy being the smarter one in the relationship...
 
Sosoothing said:
I'm annoyed to read about the latest developments because it sounds nothing like the man we've come to 'know' so far. I really hope he isn't wasting your time.

Regarding the bolded, a true alpha male will step up and focus on dominating whatever competition there is to win your heart.
Considering where you two are, if milk chocolate won't respect your right to see others, then I would think he is entitled, lazy and not self assured. Because what is there to worry about if he believes he has what it takes and other men are lacking (for you)?
Click to expand...

You and me both, if he is then he definitely fooled me with his behavior prior to all of this:oops:

Very true :scratchchin: Is this even a development he needs to know about though? I wasn't going to tell him I've decided to reopen the draft :look:
 
sgold04 said:
I guess I'll give an update since my flight is delayed. I'd appreciate your input ladies.

I met a guy. He's typical of what I find here: college educated, high paying career, owns a home (had it custom built), wants to settle down, and he's really into me. He's attractive I suppose, looks just like Ice Cube lol. The problem is I don't find him interesting, intellectually. He's a simple dude. Goes to work and then goes home and smokes cigars on his porch. Rinse and repeat. Doesn't read, watches sports only, etc. I'm an introvert so I can be a homebody, and I'm a football and basketball fan, but I need convo that's A LOT more stimulating. We don't need to discuss esoteric stuff all the time, but I need bae to have the capacity to + some wit. Normally I'd cut him off, but I'm thinking maybe this is the marrying type, and I'm trying to figure out if I can be content with someone like him.

Here is where I'd like your input. Am I being unrealistic to want a smart, funny, witty, handsome, masculine, gainfully employed, well-endowed, down-to-earth man who has a provider mentality, believes in monogamy AND respects and values women (not misogynistic)? Half of the women in my life tell me that man doesn't exist, and half tell me if I just have faith, it will happen. I dunno, I'm a sociologist by training and I know many of these characteristics combined in one man seem to be pretty rare in patriarchal cultures...which is why I'm thinking I should just give up and marry Mr. Basic

ETA: forgot to add reflective, thoughtful, and caring.
Click to expand...


How long has it been?

There's always more. It's not like if you say no to this guy you're blowing your last chance. Maybe you'll find a guy with amazing conversation but you compromise on some area less important to you.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
You and me both, if he is then he definitely fooled me with his behavior prior to all of this:oops:

Very true :scratchchin: Is this even a development he needs to know about though? I wasn't going to tell him I've decided to reopen the draft :look:
Click to expand...

Am I the only one who doesn't think the Valentine's card is that serious? He got rid of it no problem. I have things from my ex that I never bothered to throw out (pictures, T-shirt, ring), but I also have not had anyone really signicant since him. Once someone significant comes along, I'll get rid of it.
 
MzLady78 said:
Your peen is not impressive enough for unsolicited pics, sir.

We gotta have this convo and soon. I'm ready to go back to just liking each other's posts and pics on FB.
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Ok, that's done.

I told him I decided I don't want to go backwards, and that I'm looking for something serious. I'm not 100% sure how true that 2nd part is right now, but I know if I'm gonna kill time with someone, it absolutely should not be him. One thing that came back to me as we've been back and forth the last few weeks is that dude is as deep as a freakin puddle. I mean, I REALLY don't know what my attraction to him was.
 
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sgold04 said:
We're Leo's, it's what we do :)
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Soooooooooooooooo true #leosunite

sgold04 said:
Here is where I'd like your input. Am I being unrealistic to want a smart, funny, witty, handsome, masculine, gainfully employed, well-endowed, down-to-earth man who has a provider mentality, believes in monogamy AND respects and values women (not misogynistic)? Half of the women in my life tell me that man doesn't exist, and half tell me if I just have faith, it will happen. I dunno, I'm a sociologist by training and I know many of these characteristics combined in one man seem to be pretty rare in patriarchal cultures...which is why I'm thinking I should just give up and marry Mr. Basic.

ETA: forgot to add reflective, thoughtful, and caring.
Click to expand...
I think he is out there all rare and high in demand... I have now resorted to 80/20. If you have about 80% of what I want and the 20% aren't deal breakers, and you show a genuine connection to my children (mainly my son since he really needs the male figure), I am content.

LovinLea said:
Has anyone ever actually gotten into a relationship with one of the benchwarmers? By benchwarmer, I mean that guy who for every 3 texts, you text him back once, who asks you out multiple times but you always tell him you're busy and but he keeps trying anyway.
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Hell no. I don't cheat but if I got with a bench warmer, I would cheat.... and then feel horrible that I put myself in that situation.
 
qchelle said:
Same. I just want to talk ish for the most part. I hated going on dates with these DC dudes who liked to pick my brain and have intellectual talk. :lol: I was dating these types, looking for a more simple dude. And boy did I get it, cuz I wonder about this guy sometimes :look: lol I find that I enjoy being the smarter one in the relationship...
Click to expand...

Me too. I love using big words in arguments that they don't know the meaning of. :look: That milli second look on their face of wtf? but then they don't wanna ask and look stupid is priceless. :lol:
 
LovinLea said:
Am I the only one who doesn't think the Valentine's card is that serious? He got rid of it no problem. I have things from my ex that I never bothered to throw out (pictures, T-shirt, ring), but I also have not had anyone really signicant since him. Once someone significant comes along, I'll get rid of it.
Click to expand...
I think he put it there to see her reaction. It rubbed me the wrong way and I don't blame @UniquelyDivine for questioning it. Then he was nonchalant in his response, which further made me feel that this was done on purpose. Not cool and should be seen as a red flag IMO.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
You and me both, if he is then he definitely fooled me with his behavior prior to all of this:oops:

Very true :scratchchin: Is this even a development he needs to know about though? I wasn't going to tell him I've decided to reopen the draft :look:
Click to expand...

Did you two explicitly discuss being exclusive? And mutually agree? If so, he needs to know. If not, that's cheating. And I'm sure you know that already. If you agreed to exclusive see a guy and you later found out he was spending time with someone else, sex or not, it wouldn't bode well with you either.
But if there was no explicit agreement, don't worry about him.
 
DarkJoy said:
well... hmmm... my next move IS for the simple dude like that. My job is intellectually challenging enough. Science and systems stuff all damn day. And I have friend online and irl who can pick up the slack when I need to go deep on something. Would you have that?

For me I need the opposite to my life of extra stress when I get home. We both can't be high stress Type A types. Things boil over and go boom. I see i was making this mistake before.

You say he's simple. Do you mean unintelligent or likes a simple life? I assume he's intelligent because hes educated but prefers the simple life? Does he have the capacity for deep conversation or nah?
Click to expand...

He has a certain type of intelligence in that he can hold down a good job, but as far as the type that stimulates me, haven't seen it yet, but your point below is valid, he could be nervous around me and/or be hesitant to engage quickly.

I get what you mean about the high stress types, but that's not what I'm looking for. I don't want to come home to someone I'm debating all the time lol, I mean someone I enjoy talking to because they have something to say beyond weather and sports talk. So far, when I probe, he's kinda like a walking meme, "Black people are poor because they buy Jordans" type of comments (he actually said this ) When I challenged him, at least he was receptive I guess?

I coulda swore I quoted @shortdub78 i have to go back and read her post so I can make sure I address everything, but yes, I have great girlfriends who I have a wide variety of sophistiratchet convos with; if I'm skilled at anything, it's finding dope ass BW who are smart and funny and actually care about other BW (no pettiness)

My mind and my vagina are connected :cry3:i want a man to stroke both
DarkJoy said:
Also don't rule out that he could be reserved and maybe nervous. you just met right? Some ppl don't open up or express and talk freely at first. it's over time you may see more of who he is @sgold04
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I really do need to keep this in mind ^^ I'm prone to cutting people off with a quickness and not giving them a chance to show more of their personality.
LovinLea said:
How long has it been?

There's always more. It's not like if you say no to this guy you're blowing your last chance. Maybe you'll find a guy with amazing conversation but you compromise on some area less important to you.
Click to expand...

I'd say 3 weeks? Maybe 2, not long at all. And I hate talking on the phone so it's not like we've had many convos, hehe. Another thing I need to remember--> "there's always more".
 
Sosoothing said:
Did you two explicitly discuss being exclusive? And mutually agree? If so, he needs to know. If not, that's cheating. And I'm sure you know that already. If you agreed to exclusive see a guy and you later found out he was spending time with someone else, sex or not, it wouldn't bode well with you either.
But if there was no explicit agreement, don't worry about him.
Click to expand...


Yea we did, he said he doesn't want to date anyone else & I agreed. I guess that's where I'm feeling iffy at, but I agree. I would have an HUGE issue with him doing it, knowing him this would be the end of us.


LovinLea said:
Am I the only one who doesn't think the Valentine's card is that serious? He got rid of it no problem. I have things from my ex that I never bothered to throw out (pictures, T-shirt, ring), but I also have not had anyone really signicant since him. Once someone significant comes along, I'll get rid of it.
Click to expand...


If he would've said "I apologize, I'll throw it away right now, that is nothing important", I wouldn't have felt any type of way about it.

But he gave me weird excuses & reasonings and even tried to "compromise" by keeping the decoration, his reaction made me feel like there is a connection to the person that gave him the card that he doesn't want to reveal.

He was playing games.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Yea we did, he said he doesn't want to date anyone else & I agreed. I guess that's where I'm feeling iffy at, but I agree. I would have an HUGE issue with him doing it, knowing him this would be the end of us.
Click to expand...
There is a way to take back exclusivity. I haven't mastered it yet of course. If you don't want to do that it's fine but it's definitely an option if you are feeling like you want to put him on the back burner. I'm just starting to hate the idea of being exclusive with one guy, he pisses me off and then I'm stuck with no dates until I decide I want to talk to him again. Lol

I used to have a problem with men seeing others and I realized I only felt that way because I was being exclusive without even being asked. Smh Different from you and Milk Chocolate since y'all discussed it. But I noticed the attitude shift when I had the roster. I didn't even think about them and other women because they all wanted my attention and I was too busy rotating them for dates to wonder about what they were doing when they weren't with me.
 
KammyGirl said:
There is a way to take back exclusivity. I haven't mastered it yet of course. If you don't want to do that it's fine but it's definitely an option if you are feeling like you want to put him on the back burner. I'm just starting to hate the idea of being exclusive with one guy, he pisses me off and then I'm stuck with no dates until I decide I want to talk to him again. Lol

I used to have a problem with men seeing others and I realized I only felt that way because I was being exclusive without even being asked. Smh Different from you and Milk Chocolate since y'all discussed it. But I noticed the attitude shift when I had the roster. I didn't even think about them and other women because they all wanted my attention and I was too busy rotating them for dates to wonder about what they were doing when they weren't with me.
Click to expand...


That's what I'm stuck on, how to go back to the roster without breaking up :scratchchin: It would only be right to tell him but if I did he would NOT be with it.

I feel like it can be simple or complicated depending on the approach, and I agree! I hate feeling "stuck" with one especially since we aren't really established, it's hella early in the game for him to be acting up and my past dealings with men have made my tolerance level pretty much zilch.
 
Not in the best mood, stressed about some stuff, but he's been trying to cheer me up and keep my mind off of it. I've also been trying not to be a Debby Downer since he has said in the past that he sometimes feels like my punching bag when things aren't going right for me. So today, I purchased tickets for this museum we both want to attend. We'll be going next week and out for tacos after. Tacos make me happy :yep:
 
UniquelyDivine said:
That's what I'm stuck on, how to go back to the roster without breaking up :scratchchin: It would only be right to tell him but if I did he would NOT be with it.

I feel like it can be simple or complicated depending on the approach, and I agree! I hate feeling "stuck" with one especially since we aren't really established, it's hella early in the game for him to be acting up and my past dealings with men have made my tolerance level pretty much zilch.
Click to expand...
if you must say something make it simple "look I think it was rather early for us to lock it down. perhaps we should casually get to know each other a little more before maling such a big decision"

I feel like dudes like this who do it early and hint that there may be others (emotional or physical) were being territorial and wanted the puss to be theirs but not their schlongs or emotional selves.

I wouldn't say anything but I have always been ruthless like that *shrug*.
 
DarkJoy said:
if you must say something make it simple "look I think it was rather early for us to lock it down. perhaps we should casually get to know each other a little more before maling such a big decision"

I feel like dudes like this who do it early and hint that there may be others (emotional or physical) were being territorial and wanted the puss to be theirs but not their schlongs or emotional selves.

I wouldn't say anything but I have always been ruthless like that *shrug*.
Click to expand...

I like this idea
 
mzpurp said:
Not in the best mood, stressed about some stuff, but he's been trying to cheer me up and keep my mind off of it. I've also been trying not to be a Debby Downer since he has said in the past that he sometimes feels like my punching bag when things aren't going right for me. So today, I purchased tickets for this museum we both want to attend. We'll be going next week and out for tacos after. Tacos make me happy :yep:
Click to expand...
That's nice you are treating him to stuff, but really listen to what he told you about the way you behave towards him when you are dealing with stress.
 
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