*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

[hunnychile]

Soooo.... I'm feeling a lil frustrated with Mr.Milk Chocolate.


Our date was very cute, we sat and watched the fireworks, and he kept kissing me on the forehead, had several Usies( his idea) then we sat in the parking lot of my complex and talked/kissed for like 3 hours.

He told me he can't believe he found someone like me from swiping & kept saying "Who would've thought..wow" and I've been a pleasant surprise in his life, said he missed me, kept kissing and hugging me. Then told me I was amazing and thanked me for creating an amazing memory with him that evening.

So maybe I'm jumping the gun but now I'm like well what now dude?!?!? It's been 6 weeks & we've been consistently kicking it & talking, plus he already made plans for us again this weekend.

I don't really want to date anyone else at this point but.....if you're not going to claim me officially then someone else might get a chance to experience all this "awesomeness".

You didn't ask me but keep dating. I wouldn't even bring it up that you were feeling this way. How often do you see him? It may be time to cut back.

 

[MzLady78]

770 pages???? The *ell ya'll talking about in here?

I'll be back later...I saw some posts I wanted to respond to on this page but need to get everybody ready for my son's OT appt.

I was looking that that earlier like "damn!"

 

[UniquelyDivine]

You didn't ask me but keep dating. I wouldn't even bring it up that you were feeling this way. How often do you see him? It may be time to cut back.

That's what I'm thinking I don't want to lay my cards on the table like that and me bringing it up might only result in him telling me what I want to hear.

We've pretty much seen each other every weekend for the last month plus a few midweek dates.

 

[LdyKamz]

It's interesting to see how/where men fall in line in your life. Men I was previously concerned with letting down sort of just naturally get pushed out by new men....it's almost calming. I really don't have to worry or think about anything.

When do you tell someone you're casually dating that you are casually dating? My usual policy is to answer honestly when asked directly, but when they innocently ask "what are you doing later?" or "what did you do yesterday?" and I was on a date, should I say that or that I was out with a friend?

It's also only a matter of time before one of them sees me out in the city with someone else.

If you care to you can just tell them what you did. "What did you do yesterday" "Oh I went to such and such restaurant and then walked around for a bit. Food was good... weather was nice...blah blah" I find people don't usually ask specifics about who with or anything like that unless they are beating around the bush hinting at something else. And that would kind of annoy me and I would be like why don't you just ask what you wanna ask so we can move past this. But umm that reaction may be that's why I'm still single.

 

[LdyKamz]

While I'm in here. Let me ask a question. When you're dating someone how often would you like to see/speak to each other? I usually expect quite a bit of contact and I'm working on that because I know that has a lot to do with my anxious attachment style in dating.

But there's something interesting that I noticed. When I met #1 I wasn't feeling him that much. There were a lot of things I was hung up on that didn't really matter at all. During that time I felt like he hit me up all the time. Texting and calling often and I was only half interested. My phone would go off and I would see his number and be like "Again?? " Thing is it really was just regular check ins maybe once or twice a day but because I wasn't all that blown away I felt like it was a lot. I even made a show of telling him that I was busy a few times and needed him to kinda fall back. That was around the time I broke it off with him the first time. When I decided to give him another chance, I started to like him and because I liked him I suddenly started to feel like there wasn't enough contact. I expressed that and he seemed confused but listened to me and said he would try to do better about being in contact. I know the confusion was my fault because I initially sent the message that he was smothering me (which he wasn't - I was just being extra because I wasn't feeling him). And now that's one of the reasons why he's been 86'd. Everyone on the team was cut for their own specific reasons (#2 too beta, #3 is broke) not to mention I just feel like I need to re-center myself. But #1 is mainly being cut because while he might do everything else right, in my head he doesn't give me enough attention even though I'm sure there's a balance in there between what he does and what I want.

I say all of that to say there may not be a good reason to dump #1. I haven't officially let him go yet and I probably should if I'm serious about taking this break lest I blur the lines again with falling back when I was just complaining about not getting enough attention. I'm a little torn though because I still kind of want to keep seeing him. Is this what self sabotage looks like?

 

[hunnychile]

That's what I'm thinking I don't want to lay my cards on the table like that and me bringing it up might only result in him telling me what I want to hear.

We've pretty much seen each other every weekend for the last month plus a few midweek dates.

He's comfortable. I would cancel the plans for this weekend and use that time to line up another date.

 

[hunnychile]

@KammyGirl it's funny that you say that. I have a dry erase calendar in my bedroom to keep track of all my appointments. Each month I write three goals or focuses and one for this month was re-centering on myself. I met three men last month and three in this past weekend. Dating is fun but men will take up all of your time if you let them. I plan on relaxing for a bit this month, maybe just seeing one just once a week.

 

[shortycocoa]

That's what I'm thinking I don't want to lay my cards on the table like that and me bringing it up might only result in him telling me what I want to hear.

We've pretty much seen each other every weekend for the last month plus a few midweek dates.

Oh no ma'am!!! You should definitely be dating others, or at the very least doing things with friends/family/time to yourself.

Especially if he hasn't stepped up and said he wants to be exclusive. I wouldn't feel the need to tell him anything, either. Men don't do all this explaining to us, and I doubt he would be considering your feelings if the shoe were on the other foot.

If he sees you out on a date with someone else, so be it. He's a big boy. He can handle it. From that point on will be a defining moment. He'll either play or pass, but don't wait for him to decide. Keep living your life. If he wants you, he'll come get you. If he doesn't, you will have cleared the path for someone else to step up!

Whatever you do, DO NOT tell him that you don't want to be dating anyone else. That statement is usually the kiss of death. And it also is not going to give him any incentive to step up to the plate and make things exclusive with you. If anything, it's going to just allow him to keep doing what he's doing, all while you are pining away waiting for him to pick you. No.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

He's comfortable. I would cancel the plans for this weekend and use that time to line up another date.

Oh no ma'am!!! You should definitely be dating others, or at the very least doing things with friends/family/time to yourself.

Especially if he hasn't stepped up and said he wants to be exclusive. I wouldn't feel the need to tell him anything, either. Men don't do all this explaining to us, and I doubt he would be considering your feelings if the shoe were on the other foot.

If he sees you out on a date with someone else, so be it. He's a big boy. He can handle it. From that point on will be a defining moment. He'll either play or pass, but don't wait for him to decide. Keep living your life. If he wants you, he'll come get you. If he doesn't, you will have cleared the path for someone else to step up!

Whatever you do, DO NOT tell him that you don't want to be dating anyone else. That statement is usually the kiss of death. And it also is not going to give him any incentive to step up to the plate and make things exclusive with you. If anything, it's going to just allow him to keep doing what he's doing, all while you are pining away waiting for him to pick you. No.

Y'all are right

I wasn't trying to rush things with him but on the same hand it's been six weeks of talking every day, with deep meaningful conversations, hanging out every freaking weekend for hours on end, and all the stuff he was telling me yesterday, if you think that I'm so amazing then to me the next logical step is to have a conversation about what we're really doing and that you want to date me exclusively.


This is all new to me too, because I've never had to have this conversation with a dude about what we are or what we were doing , every other man I've been in a relationship with has made it clear within a month that they wanted me to their self.

Milk chocolate has been amazing so far but he def gets a flag on the field for this.

*Off to reactivate my bumble account*

 

[shortycocoa]

Y'all are right

I wasn't trying to rush things with him but on the same hand it's been six weeks of talking every day, with deep meaningful conversations, hanging out every freaking weekend for hours on end, and all the stuff he was telling me yesterday, if you think that I'm so amazing then to me the next logical step is to have a conversation about what we're really doing and that you want to date me exclusively.


This is all new to me too, because I've never had to have this conversation with a dude about what we are or what we were doing , every other man I've been in a relationship with has made it clear within a month that they wanted me to their self.

Milk chocolate has been amazing so far but he def gets a flag on the field for this.

*Off to reactivate my bumble account*

And we definitely feel you on all of this....but @ the bolded, this is EXACTLY why it might be time for you to take a break from him. You will run the risk of becoming too attached to him and the attention if things don't work out the way you want them to. You have to protect your heart.

Has he given you any indication on how long on average he dates a woman before it becomes exclusive?

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

Why would you ask me if I'm mad and you clearly saw my reaction to the information I received?

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

I need my legs waxed

 

[gimbap]

My ex has offered to buy me a late birthday gift and I have no idea what I want.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

And we definitely feel you on all of this....but @ the bolded, this is EXACTLY why it might be time for you to take a break from him. You will run the risk of becoming too attached to him and the attention if things don't work out the way you want them to. You have to protect your heart.

Has he given you any indication on how long on average he dates a woman before it becomes exclusive?

So true, this sucks but I def have to protect my own interests which is myself.

None at all , It sounds like he has moved quickly with his last two girlfriends, so I think he is calling himself trying to take it slow this time around.

 

[DarkJoy]

no secret just moan ow but do it quick and don't sound whiny. He'll most likely ask if you're ok. My response is usually I'm delicate or dont break her. Then you get extra deep, slow strokes.

Or so I've heard.

I've done this Also extra points for grip (i.e sheets or his back) as long as your nails aren't long and pointy

This is true moaning "ohhhh gentle" also gets the good strokes

also a combo off all these is great in my experience. just the slightest of scooting away, with the ow (or slight hiss) and the arm grip... gets em errr time

 

[SurferBabe]

Y'all are right

I wasn't trying to rush things with him but on the same hand it's been six weeks of talking every day, with deep meaningful conversations, hanging out every freaking weekend for hours on end, and all the stuff he was telling me yesterday, if you think that I'm so amazing then to me the next logical step is to have a conversation about what we're really doing and that you want to date me exclusively.


This is all new to me too, because I've never had to have this conversation with a dude about what we are or what we were doing , every other man I've been in a relationship with has made it clear within a month that they wanted me to their self.

Milk chocolate has been amazing so far but he def gets a flag on the field for this.

*Off to reactivate my bumble account*

Have you read MDLWLY? There is a whole chapter (20) on how to transition from dating to a relationship and from what I remember, it seemed pretty solid. There is a 2-week plan with steps for those of us trying to get this whole spartan thing down. It really is worth the read.

 

[SlimPickinz]

While I'm in here. Let me ask a question. When you're dating someone how often would you like to see/speak to each other? I usually expect quite a bit of contact and I'm working on that because I know that has a lot to do with my anxious attachment style in dating.

But there's something interesting that I noticed. When I met #1 I wasn't feeling him that much. There were a lot of things I was hung up on that didn't really matter at all. During that time I felt like he hit me up all the time. Texting and calling often and I was only half interested. My phone would go off and I would see his number and be like "Again?? " Thing is it really was just regular check ins maybe once or twice a day but because I wasn't all that blown away I felt like it was a lot. I even made a show of telling him that I was busy a few times and needed him to kinda fall back. That was around the time I broke it off with him the first time. When I decided to give him another chance, I started to like him and because I liked him I suddenly started to feel like there wasn't enough contact. I expressed that and he seemed confused but listened to me and said he would try to do better about being in contact. I know the confusion was my fault because I initially sent the message that he was smothering me (which he wasn't - I was just being extra because I wasn't feeling him). And now that's one of the reasons why he's been 86'd. Everyone on the team was cut for their own specific reasons (#2 too beta, #3 is broke) not to mention I just feel like I need to re-center myself. But #1 is mainly being cut because while he might do everything else right, in my head he doesn't give me enough attention even though I'm sure there's a balance in there between what he does and what I want.

I say all of that to say there may not be a good reason to dump #1. I haven't officially let him go yet and I probably should if I'm serious about taking this break lest I blur the lines again with falling back when I was just complaining about not getting enough attention. I'm a little torn though because I still kind of want to keep seeing him. Is this what self sabotage looks like?

My main love languages are physical touch and quality time and I'm a Cancer All that to say if I'm feeling you I can see you every single day of the week and still call you and talk to you all night when I get home. But I am also quick to say bye or ask him not to call me because I don't feel like talking.

I think a fair amount of contact is a good morning, lunch time check in and then an evening wind down. Each chat can be less than 15 minutes but at least it's something.

 

[SurferBabe]

Just got back from my trip and it was magical of course. The High Rockies are top of my list right now for relocation spots. I'm already looking for accommodation.

Because I've mentally checked out of where I'm living now, I'm on my dgaf with these dudes. Colorado gave me so much confidence. So I rejoined OKCupid, threw together an incomplete profile, and am just going for it. I'm not sticking around here so I have nothing to lose. These guys are just practice to get me ready to snag a high value man during my ski trip next spring . I don't even feel bad because guys do it all of the time, and I've been the meantime girl more times than I'd like to admit. Plus, it's easier to get a man when you have a man. (NSFW)

Sure, I'm still focusing on me, and I took a nice long break from these fools, but I'm an attractive, bomb-a$$, unique chick and I'm going to use that to my advantage right now to get dinners, gifts, concert/festival tickets, and maybe a trip or two. I'm not even worried about doing or saying the wrong thing because come this time next year I'll be looking in the rear-view mirror at these suckers as I ride off into the western sunset

I truly feel like I have it all, and the only thing that has held me back all of these years has been shaky self-confidence, which makes no sense because every dusty, broke, 'I ain't got it right now', mama's basement-dwelling chump has all of the confidence in the world. I've had straight up losers reject me and yet I've never given myself the credit I deserve.

I can be as demanding as I want to right now because idgaf about rejection. So liberating.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

Have you read MDLWLY? There is a whole chapter (20) on how to transition from dating to a relationship and from what I remember, it seemed pretty solid. There is a 2-week plan with steps for those of us trying to get this whole spartan thing down. It really is worth the read.

I have actually but I def need to revisit it, I forgot some of the crucial gems.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

Just got back from my trip and it was magical of course. The High Rockies are top of my list right now for relocation spots. I'm already looking for accommodation.

Because I've mentally checked out of where I'm living now, I'm on my dgaf with these dudes. Colorado gave me so much confidence. So I rejoined OKCupid, threw together an incomplete profile, and am just going for it. I'm not sticking around here so I have nothing to lose. These guys are just practice to get me ready to snag a high value man during my ski trip next spring . I don't even feel bad because guys do it all of the time, and I've been the meantime girl more times than I'd like to admit. Plus, it's easier to get a man when you have a man. (NSFW)

Sure, I'm still focusing on me, and I took a nice long break from these fools, but I'm an attractive, bomb-a$$, unique chick and I'm going to use that to my advantage right now to get dinners, gifts, concert/festival tickets, and maybe a trip or two. I'm not even worried about doing or saying the wrong thing because come this time next year I'll be looking in the rear-view mirror at these suckers as I ride off into the western sunset

I truly feel like I have it all, and the only thing that has held me back all of these years has been shaky self-confidence, which makes no sense because every dusty, broke, 'I ain't got it right now', mama's basement-dwelling chump has all of the confidence in the world. I've had straight up losers reject me and yet I've never given myself the credit I deserve.

I can be as demanding as I want to right now because idgaf about rejection. So liberating.

I love everything about this post! Get it girl!!!

 

[movingforward13]

Had a date last night with Lee- we went to King's Dominion... yes, for those of you in the area, in the rain. The sky let up for a bit and we were the only few people in there. We got on every ride we wanted because no lines and it was fun.
I did a wash and go with my hair and he gave me the confidence to wear my hair out. I wasn't going to wear a wig on those rides so I had to do something. It rained so my hair didn't shrink as much but definitely need to perfect this wash and go on 4c hair. It didn't look too bad-

We had so much fun- like teenagers. We walked around til our legs hurt. It was totally worth it.

 

[LdyKamz]

Got a message on whatsapp from the guy I mentioned a few posts back that told me he was deleting my number. I was like yo I thought you deleted my number. Go away. He was like I can recognize the number so I looked for it in my log but it's not memorized so I can never initiate anything since you don't respond. Um sir I have no words for you. So many things wrong with just that one sentence. Blocked on whatsapp as well.

Ugh! I'm so tired of this. And I'm feeling so down. Not because of this but I've been sick the past couple days and I have like a lost feeling and like my energy is completely off. I've been feeling like this since last week but it has gotten worse between yesterday and today.

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

@KammyGirl Hug, hug

get u some rest.

 

[Blessed&higlyflavoured]

I'm practicing saying no without explaining myself.

No.
Why?
Because I don't want to

Harder than it seems

 

[natural2008]

I'm practicing saying no without explaining myself.

No.
Why?
Because I don't want to

Harder than it seems

No is a complete sentence.

 

[SurferBabe]

Had a date last night with Lee- we went to King's Dominion... yes, for those of you in the area, in the rain. The sky let up for a bit and we were the only few people in there. We got on every ride we wanted because no lines and it was fun.
I did a wash and go with my hair and he gave me the confidence to wear my hair out. I wasn't going to wear a wig on those rides so I had to do something. It rained so my hair didn't shrink as much but definitely need to perfect this wash and go on 4c hair. It didn't look too bad-

We had so much fun- like teenagers. We walked around til our legs hurt. It was totally worth it.

Yay! Glad you had a great time.

 

[SurferBabe]

Got a message on whatsapp from the guy I mentioned a few posts back that told me he was deleting my number. I was like yo I thought you deleted my number. Go away. He was like I can recognize the number so I looked for it in my log but it's not memorized so I can never initiate anything since you don't respond. Um sir I have no words for you. So many things wrong with just that one sentence. Blocked on whatsapp as well.

Ugh! I'm so tired of this. And I'm feeling so down. Not because of this but I've been sick the past couple days and I have like a lost feeling and like my energy is completely off. I've been feeling like this since last week but it has gotten worse between yesterday and today.

Hugs. This will pass. Maybe do something relaxing for yourself like get a nice massage?

 

[HappyMadison]

I got the ILY. About a week ago. I haven't had time to measure the impact. I just said, " of course, you do," flirtatously. He said, "you make it kinda hard not to love you." COLD BLOODED lol. He still calls everyday, see each other pretty much all week. I still haven't opted to move forward, so yall will have to deal with me lol.

I just been really busy. I have my Architecture midterms next week and a bit of self care. I just close myself off for so long, I am not used to interacting with "humans." I see "people", talk to people, have people on social media, but sometimes I forget about the humanity of folks because I get so self absorbed in my own and my circle.

I am TRYING y'all. I am a legit nice person. I am always protected, but if I have to come out of my element, it is a wrap. There is a resentment in the air. The contract was due to end this month anyway, but some people choose to believe I had a hand in it. No, that situation disolved naturally. I did not TAKE Jah from Birdie. She never had him. I wish I had that type of influence and maybe I do but I held no weapon to anyone's head.

I am assuming, but the fear is if Jah excels after leaving, the rest of the roster would switch over to his management. To my understanding, people have not been getting paid for gigs and the top acts in the firm never headline and, after a year, they should be beyond that, after 3 months really. So here comes the emotional manipulation.

The way she set up the artist pay structure, she did it based on venue bar tickets, meaning the management run an event and promise the venue x amount of sales in liquor revenue. The venue keeps door sales + whatever is promised for the bar ticket. If you do not make the bar ticket, management/ the artist has to recoup the venue for the deficit. Doing a strict bar ticket versus a 50 door split (that way the artist can cover bar tickets should it not break even) is something for emerging artist who are trying to build name recognition so don't mind putting in, not something you do a year into your contract. So the artist have to pay the venue and borrow from management (Birdie), because they have to pay for studio time, mixing, distribution, promotion, advertising and, of course, management. Nobody is making money and ethical issues happen.

Quality of the music is lacking, because there is no money. AND THAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH AUSTIN, FOLKS. Management sucks or they focus on promotions rather than A&R. Now everyone is "friends" and overlook the business side of things. She only had two top bills; that was Lady S and Jah. To compensate for the inevitable loss of Jah, she has formed her own group and I predict the other acts on her roster are going to suffer further as she tries to Beyonce herself out of a hole. SMH.

I asked if he made any promises to Birdie. Any romantic interest, anything. From my personal sparrows, I already verified there were none. She changed her hair color to a to similar to mine, and he is the talent coordinator for a festival so she shows up and starts filming she is there like a groupie. I got random people in my DMs (not really random, but associates being messy) like did you see it? She told him she loved him before and has as recent as Monday. That is really disrespectful at this point. We been together for 4 months now. I am not really out there like that. I am low key so I haven't had the opportunity to introduce myself. Well I did, but we saw what happened. She is a problem. Next weekend is a big thing because he didn't really have dates for events and I am the first big one for a couple of years. It is a big deal, so I have been told.

I already decided I will not get involved and I do not care to deal with that circle, good. I will not return the ILY, UNTIL. I have people protecting me. That is good. I can defend myself and am perfectly able, but people are compelled to help me, because I have warned, one I step out of character, it is a wrap. I am a Taurus, I have a long temper, but when it comes to that, I am messing up everything moving. I shouldn't have to even discuss defending myself, but I stay ready. Not physically. We are too old for that, but I collect/ keep information. I am not as naive as I act. I just rather be a damsel. That why when I read people, it cuts lol.

 

[Shiks]

1. I am in a new city and I am lining up dating potentials. I have a fwb situation and that is really making it easier for me to be level headed in dating.
2. I am being introduced to an older society lady by a friend. Friend told her I am worth knowing and she should take me under her wing to show me the ropes. It felt so good for the older lady to say I am definitely
worth knowing. I hope to share some tips because this woman is now invested in finding me eligible young men.
3.I need to wake up earlier and make more of an effort makeup wise.

 

[KiSseS03]

I went to the Essence Festival last weekend and spent a total of 5 amazing days in New Orleans. I am so jealous of you ladies living in New Orleans, and those of you living in Texas. I met so many handsome Black men in those few days. They were just everywhere!! It makes me want to write my US licensing exam and move stateside. There are so few Black men in my area and the few that are around live in the sunken place. It was nice to have so much positive attention.

I'm staying in touch with a few of them, but honestly with the distance I don't expect anything. I'll definitely be visiting the south again soon though!