*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

[LdyKamz]

#1 annoyed me last night. Sometimes he acts like he doesn't remember things I've said or mentioned. That is a little annoying right but no big problem to me if they are small things. The problem is when we start talking about it to refresh his memory he'll cut me off and be like "no that's not what you said. You said...." or "that's not how it happened. It went like this..." and then I get mad because I'm like if you already know then why are we talking about it again. It's almost like he wants to see if *I* remember.

But I didn't get that at first until last night. I joked that he can't remember anything and that offended him. Then I realized that he actually does remember things. Then the next realization came that he's probably pretending not to so that he can see if I remember. It's childish and I admit as soon as I noticed this I called him on it but not very nicely.

When he got home he texted me some long message talking about I hurt his feelings and it makes him feel bad when I say he can't remember things about me because he does. But this game he's been playing has me confused. It's such a stupid little argument that I don't want to deal with. I just walked away from the argument by not responding. He called once and I didn't answer. We have dinner plans tonight but I might need to take a minute.

In other dating news #2 is still hanging around and he's good for happy hours and last minute plans but that's all. #3 (new guy) is broke but fun. So I'm going to drop him before it even starts. I have to say I'm getting a little tired and might need a break soon.

 

[shespoison]

Busted out my Fro last night and had men telling me I looked eclectic, asking if I liked spoken word and reaching out to touch it. I might have to let it free more often

Ignore the come hither glance, it was a thirst trap

We were on the same wave. I had an Afro and a green dress and was thirst trapping (from the comfort of my own home) on Friday.

 

[shespoison]

Last night, on two separate occasions a random white woman grabbed my face and kissed my cheek.

This happened twice. Two different women. Then one tried to dance up on me. Bruh...the black men around had to come to my rescue...gently directing them away from me like nah, she's good.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

We were on the same wave. I had an Afro and a green dress and was thirst trapping (from the comfort of my own home) on Friday.

Yassssssssssssss!!! I see ya with the subtle seductive falling strap. Gorgeous

*taking notes*

 

[DarkJoy]

First, sis....

#1 annoyed me last night. Sometimes he acts like he doesn't remember things I've said or mentioned. That is a little annoying right but no big problem to me if they are small things. The problem is when we start talking about it to refresh his memory he'll cut me off and be like "no that's not what you said. You said...." or "that's not how it happened. It went like this..."

The bold is classic gaslighting.

Second...

When he got home he texted me some long message talking about I hurt his feelings and it makes him feel bad when I say he can't remember things about me because he does. But this game he's been playing has me confused.

Manipulation. keeping the focus on him. The point of that plus gaslighting is to keep you confused and under his spell and weak

I have to say I'm getting a little tired and might need a break soon.

How about for the rest of your life?

He is showing classic signs of narcissism. You been warned.

 

[DarkJoy]

On that note. Here's a refresher. Trying to keep my sistren safe.

Love Deborrah... but nsfw or kids (liberal swearing and use of n-word). She is bomb tho.

 

[shespoison]

Yassssssssssssss!!! I see ya with the subtle seductive falling strap. Gorgeous

*taking notes*

Thank you.

My fro wants to be like yours when it grows up. My male cousin yelled at me and called me thirsty for the pic...can I live?

 

[LdyKamz]

First, sis....
The bold is classic gaslighting.

Second...

Manipulation. keeping the focus on him. The point of that plus gaslighting is to keep you confused and under his spell and weak

How about for the rest of your life?

He is showing classic signs of narcissism. You been warned.

That last part about the break wasn't in reference to #1 lol When I said break I didn't mean from him I meant dating altogether because thinking about adding or replacing men in the rotation is making me feel tired. Not discouraged. Far from it but more like this is dating olympics and I need to rest up and refuel before adding a new one.

As far as #1 goes it's strange because he's got no hold over me really and he knows it. I like him well enough and before this I figured things were going well. We've both seemed pretty relaxed and easy going the past couple months. (He may be aware that I'm dating others. Nothing he's done or said but I just have a feeling) He has asked me to be exclusive and I said let's just take it one step at a time and he agreed. He's been generally kind and sweet. He fussed over my dresser he put together earlier in the week when he was over last night saying he hoped it was sturdy. He even moved my clothes from the old dresser to the new one to make sure lol

We actually just got off the phone because he text messaged me asking if we were still on tonight. I called him and told him why i didn't want to and the conversation went fairly well. I told him flat out I don't like when he says he can't remember something only to correct every part of the conversation and prove that he does. I also told him everything that's happened between us up until this doesn't connect with this little bit because he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to play a stupid game like this. I just put it all on the table. He said he knows he does that sometimes but he's been accused in the past of being a typical male and not remembering things or being attentive. I was like so that's how you prove the opposite? By trapping me into a conversation where you can make me wrong? Weird and unacceptable. So nah ima need you to work on that. He understood, agreed, apologized and we moved on. But I'm still not going out with him tonight He needs to really get that I'm not cool with this crap and he won't be rewarded with my time.

I'll watch the video later when I can.

 

[DarkJoy]

That last part about the break wasn't in reference to #1 lol When I said break I didn't mean from him I meant dating altogether because thinking about adding or replacing men in the rotation is making me feel tired. Not discouraged. Far from it but more like this is dating olympics and I need to rest up and refuel before adding a new one.

As far as #1 goes it's strange because he's got no hold over me really and he knows it. I like him well enough and before this I figured things were going well. We've both seemed pretty relaxed and easy going the past couple months. (He may be aware that I'm dating others. Nothing he's done or said but I just have a feeling) He has asked me to be exclusive and I said let's just take it one step at a time and he agreed. He's been generally kind and sweet. He fussed over my dresser he put together earlier in the week when he was over last night saying he hoped it was sturdy. He even moved my clothes from the old dresser to the new one to make sure lol

We actually just got off the phone because he text messaged me asking if we were still on tonight. I called him and told him why i didn't want to and the conversation went fairly well. I told him flat out I don't like when he says he can't remember something only to correct every part of the conversation and prove that he does. I also told him everything that's happened between us up until this doesn't connect with this little bit because he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to play a stupid game like this. I just put it all on the table. He said he knows he does that sometimes but he's been accused in the past of being a typical male and not remembering things or being attentive. I was like so that's how you prove the opposite? By trapping me into a conversation where you can make me wrong? Weird and unacceptable. So nah ima need you to work on that. He understood, agreed, apologized and we moved on. But I'm still not going out with him tonight He needs to really get that I'm not cool with this crap and he won't be rewarded with my time.

I'll watch the video later when I can.

sorry I mixed up your dudes! why I suck at multiple dating

But seriously... he's got some blazing flags. We make the mistake of making excuses for their questionable behaviors. just be aware...

 

[movingforward13]

@ivyness - I will pm you if @UniquelyDivine didnt already send info

@gimbap big hugs. I am in the D.C. area if you ever want to hang out. I haven't made friends here because I been too busy but starting to change that now

 

[UniquelyDivine]

Thank you.

My fro wants to be like yours when it grows up. My male cousin yelled at me and called me thirsty for the pic...can I live?

Tell him thirst trapping is fun & perfectly innocent but most of all.......

 

[shespoison]

Tell him thirst trapping is fun & perfectly innocent but most of all.......

View attachment 403965

Lol! I like your spirit!

 

[ivyness]

Going on this first date that I organised weeks ago (broke my toe) then I'm done dating for awhile. Guy no 1 was a total narcissist based on the video upthread and could not understand why I told him it is unlikely I will see him again. I new from the start he wasn't right for me so I'm not even going to plead ignorance. Let me go on this date then hibernate for the rest of winter.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

Milk chocolate is at home for the holiday and I'm in Nola cutting up, he just drunk text me and told me that he missed me.


Of course you do

 

[sgold04]

Milk chocolate is at home for the holiday and I'm in Nola cutting up, he just drunk text me and told me that he missed me.


Of course you do

I reaaaallly wanted to go to Essence this weekend But I just got back froM LA and need to be fiscally responsible. My favorite party spots are on Frenchmen st. Live music and less ratchet than Bourbon, but still a turn up. Blue Nile is my fave on Frenchmen, but they like to charge covers during major events.

 

[MzLady78]

I really don't understand these fools.

So I spoke to this dude I met online on the phone for an hour, he's thanking me for giving him the chance to talk to me, telling me stories about his family and crap. The next day, we talk by text most of the day. Then...nothing. Not a peep since Wednesday.

This was another NY dude, too. Last thing I need is to be importing B.S. from another state.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

I reaaaallly wanted to go to Essence this weekend But I just got back froM LA and need to be fiscally responsible. My favorite party spots are on Frenchmen st. Live music and less ratchet than Bourbon, but still a turn up. Blue Nile is my fave on Frenchmen, but they like to charge covers during major events.

We kicked it on Frenchmen last night and had soooooo much fun, I've been to Blue Nile before and it was a lot of fun!!!!!! Definitely a grown and sexy vibe moreso than Bourbon.

 

[bklynLadee]

You have a reading with Jo?! I'm so excited! The first time she called to confirm with me she sounded like that too but she's very warm & friendly, it gets lost in translation over the phone but I'm totally confident that you'll love the experience. She's amazing for real.

Everyone that I know that has gone to her has seen the manistifation of her reading, one got married after a horrid divorce and at the time of the reading she totally disregarded what Jo told her because it was totally outside of her realm of reality at the time, but now she's happily married and she told me last week they're about to start trying for a baby.

I'm super anxious to hear how it goes!!!


If he's the one she's talking about I'm going to legit set aside a section for my LHCF single ladies thread sistren

Who is Psychic Jo? I'm looking for a good love and career reading.

 

[greight]

Has anyone tried creating an online dating profile on the other side? Basically, make the male profile as if I were the ideal catch for a woman and I see what gets matched to me.

A lot of my friends have complained about online dating. I'm curious from a BW perspective about how we get sorted/filtered and what kind of profiles the other racial group women have.

 

[ms.tatiana]

So my cousin hooks me up on a date with her husbands best friend now he's shy, sweet, & not to bad looking. But his nervousness around me is just uncomfortable like he forces conversations & maybe we are different but I'm trying to stop dating the bad boy (I don't wanna settle down type).

Should I see where things go? Or just let it go?

 

[quirkydimples]

I posted this in the relationship thread, but since I still lurk here, too, like some other people **cough, cough @qchelle cough, cough**



There's a part in the video where he talks about how the relationships we've had in life (parents, friendships, previous romantic relationships, etc.) are comfortable to us even if they were dysfunctional. This leads us to being in situations where someone we meet seems perfect, but there's something about them that doesn't draw us to them and we can't put our finger on it. He said sometimes it's because we're looking for the same hurt we've experienced in the past.

My current guy, as I explained in the other thread, is not like any other guy I've been with and when I find myself mentally picking apart the relationship (which, as an introvert, I am wont to do), I wonder how much this plays into my thoughts and feelings.

 

[LovinLea]

Okay, I ended it with cousin lover.

My biggest lesson here is what @MzLady78 said---just say it once and watch his actions, don't keep talking till you are blue in the face. He didn't change after the first, second, third, or fourth time, so I should've just retreated. I called him to tell him to let's just be friends. He says okay. We hang up. Then he calls back asking how we can fix this and telling me he thinks we can work this out--but I'm not allowed to say his cousin's name when we are talking about the "relationship" (this isn't a relationship....). We hang up.

I sent him a text telling him to lose my number and blocked him.

 

[MzLady78]

Okay, I ended it with cousin lover.

My biggest lesson here is what @MzLady78 said---just say it once and watch his actions, don't keep talking till you are blue in the face. He didn't change after the first, second, third, or fourth time, so I should've just retreated. I called him to tell him to let's just be friends. He says okay. We hang up. Then he calls back asking how we can fix this and telling me he thinks we can work this out--but I'm not allowed to say his cousin's name when we are talking about the "relationship" (this isn't a relationship....). We hang up.

I sent him a text telling him to lose my number and blocked him.

Bih, what?

I'm convinced this must be some hilbilly, backwoods, kissing cousins mess, if this is even really is his cousin. Something is off about their relationship.

 

[Daernyris]

@LovinLea
That call back was just about


And for that block girl

 

[UniquelyDivine]

I was chatting with milk chocolate the other day about the 4th, and whining about how sad I am that I won't be home because I always kick it real hard with my siblings and cousins.


So yesterday he told me he is going to cut his Houston visit short so he can spend the 4th with me because he knows it's one of my favorite ones.

Such a precious man.

 

[MzLady78]

I was chatting with milk chocolate the other day about the 4th, and whining about how sad I am that I won't be home because I always kick it real hard with my siblings and cousins.

So yesterday he told me he is going to cut his Houston visit short so he can spend the 4th with me because he knows it's one of my favorite ones.

Such a precious man.

Aww...I like this one. I hope he keeps it up..

 

[UniquelyDivine]

Aww...I like this one. I hope he keeps it up..

Girl....you and me both. He seems super genuine and I can feel my guard coming down.

I was being a fast tail in Nola this weekend and may or may not have kissed a fine ass rich Kappa but I legit felt guilty about it because of how awesome milk chocolate has been.

 

[MzLady78]

On my way back home after spending 2 nights over my cousin's. I had SO. MUCH. FUN. It was a full house. My sis came out with me for the first time and had such a good time, she ending up spending the night Saturday unexpectedly.

I wish I could make some progress with this man situation, but it just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me now. Maybe I haven't healed enough. A big part of the reason I stayed at my cousin's so long was I've been crying and in my feelings lately, I didn't wanna spend my 4 days off wallowing alone in my apartment.

In the meantime, though, I think I really want to work on strengthening my relationships with the people already in my life.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

On my way back home after spending 2 nights over my cousin's. I had SO. MUCH. FUN. It was a full house. My sis came out with me for the first time and had such a good time, she ending up spending the night Saturday unexpectedly.

I wish I could make some progress with this man situation, but it just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me now. Maybe I haven't healed enough. A big part of the reason I stayed at my cousin's so long was I've been crying and in my feelings lately, I didn't wanna spend my 4 days off wallowing alone in my apartment.

In the meantime, though, I think I really want to work on strengthening my relationships with the people already in my life.

I'm glad you got out & had some fun!!!

 

[MzLady78]

I'm glad you got out & had some fun!!!

Thanks, me too.

I can't wait to sleep in my bed and get some rest, though. I'm too old to be hanging til 4 in the morning multiple nights in a row.