*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

I would have never spoken to him, I'm a bring it up one time and then let my actions convey the rest.
I would have only responded to him when his actions aligned with being a gentleman and involved courting.

Women do to much talking, let your awesome self speak volumes without speaking.

His reaction of vicerol and blowing up, he is mitch, yuck, pum pum dried up Stat!!! to the poster who said all the byes, this is a all the byes situation!!!


MzLady78 said:
Please don't do this again. Your feelings are valid and there's absolutely no reason to act like they aren't your own.

This whole situation is weird AF, and I personally wouldn't continue with this guy. I understand close relationships with people of the opposite sex, in addition to my cousin, I have male friends of over 25 years that I love like family. But I would never let that interfere with a romantic relationship I'm trying to establish.
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boudoir said:
I would have never spoken to him, I'm a bring it up one time and then let my actions convey the rest.
I would have only responded to him when his actions aligned with being a gentleman and involved courting.

Women do to much talking, let your awesome self speak volumes without speaking.

His reaction of vicerol and blowing up, he is mitch, yuck, pum pum dried up Stat!!! to the poster who said all the byes, this is a all the byes situation!!!
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Agreed. I'm guilty as hell of it but I'm getting better.
 
MzLady78 said:
Agreed. I'm guilty as hell of it but I'm getting better.
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So am I. I'm realizing I don't have to say anything. Not more than once at least. It was a hard lesson to learn that I didn't have to keep reminding someone about my likes and dislikes. Most people men and women alike will hear you the first time and take heed or do whatever they want anyway to see if they can get away with it.

The trick (which isn't really a trick or that hard at all) is when you decide you want or don't want something you have to remain firm in that. I thought I was being smart repeating myself because in my head if I kept reminding him to do or not do something I was being clear all the while not really understanding that my actions were saying something different. Years ago when I first started dating after I ended my engagement, I had a guy who was always late for our dates. I told him several times I didn't like waiting for him alone and having people thinking I was being stood up. Either I made a joke out of it so he wouldn't get upset and he could hear me or we would have a huge fight about it and he wouldn't listen anyway. Guess what? He continued to show up late no matter what I said no matter how many times I said it and he thought it was fine because I continued to accept dates from him and foolishly wait when he was running late. I look back and know that I should have handled that differently.

Now I know if I express how I'm feeling about something that is all I say and the next time something happens - using the example above - he's late and he wants me to wait I would say no and keep it moving. One of two things happens after that? He either gets on board because he knows I'm not tolerating bs or he doesn't and I let go.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Busted out my Fro last night and had men telling me I looked eclectic, asking if I liked spoken word :laugh: and reaching out to touch it. I might have to let it free more often :scratchchin:

Ignore the come hither glance, it was a thirst trap :look:
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Kill 'em! :bdance:

I am convinced our natural hair has magical properties. Mine is a man magnet, one dude told me I look adventurous and could he go along for the ride :giggle:

I'm wearing it straight for now until next wash day. And I dyed it blonde :)

IMG_1317.JPG
 
So I did my DNA results (I know this isn't dating/ relationship stuff) I am 97% African with 3% other trace roots of Russian and Spanish/Portuguese.

I am mainly Nigerian 60% with 20% from the Ivory Coast. Then remaining 17% is trace African countries and then the 3% other.
My genetic community is the Caribbean with strong targets in Jamaica (where I am actually born). So I am Nigerian y'all!
 
I totally agree with @KammyGirl , this is something that I've recently learned as well, about putting actions behind my words.

We woman tend to be more word (expressive) based and men tend to be more action based. When we tell a man we don't like this or want that yet continue to reward him with our time, energy, bodies, and every good thing that comes with us. He will go off the actions every time and not the words because he is wired to be action based. This is how a man can get with the woman after you and treat her totally different (better) than he ever treated you, it's because her actions are different than yours.

I also feel like we spend too much time explaining things to men. All the talking we do helps them mask their true intentions. Ex. I was talking on the phone to a man I met online. This was our second conversation, we hadn't met or even gone out on a date yet. He was calling to tell me that they were super busy at work and he would be getting off a little later than was expected and he would call me as soon as he got home. He was asking me to wait up and didnt want me to miss his call. Brownie points, right? I explained I wasn't headed to bed right away and that I was about to hop in the shower so I should be up for a little while.

Now me with my woman brain (logic) didn't think anything about mentioning what I was about to do cause I wasn't trying to be suggestive. Well, him with his male brain (logic) took it as me telling him that I was going to be nekkid and would be rubbing all over my body for his pleasure :rolleyes:. True story. How do I know this is what he thought? Because of his comments to me after I mentioned the shower. It truly caught me off guard, left me looking at the phone crazy and silent. He asked me had he done something wrong, I told him no and that I would talk to him when he got off work.

Did I talk to him again? No!!! Did I explain why? NO!!! He also went on the blocked list. The old me would have entertained telling him about what he did that bothered me. The new me understands the value of my time and my energy; therefore, no explanation was needed. I dont need to tell you as a grown a$% man that
a) we just met (second conversation) and not even in person yet
b) I dont even know what yo wallet do, no date, no flowers, no nothing
c) I know nothing about you, your mental health/health status, your std status, your criminal history status, your anything status
d) that you shouldn't be trying to take liberties with me that I didn't invite you to take

And now you lowkey trying to talk to me about my snatch............nah son :nono:. He was grown, older than me and you still don't know how to talk to women :huh: properly or what is appropriate and what isn't? I have no time to be teaching a man the basics, he should come to the table with at least that much.

He was ghosted, blocked, deleted with the quickness and NO EXPLANATION was given.

I'm gonna stop typing now with my unnecessarily wordy, for no reason, behind :lachen:
 
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@movingforward13 & @Daernyris Thank you! I never rock my Fro but I've been officially converted.



sgold04 said:
Kill 'em! :bdance:

I am convinced our natural hair has magical properties. Mine is a man magnet, one dude told me I look adventurous and could he go along for the ride :giggle:

I'm wearing it straight for now until next wash day. And I dyed it blonde :)

View attachment 403785
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I'm saying!!! I was actually surprised at the reaction and assumptions people had about me, they were all positive but it was funny nontheless.


Your hair is gorgeous!!!:drool: I want to dye mine but I'm a punk​
 
Can I just ask who this is? I need guidance in my life. And prayer isn't working,
movingforward13 said:
Weird like she could be right but it is just inconclusive. She didn't say anything to convince me 100% but she could be right as well. For example I am self employed. She said I have a job change coming in the new year, which is possible since I am looking into getting my LLC, but then she said my supervisor will try to teach me this to assist with this promotion... but I don't have coworkers or a supervisor. But again, she could be right, I have clients interviewing me for 1099 positions. One is sending me numbers to review before I accept, I have another interview today. I will go with the company paying the most and won't give as much hassle. My job gets pretty stressful when I am in the middle of an audit so anything that annoys me excessively will make me want to quit.

So like you said, probably hind sight.... if something clicks like "wow she is right", I will get another reading in a few months. But it is just inconclusive right now.
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sgold04 said:
@UniquelyDivine @Daernyris thank you!! My hair thrived after finding LHCF and natural hair vloggers. I was afraid about coloring and almost punked out the night before, but I kept telling myself that I could handle the worst case scenario (breakage). I'm watching my hair like a hawk for the next 2 months.
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I understand what you mean, I want to color but chile everybody I watch on YT has horror stories. So yah girl is scurred.
*confession*
I'm also super lazy with my hair right now (year 4, natural) and don't think I'm willing to do the work necessary to maintain the health of my hair. As I said up thread, yours looks lovely and very healthy.
 
I don't know where to put this so I'll just put it here because I like yall. But I feel like I don't have good relationships with people lately. Not just men, but friend relationships too. I've been getting flaked on a lot. Like people invite ME to things and then cancel last minute. Or don't even bother calling or texting at all. As if they found better things to do. Or like my birthday just passed. I don't really celebrate, but people always try to get me to do something. Okay. So I plan one event and "friends" act like they can't be bothered. Meanwhile I attended all of a certain friend's birthday month events :rolleyes: Couple all of that with men popping in and out of my life or them seemingly wanting to just text message, I'm over people in general right now. Which sucks, because I was looking forward to having fun this summer and being more social than ever. When I first came to DC, someone told me that she's been here for 5 years and that she "goes through people in this city", and I kinda see what she means.
 
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