*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

movingforward13 said:
Wow. Why didn't you answer? (if not too personal).
I almost didn't answer either... question took me too much by surprise.
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We were still in undergrad and we were both dating other people.

I had loved him at one point but that was over for me. He's still married to the woman and they have 3 kids....

I saw him about 1 yr and 1/2 ago and he was bringing up the past and how he thinks he made a mistake. Sighhhh.....I really should hate men for all the things ive experienced but I still here clunking along.
 
shespoison said:
Sighhhh.....I really should hate men for all the things ive experienced but I still here clunking along.
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Girl, you ain't by yourself. I'm very unsure how I feel about them at this point.
shespoison said:
I saw him about 1 yr and 1/2 ago and he was bringing up the past and how he thinks he made a mistake.
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They always think they've made a mistake when they're trying to regain access to your vagina.
 
Browndilocks said:
Kammy while I overall agree with you, I do think you overreacted a little. Did he really call to argue about why you were upset or was it that he was really trying to figure out what was wrong?
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I think he called to argue. When I answered I thought he was calling to figure it out too and I was prepared to explain (because y'all are right. Texting is no good for this and I enjoy talking to him on the phone) but he barely let me talk and was coming again with the excuses. And at one point implied because we were talking sexual we should have continued talking about that or ended the conversation. Stupid right? Must be a joke? But homeboy was serious! He was like "the conversation is not going to be normal after that. You can't expect that" I was like I'm over this right now. Going to bed. Bye. Imo he made no effort to figure out what was wrong but apologized anyway and expected me to see his point of view and let it go immediately. I don't know if that was some sort of test to see if I would let him get away with it but that pissed me off. At that point his reaction was a bigger problem. I'm not mad anymore though and I accepted the sincere apology he made this morning. We're moving past it. But this goes in the file.

shespoison said:
It wasn't that he was seeing someone else in the dream. It's how he treated me because of her. Shiiiz I'm seeing other people and we are no where near serious and haven't been in a long while. And he treated me like shizzzz in his dream too. Like, wtf is that? And for him to tell me?
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So he was being crappy irl too not just the dream? Sucks! Glad he's blocked.
 
Not relationship related, but I'm annoyed.

A "friend" of mine hits me on FB messenger like a bunch of her girlfriends rent a cottage in Martha's Vineyard, usually the 2nd week of August, would I be down. As you all know, I've been trying to be more social, so I'm like I might be able to do a few days, I have to see what my money is looking like since I'm going to Barbados the first week of September. So I tell her send me the details. She replies: Details are up but it's a private group so we get a hard yes from folks before we give them access. No worries tho. Maybe another year.

Umm, WTF? I'm supposed to agree to something that's happening only 2 months from now with knowledge of who, what, when, where or how much?

Imma need her to stay out of my inbox wasting my damn time.
 
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KammyGirl said:
I think he called to argue. When I answered I thought he was calling to figure it out too and I was prepared to explain (because y'all are right. Texting is no good for this and I enjoy talking to him on the phone) but he barely let me talk and was coming again with the excuses. And at one point implied because we were talking sexual we should have continued talking about that or ended the conversation. Stupid right? Must be a joke? But homeboy was serious! He was like "the conversation is not going to be normal after that. You can't expect that" I was like I'm over this right now. Going to bed. Bye. Imo he made no effort to figure out what was wrong but apologized anyway and expected me to see his point of view and let it go immediately. I don't know if that was some sort of test to see if I would let him get away with it but that pissed me off. At that point his reaction was a bigger problem. I'm not mad anymore though and I accepted the sincere apology he made this morning. We're moving past it. But this goes in the file.



So he was being crappy irl too not just the dream? Sucks! Glad he's blocked.
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Okay I agree with you.. but I do understand where he was coming from too. Not that he's right but seems like you got him worked up and he couldn't just turn off the way you could so perhaps the conversation should have ended. He needs more self control but he can't read your mind either. Just my pov though so still follow your gut.
 
So he was being crappy irl too not just the dream? Sucks! Glad he's blocked.[/QUOTE said:
No he wasn't being crappy irl...he just answered me honestly.... which I appreciate and to show my appreciation i blocked him. I let him hang around way too long because he's so solid when I need anything. He helped me move and saved me many times...but allowing him in my life past this point is just stupidity.
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Browndilocks said:
Okay I agree with you.. but I do understand where he was coming from too. Not that he's right but seems like you got him worked up and he couldn't just turn off the way you could so perhaps the conversation should have ended. He needs more self control but he can't read your mind either. Just my pov though so still follow your gut.
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I guess you might be right. I forget sometimes that men are simple creatures.

This goes back to my original thought about maybe me not giving enough leeway. I always worry that a man is only after sex so my guard goes up when I feel like a guy may be a little too anxious and gung ho to get it on. I know I need to chill with that. After all if all goes well it's going to happen eventually, right?

And I don't want to seem like a frigid witch that doesn't allow a man to tell me he thinks I'm sexy without turning it into a problem. (That's not what happened here but I'm always trying to be aware because I know how I do sometimes lol)
 
KammyGirl said:
I think he called to argue. When I answered I thought he was calling to figure it out too and I was prepared to explain (because y'all are right. Texting is no good for this and I enjoy talking to him on the phone) but he barely let me talk and was coming again with the excuses. And at one point implied because we were talking sexual we should have continued talking about that or ended the conversation. Stupid right? Must be a joke? But homeboy was serious! He was like "the conversation is not going to be normal after that. You can't expect that" I was like I'm over this right now. Going to bed. Bye. Imo he made no effort to figure out what was wrong but apologized anyway and expected me to see his point of view and let it go immediately. I don't know if that was some sort of test to see if I would let him get away with it but that pissed me off. At that point his reaction was a bigger problem. I'm not mad anymore though and I accepted the sincere apology he made this morning. We're moving past it. But this goes in the file.



So he was being crappy irl too not just the dream? Sucks! Glad he's blocked.
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I wouldn't like that either. And my mind would go to: is this what he's like irl? So if we chillin, then things get sexual, then I want those sexual things to stop, is he gonna get an attitude and leave cuz he can't control himself? I'm sure this is normal for some people, but some guys really do know how to turn it off/calm down. Not just 'you made me horny and we not gonna finish? Ok well I'll see you later '. Yeaaa not for me.
 
MzLady78 said:
Not relationship related, but I'm annoyed.

A "friend" of mine hits me on FB messenger like a bunch of her girlfriends rent a cottage in Martha's Vineyard, usually the 2nd week of August, would I be down. As you all know, I've been trying to be more social, so I'm like I might be able to do a few days, I have to see what my money is looking like since I'm going to Barbados the first week of September. So I tell her send me the details. She replies: Details are up but it's a private group so we get a hard yes from folks before we give them access. No worries tho. Maybe another year.

Umm, WTF? I'm supposed to agree to something that's happening only 2 months from now with knowledge of who, what, when, where or how much?

Imma need her to stay out of my inbox wasting my damn time.
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She needed a hard yes without knowing how much you'll have to pay? How many people will be there? How many rooms the cottage has? I mean it can get pretty expensive. I go every year (for the past few years) and it gets very expensive. I usually go around end of August though. But that was silly of her. She should have given you the details along with the offer to come and then said what do you think? You didn't even need access to the fb group.
 
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KammyGirl said:
She needed a hard yes without knowing how much you'll have to pay? How many people will be there? How many rooms the cottage has? I mean it can get pretty expensive. I go every year (for the past few years) and it gets very expensive. I usually go around end of August though. But that was silly of her. She should have given you the details along with thw offee to come and then said what do you think? You didn't even need access to the fb group.
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Exactly. And I really was interested because I've never been.

This is why I can't be bothered with people and their foolishness.
 
MzLady78 said:
Not relationship related, but I'm annoyed.

A "friend" of mine hits me on FB messenger like a bunch of her girlfriends rent a cottage in Martha's Vineyard, usually the 2nd week of August, would I be down. As you all know, I've been trying to be more social, so I'm like I might be able to do a few days, I have to see what my money is looking like since I'm going to Barbados the first week of September. So I tell her send me the details. She replies: Details are up but it's a private group so we get a hard yes from folks before we give them access. No worries tho. Maybe another year.

Umm, WTF? I'm supposed to agree to something that's happening only 2 months from now with knowledge of who, what, when, where or how much?

Imma need her to stay out of my inbox wasting my damn time.
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Does not compute: A "hard yes" before giving details? Annoying, but I'm sure you are avoiding horrible travel buddies.

I was thinking of doing my bday trip to MV during the Af-Am film festival in August, but this year doesn't work for me.
 
qchelle said:
I wouldn't like that either. And my mind would go to: is this what he's like irl? So if we chillin, then things get sexual, then I want those sexual things to stop, is he gonna get an attitude and leave cuz he can't control himself? I'm sure this is normal for some people, but some guys really do know how to turn it off/calm down. Not just 'you made me horny and we not gonna finish? Ok well I'll see you later '. Yeaaa not for me.
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you took the words right out of my mouth.

like, if i say no even though we're making out, will dude just take it because he has no self control?

i stick to my yellow flag. dark yellow. maybe even orange.
 
So this is not really relationship related I think I may have mentioned this woman in this thread before. A woman that I work with that is just so bitter about men and she's overall a pretty unpleasant person but her and I have never had any major problems. Yesterday she called herself not speaking to me because she "thought I was talking to her some kind of way". So instead of telling me she just decides she's not speaking to me. So I go over to her and try to figure out what was going on and said jokingly "you call yourself not speaking to me?" because I really wasn't taking it that seriously at that point. And she said yeah because you being stink so I need a break from you. Mind you this woman is incredibly nasty, rude and dismissive to everyone! So since it seemed like she didn't want to squash it I said OK, fine and walked away. She then comes over to my desk and she's like "you don't realize how you talk to people" Again, this woman is quite rude and nasty so I was shocked by that and initially balked and was like "how *I* speak to people? Are you serious right now?" But I really don't have time for this foolishness with a 50+ year old woman so I said listen you said you don't want to talk so we don't have to. Cool.

My problem is I considered this woman - in all her toxic glory - a friend. But her actions told me she doesn't feel the same. MY FRIEND would have called me out on it if she thought I was talking to her some kind of way and I as HER FRIEND would have had an opportunity to tell her I wasn't doing that and actually apologize if she thought so (I don't mind apologizing to someone I consider a friend if I've hurt them in any way or there's been a misunderstanding because ya know, I'm an adult and normal!) But MY COWORKER decided to treat me the way she treats everyone else in the office. Wave me off, shoo me away with her hand, put her headphones in while I was talking like I wasn't there, etc. So fine. I'm good. We don't have to speak at all.

This is the problem with having what I call "default friends". It's always a fine line for some. They still keep you in that coworker box when there is some sort of conflict instead of handling it like they would actual friends. But no doubt I was firmly in that friend box when she took my $300+ that I told her she didn't have to pay back because she was broke as hell. Sometimes I can't stand people and this is why I can count on one hand the actual friends I've made in my places of work. 4 friends to be exact. Me and this woman are done.
 
Mini vent... I will NEVER go on a vacation with another female for longer than 3 days again :look:. 7 days with another bih in my space is just too much. I'm riding solo for a while when I travel because I can't do this. I'm having fun but I can't do this any more :lol:.

I think I need a man to travel with then I wouldn't have to compromise on what I want to do... he'd just go along with whatever it is I want to do :lol:. I'm not a go with the flow type person when I travel. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it :look:.
 
bellatiamarie said:
Mini vent... I will NEVER go on a vacation with another female for longer than 3 days again :look:. 7 days with another bih in my space is just too much. I'm riding solo for a while when I travel because I can't do this. I'm having fun but I can't do this any more :lol:.

I think I need a man to travel with then I wouldn't have to compromise on what I want to do... he'd just go along with whatever it is I want to do :lol:. I'm not a go with the flow type person when I travel. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it :look:.
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Girl. 4 days is my max then I'm ready to cuss folks out :laugh: I've learned that lesson the hard way.
 
So I've been talking to this guy for about two weeks now and he intrigues me more and more each day, we went on a date this past weekend for the first time and while he's not my average "Type" I was still attracted to him.

So far he has been nothing but a total gentleman and he is GROWN with grown man conversation and very much an alpha male, pro black, pro black woman and black love.


I'm going to have to watch myself with this one :look:
 
bellatiamarie said:
Mini vent... I will NEVER go on a vacation with another female for longer than 3 days again :look:. 7 days with another bih in my space is just too much. I'm riding solo for a while when I travel because I can't do this. I'm having fun but I can't do this any more :lol:.

I think I need a man to travel with then I wouldn't have to compromise on what I want to do... he'd just go along with whatever it is I want to do :lol:. I'm not a go with the flow type person when I travel. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it :look:.
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Who YOU tellin'? Years ago I made the mistake of agreeing to go on a trip with a male family friend (strictly platonic) and after a few days, I ditched his boring behind. In my case, he asked me along because he is somewhat socially awkward and wanted a companion, but we were in a partying type of city and he had 1 drink and just wanted to people watch and museum hop the whole time. I wanted to get straight ignant on this trip :look:. So I bounced.
 
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