*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

So what had happen. I was invited by Jah to this international thing. We have been seeing each other frequently, like every other day. I have been having a hard time emotionally because a male mentor who is much older than me has been showing been becoming increasingly unprofessional. It broke my heart because I tired of men trying to take advantage of me. This is especially hard with the trauma I been through as a child. I just really need positive male role models who are not trying to get into my pants. Every institute designed to protect me has failed in that aspect to provide me with protection as a young girl. My nuclear family, the military, marriage, now this bloke. He proved me right. That each male mentor based relationship I have will end up in objectification. I hate to be like that, but it has been proven time and again. People stepping out of the scope of their roles to be down right yucky towards me. Now I feel I will not get the same quality of care if I spur advances. They say they can keep it professional, but each admission I permit is a test to further their offense.

So last night, I really did not feel like going out. I was going out to be supportive. My anger may have been misplaced. But to see my man (my man ha!, a man that I have been getting close to) objectified in a mentor/ business relationship, and in entertainment, you have to permit some objectification, it is the nature of the business. But then try to shade me, his guest, I was ready to f* s*** up. I was already in my feelings about the day. I kept it cute.

But him, he needs to address her. Men act obtuse or compartmentalize advances from women. I can understand "fans" but when it comes down to operations, he needs to set boundaries. My granny was like don't make waves, she is out the door as far as business is concerned, but nope, on a personal level, I should be able to speak up and he should be able to address the problem.
 
KammyGirl said:
I'm not sure. I think there are a few shops in Brooklyn but I'm not familiar and not sure you'll want to travel that far.
paging @SlimPickinz @HappyMadison any ideas?
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@TwoSnapsUp
I have never ordered from Amazon, but I know several people who get them from there. All eggs need to be cleansed prior to their use regardless so it should be fine. So just inspect it to make sure there are no cracks and purify it.
 
So yeah, he spoke to her last night. I was on a tight schedule because I had another event. I pulled him aside just to give him the play for the night. I play my position when it comes to events. Tell me why not even five minutes, she comes all the way from the other side of the venue to outside to the veranda on some BS. So I excused myself.

Look y'all don't understand, she would position herself near him, rub on his shoulders. Lipsyncing to his music in an over exaggerated manner. I don't even know the words to the one he wrote about me (that makes 4 songs and a mention. MUSE! GODDESS! lol) She asked Lady Reggae why I was in VIP? We all were hanging out last Sunday, just Jah, LR and me and I have been with him for about 3 months. Catch up. I was a guest otherwise I don't show up. She was following him, had to get his attention every time we interacted. Just looking mad insecure.

It made everyone uncomfortable. I told him that it will effect him as an artist, because it will make you look unapproachable to fans. This is your manager!!! I don't even want to go there with her professional skills. She was making a fool of herself, but she was trying to do it at my expense, so I have to speak on it.

I am glad he addressed it before I said something, because I was really about to talk to him about it. Dating in this industry is not new to me, but she is a manager. This is unbelievable to me. I told him he was about to become a problem for me. Got too much going on. Becoming a gatekeeper is not my style.
 
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I need a new roster. I had 3. #1 who I agreed to try again with even though my pms almost had me missing out on him. #2 who is nice but not man enough for me and #3 who is turning out to be a total f*boy for real.

Yesterday I spent the day with #2. Planned to go to the BBQ festival alone but he wanted to come. Fine. (This is also how I know I'm not feeling him like that. I didn't even think to invite him to this. I wanted #1 to take me but he's in ATL this weekend) So anyway we go to the festival. Have a great time. He can tell toward the end I'm getting bored so he suggests movies later. I agree even though I haven't been to the movies in ages.

We get there and when you buy tickets at the kiosk you have to pick seats on the screen now! I was annoyed but the theater is like all luxury now with lots of space and reclining seats. We go in and there is an entire family sitting in our seats. He won't tell them to move he just says let's sit down here. :confused: What? I was like so if someone comes and asks us to move then what? I'm going to be pissed. And guess what? Couple comes in and dude walks straight up to my date and said "sorry bro these are our seats" While his dainty girl hung in the back like she should while her man got these idiots (us!) out of their seats. How embarrassing. So I'm like now what? We gonna play musical chairs or you gonna ask the people to move out of the seats you paid for! Like wtf??? The whole thing turned me all the way off.

After the movie I honestly was still stewing about this so I was like I'm going to call it a night. He's like I'll walk you to the train. It's after midnight! I'm not taking no damn train. I just looked at him and was like nah you can go I'll catch a cab since he wasn't about to do it. I didn't even message him when I got home. He's benched. His whole lackadaisical attitude turned me off.
 
And #3 was texting me asking me where I was. I didn't respond until later when I was on my way home and all I said was "out". Then I asked if I would see him tomorrow. His response was Absolutely not since you can't answer a question. I want a name of venue. When I didn't respond he starts being an idiot saying things like you need to be tested before I see you (I couldn't figure out if he meant for std's or putting me through some damn mind games I didn't ask because I don't care) ans how he controls the image i have of him. I don't have time for this so I chucked the deuces in my text and said night night. I blocked him and I woke up this morning to several voicemails. Which btw samsung galaxy on Android is stupid. I can block calls and texts but I can still see texts in the blocked folder if I happen to click in there and when they call, my phone won't ring but they can still leave voicemails that I actually receive and can listen to. Wth is the point of the block. I want no contact whatsoever with this fool. I don't know where men like him come from but he's done. Off the team altogether.

I can't wait for #1 to get back. I also wanted to add that it has been a lot easier for me to let go of bs dudes and while my vetting process still needs a bit of work once I vet them and I see what they're about the block comes easily. I hope to save myself a lot of heartache from here on out. I could totally see my old self getting caught up on merry go round with #3. Trying to get his attention and win his approval. Nah it don't work like that. Good day sir.
 
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KammyGirl said:
I need a new roster. I had 3. #1 who I agreed to try again with even though my pms almost had me missing out on him. #2 who is nice but not man enough for me and #3 who is turning out to be a total f*boy for real.

Yesterday I spent the day with #2. Planned to go to the BBQ festival alone but he wanted to come. Fine. (This is also how I know I'm not feeling him like that. I didn't even think to invite him to this. I wanted #1 to take me but he's in ATL this weekend) So anyway we go to the festival. Have a great time. He can tell toward the end I'm getting bored so he suggests movies later. I agree even though I haven't been to the movies in ages.

We get there and when you buy tickets at the kiosk you have to pick seats on the screen now! I was annoyed but the theater is like all luxury now with lots of space and reclining seats. We go in and there is an entire family sitting in our seats. He won't tell them to move he just says let's sit down here. :confused: What? I was like so if someone comes and asks us to move then what? I'm going to be pissed. And guess what? Couple comes in and dude walks straight up to my date and said "sorry bro these are our seats" While his dainty girl hung in the back like she should while her man got these idiots (us!) out of their seats. How embarrassing. So I'm like now what? We gonna play musical chairs or you gonna ask the people to move out of the seats you paid for! Like wtf??? The whole thing turned me all the way off.

After the movie I honestly was still stewing about this so I was like I'm going to call it a night. He's like I'll walk you to the train. It's after midnight! I'm not taking no damn train. I just looked at him and was like nah you can go I'll catch a cab since he wasn't about to do it. I didn't even message him when I got home. He's benched. His whole lackadaisical attitude turned me off.
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block him. my exh was a wuss like this. terribly beta. run!
 
Yea, I have some hamster wheel days now that I'm living in a city that isn't popping like the one I left, but I'm determined to make the best of it because boredom causes backslides for me.

I'm doing a group run once a week (Mondays) with a local running group. I'm not much of a runner (I'm way more of a hiker) but running clubs are one of the few ways out here to meet and socialize with people. It actually might be the only way. :look:

So I have that, the rock climbing group, and a nature-based roadtrip maybe once a month. Whew. Being single is exhausting but I have no time to sit still. Sitting still gets me in my feels. Life goes on whether I find the one or not.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Met this dude last week and he talked a good game about meeting up, bla bla blah and now he expects me to plan a first date?

These dudes really out here trying to be courted.

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If the word "date" is too much pressure, then "commitment" "monogamy" and "relationship" will give him a heart attack. He's a commitment-phobe. These are the red flags the book Attached talks about when keeping an eye out for avoidant partners. I'd keep it moving.
 
DarkJoy said:
My life is boring also ladies. Think Ill have to try and spice it up with... something. imma try and not go straight home from work at least 1 day a week. maybe hit a happy hour somewhere.
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This is what I need to do.

I'm in such a more lively part of town now, and I really haven't taken advantage of it at all. And now that my job has moved to downtown Boston, there's really no excuse. You can spit and hit a bar or something else to do, especially in the summer.
 
@KammyGirl thats such a turn off (movie guy). I can't stand mitch-made men. The other dude sounds controlling and manipulative, glad you blocked him.

Reading these tales has me thinking I should post more of my dating stories here, it's so EASY to see red flags in someone else's situation, but red flags in my relationships don't become clear until later. Posting in this thread may help me recognize things earlier...

But I have no stories to tell at this point. I have an awesome cut buddy, but that's it. I turn down dudes left and right here. I'm not artsy, but I need to find where the more free-spirited, artistic men are in this city, I'm not down for these conservative types. I didn't want to date long distance, but it will have to be an option I think.
 
Been reading some relationship stuff lately about being more open to men (which I am NOT, naturally) and I think it might be working. This morning I woke up and picked out a cute dress to go to church in, paired it with the heels I bought for my interview two weeks ago, and wore my hair down. One of my guy friends came up to me after service and was unusually chatty and affectionate. It wasn't much, but it made me think there might be something to all of this after all.

It highlighted how self conscious I can be about being open with men even when I'm being totally appropriate. My filter is so skewed. The whole time, part of me was thinking what if people see me and think, "look at her flirting with this guy," and the other part of me was thinking what does it matter, just own it! I think this is progress. I have to learn not to minimize myself because of what others might think.
 
sgold04 said:
If the word "date" is too much pressure, then "commitment" "monogamy" and "relationship" will give him a heart attack. He's a commitment-phobe. These are the red flags the book Attached talks about when keeping an eye out for avoidant partners. I'd keep it moving.
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Sooo true! Even after I told him I expect a man to make plans he hit me up last minute inviting to some pool party he was going to AFTER I told him I already had plans that evening.

I blocked him.
 
In 'Boy Bye' News...

In the last month I've had three guys hit me up through text on some "Hey, are you coming back to Texas?" and "We miss you here" mess. I didn't even have these numbers saved and had to be reminded of who these clowns were. These were guys I went on a few dates with but nothing materialized because they were in their YOLO phase-- traveling, partying, and wanting to see what all was out there. I guess now that it is starting to get old, their wallets are getting thinner, and the casual sex is drying up-- they are cycling back. None of those guys are up to my new standards, especially since I met some amazing guys out west who have everything on my checklist (and more). But I'll admit, it is my fault. I showed through my actions back then that I was a low value chick and they hit me up expecting me to be flattered by their re-emergence in basica fashion. It's too bad I poured one out for the woman I used to be months ago. New standards, who dis?

So no, I'm not coming back to Texas anytime soon. I loved it there, but I want to head farther west, and as a single woman, I'm not in a rush to call any place home until I check out a few cities. I've already made connections with recruiters in Colorado, California, and Oregon. I've also put in a request to be 100% remote for my current position which means I could live anywhere (even overseas). Should have tied me down when you had the chance boys. I made it clear with them that I've moved on, I'm chasing the paper and looking for my own personal happiness, so they are all BLOCKED and cancelled. The nerve! Move faster next time. Good riddance.
 
@SurferBabe I was recently hired for a remote position at my organization. I'm sooooo excited! More money + freedom from geographical shackles. :bounceline:

I renewed my lease before I got the offer so I'll be in my current city until early summer next year, then I'm out! (Unless I meet bae). My Wander Year is going to start offering month long work abroad programs, so I'll probably take advantage of that program a few times. My new job entails a lot of domestic travel so I can't do a year long program.
 
sgold04 said:
@SurferBabe I was recently hired for a remote position at my organization. I'm sooooo excited! More money + freedom from geographical shackles. :bounceline:

I renewed my lease before I got the offer so I'll be in my current city until early summer next year, then I'm out! (Unless I meet bae). My Wander Year is going to start offering month long work abroad programs, so I'll probably take advantage of that program a few times. My new job entails a lot of domestic travel so I can't do a year long program.
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Congrats! That's awesome! It feels so good not to be tied down geographically. I need to check out My Wander Year. I'm used to the longer term programs and like you, I'm not sure if I'd want to commit for that long. I'm going to put in my request in August and plan to have a few job offers on the table so there is a bargaining tool. :look: Do you have any places in mind? Keep us updated.
 
SurferBabe said:
Congrats! That's awesome! It feels so good not to be tied down geographically. I need to check out My Wander Year. I'm used to the longer term programs and like you, I'm not sure if I'd want to commit for that long. I'm going to put in my request in August and plan to have a few job offers on the table so there is a bargaining tool. :look: Do you have any places in mind? Keep us updated.
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Thank you!! I'll most likely keep my home base in the south for the next few years due to cost of living. Atlanta is like my second home, so that's most likely my next move, but who knows where life will take me. I'm looking forward to being able to go home (Cali) for 2-3 weeks at a time and not take vacation days, I'll also spend a lot more time in NYC and DC methinks (my cup runneth over with quality men in both cities).
 
sgold04 said:
Thank you!! I'll most likely keep my home base in the south for the next few years due to cost of living. Atlanta is like my second home, so that's most likely my next move, but who knows where life will take me. I'm looking forward to being able to go home (Cali) for 2-3 weeks at a time and not take vacation days, I'll also spend a lot more time in NYC and DC methinks (my cup runneth over with quality men in both cities).
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The great thing about working remotely is that you don't have to worry about daily commute time so it opens up where you can live. If single women had more flexibility in where we could live, I guarantee this process would be much easier. Have yourself some potentials on each coast :look:
 
KammyGirl said:
Which btw samsung galaxy on Android is stupid. I can block calls and texts but I can still see texts in the blocked folder if I happen to click in there and when they call, my phone won't ring but they can still leave voicemails that I actually receive and can listen to. Wth is the point of the block.
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I wish I had that type of block... iPhone COMPLETELY blocks texts. You could still get voicemails though if they are left.
 
@SurferBabe & @sgold04 your recent posts have helped me so much. Very inspiring. Y'all seem so free :) My friend is currently doing MWY and I'm so jealous of him haha.

My male coworker keeps asking why I won't buy a home now. Ive been in this city for 1.5 years. Next year I'll be able to work remote with my current employer or apply somewhere else and be able to be remote, so I don't think its a good idea to purchase plus I can't see myself living here and settling. It just seems so foreign to some people here. He's also always clocking my money and traveling. It's very annoying. Sorry for the rant.
 
I forgot to mention, Friday I didn't feel like going straight home so I went to one of the places @prettyinpurple mentioned a while back for happy hour. I just sat at the bar, ordered a drink and some food. At one point a guy teased me about me not liking my drink (I guess I pulled a face at one point) but I couldn't work up the courage to really flirt. Baby steps I guess! It was my first time going to a happy hour alone and it wasn't bad at all!
 
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