*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

UniquelyDivine said:
So are saying Texas is basically full of man heaux? Makes sense :scratchchin: Every dude I know from Texas is a TRIP but I came from the land of betas too :spinning: every dude I've met so far has been a transfer to Texas though, I'm going to need to rework my strategy.
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Well sort of, but no more than any other bustling metro area. I'm speaking more along the lines of being super alphas who love the chase and have some strong game. These were the exact type of men G.L. Lambert talked about in MDLWLY. I'm not used to that at all :look:. I had the betas on lock. I was used to men chasing while I paid them dust. Then I went to Houston and got my world rocked.

All I can say is, the quality men know where they stand. They are used to women falling hard and quickly. What shakes them up is when a woman withholds her emotional investment. That's where I failed. You have to be confident and on your game at all times. Keep your standards very high and don't make exceptions out of fear that the guy will move on. Sure you should do this with every man, but stuff like this comes naturally when dealing with betas because 9 of of 10 times, we are not that into them anyway. A true alpha, on the other hand, will have your nose wide open. I don't care how much money and prestige those Dallas men have, make them work. Treat them in a way that no other woman does. Had I been smarter then, I wouldn't have gone through almost a year of heartache.
 
@gimbap I got the audiobook for free with an audible trial. I don't think I would have been able to handle it if I had to read it. I'm liking it so far. The guy narrating is cracking me up though. Lol

How many times have you been out with him and what time were you planning on going? You were going hiking so I assume it was going to be a daytime date? How's the weather where you are? What about a picnic? Tell him to get some good food, pack a picnic and head to the park. I can't think of anything else that keeps him off his ankle. Movies maybe? But I hate going to the movies with men I just started seeing because I want to talk.
 
KammyGirl said:
I didn't even think of that because this dude has no game...like at all. He's completely transparent. No games and I like it. It's definitely a change for me. But you're right. I'd still like to have the discussion but not in a way where I'm handing him a guide book on how to please me.
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I think it's great that he asked you what your needs are. Even if his intention is to trick you into having sex after your needs are met, you don't have to have sex if you don't want to. I don't think you are that simple minded from what I can gather about your personality.

My point is, go ahead and spell out your needs. Use a drawing board if you have to. Many of us that have been in (stable) relationships/marriages for a while will tell you even the smartest, most well meaning of men aren't mind readers. Even after years together they still need to be told and reminded of their partners needs. Plus needs can change over time. If you think he is a promising match, waiting for him to figure you out will be time wasting and possibly frustrating for both of you.
 
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gimbap said:
So I'm trying to plan our next date, and he agreed to go hiking with me, but now he legit hurt his ankle, like it's bandaged and everything. I don't know what to do outside of dinner (done that) or going to his place (want to avoid for obvious reasons). Any suggestions?
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Can he walk at all? If so:
Picnic? It will take a bit of walking on his part, but if there are places near you with easy parking and a lot of green space, it could work.

Movies: y'all won't be talking though lol. (or something similar, a play, book reading, poetry reading...whatever y'all are into...some place he can be stationary).

Brunch: it's like dinner I guess, but still, a little variation.
 
KammyGirl said:
@gimbap I got the audiobook for free with an audible trial. I don't think I would have been able to handle it if I had to read it. I'm liking it so far. The guy narrating is cracking me up though. Lol

How many times have you been out with him and what time were you planning on going? You were going hiking so I assume it was going to be a daytime date? How's the weather where you are? What about a picnic? Tell him to get some good food, pack a picnic and head to the park. I can't think of anything else that keeps him off his ankle. Movies maybe? But I hate going to the movies with men I just started seeing because I want to talk.
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This will be my 3rd time out with him. We were supposed to go in the late afternoon/early evening. Yeah picnic will be good if it stops raining by the weekend. Or maybe paint nite? Idk.
 
Besides Attached, the only other relationship book I've read that has been discussed lately on lhcf has been Calling in the One. I had to stop reading it because it started to have a strange effect on my love life. Every guy I was talking to & all potential love interests completely disappeared. I had nobody. It was scary. I thought the book was cursing me, and things got better when I stopped reading it. I still have the book, but I'm afraid to read it.

I realized yesterday that Jai is like an Asian version of my father, and I'm freaking out a little. The same mannerisms, and way of speaking. The same shyness. I don't know where this is going to go.
 
SurferBabe said:
Well sort of, but no more than any other bustling metro area. I'm speaking more along the lines of being super alphas who love the chase and have some strong game. These were the exact type of men G.L. Lambert talked about in MDLWLY. I'm not used to that at all :look:. I had the betas on lock. I was used to men chasing while I paid them dust. Then I went to Houston and got my world rocked.

All I can say is, the quality men know where they stand. They are used to women falling hard and quickly. What shakes them up is when a woman withholds her emotional investment. That's where I failed. You have to be confident and on your game at all times. Keep your standards very high and don't make exceptions out of fear that the guy will move on. Sure you should do this with every man, but stuff like this comes naturally when dealing with betas because 9 of of 10 times, we are not that into them anyway. A true alpha, on the other hand, will have your nose wide open. I don't care how much money and prestige those Dallas men have, make them work. Treat them in a way that no other woman does. Had I been smarter then, I wouldn't have gone through almost a year of heartache.
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Yep, I always remind my little cousins that none of these men are limited edition!
 
Ipanema said:
Besides Attached, the only other relationship book I've read that has been discussed lately on lhcf has been Calling in the One. I had to stop reading it because it started to have a strange effect on my love life. Every guy I was talking to & all potential love interests completely disappeared. I had nobody. It was scary. I thought the book was cursing me, and things got better when I stopped reading it. I still have the book, but I'm afraid to read it.

I realized yesterday that Jai is like an Asian version of my father, and I'm freaking out a little. The same mannerisms, and way of speaking. The same shyness. I don't know where this is going to go.
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That is interesting. How far into the book? Maybe the clearing happened to make room for the guys who would suit the "new" you.
 
keyawarren said:
That is interesting. How far into the book? Maybe the clearing happened to make room for the guys who would suit the "new" you.
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I'm not even sure because I didn't change. I had to stop at Week Two. It was making me feel helpless and weak. I don't think it's a good idea to deal with men in general while feeling vulnerable and raw, especially while dating. That is how the book made me feel. I also wondered about the author, and her intentions. Also, it's not hard for a ww to find a bm in her circumstances, lol.

Attached made me feel more empowered.
 
Ipanema said:
I'm not even sure because I didn't change. I had to stop at Week Two. It was making me feel helpless and weak. I don't think it's a good idea to deal with men in general while feeling vulnerable and raw, especially while dating. That is how the book made me feel. I also wondered about the author, and her intentions. Also, it's not hard for a ww to find a bm in her circumstances, lol.

Attached made me feel more empowered.
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I see.

I finished the book. The thing is that I don't like her pov, but I feel that the questions and exercises have value.
 
Ipanema said:
I think they have value, too, but maybe while taking a break from relationships and focusing on self. Her book forced me into a break. :laugh: I don't know exactly how, but I take issue with that.

What didn't you like about her pov?
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It's nothing against it. At the time, I just didn't subscribe to her beliefs. I still recommend the book because the framework is solid and I think it's great for introspection.
 
So this dude hasn't hit me back about whether he's going to Barbados or not. Availability is already limited since it's Labor Day, so I went ahead a booked an apartment on the beach for $413 for the week. I can cancel for free until August in the event that he actually comes through.

I'm going to try to lose some weight before then, we'll see how that goes. I say that before every vacation. :lol: But I have over 3 months this time, it's doable.
 
MzLady78 said:
So this dude hasn't hit me back about whether he's going to Barbados or not. Availability is already limited since it's Labor Day, so I went ahead a booked an apartment on the beach for $413 for the week. I can cancel for free until August in the event that he actually comes through.

I'm going to try to lose some weight before then, we'll see how that goes. I say that before every vacation. :lol: But I have over 3 months this time, it's doable.
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I love Barbados! Ugh you are going to have so much fun! Pleaseeeeeeee pack sunscreen and apply the sunscreen liberally. You will burn if you are outside that Barbadian sun isn't any thing to play with.
 
SlimPickinz said:
Question ladies!

If a man tells you he knows he's not financially stable enough to pursue a long term relationship what would you think of him? Would you appreciate the honesty? Would you think he was trying to clown you? Thoughts, concerns, further questions are welcome!
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I'd think it was an excuse for not wanting a long term relationship. He could figure out a way to date on a budget. Just saving face with that line.

He's better off being honest and saying that he wants something casual. I'd respect that.
 
SlimPickinz said:
Question ladies!

If a man tells you he knows he's not financially stable enough to pursue a long term relationship what would you think of him? Would you appreciate the honesty? Would you think he was trying to clown you? Thoughts, concerns, further questions are welcome!
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I would assume he was making an excuse but I would also appreciate him being honest in his own round about way, don't have time for broke or emotionally unavailable men. I wouldn't take it as him trying to clown me at all, if he's telling the truth then he clearly realizes you're used to a certain lifestyle and he isn't on that level.
 
SlimPickinz said:
Question ladies!

If a man tells you he knows he's not financially stable enough to pursue a long term relationship what would you think of him? Would you appreciate the honesty? Would you think he was trying to clown you? Thoughts, concerns, further questions are welcome!
Click to expand...
Quite honestly I wouldn't think anything of him other than he isn't for me. No thoughts or feelings on the subject. I don't care about his honesty or even what he's trying to get at by telling me this. All I hear is he cannot pursue a long term relationship. Unless I only wanted to play with him I wouldn't even entertain him.
 
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