*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

i've been reading a lot. Mostly self help books that were recommended here on the site. I feel like I'm reading one book....and then reading another book to understand the previous book...and then I start reading another book to understand that one :lachen:. It feels good to not even think about men and only work on myself. Right now i'm into:
-Men don't love women like you
-Mr. Unavailable & The Fallback girl
-The dreamer and the fantasy relationship
-Attachment Theory

I've learned so much about myself and the patterns I keep falling into with men. It's kind of liberating. I've been avoiding going back out there and dating since March for fear of being too vulnerable to BS and not being strong enough to avoid it. Now, I'm starting to feel really good to go out there and test what i've learned.
 
MzLady78 said:
I read MU&TFG, that was a tough one to get through cuz was the EPITOME of a fallback girl. :nono:

I was in the middle of TD&TFR, stopped to read Attached since I checked it out the library and had limited time to finish.
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Yesss...I'm still in the middle of "Mr. Unavailable and the fall back girl". I don't think there is anything in that book the author didn't touch on and all of it applied to me too :(. I'm just starting on the "Attached" book. I'm reading all of them at once, but it's kind of cool because when you ARE the type of girl these books are referring to, they all seem to go hand in hand with each other.
 
So I have a troll. This guy is seriously ridiculous. He texts me non stop telling me what he's doing and how his life is going. When I engage he turns into an idiot. Last night he's texting me and I'm only half replying because I'm bored and have nothing to do. Finally I stop responding and he says "I met this girl that I really like. I'm scared. She's going to hurt me I just know it and that's why I've been being an ass" He's going on and on about this person and somewhere in the middle of reading the foolishness I realize he's talking about me. I still don't respond. At like 1am he texts me and says I met a girl while I was out tonight and she offered to cook me a home cooked meal. Of course I don't respond. This morning on my way to work I text him saying "Cool. Text her at 1am next time instead of me" He responds oh no she'd never let me do that. She wouldn't tolerate it. I ignored him and now he's texting me all morning going on and on saying how he's going to encourage her to teach me how to treat him. Smh Man my blocked list is getting awfully long.
 
SurferBabe said:
The gag is that-- there ain't no chick! :lol:. SMH at a grown behind man using an imaginary 'girlfriend' to make a woman jealous. :nono:
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Right! My first thought was he met a chick and he couldn't wait to tell me? Why? We aren't besties. So I had a sneaking suspicion that she didn't exist and it took everything I had in me not to act a fool. Like dude stop trolling me.
 
Well damn @KammyGirl

So my iPhone 6 Plus got crushed yesterday in an accident.... Got a new phone- Rose Gold 128 GB 7 Plus (It was much needed anyway due to needing space on my phone) but the last time my phone contacts were backed up was like YEARS ago. Now I am going through all numbers either trying to delete them or see if the number is still valid. Lots of blocked numbers. New numbers I need are missing. This is a mess. Morale of the story ALWAYS back up your iPhone- delete things if you don't have enough space.
 
I saw a dead bird the other day. Usually when I see dead animals it signifies the "death" of something (i.e. "death" of a relationship, income, etc).

I feel exhausted. Like I have no more fight left in me. I'm getting hit from every possible angle: Romantically, financially, kid acting like he has no sense, and hair got messed up. I can't really lean on anyone because everyone has their own thing going on. I'm tired of feeling alone :cry3:

I have more down days than up days. But I was happy for a little bit. Guess it's back to "normal"
 
whosthatcurl said:
I saw a dead bird the other day. Usually when I see dead animals it signifies the "death" of something (i.e. "death" of a relationship, income, etc).

I feel exhausted. Like I have no more fight left in me. I'm getting hit from every possible angle: Romantically, financially, kid acting like he has no sense, and hair got messed up. I can't really lean on anyone because everyone has their own thing going on. I'm tired of feeling alone :cry3:

I have more down days than up days. But I was happy for a little bit. Guess it's back to "normal"
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:bighug::bighug:
 
Dposh167 said:
Yesss...I'm still in the middle of "Mr. Unavailable and the fall back girl". I don't think there is anything in that book the author didn't touch on and all of it applied to me too :(. I'm just starting on the "Attached" book. I'm reading all of them at once, but it's kind of cool because when you ARE the type of girl these books are referring to, they all seem to go hand in hand with each other.
Click to expand...

Self-improvement is always good, but don't get too caught up in feeling like you're too flawed right now to find love. Look around you at the people you know who are in relationships and married. Are they perfect? Did they always choose wisely? When you've been single for a while, it is easy to get caught up in trying to become highly enlightened about your situation, but most people out here aren't on that level and they don't plan to be-- yet they find partner after partner. There is no special sauce they have-- they just got lucky. You can get lucky as well. Improve yourself for you and not because you feel like you need to be perfect to attract a man because these men are still flawed yet they feel entitled to love. In one of the books I spoke about earlier, It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single, the author touches on the basic goodness most of us have that we overlook because we equate finding a life partner to being a worthy individual. How many of us have shown through countless selfless acts that we are compassionate, patient, and kind individuals? How many of us have proven through our accomplishments that we are reliable and resourceful? The fact that we're reading book after book to figure out the why is proof enough that we're dedicated to becoming the best people we can be in order to attract a companion to shower with our unconditional love. What more do you need to do to prove that you can be someone's wife? Most of these men haven't done even a quarter of that. You just need some luck on your side. We all do.

So even if you've spent years being the FBG, it doesn't matter. You were the FBG because no one else came along at the right time to change your mind about what to expect in a relationship. I grew up around FBGs. They got married. They were their regular flawed selves and yet one day they got lucky and ran across men who wanted to commit. It's about being in the right place, at the right time, with the right people on enough occasions to finally strike gold. That's it.
 
I'm in a great mood today. Looking forward to my weekend with this beautiful weather. Should I go to the Brooklyn Museum or do the zoo instead? I said I'd never visit another zoo again but I kinda want to. I miss the animals. Then therapy and maybe some lunch at my fav Mexican place. I really wish Elberta's on Flatbush hadn't closed. I really liked that place and that was always my first choice on lazy Saturday and Sunday afternoons.

One more day to the work week and then I'm all mine for the weekend!
 
So we had date no 6 today. He told me he has not been on any other date in 3 weeks since he now spends all his free time with me. I was like:look::look:

Date 7 on Saturday. His kiss goodnight makes me :badgirl:.

He is so wrong for me I won't even mind when the time comes and you ladies say I told you so. Go ahead. This might be a mistake I am 100% ready to make though I know it is a bad bad one.:drunk:
 
KammyGirl said:
I'm in a great mood today. Looking forward to my weekend with this beautiful weather. Should I go to the Brooklyn Museum or do the zoo instead? I said I'd never visit another zoo again but I kinda want to. I miss the animals. Then therapy and maybe some lunch at my fav Mexican place. I really wish Elberta's on Flatbush hadn't closed. I really liked that place and that was always my first choice on lazy Saturday and Sunday afternoons.

One more day to the work week and then I'm all mine for the weekend!
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You're off today? Lucky. I think I'm going out to rock away beach this wknd.
 
So this dide hasnt reached out in 8 days. Uggggh. I see he gets on whatsapp too. I took that energy, put it on my self and am now going back online again. Ive met two potentials so far..

I know he's probably waiting until I reach out but men are simps, I'm not doing that
 
How long do you all wait before letting a guy know where you live? My next date with Jai is 45 minutes away to see a show. I don't want to drive, especially on the way back at night. It would be lonely. He doesn't know where I live, but I know where he lives. I'm thinking a ride that long would be a nice opportunity to talk before & after, but he is still kind of a stranger. Hmm, I might just drive.
 
Ipanema said:
How long do you all wait before letting a guy know where you live? My next date with Jai is 45 minutes away to see a show. I don't want to drive, especially on the way back at night. It would be lonely. He doesn't know where I live, but I know where he lives. I'm thinking a ride that long would be a nice opportunity to talk before & after, but he is still kind of a stranger. Hmm, I might just drive.
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Does he live closer to you? Maybe you could park over near his hood and ride along? You'd still have to be extra cautious riding with him but I've done this a bunch of times and I'm still here :look:. Or you two could meet somewhere in the middle and Uber/taxi over. I don't blame you for not wanting to drive 45 mins. It takes a bit of the fun out of the evening thinking about the drive ahead at night.
 
SurferBabe said:
Does he live closer to you? Maybe you could park over near his hood and ride along? You'd still have to be extra cautious riding with him but I've done this a bunch of times and I'm still here :look:. Or you two could meet somewhere in the middle and Uber/taxi over. I don't blame you for not wanting to drive 45 mins. It takes a bit of the fun out of the evening thinking about the drive ahead at night.
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He lives closer to me. But where he lives, cars get towed a lot. IDK, I really, really don't want to drive that long by myself. It does take some of the fun out.
 
Ipanema said:
How long do you all wait before letting a guy know where you live? My next date with Jai is 45 minutes away to see a show. I don't want to drive, especially on the way back at night. It would be lonely. He doesn't know where I live, but I know where he lives. I'm thinking a ride that long would be a nice opportunity to talk before & after, but he is still kind of a stranger. Hmm, I might just drive.
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how long you been talkin to him?

If you're questioning it, it's probably still too early.
 
SurferBabe said:
Something like this happened to me! Was talking to a guy who seemed promising. He was supposed to take me out for my birthday but called 15 minutes before we were supposed to meet to cancel because he just got off the phone with his ex and was in a bad mood: :/

I canceled him after that. About 2 months later I took a job 500 miles away and out of nowhere he texted me wanting to hang out. This fool had the nerve to say "You moved and didn't say goodbye to me? I thought maybe we could have something in the future." Boy bye.

In fact, once I announced I was moving, all of these guys on social media hit me up with the same mess. Ain't nobody waiting for y'all. I'm chasing my coins and opportunities.
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:laugh: I can't! What is wrong with these dudes?? Sometimes I wonder if they think we're really that desperate? Their mindset is truly baffling at times
 
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