*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

qchelle said:
But there are lots of guys who don't suffer from male pattern baldness. My dad has always had a full head of hair and he's 62 lol.
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It's heredity and lifestyle/diet choices.

I dated a guy who was 38/39 who had a full hairline with very little gray. His brother who was I think 40/41 had a full hairline, but gray hair, but lived a very unhealthy lifestyle (drinking, smoking, partying). Then after him I dated a guy who was 34 who was suffering from male pattern baldness (receding hairline), but he worked in law enforcement and was in the army reserves, smoked cigars, drank alcohol with an unhealthy greasy food diet.
 
**SaSSy** said:
maybe you should go to "white" or typical non-black events.

There is always segregation when it comes to events by race, regardless of what city/state you go to. I have "white or non-black" events I go to and the typical "black" events. Go to meetup.com or eventbrite for more info.

Also the thing you should know about going out alone (which I now LOOOVE!) is you have to be conformable in your own skin and not have any expectations. That's when people gravitate to you naturally.
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Yeah, this is where I have trouble. I can go to a bar by myself, out the country by myself, but an event? Nope. :lol:

I'm in 50-11 groups betweeen Meetup and FB, and can never muster up the courage to go to anything. I'm gonna work on it, though. There's an event celebrating the 2oth anniversary of "Love Jones" that I really want to go to, depending on how the ticket prices are looking. I don't think I'm gonna be able to get anyone to go with me.
 
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MzLady78 said:
Saw a pic from the wedding on Instagram and it made me a little sad. It's crazy how many trifling dudes I know have managed to get married and I'm just here with my options dwindling by the day. I know there's nothing to be envious of cuz their wives are definitely not winning, especially my ex's wife. He's a habitual cheater with one on and off main side chick (also married, wants him to leave his wife for her). But it still feels unfair somehow.

I guess on the plus side I don't have to worry about crap like that.
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Same here.... *sigh*
 
MzLady78 said:
Yeah, this is where I have trouble. I can go to a bar by myself, out the country by myself, but an event? Nope. :lol:

I'm in 50-11 groups betweeen Meetup and FB, and can never muster up the courage to go to anything. I'm gonna work on it, though. There's an event celebrating the 2oth anniversary of "Love Jones" that I really want to go to, depending on how the ticket prices are looking. I don't think I'm gonna be able to get anyone to go with me.
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Thatll prolly be a mostly chick or couples event, no?

i have trouble with events too because of the expectation to socialize with strangers. i can do everything else alone.

speaking of, im attending a metaphysics event this weekend. There will probably be like spuritually-minded single men in attendence. theres a dinner and everything!
 
DarkJoy said:
Thatll prolly be a mostly chick or couples event, no?

i have trouble with events too because of the expectation to socialize with strangers. i can do everything else alone.

speaking of, im attending a metaphysics event this weekend. There will probably be like spuritually-minded single men in attendence. theres a dinner and everything!
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Possibly.

I'm not really worried about that, though. This isn't for meeting a man purposes, I do need to learn how to socialize outside of a bar. And I actually do know someone who is planning to go.
 
Jai (the Chinese dude) asked me out on a date for this weekend. It's funny because he chose a restaurant that I had been gushing about at one of the events. It almost feels like we've been dating already because of the events (always sitting together and getting to know each other), but this will be a real date. No group of other people.
:scratchchin: I wonder if I should casually mention this to Bim...:angeldevil:
 
Ipanema said:
Jai (the Chinese dude) asked me out on a date for this weekend. It's funny because he chose a restaurant that I had been gushing about at one of the events. It almost feels like we've been dating already because of the events (always sitting together and getting to know each other), but this will be a real date. No group of other people.
:scratchchin: I wonder if I should casually mention this to Bim...:angeldevil:
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Dont do it! goodness she might try to get in his ear with negative stuff... asian women go hard against competition. Hard.
 
Speaking of whatapp, is there a way to get someone's whatapp without having their number?

I have had guys ask me if I have whatsapp which made no sense to me since they could just ask for my number.
 
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OhTall1 said:
Yes. When I go into Whatsapp and click to start a new call, anyone in my iPhone contacts list with Whatsapp shows up.
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ooops. I meant to say WITHOUT having their number. I don't understand asking for a whatsapp if a number is need to access the person. Unless you don't need their number to access whatsapp..
 
Not sure where else to put this so I'll paste it in here. I've been wondering if I'm shallow lately. And I think the answer is yes. So I googled some things and came across the link below.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo.../how-develop-your-attraction-the-right-person

I don't know that I have any mommy or daddy issues but these parts stuck out the most to me:

Harville Hendrix, founder of Imago Therapy, illuminates this phenomenon in a way which sheds light on our entire intimacy journey. He teaches that these people are so attractive to us in part because they embody not only the best, but also the worst emotional characteristics of our parents.

All of us have unresolved childhood hurts due to betrayal, anger, manipulation, or abuse. Unconsciously, we seek healing through our partner. And we try to achieve this healing by bonding with someone we sense might hurt us in similar ways to how we were hurt as children, in the hope that we can then convince him or her to finally love and accept us.

Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconsciousdraws us to the qualities which remind us of how we were wounded the most.

This partly explains why we get so awkward and insecure around people to whom we’re intensely attracted. It also explains why our greatest heartbreaks often occur with these most intense, fiery attractions. Some of us react to past heartbreaks by dating only those on the low end of our attraction spectrum; we're frightened of the intensity and the risk of painful loss when we approach people on the higher end. We often feel safest with people who don’t do much for us on a physical or romantic level because it just feels more comfortable—but the downside can be boredom, frustration, and a lack of passion.


In my experience, people who only date those on the high end of their attraction spectrum are much more likely to remain single. By contrast, however, attraction to people in the middle of our spectrum is rarely immediate; it usually takes more time to get a sense of how interested we really are in such people.
 
^^^ Also I have been wondering lately if my shallowness is keeping me from finding the right person. Like being hung up on the bald thing, or height or something that likely won't matter in the long run when up against the way my partner treats me. I know attraction can grow but I have always thought if I have to work at building it then forget it. That's usually what makes me go out with a person in the first place. The initial attraction. Isn't it that way for most people? But I see that hasn't been working for me so it might be time to get my mind right if I am serious about finding someone.
 
KammyGirl said:
^^^ Also I have been wondering lately if my shallowness is keeping me from finding the right person. Like being hung up on the bald thing, or height or something that likely won't matter in the long run when up against the way my partner treats me. I know attraction can grow but I have always thought if I have to work at building it then forget it. That's usually what makes me go out with a person in the first place. The initial attraction. Isn't it that way for most people? But I see that hasn't been working for me so it might be time to get my mind right if I am serious about finding someone.
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I am WAYYYY older than you. Have a few life experiences under my belt, but attraction is what gets a lot of people stuck. I read something in another thread I think, that you wrote about a date this weekend and you said something to the effect that you weren't attracted to the guy and you kind of had already written him off it seemed.
I have had so many dates where on first glance I wouldn't have been like DAMN he fine!!!! Or even given him another glance if we met on the street, but have met some awesome people. It's not settling, it's not "work" per say, just being open to possibilities. Just my .02 cents.
 
crlsweetie912 said:
I am WAYYYY older than you. Have a few life experiences under my belt, but attraction is what gets a lot of people stuck. I read something in another thread I think, that you wrote about a date this weekend and you said something to the effect that you weren't attracted to the guy and you kind of had already written him off it seemed.
I have had so many dates where on first glance I wouldn't have been like DAMN he fine!!!! Or even given him another glance if we met on the street, but have met some awesome people. It's not settling, it's not "work" per say, just being open to possibilities. Just my .02 cents.
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That was in here. A couple posts back actually. I wrote that this morning and all throughout the day today he's been texting me. Light no pressure convos and he seems really cool. Then I keep going back to his whatsapp and instagram and thinking he isn't that much to look at. All this led me to wonder if I'm being shallow. From today alone, he seems smart, he's funny, seems very sweet and...normal. I'm not putting pressure on myself in any way at this point but I do wonder how often I've missed someone really good because of this. I don't want to feel like I'm working but honestly with guys like this I never really do. It's easy and nice. I always feel beautiful, adored, cared for, secure and happy. I want a partner like this. I do. But my eye starts to wander. That's the problem.

The fool I was pining over for a second is freaking hot! Really smart too which is really sexy to me so he's winning twice there. But he's a jerk. Like really rude and the way he speaks to people makes me want to smack his adorable dimpled face. There are other problems there too. This is not the kind of person I want. Thinking of him makes me seriously ask out loud why I can't find a guy who looks like him that is everything else that I want? Yeah, I've still got some work to do on the inside.
 
MzLady78 said:
I think attraction is important, like if the guy absolutely repulses me, I wouldn't force it for the sake of not seeming shallow.

But I will say the guys that had me like "oh my God, he's FINE" have probably been the worst for and to me.
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Agreed. I feel like you have to be attracted to him enough to want to sleep with him. The greatest deterrent to a woman experiencing pleasurable intercourse is a lack of attraction to the man.
 
I'm not repulsed and I guess I was attracted enough to give him my number. But I always had an idea that my dude would match my swag if I can be lame for a minute. And from his pics he's got zero. I'm still going to give it a go. He really does seem sweet. He just text me asking me what kind of flowers I like and said he's hoping I'm as corny as he is and won't laugh if he gives me a flower on the first date.
 
KammyGirl said:
I'm not repulsed and I guess I was attracted enough to give him my number. But I always had an idea that my dude would match my swag if I can be lame for a minute. And from his pics he's got zero. I'm still going to give it a go. He really does seem sweet. He just text me asking me what kind of flowers I like and said he's hoping I'm as corny as he is and won't laugh if he gives me a flower on the first date.
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Aww he sounds like a sweetheart! Hopefully he stays consistent and isn't just putting on a temporary show.
 
I hate when guys do this. This is a screen shot from my Facebook page. And dude wanted to know my social media pages. Um, no sir.
 

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THIS!!! Ugh. Went out with guy no 2 who was lovely and intelligent. But when he asked for a second date I said no because he didn't pay for my dinner or drink. Why did I go on a 5th date with guy no 1 who is not as intelligent or as nice or my type AT ALL?

Because of his body! There I said it. I want him. And I know I shouldn't. And will probably end up alone because while I won't see 2 I won't let myself sleep with 1.

*crys*


KammyGirl said:
That was in here. A couple posts back actually. I wrote that this morning and all throughout the day today he's been texting me. Light no pressure convos and he seems really cool. Then I keep going back to his whatsapp and instagram and thinking he isn't that much to look at. All this led me to wonder if I'm being shallow. From today alone, he seems smart, he's funny, seems very sweet and...normal. I'm not putting pressure on myself in any way at this point but I do wonder how often I've missed someone really good because of this. I don't want to feel like I'm working but honestly with guys like this I never really do. It's easy and nice. I always feel beautiful, adored, cared for, secure and happy. I want a partner like this. I do. But my eye starts to wander. That's the problem.

The fool I was pining over for a second is freaking hot! Really smart too which is really sexy to me so he's winning twice there. But he's a jerk. Like really rude and the way he speaks to people makes me want to smack his adorable dimpled face. There are other problems there too. This is not the kind of person I want. Thinking of him makes me seriously ask out loud why I can't find a guy who looks like him that is everything else that I want? Yeah, I've still got some work to do on the inside.
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