*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

**SaSSy** said:
Soooo I know in this day and age, especially if you are single childless BW under the age of 35 to say this, but I have added a new " I don't" to my list, and that is I will no longer date men who have a kid(s).

I've come to this decision because the last 3 dating situations I was in was with men who had kids. I've never realized until the last one, how much I don't want to date this type of man anymore, regardless of how "seemingly cordial" the relationship is with him, the baby mama and the kid(s) are on the surface.

I'm putting this out into the universe for it to stick. I want a family of my own one day and refuse to be another baby mama or deal with the disappearing acts of his BM and child needing him any old time of the day (or night). I realize I'm still young enough (and attractive) enough to date a man who doesn't have that baggage going on in his life. Even if I need to cross racial and age lines to keep this list, so be it!
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I feel you. So far I have only dated 2 guys with kids. The kids or issues have never gotten in the way, but IMO I think it's because I'm extremely blatant with the guy. I am completely transparent on what they should never expect of me. I'm rock solid firm on it. For example: I was supposed to go out with one guy and something came up where he had to keep his kid. I said "okay" and proceeded to go out with a different man. My job is not to slow down for your situation. He was butt hurt but so what. I've never tried online dating, maybe later. I still love being single and in control of everything right now.

ETA: Being so firm on guys with kids "takes away" a certain freedom too. I feel like the guards always have to be up to keep my boundaries enforced.
 
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HappyMadison said:
As long as I set my intentions, that I am not in it for a relationship, but an experience, I am straight. Relationships are easy to come by. Really, they are, when you settle. I am searching for quality. Right now, in this transitional phase, I want company. If it is meant, it will grow into a deeper level of commitment.
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This has been key for me. Sometimes it's hard, since I've been single for a while and I very much enjoy partnership.
 
I'm in a better mood today. The 2-3 dates guy that I was text messaging yesterday messages me to say we can be friends. And (again trying to be honest and up front) I said "I don't want to be friends. Thanks and be well". I can see how that would be considered mixed signals since I was the one who reached out to him but it was a momentary lapse in judgment and I am accepting that I made that mistake and moving right along. He hasn't shown me anything to make me think he's someone I should be giving a second thought about anyway. And I know my feelings have nothing to do with him so I'm trying not to put myself in a situation that will only hurt me in the end. Look at me...I think I'm growing.
 
Are we allowed to talk about other stuff in here besides stupid men that we hate and our non dating lives? LOL Or Maybe I'm the only one that does that :look:

I just listened to this TED Talk about rejection. I remember a few years ago feeling so stagnant because I wasn't doing anything with my life. And that was mainly because of my fears. Fears of rejection, fear of succeeding, fear of failing, etc. This TED Talk reminded me of that time in my life. I enjoyed it.

 
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Talked to Jah a good four hours yesterday. At the end I told him about an insecurity I was having with Vudu. Just as a need to know. We all run in the same circles so I don't want any drama attached to my name. I remained a ghost so far. I do not do photographs lol, and dating people that have their faces out there could expose me. I have a very uneasy feeling about Vudu. It turns out Vudu is stalking me. Even in my relationship with CaliAtl, he was messaging me. Driving passed my old place multiple times. I have a child so that is scary. Sending me snaps of him walking around with no clothes, unprompted. He even started liking a few of CaliAtl's to let me know He knows who I am with. He is attractive and prominent somewhat, in the fact he has name recognition in various art circles.

Honestly it paralyzed me.

Saturday, he showed up at the fest. I mentioned it. Jah put 2 and 2 together. Vudu saw my snaps and called Jah to come through. The reason he has to call is because his ex girlfriend has a restraining order on him. He broke into her house. He attached himself to her brand and started over booking her. He is an energy vampire and a user. He tried to attached himself to my projects and trying to move in with me. To be honest, I found out our relationship overlapped and I stopped seeing him. I was talking to a hometown friend about him and apparently, same thing, minus the stalking.

Yesterday Vudu contacted me saying I owed him (sexually). I told him he was violating, I said, no, I am talking to Jah now. He texted he didn't care who I was speaking to, despite the fact Jah is a client of his. Jah showed all of Brooklyn, he was heated. He told me not to worry about it. Block him so He cannot see my whereabouts and He will handle it.

Sometime you need protection. I am trying to clear out all the old, negative experiences and replace them with a wall of protective, loving energy. I always had to reinforce myself but this maybe too big for me to handle on my own. He has a new girl, and everyone wants to say something. She is a popular yoga instructor, but apparently she was complacent in the house breaking incident and confronted his ex. So she is naive or complacent one. If he continues to harass me, I will send her screenshots.
 
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HappyMadison said:
Talked to Jah a good four hours yesterday. At the end I told him about an insecurity I was having with Vudu. Just as a need to know. We all run in the same circles so I don't want any drama attached to my name. I remained a ghost so far. I do not do photographs lol, and dating people that have their faces out there could expose me. I have a very uneasy feeling about Vudu. It turns out Vudu is stalking me. Even in my relationship with CaliAtl, he was messaging me. Driving passed my old place multiple times. I have a child so that is scary. Sending me snaps of him walking around with no clothes, unprompted. He even started liking a few of CaliAtl's to let me know He knows who I am with. He is attractive and prominent somewhat, in the fact he has name recognition in various art circles.

Honestly it paralyzed me.

Saturday, he showed up at the fest. I mentioned it. Jah put 2 and 2 together. Vudu saw my snaps and called Jah to come through. The reason he has to call is because his ex girlfriend has a restraining order on him. He broke into her house. He attached himself to her brand and started over booking her. He is an energy vampire and a user. He tried to attached himself to my projects and trying to move in with me. To be honest, I found out our relationship overlapped and I stopped seeing him. I was talking to a hometown friend about him and apparently, same thing, minus the stalking.

Yesterday Vudu contacted me saying I owed him (sexually). I told him he was violating, I said, no, I am talking to Jah now. He texted he didn't care who I was speaking to, despite the fact Jah is a client of his. Jah showed all of Brooklyn, he was heated. He told me not to worry about it. Block him so He cannot see my whereabouts and He will handle it.

Sometime you need protection. I am trying to clear out all the old, negative experiences and replace them with a wall of protective, loving energy. I always had to reinforce myself but this maybe too big for me to handle on my own. He has a new girl, and everyone wants to say something. She is a popular yoga instructor, but apparently she was complacent in the house breaking incident and confronted his ex. So she is naive or complacent one. If he continues to harass me, I will send her screenshots.
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Maybe you should look into a restraining order
 
Went on another tinder date with a guy that I had already met in person. Actually it wasn't a date. He invited me to an event he was djing at.

We know way too many people in common. Turns out I dated a friend of his....and he didn't care at all and said he wanted me to be his girl :rolleyes:

He's cool. I would hang out with him as a friend.
 
All4Tris said:
I did briefly...

ETA: He wined and dined me but, he had some sneaky business going on. We dated about four years ago... I found out his last name this year when I ran into him a bar. He was very secretive back then.
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Ok you never knew his last name? So far he has been sweet to me but my friend said the girls tend to be not so nice to "outsiders" and have a color complex . That hasnt been my experiemce so far. His family including his sis n mom has been very inviting to me. But that could be how they are in general.

I noticed he is verrry family oriented but keeping my eyes open. I dont know much about the men in their culture, so I'm curious
 
I'm out of town for a conference and 2 men I used to flirt with are in their feelings because I'm not making time to see them. I'm tired and have too much going on right now, plus we haven't maintained communication so the thrill is gone. I'd rather meet up with my grad school buddies instead.

I did meet a sexy Naija doc though :blush: he walked me back to my hotel after a group of us went out for drinks. Of course he lives nowhere near me, but I'll enjoy the attention this weekend.
 
sweetvi said:
Ok you never knew his last name? So far he has been sweet to me but my friend said the girls tend to be not so nice to "outsiders" and have a color complex . That hasnt been my experiemce so far. His family including his sis n mom has been very inviting to me. But that could be how they are in general.

I noticed he is verrry family oriented but keeping my eyes open. I dont know much about the men in their culture, so I'm curious
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Yeah... I'm convinced he is/was a criminal and that's the reason he was so secretive.

He was very Americanized and didn't talk about his culture much. He's been in the US for over 20 years. His family didn't live here either but, he spoke of them often. Sorry, I'm not much help in that area.

He did leave a sour taste in my mouth about dating people from other cultures because he fed into stereotypes about AA. However, I'm currently dating someone from another culture and the experience is completely different. He's open and respectful of our differences.
 
All4Tris said:
Yeah... I'm convinced he is/was a criminal and that's the reason he was so secretive.

He was very Americanized and didn't talk about his culture much. He's been in the US for over 20 years. His family didn't live here either but, he spoke of them often. Sorry, I'm not much help in that area.

He did leave a sour taste in my mouth about dating people from other cultures because he fed into stereotypes about AA. However, I'm currently dating someone from another culture and the experience is completely different. He's open and respectful of our differences.
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Ok. Makes sense. I guess you have to proceed on an individual basis. Each person is different. I hope everything goes good with your new guy
 
So why Lee is trying to introduce my bestie to his cousin.... She is coming back to DC for Memorial Day weekend and he is on some "Let's intro her to him- I think that would be a good idea..."

Anyone had this happen before? Do men willingly do stuff like this? He knows my bestie is looking for a relationship. He has heard the dating stories so he knows not to hook her up with someone that would play her...
 
I tell this guy to call me when he gets home. He calls me 2am waking me out my sleep. He's saying can we change the time for the date. I say no. Then he asks me where I want to go. I tell him I don't want to plan to take myself on a date. He finally chooses a restaurant, then asks me if I could make the reservation. I say no. He says okay, he'll do it, but can I look up the phone number for him.
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You answered a call from a man at 2am?:naughty:

LovinLea said:
I tell this guy to call me when he gets home. He calls me 2am waking me out my sleep. He's saying can we change the time for the date. I say no. Then he asks me where I want to go. I tell him I don't want to plan to take myself on a date. He finally chooses a restaurant, then asks me if I could make the reservation. I say no. He says okay, he'll do it, but can I look up the phone number for him.
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LovinLea said:
I tell this guy to call me when he gets home. He calls me 2am waking me out my sleep. He's saying can we change the time for the date. I say no. Then he asks me where I want to go. I tell him I don't want to plan to take myself on a date. He finally chooses a restaurant, then asks me if I could make the reservation. I say no. He says okay, he'll do it, but can I look up the phone number for him.
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See, that's why I keep my phone on silent. At 2 am, I'm liable to tell you to take yourself on a date.:lachen:
 
Went on a second date last night. We ended up going to a lounge in Harlem. While I was out I ran into at least 6 negros I knew. He was looking at me like :look: how come you know everybody, everywhere we go.


It was a spot a hadn't been to in a long while so I thought it was safe. We had a great time. I'm trying not to like him too much because all this dating has been too much fun :drunk:
 
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