*Dating Anonymous Meeting*
rambling time
Hi - *stands and waves* My name is Movingforward13 and I am dating failure. I don't know how to date. My father was in my life but didn't teach me how to date or what to look for in a man. He was actually a stupid, drunk, abusive son of a ***** to my mom, my sister and myself. He cheated on my mom with many women. He brought me and my sister around his concubines. He was only there to provide financial support.
He didn't want to be a father nor want responsibility. He never said it, but his actions showed it.
So I went looking for love at a young age, only to find that most XYs are horrible.
They lie.
They cheat.
They abuse.
They neglect.
They teach other XYs to do the same thing.
And this cycle gets repeated to other women like me, who didn't didn't have a father who was there in the capacity as a father, if at all. Someone to show us how to properly vet men. What to look for, what questions to ask, and how to avoid being used. To protect us from XY predators.
I didn't learn these lessons until much later in life. Wasted time, broken marriage, pity parties, etc. Disappointments after disappointments and broken hearts.
I was adopted into a YT family about 17 years ago (long story but I am now estranged from my bio-family) and it is "different". I was asked by my adopted mom a few years ago why don't our black men get married (not a racist thing, she really wanted to understand why they didn't prioritize marriage). Well- everyone in my bio-family (more or less) was married. My family is from the Caribbean so marriage was expected if a baby showed up. I didn't know how to explain the current phenomena. But I knew I had a role in it... The older me didn't properly vet my son's father. I didn't demand marriage before having a child (my ex wanted our son because he was getting old). I didn't set my expectations nor left if they weren't followed.
I thought love was enough... not understanding that infatuation wears off. Not understanding that marriage doesn't cure problems- but rather enhances them. Not understanding that men cheat because they are "bored". Not understanding that my "partner" wouldn't approach life with the same reasoning as me. Not understanding that I don't have any control over any this besides my actions, what I expect, and what I accept.
I still want marriage because:
- The dress, ring and etc. are nice things to look forward to.
- Society "silently" judges women who are older.
- They set us up at young ages to believe we aren't anything if some XY hasn't "chosen" us, regardless of our degrees, our positions, our accomplishments.
But then I realize how unhappy some of my married counterparts are. Their husbands are cheating, money problems, stress, bad ass kids, etc. They have the ring, wore the dress, changed the last name but married the wrong man. They are miserable and
I don't want that.
So quite simply- it isn't "marriage" that I want... I want the
right life partner for me. And from now on, I am going to do a better job to properly find that. Whether it is Lee or not. And I am going to do a better job of being my sister's keeper. We have to protect one another because many of us don't have that father, brother, uncles, etc. to do it.
I am on my period, feeling some way and etc. so that is part of this ramble #oneofthemdays #emotional #fullofthoughts
edit: spelling
Now the only time I have to see him is underneath my friend's pictures on SM.
